hand me my shovel, i'm going in!

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible

fat lana was writing real slut songs and now ozempic lana is a tradwife. remember this.

my best friend linen my brother in arms cotton my partner wool my beautiful sister silk

our sick deranged enemy polyester....

the demon lord, prince of lies, "Vegan Leather"...

Evidently landlord and lawyer were some rough slander 250 years ago, maybe we still have some things in common with the founding fathers

e me a mail

make the attachment a pic of a snail

I still reference this post today. And yes, when I say I reference it I mean I sing it.

kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc

there is a post I want to write about teacher pay but the thing is that if I stray at all from the "teachers don't make any money" thing it's definitely going to be misconstrued as "teachers don't need to be paid any better than they already are" or even "teachers are rich" or some such bullshit so. I shan't say...

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

That is. Not the caption I was expecting

Counter point, those machines can make me a peach sprite.

guys did you know the tech in that nefangled machine revolutionized preemie healthcare

You DON'T get this on any other site in quite this format.

this is why i will never leave this site