screaming into a (secret) void
I have an interview tomorrow for a directing position. i'm treating it as a pitch for Steve Yockey's Reykjavik, a play I really really really want to direct, I've been wanting to direct since i saw it in Dallas at Kitchen Dog Theater in 2018.
I was informed by my cast/team for Funny, Like An Abortion - the show I'm currently stage managing - that the producer for this company is a lecherous creep. especially towards gay men.
I feel at a divide. Eileen (my director) told me she'd understand if I took it because a) it's hard to be a director, b) work is work. she's not wrong. but I don't know how I could create a safe enviroment for my actors & production team if I myself knowingly am putting everyone in danger (more or less) being in the persence & working for someone who is a creep? that makes me feel gross. and the play that I'd want to do is sexually charged - but it's not about the sexual contact.
---
maybe I should've just posted here instead of my bluesky. why didn't I think to just post on my tumblr. I knew he'd see that post, or that it'd get back to him somehow.
I still stand by what I said. I don't care that it's shady or rude, it's true. I don't wish to waste anymore energy on him. but i feel that I've lost two good friends in the process. I guess sides were going to be taken eventually. i get it. it's so silly, over two posts on social media. lol. so fucking stupid honestly. for me, at the "big age" of 30.
I feel kind of lonely for the first time in chicago. I feel like my only realy close friends are those who genuinely actively engage and communicate with me.
---
I don't have a valentine this year.
I did last year, my very first "official" valentine. lol.
ive been saying "I don't care" all day but maybe I do kinda care.
























