Wet book rescue
Valuable information if some of your prized books were affected by recent flooding. The video even shows you what to do if you can’t dry the book out right away.
relevant reblog
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Today's Document
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@shitorisaurus
Wet book rescue
Valuable information if some of your prized books were affected by recent flooding. The video even shows you what to do if you can’t dry the book out right away.
relevant reblog

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How to be America’s Next Top Bottom
Get ready for dis wisdom
1.) Put a fucking pillow under your ass. Raise that hole up. A butt hole isn’t a vagina, you gotta help that dick reach it.
2.) Missionary is your friend. Start on your back and then you can be adventurous and do dick cartwheels or whatever crazy karma sutra shit you wanna try.
3.) Distraction is fucking key. If you’re not ready to go full throttle dick plunge make your man be sneaky. Lick his ear, have him twist your titties. Idk wharever you’re into but FORGET about a sausage slamming into twizzler hole and let the gates open up by themselves.
4.) Dry dicks = rug burn inside your ass. wetter is better
5.) For fucks sakes take a giant shit before you get into bed. I don’t care how much you don’t think you’ll poop on his dick. You’re gonna poop on that dick. Porn is a lie.
6.) Once the dick is in, don’t feel like you gotta be fancy. Your butt hole isn’t Pink Floyd. It doesn’t need a light show. You can’t start out with all these magic tricks or your butt hole will GIVE UP. It can NOT sustain 30 minutes of pile driving while also doing kegels. RELAX YOUR FUCKING BUTT HOLE
7.) So you’re doing gr8. The dick is in. The poop is absent. Your butt hole isn’t trying to be a fucking gymnast. It’s time for the party tricks:
- Sit on the dick WITH him also sitting up straight. Don’t let that fucker lay down. This is BUSINESS. When you are sitting ontop of him, you have complete control. Squeeze your entire body and push yourself UP AND AGAINST boy whose dick is inside of you. It is important that you push yourself up AND AGAINST said boy or his dick is gonna knock that spot that makes you wanna end it all. I don’t care what Harry Potter fan fic you read, a prostate isn’t a fucking clitoris. You can’t just bang that shit head on and expect to feel like your jizzing. It’s called a PROstate because you gotta leave that shit to the professionals.
- Try doggy style while pushing back when he pushes forward. It makes him think you’re enjoying his dick ripping your beautiful ass hole into a gaping black hole. Also, squeeze like a mother fucker when pulling off the dick. Push back, squeeze forward. Got it? Great
8.) Okay so you’ve tried out some weird shit, you’re getting close to him popping his load. DON’T get fancy here. You had your chance, the time has past. It’s time to stay fucking put and squeeze that asshole until he is done. You don’t have all fucking day. You’re a busy bitch. Hurry that bitch up.
9.) Don’t let that fucker cum in your asshole unless you are prepared to shit it out. NOBODY TELLS YOU WHAT SEMEN DIARRHEA IS GONNA BE LIKE. IT’S LOUD AND FULL OF PAIN. Tops are demons, don’t let them sin inside you.
CONGRATS you are 1 step closer to being America’s Next Top Bottom. Go take a nice long shit you slut, you deserve it
This kid is hilarious and totally cute too.
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT ON THIS WEBSITE! GOD BLESS!
This is by far the best thing I have read… ever on this site…
Omg… I inhaled my saliva when I went to laugh. I am dying. This is the end! This was too funny! 😂
“Don’t let him sin inside you…” Oh my god.
tumblr bitch: liking creepypasta makes you a freak!
me: **growls really hard**
jeff: its ok theyre just jealous babe…
me: i know jeff, i know
slendy: **slaps my fat juicy ass**
me: NOT NOW SLENDY JEFF AND I ARE HAVING A MOMENT
slendy: youre so boring **murders a whole family**
me: **sighs**
police: **en route**
jeff: **the killer**
Ask and you shall receive. xx Original post here Backing track here
Reblogging again, here are the transcribed lyrics!
Chorus
Jolene (×4)
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene (x4)
Please don’t take him just because you can
Verse One
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin
And eyes of emerald green
For years our town’s been terrorised
By the beast who takes disguise
In the shell
That calls itself Jolene
Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath
Eyes closed against the thread of death
That lies behind
The teeth of that Jolene
The closer that you get to her
The more those edges seem to blur
To something that
Cannot be called Jolene
Chorus
Verse Two
Your teeth are sharp, your mouth agape
Your claws rend flesh, there’s no escape
From judgement of
The Eldritch One, Jolene
But I’ve seen beyond that auburn hair
My eyes have met your vacant stare
And I’ve been told
I’m hard to scare, Jolene
Chorus but it’s:
Jolene (x4)
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene (x4)
I’ll end this story just how it began
I’ll take your teeth if you try to take my man
End.
(this is brilliant op! are these correct? @crash-bang-boom )
Flute boy: “DON’T FUCK WITH ME, I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE.”
Bystander: “Wait, you-”
FB: “aAAAAHH”

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Caught in a rather good romance
It sounds like I’m playing a video game and someone is trying to sell me potions. :D
…that is exactly what it sounds like
This is AMAZING.
trickster gods having a dance-off
That’s alot of chaotic energy in one video
i looked up the song thats playing in the background only to discover that the guy in the smiley face hoody literally wrote and recorded it this is his song
Shit slaps tho like that’s impressive
Daikon Pulling
oh my fucking god lol
The paranoia and obsession underlying this ideology is really something
I think this illustrates really well how trans exclusionary radical feminism actually reinforces gendered expectations of what a man/woman should look like, sound like, act like, etc. and leads to stringent policing of gender along hegemonic, patriarchal norms rather than anything liberating or radical.
Hegemonic and racist norms because whites supremacist ideology is at the heart of terfism
I think it's so funny how we bred JOBS into dogs. I have two shih tzus and they were bred to be lap dogs. All they care about is looking cute and cuddling with people. Meanwhile my grandma has a border collie and that dog needs to feel so useful all the time, he acts like he will pass away if he doesn't have a job to do constantly
The thoughts of my shih tzus: Man I love the couch. Flip flops are so yummy. I wish it was nap time again
The thoughts of my grandma's border collie: I have been silently observing the pigeons up in the tree for 3 hours in order to gain every tactical advantage. I'm trying to engineer the optimal jump into the backyard pool. I wish I could play chess
I have a dog bred for water rescue and he will swim out to random people in lakes and oceans to check on them and make sure they're okay. We literally cannot let him in water when other people are there lest a giant dog swim up to them and bother them endlessly
surfers beware lest they end up at the mercy of my sopping wet beast
Pleaaaase he has done it to surfers and people in boats too 😭
My pointer points at everything including interesting bugs and suspicious shadows.
And because he was also bred to retrieve he brings me Useful Items all day such as shoes, dirty socks, spoons, any hat left within dog reach, many many sticks, and pieces of paper (because humans love pieces of paper):
OH HES HELPING
I think it’s nice to know your purpose
When I worked at the SPCA, there was an Australian Shepherd who’d been bred to be a show dog but was placed for adoption because he had a hip problem. He was the smartest dog I’ve ever known, and he was just not happy unless he was being given a task to perform. He wasn’t unfriendly, he’d let you pet him, but his attitude was “That’s very nice, now I assume you have something for me to do?”
(He finally got adopted by someone who lived in a more rural area, we were all very happy for him!)
we had a border collie that would - successfully! - herd people. like if there was ever any kind of gathering, she would run around the outside, passing near enough to people that they would unconsciously step forward a little, until everyone was gathered in a nice small manageable group, after which she would sit down watchfully (in case anyone tried to wander off) and look satisfied. she'd never been NEAR a sheep, or even a farm, in her entire life, it was just pure instinct.

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Teachers when a child shows a single ounce of individuality or creativity:
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god i love tinkaton so much, literally incredible pokemon design . i was happy with hatterene being the peak of "pretty pink girly fairy type that will Fuck you Up" but then they were like what if we made an even pinker, girlier pokemon who also happens to have a kickass giant steel hammer twice her size . signiture move gigaton hammer where she bonks u flat with it like its nothing . little (◕ω◕✿) smile on her face . amazing stunning breathtaking showstopping etc
at work we have a bartender named tyler and he collects wine corks so we put them in a little box for him and another bartender makes fun of him cause his t’s look like l’s so she wrote “lyler’s corks” and i saw it this morning and i grabbed a marker and changed the ‘c’ to a ‘g’
and after he left a bartender came up to me and said “aww lyler left his gorks” and i lost it

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played sims 4 for the first time and one of the married cis men had a desire to try for baby with his cis husband. i accidentally pinned it and could not unpin it. trying for baby is physically impossible. I tried to use cheats to give him a viable womb in create a sim but it wouldn’t let me do so retroactively. so I thought, maybe if they adopt the want for pregnancy will go away, and had them adopt a toddler daughter. but then the try for baby desire did not go away. since they now had an unwanted adopted child I tried to remove the toddler from the household, thinking this would send her back into the ether. it did not. instead she wanders the neighborhood like a feral cat. i thought the social worker would come and take her back so someone else could adopt her, but I guess there is no social worker in sims 4. so now the neighborhood is haunted by a smelly miserable baby that has no home but cannot die and everyone who sees her is uncomfortable. fucking omelas scenario.
no one is feeding her but every time she gets hungry she simply produces a carton of milk out of the ether and drinks it
OP— do ctrl+shift+C and type “testingcheats true” and then “cas.fulleditmode” into the bar, then go into CAS and change one of the sims to be able to get pregnant. mpreg is possible ALWAYS
thanks. the womb installation worked.
I'm sorry, this was dune mpreg the whole time and you never thought to mention? Iconic.
it wasn’t relevant to my journey
The Unapologetic Self as the Truest form of Self
This is so great!!!! Thanks for the addition! The future is bright!!