shitty nerd humor

oh, of course. because he died for our sins.

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

Whoever did the caps for this deserves an award

Can never not reblog this, a Scottish national treasure 😂

That “I think I fucked up” was timed perfectly

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

Yes it’s called the mammalian diving response and it’s also why doing face masks and taking a shower is soothing. Our amphibian ancestors used this mechanism to slow down the heartbeat and lower body temperature so as not to waste calories while swimming (which is very calorie intensive). It makes you feel safe because predators are less likely to get you in water than on land. The fish brain is alive and well in all of us.

My amphibian ancestors gave me the instinct to dissociate in the shower for hours on end

‘ She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards’ is the greatest fucking sentence I have ever read.

THE ORIGINAL??

(smh) Never thought I’d see it in the wild. Yet here it is. :)

​no lie I had to get up to shake my ass this is potent

Need this to be every Monday…

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

#it’s NOT inexplicable#it’s bc someone based it on the unicode 6 yellow heart#which is colorless but shaded with halftone dots#and someone interpreted that like stubble#and drew this#which is SO FUCKING FUNNY via @animusbell

@spaghetti-aldente

stupid fucking slut hour 

happy stupid fucking slut sunday