You know it's always been... Kinda Irritating to me how people can never just take a flat no for an answer without an explanation, especially when it comes to social situations.
Like- An example that immediately comes to my head is me having a disinterest in drinking or drugs beyond the occasional edible, and no it isn't because of like a moral thing, I just genuinely do not like how it feels to be buzzed/drunk/certain kinds of high and never have.
Or, another example, I don't like clubbing. I'll go out and do any other number of things from a hike in the wilderness, to seeing a movie, etc. But, I just do not like clubbing or party scenes because I get over stimulated from the crowds and so on. I'm not big on bars for similar reasons.
But, every time I end up in a social situation where one or both of these things are present, it's like... A social faux paux for me to say no or show disinterest. Or, I have to explain myself because of the judgment I can feel based on social cues I see.
Because, yah know, autism. And, this is a particularly big issue for queer spaces, I've noticed. I'll see posts floating around that like... Apply social pressure to participate in these sorts of things too, more so the social gathering aspects than the others, and some will mention autism and like... Autistic people needing to do them any way. And, I have a question for the people making these posts:
What are you doing to help autistic people do these things? Are you... Providing a sensory friendly space? Are you providing a metaphorical escape hatch for when the autistic person you're dragging along inevitably has a sensory overload or floats in to a meltdown? Are you doing anything, at all, other than more or less just saying get over it?
Because, like, you recognize that autism is a disabilty right? Like, it isn't just a personality quirk. You wouldn't tell someone who needs a mobility aid to just... Go to a place without accessibility for mobility aids, right? Well, some people definitely would, but that isn't the point.
It always seems like there's a different standard for neurodivergent people, especially autistic people with this sort of thing. Where, even saying no can sometimes be hard, but when it is said... Its disregerded or an explanation is expected.
And, it kind of infuriates me? Like, that there's this social expectation for us to get over the social disability like it isn't a disability.
People will go on about... How some social skills are learned and so on, but you do understand with some autistic people that's actually the equivalent of telling a paraplegic person to learn to walk right? That, there are some things fundamentally impossible for some of us that would be for someone with a physical disability.
Like, sometimes the capacity for something just isn't there. Even masking can only go so far, and I'll argue that if you expect your autistic friends to mask for you? You're not safe for them to be around.
While this post feels kind of like a scattershot, everything here is linked to a greater... General ableism that it feels every single allistic person has. They don't listen to autistic voices. They'll claim they do, but it's clear to us that they don't. And, then the have the gall to speak for us.
And, it's so fucking tiresome. Autism isn't this... Cute awkwardness, or just special interests, or mild social ineptitude. It's a real disability. And, so many of you need to treat it like one, and even more need to fucking apologize to autistic people.
And, I'm coming from a position of having autism; ADHD; AND a physical disability. I see and experience both sides of that coin on a daily basis. It gets so old.
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