FromHerView

Cool reminders for the New Year: (myself included)

- a simple conversation can change/fix a lot

- you can’t force people to love, appreciate, or support you

- sending a simple “thinking of you” text is so lovely

- give yourself days where you do what YOU want to do and be ‘off the grid’

- make that apt you’ve been needing to

- yes it’s worth spending $ on skincare

- sometimes not being the loudest person in the room is what your anxiety and peace needs from you

- protect your time and who you spend it with

- invest in people who invest in you

- know the difference between a bad friend and a friend who needs their space

- stop making people feel bad when they’re too busy too hang, simply don’t want to, or aren’t answering quick enough all the time

- BUT, don’t take your REAL friends for granted. Life is short. Go have fun. Reach out to them. Make the effort you probs won’t regret it!

- take that bubble bath

- finish a REALLY good book per month

- you can love someone but hold boundaries to protect yourself

-you can say no without explaining yourself

-stop over explaining for the wrong things

- say you’re sorry when you need to

- your apology needs to be just as loud as your hurtfulness was

- realize how young you are and that you have SO MUCH TIME, take a second, breathe

- be there for the people you love, we all need each other

- everyone loves differently

- don’t litter it’s about to be 2020

- tell the people you love that you love them

- oh and like..show it too

- do that face mask

- stop obsessing over others lives, we all have highlights we deserve to share and lowlights we are all battling, maybe others just suffer in silence

- always be your biggest supporter and understand others can only do so much

- say I love you before leaving or hanging up the phone, you never know

- try to think of one thing you’re thankful for everyday

- support others as well as you want them too

- be happy for others, don’t compare yourself and let it bring you down

- try to be understanding

- don’t let the lies that your anxiety feeds your mind make you think that that is reality

- treat your friends the way you want them to treat you or the way you wish others would treat you, they deserve the effort from you that you wish from someone else

- know that you’re loved, everyday, by so many people

- there are hotlines for just about anything, use them

- look in the mirror everyday and remind yourself that you matter and you are important and it is going to be a good day

- don’t let the little stresses of daily life ruin your whole 24 hours

- figure out what’s worth arguing about and what’s worth letting go

- be patient with yourself

- be patient with others

- accept people for who they show themselves to be, in a good and/or bad way, you can’t change people

- don’t let people make you feel guilty for something they aren’t or are doing themselves as well, it works both ways

- therapy is okay, actually it’s MORE than okay

- something’s can’t be forgiven and that’s okay, but sometimes you need to forgive to move on and heal yourself

- don’t feel obligated to let certain people back into your life

- let go and let love

- don’t let disagreements or bumps in the road ruin a good thing, romantic and platonic relationships all have moments, move on, relax, and love them the same

- leave that toxic job, I  guarantee it’s not worth your mental health for the $

- when someone finally opens up about what they’re going through, listen, sympathize, don’t make it about yourself or say you know if you don’t, it’s OKAY to not know (relating is perfectly fine)

- relating to going through tough times can actually help you both

- cheer for others

- cheer for yourself

- don’t let yourself continue one sided relationships

- love

- let yourself grow AND let others grow

- growth is GOOD

**I typed this earlier in the afternoon, I just feel like a lot of us are always so silent during the most painful times as a military spouse and I wanted to try to use my little, shakey, unimportant voice lolol**

“You knew what you were getting yourself into”

“You knew this would happen”

“At least the money will be good”

“He’s fine”

“At least...”

Oh man. Let’s get into it.

We all choose certain avenues of our lives. We know what a lot of the outcomes will be. But we still have a right to feel them.

So why do military spouses and families have to be silent? And I’m not talking for security reasons.

You applied to your job, did a whole interview, accepted the job, and still show up everyday knowing what will happen. Yet you still complain every single day..right?

Knowing an event and living through one is a different world.

I’m not sitting here asking for people to pity me. This is my life. This is OUR life.

The sacrifices military members make and their families is something most people will never understand.

As much as I envy that, I also wouldn’t EVER change the way things are. Ever.

Getting married at 21 showed me who’s truly happy for me when I’m truly happy.

Moving to another country showed me everyone’s true colors and how much or little I really meant to some.

Trying to adjust overseas while my husband is constantly working or sleeping showed me a lot about myself and put my strength to the test.

I have learned. Grown. Matured. And changed. But in every way that I am proud of. I wish I was this woman a long time ago.

A woman who protects her peace. A woman who is learning to say no. A woman who loves and is still there for people but establishes boundaries. A woman who is kind but doesn’t take shit anymore and won’t always tell you what you want to hear. A woman who doesn’t always rely on others because being married in the military means being on your own, a lot.

Military life changed me. It changed my husband. ALL for the better.

It’s a tough life. It’s a lonely life. It’s a strong unit.

At any moment your life can be picked up and thrown upside down. No warning, no mercy.

Every holiday, every birthday, anniversary, all missed because last minute your loved one had to go and you never have a real date on when they’ll be back.

“How do you not know??” “That doesn’t even make sense!” “That’s so last minute wtf” “Wow you cancelled again, you’re so flakey!”

Yup. It doesn’t make any sense. But that’s how it goes.

LOVE the people around you. Don’t just share nice things on the internet. Get off your ass and be there for others (whenever you’re able to, of course we can’t always be there!) . Reach out, TELL the people you love that you love them. And SHOW it. I’m FAR from perfect but I try my best to be there and reach out to others the best I’m capable of while also taking care of my own needs and life.

If you are able to be with your loved ones throughout the holidays or everyday in general, without worry. PLEASE don’t take that for granted.

I’m not asking anyone to care, feel bad for us, or to even like the military. But respect is welcomed. Support is welcomed. And shutting the fuck up instead of trying to belittle the situation or compare is also, very much, welcomed.

So. Military spouses are not weak, dependent, or whiny.

We are badass, entrepreneurs, strong, thoughtful, “I’ll do it myself”, suffer in silence, good secret keepers, and we may not be able to always physically be there because of moving and everything else with our crazy life’s, BUT we are THE realest ride or die friends you’ll ever have, anywhere, anytime.

This next chapter in my husband and I’s lives is going to be extremely painful individually. But as a couple this will only make us closer and stronger. I wouldn’t live this crazy life with anyone else but him because I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. So kind, thoughtful, strong, a great friend to others, hard worker, and braver than anyone I know. So please, be nice to people because you have no clue what their life is and what they’re going through. And please, keep him in your thoughts.

As many young adults are finishing their first year (or maybe just another year) of college you’re most likely seeing a lot of reflection posts and also the struggles they face at a university. To be very blunt, no matter what school you attend you will face challenges and it is NOT a competition, unless you enjoy being extra miserable. Well as I watched most of my class go to universities or go out of state, I attended Three Rivers Community College, in Norwich CT. And before I get too into my reflection of a community college I am going to be very honest with you and help you readers maybe get to know me a bit more.

* In high school my main priority was cheerleading and my social life. I would be lying if I said school was my world, as the same to many of you whether your world was a club, band, music, or another sport. I wasn’t a failing type of student but I also wasn’t an honor student and I am no longer ashamed. I graduated with a 2.5 GPA. I didn’t even care to know my class ranking, as I still believe that is irrelevant to who you are or your level or intelligence. I had high hopes and dreams for college and ended up going to TRCC. *

I will never forget the blank stares and silent responses when I would tell the people in my life or even strangers where I was attending college. The biggest positive remark I think I ever got was, “well you’ll save money.” Yeah, while everyone was so excited to enter the world of college, I have to admit I was always ashamed to tell people. I felt like I couldn’t even compare to my successful peers. So towards the end of my senior year up until the beginning of my first semester at TRCC, I was embarrassed and frustrated. Wanna know how I feel now?

I fell in love with Three Rivers. I fell in love with the way they try to help their students in any way possible; money wise, grade wise, breaking bad habits. I use to think the education wasn’t as higher as the universities simply because the people around me thought that way. And guess what? I hate to break some peoples egos but community college has a lot of the same classes and the same level of education. Your first year it all depends on how well you did on your placement test. And from there on it depends how well you do in your classes. Everyone is different. Some people have easy classes and do well and think this college is easy and not as hard. While others have higher classes and have to really try. And it also depends on how many other classes you have, if you work at all, part time or full time, if you have kids, if you volunteer, or any other responsibilities. The biggest thing I learned about community college is that is it is JUST as hard as a university. To make that statement clear, (since it is 2016 and everyone is offended very quickly) it is NOT a competition and every college is just as equally hard as the other, just maybe in different ways. Besides the fact that the level of education specifically depends on your level of learning and intelligence. Community college is very hard because usually when people attend community college it’s because THEY HAVE OTHER THINGS GOING ON, and because financially not everyone can afford a university. *For example, my first semester I worked at least 4 days a week or more as the year went on, I was an assistant coach, and at the end of their season I started to help another team, along with having 3 classes 4 days a week, Monday through Thursday. *My second semester I worked 2 jobs, 36 hours a week average, Monday through Saturday, 4 classes 5 days a week, Monday through Friday. And to top it off I closed at both of these jobs giving me no days but some Sunday’s to eat dinner with my family and no possible way of doing homework or having a social life until 10-10:30 at night. So please try to explain to me community college is not challenging. Time management is the biggest challenge, but having other responsibilities are even worse to handle with school full time. Again this isn’t a competition and I believe every college is equally as hard as one another. I do think people crap on community college way too much. And people really do look down on you for it. Not only did I have an amazing experience for my first year at TRCC, I fell back in love with learning, except math. I’ll never love math, sorry Ms.M. But I truly enjoyed my teachers there. They all had some good qualities. I learned so much about our world and society than I ever did in high school. Although towards the middle and end of my second semester I started to doubt college for me, at the end of the day I loved it. I loved the challenge, the staff, the students, and I loved just learning things that will actually impact my future. So to end this, I suggest people should not judge community college unless they’ve gone themselves and to stop having such high egos and putting others down. It’s not a race, education takes time and should be taken seriously. And one last thing, thank you. Thank you for all the people that gave me blank stares and horrible responses, thank you to the people that weren’t as excited for me as the people attending universities, thank you for looking down on me. Because I got the best grades I have ever had my first year of college since the 6th grade. The last time I checked my GPA was a 3.3 (most of my teachers haven’t posted my final grades yet). But I know I pulled through and passed them all. And for that I thank anyone who ever thought they were simply better. And I hope I opened up some minds. But most of all and most sincerely, thank you Three Rivers.