heated rivalry blog

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I know this isn't where you were really going with this, but I read the first few lines of this and immediately thought to myself "red flag for incoming suicide attempt" (which is pretty ironic for me because there was a period of time in my life where these changes would have been a red flag, but also there have also been times where it meant I was doing way way better mentally. This is probably tmi sorry)

i think it’s definitely a slippery slope — in part because of the function of the irina foundation but also because shane’s understanding of suicide is so influenced by ilya’s lived experience. like would shane hollander realistically ever consider taking his own life? no. i believe he genuinely cannot comprehend doing that to ilya

If Shane is Sidney Crosby adjacent in terms of how phenomenal he is as a player, that means he was subjected to the same cruel and unusual treatment that Sidney Crosby faced on his professional journey. If you’re not familiar, Crosby was targeted from as young as 12 with opposing players slashing at him and beaning the puck at him in an attempt to injure him. He was heckled and threatened by parents in the stands at peewee games. Shane is Asian on top of this, and was most definitely subject to racial abuse. If these things happened, obviously they would be traumatic and make the person on the receiving end of it aware of “the dark side of hockey.” (I would really go so far to argue that there’s no chance in hell any real life North American hockey player isn’t aware of the dark side of hockey, because the hazing and the social hierarchies are engrained into the culture).

But if Shane allegedly, the way Rachel writes The Long Game, is blissfully unaware, then they exist inside some alternate universe where hockey culture isn’t anything like what it is in this one.

Ilya’s characterization is also fundamentally incompatible with “the realities of hockey culture.” Hookup culture in locker rooms, and particularly the way hockey locker rooms treat sex and women is inherently degrading. We Breed Lions by Rick Westhead does a really phenomenal job of breaking down the systemic way boys in North American hockey are conditioned growing up to see women and girls. It’s one that has historically encouraged players to view women as status symbols, conquests, and tools for male bonding rather than as equal people. You could make the argument that Ilya was raised in Russia, so it’s different, and I don’t know anything about Russian locker room culture so I’m not going to. But he plays in the American League, alongside North American players during the duration of the book. I’m not going to get into detail about the structure of athletes and hookup culture, and I really encourage everyone to read the book or exerts of it, but they don’t view the people they sleep with as equals. They don’t value consent. Even if Ilya himself (or the character of Ilya contextualized in the reality of what hockey culture looks like) doesn’t partake in the sleazy way hockey players try to get women into bed, he’s at the very least, privy to conversations about it. Whether or not he personally participates in the more predatory aspects of that culture is moot because he would, at minimum, be immersed in locker room conversations where women are discussed as sexual conquests, hear teammates boast about hookups, and witness the attitudes that are deeply embedded within the sport.

But Ilya’s character is a good person, and the narrative supports this. So we know that the reality of hockey culture’s attitude towards women doesn’t exist in this universe. If he encountered the misogyny that is so well documented within professional hockey culture, the character as written would almost certainly reject it. Yet the novel never asks him to. Instead, it simply removes that dimension of hockey culture from the world it has constructed from his narrative altogether. He’s a hockey player and he has a lot of casual sex and those two things exist in two separate places altogether.

Ilya is also a white man, who in The Long Game, dismisses his Asian partner’s ability to accurately perceive how nasty hockey can be if we look at him in the context of reality. But Heated Rivalry isn’t rooted in reality. Instead, it presents a sanitized version of oppression where prejudice exists only when the narrative explicitly points to it and disappears elsewhere based on convenience (or if it can’t be used to paint Ilya as the darling white boyfriend who doesn’t have a racist bone in his body and actually he’s sooooo much more oppressed than his boyfriend!!!! Not that he would ever make it a competition. But Shane just doesn’t understand … good thing white Ilya is here to comprehend it for him!!)

The novel operates with an almost binary moral framework. Ignoring mental health is presented as unequivocally wrong, so mental health becomes a subject the narrative takes seriously. Racism is largely absent from the text, so it effectively ceases to exist within the univese the novel has constructed. Misogyny receives an occasional throwaway acknowledgement, allowing the narrative to sidestep the pervasive sexism embedded in professional men’s sports. (I’m sure it’s more of a focus in Troy’s book, and eventually I will read that, but I’m aware of the major plot beats and I’m aware of Rachel Reid’s tendencies, so I don’t really have high hopes).

My truth is that the show canon is what I take as truth (and you don’t know bar for bar what a character is thinking in a TV show, so omission doesn’t necessarily mean that those things don’t exist, just that we as the audience didn’t get to see them). Even the show’s canon isn’t truly compatible with the reality of hockey culture, but it’s not so blatantly dismissive of Shane and his interiority.

Rachel can write these books and call them romance. Shane doesn’t even have to be as equally fleshed out as a character as Ilya, if we’re going to call it a romance book. But to call it a social critique and ignore the elephant in the room that is race every single time is a slap in the face to the players that most definitely receive the brunt of abuse during their careers when it presents itself as a commentary on hockey culture, homophobia, masculinity, or prejudice. Once a text claims to be a commentary, what it chooses to leave out becomes part of the critique. That selectivity matters because it sanitizes who bears the cost of hockey culture in real life. Players of colour have spoken about racist abuse from teammates, opponents, fans, and even coaches. Women working in hockey have documented cultures of sexism and harassment. These are not peripheral issues!!! They are part of the fabric of the sport’s history.

"Once a text claims to be a commentary, what it chooses to leave out becomes part of the critique. That selectivity matters because it sanitizes who bears the cost of hockey culture in real life." <- YES

Everyone who wants to try and pretend like RR leaves out all these issues in her romance books because she wants the reader to "extrapolate" what happens/what the character thinks is absolutely doomed in any literary course. What is left out is a part of the critique leveled against your work. If I leave out some important part of my fictional world which was written as a comparison to the real world, I am going to get questions as to why did you leave this out/how will you make sure this is fixed/do you think it should be fixed/will you educate yourself on how to not do this again.

It's called having a good editor and growing as a writer.

by the same token, ilya’s perspective on russia is shaped by disconnection — he has an abusive father, a deceased mother, and a fraught relationship with his brother. in the books, the only other figure we know from his childhood is the unnamed son of his coach. without svetlana, russia should be a cornerstone comparison between ilya’s past and ilya’s future. the nhl does not employ translators for their athletes, so even fluency in english would have left ilya in a vulnerable position as a teenager arriving in a foreign country. the sole person he speaks fluent russian to regularly in tlg is galina the therapist. what would his relationship to other, older russian players be like? was he billeted with another russian like sergei gonchar and evgeni malkin? was this a kindness? would ilya’s relative, established isolation from others be driven by the fear of receiving the same abuse in the same language, regardless of how far he ran from home? has russia the nation been so thoroughly poisoned for him that he cannot imagine ever going back, even though a part of him will always live there in the dirt with his mother?

i just know like. he could tweet the word "riot" and downtown montreal would be on fire within two hours. he would never do this! but he has the power. 3x cup winning captain and he's beautiful and niceys and fluent in french? they will move mountains for him. if he so much as just obliquely hints that management is giving him any sort of trouble literally ever, the gm has to worry about his house getting firebombed. the people do not play about captain hollander. it is life and fucking death.

so like if shane has any sort of troubles with management after he comes out, just imagine. he discusses strategy with farah and yuna and they're like some public pressure might not be a bad thing. you can't say anything about specifics, but just a little mention of where you're at, emotionally speaking. and shane says okay, i can try that. so he just very casually mentions in an interview or whatever that some internal issues w the organization have come up after he and ilya got outed, and he's always wanted to retire in montreal, but he's starting to get scared that that might not be entirely up to him anymore, but that's probably just pessimism and paranoia after the outing talking, haha. he's sure, logically, that everything will work out. it's just kind of scary.

[smash cut to downtown montreal on fire]

and he's just like holy shit. i mean i knew montreal has strong feelings about hockey and even about me, but i just thought they might bombard the metros on social media if i mentioned the organization being kinda homophobic. was NOT expecting this???? oh my god??? did i just start a riot by making sad puppy eyes at a camera during one (1) interview?????????

(ilya: i have told you your big beautiful brown eyes are powerful beyond measure. what, you didn't believe me?)

like i can't stress enough. he just was like "psst if some of you guys could send a few strongly worded emails or tweets that would maybe help me out a bit :)" and his fans went "understood. preparing our molotov cocktails now. WE RIDE AT DAWN"

so shane is trapped in his apartment going holy shit oh my god i didn't mean for this to happen???!!! what do i do?!!?? and management and ownership are having an emergency meeting as they abruptly realize that maybe capitalism and property damage matter more to them than homophobia and maybe they need to RAPIDLY restructure their whole approach to how they're handling the hollander situation. please hollander whatever you need we'll do it. please just never make the sad puppy eyes at a camera again holy fuck jesus christ they're going to burn down the gm's house.

there will be a second emergency meeting scheduled with hollander shortly, in which the gm will swear his undying loyalty and fealty to the service of shane hollander and the owners will declare that whatever he needs to keep getting cups in montreal, he can have! just let us know what you need from us hollander. and also please tweet that we are no longer making you sad. please your fans are going to rend us limb from limb and eat our hearts in the square hollander please just tweet a rainbow emoji and smiley face or something. please. hollander please

meanwhile ilya is trying to drive over to see shane to provide emotional support during all this nonsense, but montreal is on fire. theres barricades in the streets. people are yelling and waving signs and throwing things. the fucking french are so dramatic, he complains. for fuck's sake. like yes this is also exactly how he feels about shane's big beautiful brown eyes but good fucking lord.

Shane even SAID he chose Ilya, but Ilya didn't FEEL like it was super confident. Ilya is depressed, which can make you infer the worst possible tone to everything. I would know, because I've had an argument with a friend about how I felt she didn't care about me, when the problem was that I casually asked my friend if we could hang out (emotionally, I was destroyed and needed a hangout), and she casually told me she was busy. My feelings didn't reflect reality because if I told her I needed a hangout cuz I felt like shit, she would come over. Because she does care about me. Shane "go-getter" Hollander would have figured something out if there was any bit of communication from his boyfriend, since he can't rely on his divine providence from the RR, as she wants him to be the villain in this fight.

I'll even copy-paste that part of Shane and Ilya's argument from the book. The bold is from me.

“You wouldn’t even choose me, would you?” Ilya said. “If it is between me and hockey.” “Of course I would,” Shane said, though not as confidently as Ilya would have liked.

"not as confidently as Ilya would have liked" is literally straight-up tone policing. Ilya is ignoring Shane's words in favor of the emotional subtext, which, as we well know, neurodivergent people all over the world are telling us, is hard!

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Plus, the start of the argument only happens because Ilya tries to keep it casual, and he gets a casual answer!!! I cannot explain to y'all how badly I wanted to toss TLG into a paper shredder when I read the following page of text. I'm going to bold every mention of "casual" or when Ilya is purposely keeping the tone chill btw.

“Bood is having a party tonight.” Ilya said it casually, as if there were no particular reason he was letting Shane know. As if his stomach wasn’t a mess as he anticipated Shane’s reaction.  “Zane Boodram? He’s having a party on Boxing Day?” “Yes. Not a big party. It will be chill. Mostly just the team and partners. Bood has fun parties.”  “Oh.” Ilya held his breath.  “Did you want to go or something?” Shane asked, clearly confused. “I could stay here, I guess. Or head back to—”  “I want you to go too,” Ilya said. “I want you to come with me to the party.”  Shane twisted around so they were facing each other on Ilya’s couch. “You want me to go to a party with your teammates? Why?”  So they can fucking meet my boyfriend, Ilya wanted to scream. But instead, he kept his tone light and said, “They are cool people. You might have fun.”  “But...wouldn’t it be weird, if we showed up together?”  Ilya shrugged easily, as if this was a normal thing for him to suggest. “They know you would be in Ottawa for Christmas. We are friends, so I invite you to a party. No big deal.”  Shane’s face scrunched up in confusion, then he shook his head. “Too weird. I don’t think so.”  The dismissal, though expected, irritated Ilya. No, irritated was too small a word—it infuriated him. For a moment, Ilya didn’t react. He stared at Shane, stony-faced, while anger scorched through him like lava. Then, before he said anything he may regret, he stood up and walked out of the living room. Shane caught up with him in the kitchen.  “You can go,” he said. “It’s fine.”  “Great,” Ilya snapped.  “What’s wrong?” Shane sounded so genuinely clueless about why Ilya might want him to meet his friends that it only angered Ilya further.

Shane sounds genuinely clueless after Ilya gives him about two minutes of CASUAL warning about a party where, if the captain actually went after blowing off several team invitations, just to bring a friend, it would be weird. Guys. It would be weird if Shane Hollander going to the party is the only reason that Ilya goes to the party. Especially since the party is described by Ilya as "Mostly just the team and partners." Soooo if Shane, who would be just 'a friend' at a party for team members and their romantic partners, thinks that would be a little too weird, why the fuck is that a problem? Three guesses, and the first two don't count.

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Shane is said to not understand how much Ilya sacrificed for their future, but should I remind everyone what Ilya's original plan was going to be? In HR, Ilya plans to let the rivalry fade by moving to the west, where Ilya and Shane would only see each other twice a year.

“I was thinking,” Ilya said. It was late morning the next day, and they were sitting on the deck with coffee. “If I played for a team that was not Boston. Maybe in the west. The rivalry would not be such a big deal.” Shane seemed to consider this. “That’s true. We’d only play against each other twice a year.” He frowned and Ilya knew he didn’t like that idea any more than he did. We’d only see each other twice a year. “Is…like, sacrifice. For future gain, yes?” Shane brightened. “Future gain?” “Yes. Our rivalry has been huge. But maybe we can help it to…fade away? A little?” “Yeah…” Shane said. He was getting excited. “Yeah! I don’t like the idea of you being so far, but we could make people forget all about us as rivals and maybe no one would care about us at all one day.”

But the thing is that Shane and Ilya want to see each other! Twice a year is too little for them, so the next scene is literally Shane thinking of a different idea. It's the famous nighttime wake-up and listen to my ten-year plan for our future scene that leads into the "I love you's". The scene I'm most interested in is when Ilya specifically declines Montreal because they couldn't afford both Shane and Ilya at their full worth. I wonder who ends up being paid less than their worth in the end...

“I am a free agent, after next season.” He definitely had Shane’s full attention now. “You’d leave Boston?” “I have just been thinking. Maybe…a Canadian team.” “Holy shit, really?” “Yes.” “Like where?” Ilya could see the thoughts play out on Shane’s face like a movie: What if we played together in Montreal? No. Montreal couldn’t afford both of us. “Not Montreal,” Ilya said gently. “No. I know.” But good god, now Ilya was imagining that. Playing together, living together, being together. It was never going to happen. But it was a nice thought.

How amazing that Ilya's dream ends up being fulfilled without him having to be paid less than what he is worth.

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In TLG, right after Shane gets angry in their fight and says that line about wanting to win cups instead of smoking between losses, Ilya thinks about how he chose Ottawa because it was Shane's hometown! What the actual fuck are you talking about, Ilya? What the fuck is RR writing?? She purposely rewrites the Ottawa move to be about choosing between love and your career, instead of the fact that it was about choosing BOTH for Ilya. In fact, the sheer insanity of how the Ottawa plan was named as "Shane's plan" when things get hard is always baffling to me, when originally, Ilya liked it more than his plan. I'm going to put the TLG passage of the Ottawa thing and the HR passage just for anyone who doesn't remember it.

In TLG:

Shane truly didn’t understand anything. Not what Ilya had given up for him, certainly. Ilya could be in Boston right now, leading one of the top teams in the league to more Stanley Cups. He could be breaking more records, and winning more awards. Instead he’d chosen to come to Ottawa, when he could have gone to almost any team in the league. He’d chosen a team that hadn’t made the playoffs in over a decade. He’d chosen it because it was Shane’s hometown, and close to where Shane lived. He’d chosen it so he could build a life in Canada with the man he loved.

In HR:

“You play for Ottawa, I play for Montreal. Those cities are an hour apart. We start a charity together, you and me. Something that benefits both cities. So now people see us working together on something. We make up some story about how I approached you with this idea, and—”  “Or I approached you.”  “Whatever. The point is, we tell the press, the fans, everyone, that by working together on the cause that means so much to both of us, we have developed a mutual respect for each other...”  “Yes. And also we are fucking each other. Any questions?”  “Fuck off! This is a great idea, Rozanov!” Ilya laughed. Shane hit him with a pillow.  “Is not bad,” Ilya finally conceded. “So we start this charity...”  “And it wouldn’t be bullshit either. I’ve been wanting to start one anyway. We’ll do something that means a lot to both of us.”  “Yes. Okay.”  “We still play hard against each other on the ice, obviously. I mean, I am never going to stop enjoying beating your ass.”  Ilya snorted. “Sure.”  “And...like I said. We’re an hour away from each other. All year.” He wanted Ilya to see this vision as clearly as he could. It seemed tantalizingly possible. Easy, even. “And you’d be in Canada. And you could apply for citizenship eventually.”  “Yes. I understand that part.” “And maybe...someday. When we both retire. We can...be together. For real.” Ilya looked stunned by that part. “You really think that far ahead, Hollander?” “I do about this.”

The literal reason for it is NUMBER ONE: Canadian Citizenship, NUMBER TWO: Killing the Rivalry, NUMBER THREE: Being close to each other for love.

How do we know Ilya wanted Canadian citizenship? Here you go:

In HR: “Do you still want to become an American citizen?” “I don’t know. I am thinking…maybe somewhere else.” “Oh.”

shane — who at this point has spent the entire book being told by literally everyone that he needs to be less mopey and anxious and to support ilya’s life more — fully compartmentalises everything and pushes all of it down. he’s never been happier, truly. yes he’d love to host the centaurs at his new house without warning. he’d love to do a photoshoot. he’d love to post a video on instagram. he’d love to be the butt of the joke. look how much fun he’s having. this is great. he just needs to be less worried about everything and it’ll all work out. ilya will take care of it. he just needs to go to the back of the line. yes, he wants another slice of chocolate cake please and thank you

however, the narrative frames this as a choice borne not out of reasonable trepidation, but rather as one made from selfish cowardice. kip claims scott is forcing him back into the closet and even asks him what's the worst thing that could happen? about coming out, as if the answer to that isn't blatantly obvious: a hate crime? ilya accuses shane of all sorts of nonsense, from "not choosing him over hockey" to being selfish and naive (because somehow shane simultaneously is very aware of how much would go wrong if he and ilya came out publicly, but also has "no idea about the dark side of hockey". how does this incredible dissonance work? don't worry about it! rachel reid sure didn't! shane is an idiot when she wants him to be and a paranoid hyperaware selfish asshole when she wants that instead).

so like, of course she writes as though shane being upset about workplace harassment and discrimination is something that can be solved by ilya ~fixing~ shane's self-esteem with hot sex. it's the culmination of this entire victim-blamey attitude that systemic problems can be solved by #slaying hard enough and simply not caring what other people say. of course workplace discrimination and harassment will simply stop being an issue if you stop being a vulnerable target and remember that you're awesome, right? right? that's how this works? just don't let them get to you and they'll stop because they'll realize the error of their ways! it's foolproof.

Shane: Hold on, lemme get my binder

(bonus)

Rookie: binder?

Everyone expects it to be about hockey, but it's really not. They sometimes mention hockey, but mostly talk about other stuff.

At the beginning they meticulously prepare the talking points for each episode, but they soon realise people are pretty entertained just by them talking about random topics and being weird. They might start by discussing the nutritional value of salmon and half an hour later their audience is listening to a thorough explanation of salmon migration patterns.

Sometimes they'll have guests, more often than not hockey related, but they still don't discuss the sport. With Yuna they discuss the cultural differences between Japan and Canada. Luca talks about ducks and cows. Harris guides them through queer history of Canada and shares funny stories of Troy and Chiron. One time they bring all of Hayden's kids and that's how the wider public finds out about Shane and Ilya's secret wedding.

People are obsessed with it. They are finding out new facts about their favourite athletes in an incredibly unhinged way, because there is no way this sounds normal with Troy and Shane as hosts. It's probably completely serious one moment and full of giggles the next, because somethong happens that is literally only funny to them.

They do make sure to not drive Harris completely mad with their weird statements.

And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"

And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? 🤨 Shane, have you been hacked?'

And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'

If you want to acknowledge the Magical Drug Test and the Pregnancy Check Up here’s some ways to get around it:

- As previously stated The Pregnancy Check Up is happening After The Season Ends. That’s kind of out of the running it will happen eventually but Shane doesn’t know that’s something they do so he is just dreading it with every fiber of his being.

- The Magical Drug Tests is can be something that gets legally required after this shit show of a scandal (holy fuck the biggest star on the Stanley Cup winning team, The Golden Boy of Hockey Himself was Stepford wife’d for over a year and no one fucking realized it)

- If it already exists then like a drug test it gets done randomly and not every year (because that’s hard to do with witches not being as popular). Or the fact that it is categorized as a CURSE and the drug test checks for BLESSINGS, because that’s the magical equivalent of dopeing, means that it is not caught leading to Shane’s continual internal spiral.

- You could also go the horrible route of the Stepford Curse fighting against it and forcing Shane to get around it because it doesn’t want to existing. It’s a curse it’s not going to let go that easily.

MAGICAL STANLEY CUP THOUGH?

Perfect solution for both angst and practicality. With Angst, Shane’s legendary Crashout is going to be live-streaming internationally. It is going to be a media bloodbath that Shane’s “loved ones” will have to suffer through and have no escape from. Shane will go to the cottage or fucking run away as he should (Stepford Wife Summer Crash Out babbyyyyyy). He will be caught on camera throwing up. Ilya is holding the cup as Captain and everyone who loves those mental images of Ilya passing the cup to Shane with a kiss gets this instead (and I fucking love that concept so much oh my god). What is meant to beat the Skip kiss is more like the Times Square WW2 kiss in that it is famous and absolutely non consented and everyone knows it. Ultimate canon like moment and it breaks everything

Practically, fic writers love a magical Stanley cup. A cup wish is a pretty common concept (with wish babies following that) so if you wanted to go that route you could. You could also have it be a general blessing of good health bla bla bla. It being the cure absolutely works.

If you are going the route of the curse does not want to be broken the Centaurs winning the cup and that Famous Cup Kiss is the one thing it cannot stop. Stepford! Shane is a cursed! canon Shane who is supposed to move to the Centaurs and be part of The Ilya Rozanov’s perfect life and team. The Conquering Hero who after the cup is going to go home and fuck his beautiful exotic husband because that is his happy ending and his right after all of his terrible trauma. He took this terrible team from the bottom of the league to the top. The kiss is part of “The Perfect Couple” and Happy Ending. Even if the Stepford Curse is supposed to resist things that can break it, it could never resist this. It is the only thing that would work. Also it really works as a true love’s kiss breaks the spell but in the worst imaginable way type moment.

P.S. The Jester presents her thought ramblings quickly compiled because she has to do something else but this had to be done real quick so hopefully she can come back to this/it will make sense when read by someone else

Oh my god that’s it. It’s a fucking Stanley Cup wish that breaks the curse. It’s Ilya’s Stanley Cup wish that breaks the curse.

Make it a League tradition that whoever’s the captain gets the Stanley Cup wish. There’s no splitting this bullshit for the good of the team—it’s the captain’s personal wish as per tradition. The magic is powerful but limited. Ask for too much and the magic goes wonky. It’s gone a bit off in the past when people try to stretch the wish out across the team. If you want a wish, captain a Stanley Cup winning team.

He wishes for Shane’s happiness.

He wishes for Shane’s happiness.

The Cup interprets the wish as a wish for genuine happiness, not artificial happiness, because that’s what Ilya wants. He wants Shane to have whatever he needs in the world to be happy.

And Shane will never be happy under the curse.

He makes the wish as he passes the Cup between them, in the breath before they kiss. They kiss, the wish catches, the Cup passes fully over to Shane’s hands, and—

Clang. The Cup hits the ice.

Ilya loving him enough to want his happiness and only notice when it’s too late is fucking haunting.

It would be neat to have a little visual display when they have the cup hand off with the kiss. Because magic is real and the Cup is Magic so everyone thinks it’s True Love’s kiss at first.

Well it does break a spell.

I do think that they would have to do like an audit of the cup wishes from the past few years after this just to make sure they didn’t miss anything. Because that’s the type of legal checking that has to happen after The Face of your League gets DeCursed Live on an International Broadcast. And it shows Shane’s past cup wishes that are all for other people (fucking love the Ruby and Jade health wishes wow) and it just hurts.

Edit: Because I realized I’d written a lot in the comments and it would be better here

Shane’s past wishes (not the Ruby and Jade ones but his wish for Ilya’s happiness and safety) becoming public does also cause speculation on if somehow the Wish Fucking Caused Shane’s curse. It did not (thank god).

It does bring back around the concept that HEY SHANE WAS RIGHT AND THE ONLY REASON THAT ILYA DIDN’T GET ALMOST DEPORTED BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HAVE A FUCKING PASSPORT JUST A WORK VISA IS BECAUSE OF SHANE’S WISH.

Things Shane’s Wish Fixed/Saved:

- Russia Not Deporting Ilya Rozanov! Biggest one!

- Brandon Wiebe becoming the new coach of the Ottawa Centaurs

- Dallas Kent getting charged for Rape and Sexual Assault (and thus getting Troy Barrett on the fucking Centaurs making it a queerer and better team overall)

- The Centaurs Surviving the Fucking Plane Crash

- The reason that Shane’s proposal fixes their whole Boxing Day argument is because it “Makes Ilya Happy” Note. It is not the reason why Shane Proposed. But it is the reason that the argument was fixed even though it technically shouldn’t be.

- Ilya getting Galina as his therapist. She did not have availability on her schedule. So someone moved, switched therapists, and made availability right on time.

- Ilya not getting crucified by the public for being outed. Shane’s integrity gets questioned but only after the Trip (which it did not cause). It did stop them from getting fully investigated by the League for “fixing games”

Things Shane’s Wish Did Not Fix/Stop

- Ilya’s depression over all. That starts to get into the messy artificial happiness bit. It did direct him to Galina as his therapist and guide him towards realizing he needed therapy in the first place (cough Shane on Halloween night). This did make Shane slightly confused because he had wished for Ilya to be happy so he is confused by the Boxing Day fight. Because like Ilya with his own cup wish, he thought Ilya was already happy.

- Ilya’s overall viewpoints in the Long Game.

- Shane’s status and relationship with his own team. Shane just wanted to be part of Ilya’s happily ever after and wanted him to be safe over everything else (also realizing Shane probably would have guessed after the Ruby and Jade thing that the Cup Wish couldn’t Bless both of them). This would have unfortunate consequences.

- “Kissgate” and their outing. Ilya was relatively unaffected by it. Shane was the one who was truly bothered so the Wish didn’t stop it from happening.

- Shane’s status in the public eye. He did not protect himself so he is not protected.

Ooof see this one is hard for me because I LOVE Yuna and I truly think that she is genuinely at all times trying to do right by her son. Yes they are enmeshed and yes there are privacy issues going both ways. Yuna does not know how to give Shane space; Shane does not WANT that space until his secrets start piling up and even then a bit motivating factor for him wanting to just...end all of the lying and secrets is NOT so that he can be honest with himself but rather so that he can curl himself back up into the mold of a person that he hasn't been since he was seventeen years old. Like, Shane doesn't want to come out to his mom he wants to be a person who DOES NOT NEED to come out to his mom. He wants to force himself straight so that he can be the son Yuna always imagined in her head.

For context:

The son that Shane thinks Yuna imagines in her head: Seven time Stanley Cup winner Captain of the Montreal Metros loving husband to a beautiful wife together with whom he has given Yuna beautiful grandchildren.

The person that Yuna actually imagined when she held a beautiful baby in her arms and named him Shane: Happy and healthy and cherished for always.

So there's a major disconnect there.

Ilya, meanwhile, is the parentified youngest child of a very ill mother in a very controlling environment. He's spent half his life deifying the idea that he has of his mother in his head. He dismisses the weight placed upon his shoulders both by living with her and by her absence almost as though recognizing it would besmirch her memory. So having a new mother figure in his life, after years longing and placing the concept of the maternal on a pedestal...it would be very confusing for him. Because Yuna Hollander is incredibly self-sufficient and would balk with horror at the idea of letting her ten-year-old son perform the kind of emotional and domestic labor that Ilya was clearly expected to shoulder due to his mother's incapacity. And to admit that Yuna is a good mother and maybe the sort of mother that Ilya wishes he has growing up might almost feel like a betrayal of Irina, who was so beautiful and funny and sad.

I think he WOULD recognize, from the outside looking in, that Shane and Yuna are enmeshed. He might not have the language to describe it but I think he recognizes it. I think he also LIKES that Shane is enmeshed with his mother, insofar as it doesn't effect his relationship with Shane (Because it does, at times--lack of personal boundaries etc.) because Shane's enmeshment with his mother and the fact that Yuna sort of views Ilya as an extension of Shane means that some of his deepest desires (To have a mother again; to have someone who will love him unconditionally) are, in a way, fulfilled.

And truly, in some ways, it's not that deep. The relationship between the Hollanders and Ilya is perhaps deeper than that of a typical set of inlaws but it truly isn't inappropriate, and all parties are content--Yuna and David have the second son they always wanted AND someone to look after their son when they cannot; Shane's parents and his husband get along to the point where they consider each other family, which is the platonic ideal; Ilya has the parental relationship he's always really, at his core, needed.

Now, the thing about families is that they DO fight, particularly BECAUSE of the love they have for each other. Yuna and Shane like each other as people a great deal, even outside their mother-son relationship, but we see them butt heads even in the show. They are both stubborn and willful and probably, honestly, have a bit of a mutual superiority complex. David has probably been acting as an intermediary for them since Shane was old enough to say the word no. And that's not even to say that they don't agree! They do, the vast majority of the time, but when they disagree it is always ALWAYS a major incident.

So what would happen if Shane and Yuna disagreed and Ilya took Yuna's side? Firstly I think for this scenario to even come to be, the subject at hand would HAVE to be something relevant to Shane's well-being, because that is one of the only things I can think of that would unite Ilya with ANYONE against Shane.

A scenario that I have seen several times in several different flavors is the idea of Shane being injured and there being some lack of consensus between the Hollanders with regards for how to deal with this. I've seen it as a Shane and Ilya versus Yuna and I've seen it as Yuna versus Ilya with Shane as a bit of a bystander or sometimes even unconscious. Ilya and Yuna versus Shane would be a bit of a departure and interesting to consider. Shane expecting Ilya to take his side by default because of societal expectations of son-in-law versus mother-in-law would also be very interesting. Something something, "But you're my husband. You're supposed to take my side." Something something, "There are no sides, Shane, we only want what's best for you, and Ilya and I are aligned with what we think is best." And then Yuna and Ilya both have to deal with Shane looking at them with actual betrayal in his eyes for basically the first time ever.

I do believe in my heart of hearts that that fight is less of a fight and more of an ilya screaming match where shane makes the “you shouldn’t have had to do that” comment and ilya is like up and yelling, “how fucking dare you, hollander!” and he’s not even processing like half the things that are coming out of his mouth, he’s just getting like flashes of “i was being a good son” and “my father” and “their bedroom was across from mine” and Shane’s up too going, “what the fuck, i’m on your side? why are you yelling at me?” and ilya is just like “i don’t know!” and storms out back and smokes to calm down and waits for shane to come out and bring him back inside.

And once Shane has the water running hot, steam fogging up the glass, the mirror above the jack and jill sinks, Shane doesn't turn around when Ilya steps in behind him. Shane doesn't turn around when big broad arms wrap around him from behind, or when he feels a forehead press against his shoulder. He doesn't think about how the body behind him feels like it's collapsing. He just firms his stance and holds up the weight. And when they step out the shower to dry off and Ilya's face is wet, well. Of course it is. They were just in the shower.

This is not just “what a fine ass” in passing. This is 100% Beefcake Territory. It is not sculpted like a Greek statue. It is built like a Mack Truck. This is the inspiration for bulldozers. There is so much going on. Is it picturesque? Only for anatomy and physiology textbooks, probably under “proportional and healthy bodybuilder’s musculature” or something.

This is not your average aesthetic specimen. This is not your sleek little thoroughbred racehorse. This is a thick-ass draft horse who could pull a brick house off its foundations.

This is a 5’10” hockey player that can go 0 to 30 miles per hour in two seconds flat.

His barbell squats are the stuff of nightmares.

Nobody wants to work out next to him. He uses half the plates in the gym for his “easy day” workouts. It’s worse if he’s bulking.

Every single set of muscles has a spot on his workout list. It is an unending cycle of every quarter getting leveled up, like the video game psychos who level up every stat at the same rate for the whole game instead of focusing on the “important” stuff first.

His hip adductors and abductors are of a size that should be studied, and their flexibility on paper should be a joke, but his yoga absolutely is not.

Resistance training? Those are not exercise bands, Hollander. Those are gaskets for an fifty-ton industrial vehicle. Where did you even get them? Is it even legal for you to have them?

He gets bullied into participating in the “crack a watermelon with your thighs” challenge, and he makes it look so easy.

Box jumps? Mister five-foot-ten does a disgusting sixty-six inch jump.

That “fight” with Scott? The only reason Shane “Thunder-Thighs” Hollander moved at all when his teammates pulled him away was because he hadn’t set his skates and decided he wasn’t moving, actually. And what do you mean having skates on means you can be moved across the ice easy when someone wants to move you? Nobody ever told him that. Shane Hollander sets his skates and that’s the end of the negotiation. Between his beefcake-ness and skill in wearing knife-boots, forget moving him if he doesn’t want to be moved.

myilya knows this about myshane and will take on ‘feminine’ roles like his life depends on it (his husbands happiness and comfort do, so basically the same thing).

someone asks a weird invasion question of “whos the girl?” and myilya is looking at them like they are the stupidest person alive and responding “it is not obvious? he is built like a fucking tank, i am manhandled into next week every night. you are in May? i am already in October from his dick.”

someone makes a comment to them about kids? myilya is looking down holding his lower stomach and sighing wistfully “will be a long 9 months, i am still convincing him that we are ready for a baby.”

someone chirps shane with some racist comment about the size of his dick? myilya is behind myshane with his fingers pointed up his hands slowly moving apart till he gets to around the size of myshanes dick and grins like a fucking madman and nods while he bites his lip, only thing he says to the player is “feels great”. myilya also makes the jerk off on you motion while passing the racist player and laughs.

but a lot of straight men simply do not know the terminology of bottom/top in that way so they ask in a series of convoluted ways that ilya takes at face value and always answers earnestly, making them frustrated and feeling more and more stupid as time goes on

until eventually they ask in a way that cannot be misconstrued for anything else, and then ilya rears back in offence and starts ranting about how they’re insinuating he’s not manly enough to take it, that he can’t satisfy his husband etc

thereby annoying homophobes to incoherency, implying he bottoms, implying that bottoming is the manlier and more macho thing to do, that shane’s dick is fucking huge, and insinuating that they’re weak because they’ve never ridden a cock

Kip convinces him to lean into it and for just when they play the Centaurs he changes his goal song to Velociraptor! by Kasabian. That song is so hype. A snippet of the lyrics for you:

Blast off

He'll try to shoot you with precision

Take your face off

Young disciple into life

He was hung up,

By the meaning of existence

You be let down

So don't you fall in with the

Velociraptor!

He's gonna find ya!

He's gonna kill ya!

He's gonna eat ya!

You're on the outskirts

Of his kingdom

So keep your head down!

Veloci–Velociraptor

(or you don't like that you could do a song from Jurassic Park or maybe just a T-Rex roar? I dunno)