I Bite My Thumb At You Sir

unfortunately i can’t control everyone’s perception of me down to the smallest detail. unfortunately they have their own lives and brains that inform the filter they see me through when i exist near them. and i could be the greatest possible version of myself and i could people please until the end of time and i could walk a thousand miles through the desert repenting and still it would not change this one fundamental fact

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

Dogs do not show pain. There are dead in nature if they show it. One way to know if your dog is suffering. Muscels in his back are strained and his biting his teeth

actually if you look into its eyes you’ll see that my dog loves existing. it isn’t biting its teeth, it’s saying “Thank you Creator” and “Creator, I could take more. Go further.” the reason I know this is because I understand dog medicine better than you. but that’s not a reason to be embarrassed.

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

I love the implication that, as Larry is an "unpaid trainee", the dog is paid.

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

DAAaHRLINg,

GET. AI. OUT. OF. FANDOM. Stop making headcanons with it, stop making fanfic with it, stop making fanart with it. If I see one more "asking chatgpt *blank* about *character/characters in a fandom* I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. Use your own fucking brain, stop asking AI to do everything. You could even ask other real people what they think. Just. Stop. Using. AI. In. Creative. Spaces.

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

this is why you shouldn't swear