Sexualizing same-sex friendships is just one more way to trick people into thinking that intimate relationships only exist in a romantic/sexual context. And that is a recipe for isolation and hurt and confusion if Iāve ever heard one.
You HAVE to read the whole quote by Lewis. This does sum it up fairly well but he goes on further and its justā¦gawd its good.
āThose who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important. ā¦ In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facetsā¦ Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, āHere comes one who will augment our loves.ā For in this love āto divide is not to take away.ā
on a related note please stop suggesting that iām flirting with my female friends just because iām gay. not only is it disrespectful towards me (not least because iām in a relationship) it also feeds into a narrative that paints gay people as inherently attracted to or predatory towards people of the same gender and implies that emotional intimacy canāt be platonic for us which in turn makes us feel alienated and wary of seeking out close bonds with the people around us for fear of our relationships being misconstrued.
That logic has always confused me- mostly because Iām bi, and so by that logic I would want to bang everyone I meet.
Except I donāt, because just like straight and gay people, I have standards for what I find attractive and what I donāt.
OKā¦.this. This. I have never understood the absolute certainty that so many women have while looking at male characters that they are in a sexual or sexually repressed relationship with each other. I donāt and have never seen it. Kirk and Spock. Aragorn and Legolas. Harry and Draco. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Erik the Phantom and the Daroga. I just donāt get it. I see men who are in this epic die-for-each-other type of friendship, these monumental band of brothers side-by-side friendship, but thereās no sexual energy there. You can like someone, love someone without wanting to have sex with them. If thatās what youāre into, fine, whatever, but Iām just not seeing it. :S And Iām sure Iām going to get slammed for this, but ok. I have no problem with same-sex relationships. But write them that way! Go for it! Make it clear that these two are hanging on by a thread and give me eighteen chapters of angst and longing!
