The Orb

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

We make fun of steampunk and mock it but imagine if there really were marvelous devices

WAIT HOLD ON I cannot fucking believe when I was like four years old my parents were cajoling me to walk with the family and trying to get me to keep up even though I kept insisting that I was "tired" until they took me to a doctor and found out my LUNGS DIDN'T WORK. how insane that we live in a world where reasonably loving parents think their FOUR YEAR OLD is trying to be LAZY. like they were mortified to be clear. adults are just so trained to ignore children's complaints as untrustworthy, kids just need discipline, they can't possibly speak for themselves. what the fuuuuck.

YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE BTW you should always be trying to take children seriously, especially very little ones but definitely all of them. the most disempowered class basically legally defined as property and most people are like "yeah that's good actually I hate when they Loiter lol they're stupid and loud and i actually think children should stop existing. restrict their personhood more actually"

cotton is planted, watered, weeded, harvested by big huge machines with spinny arms and then those spinny arms put the cotton on a conveyor belt to be fed into to a factory where it is cleaned, spun, woven, dyed, and pre-shrunk by machines, and then more big spinny arms put it onto another conveyor belt that feeds into another machine that can draft, cut, align, and sew fabric all by itself with its camera and advanced fabric-aligning algorithm and more spinny arms. nobody drives anything anywhere or operates the sewing machines or anything. everything is arranged exactly like in a base-builder video game. in these people's minds. I guess

being a humanities major who’s friends with stem majors is so funny because you’ll ask your friends what they’re doing today and they’re like “UGH it’s so stressful i have to stabilize the reactor core for my nuclear power midterm and then i have to build the supercomputer from i have no mouth yet i must scream for my electrical engineering homework :/ what about you” and you’re like “oh well i have to read a fun little book and write an essay about gender.” and they still think you have it worse

Being a stem major who's friends with humanities majors is ALSO funny bc you ask what's goin on with them and they're like "oh yeah my day's pretty good! I only have to read 50 pages for this one class today and half a book for another one. It's much better than last week where I read three books and wrote a 10 page paper about their overlapping motifs for one class while also researching a niche period of time that our library doesn't have any resources on. How's it been for you?" and you're like "oh I have a lil packet of fun math puzzles due tomorrow." and they look at you like you're carrying the weight of the universe on your back

This is your reminder that just because something falls within the skillset you've practiced, so you can do it and you don't find it particularly hard or stressful relative to other things, it doesn't mean it isn't actually hard work you should be proud of yourself for accomplishing!

this applies to writing and art, too

Vote for me I'll bring back the dinosaurs

There’s a whole overdone franchise about how bad of an idea that is, I WILL still be voting for you though.

This is so true and real and I will vote for you twice now

one person's "ugghh this trope is so overdone" is another person's "oooooohohohohohohohoho"

GOT IN.