Severely Famous Beard

Microdosing on executive function by completing tasks in video games

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

so you know that cursed sword that slowly drives whoever wields it mad & causes mysterious illnesses? you guessed it: scabbard was absolutely loaded with black mold

I've posted about this before but back home at my old job I used to get pho so fucking often that the owners of the place stopped asking me what I wanted and stopped handing me menus when I walked in. After I moved to NY and I could only go back to Chicago like once a year, I sat down and they gave me a menu and I was like "Oh no I already know what I want, can I get--" and they were like OHHH #36 WITH EXTRA NOODLES YOU'RE BACK and I almost cried

Ants have the most badass lives of anything in the animal kingdom, life as an ant is like warhammer

the camera person deserves the raise of the century

great minds think of dykes

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

so exhausted by how fundamentally anti-human the capitalist world has become. like ageing, getting fat, being slightly inefficient, and making mediocre art are all extremely normal and extremely human activities, why is every corporation trying to convince us to spend all our money fighting that

My favorite part of executing administrative tasks is when I achieve the flow state