DISTURBED LOSTBOY

For some reason non-binary has come to mean someone who is white, skinny, and afab, with short hair and an androgynous-sounding name who dresses in more masculine clothing, wears a binder, and uses they/them pronouns only. Do you realize how ridiculous and specific that is? I shouldn’t have to cut my hair for you to respect my gender. I shouldn’t have to stop using the pronouns I prefer or change my literal fucking name for you to actually understand that I’m non-binary. But no, the minute someone doesn’t fit these standards y’all are like “well this person has obvious boobs so it’s okay if I just call her a girl” or “well this person has facial hair so it’s okay if I just call him a boy.” Y’all say you respect non-binary people but the minute we don’t look “androgynous enough” for you, you just write us off as our agab. The whole point of being gender non-conforming is that we don’t conform to gender standards. Do you really think we’re going to start conforming to yours?

This goes for pronouns too. Y’all are fine with binary people using they/them along with she/her or he/him but the minute a non-binary person asks to use she/her (even if that’s not her only set of pronouns!) you just think “oh so I can just call you a girl” or “oh so I can just call you a boy” if it’s he/him pronouns, and god forbid a woman ask you to respect his use of he/him pronouns. It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand why I use the pronouns I do. I don’t need a fucking reason for my pronouns, all you need to do is respect them. “But doesn’t using x pronouns when you’re x identity hurt x group??” No!! It doesn’t!! Respecting someone’s pronouns and gender hurts literally no one! Do you realize how TERF-y that sounds? Y’all say you hate TERFs but you have no problem applying their logic to anyone who is gnc.

Obviously this isn’t everyone, but I’ve seen this bullshit even among friends. It’s a problem that needs to be addressed.

if someone falls, the Most and Only important thing in the following ten seconds it to get them on their feet again. Nothing else in your entire world matters in those moments but making sure that person doesn’t get trampled.

if someone tells you they want out, it’s up to you to help them now. Remember in a pit, people (especially short or small people) get so packed in they may not be able to move more than half a foot in any direction (or at all if everyone’s really squeezing). If someone tells you they need out, you may be the only person they get a chance to tell. So you help them. Sometimes the only way is to crowd surf to the back. Ask them if they want to/can be lifted up, and tell the people around you to send them BACKWARD, not toward the stage. Even in venues with no surfing rules, if they’re going to the back to escape, not to the stage, security generally gets what’s going on and may even be waiting to help them at the end of the crowd.

If you see someone obviously struggling, check in on them. I can’t tell you how many times some big dude asked little 16 year old me if I needed help. I remember fondly the time I saw ADTR when I was 16, and the crowd separated for a Wall Of Death TM (lmao), where the crowd split in half and each side charged the other. I by CHANCE ended up at the front of one side, and I was going to get Obliterated, and a guy next to me basically sort of lifted me above the crowd as we all collided so I landed on top of the pile instead of on bottom.

If you’re at a show where moshing isn’t a given, be Courteous of the mixed crowd. Last night I saw a cute electronica band, and there was a group of girls dressed in full on Lolita fashion. Heels, wigs, petticoats, etc. They were in the VERY front against the stage, where people often go to avoid the pit. I was surprised that people started shoving at all at this show, and I watched grown men try to ELBOW them into the pit. Who does that?

Moshing involves a lot of pushing and leaning and squeezing against people, but not grabbing. NEVER grabbing. If you’re grabbing people/their clothes, trying to move them/force them out of their spot, you’re not moshing, you’re attacking someone.

BASICALLY the point is to have fun, and that involves accountability. You may think “I’m in a huge, aggressive crowd.” But every single person there including you, is PART of that crowd, and you are responsible for your little microcosm of that.

My mom used to hate the concerts I went to as a teenager, but it remains true that pretty much everyone I ever Quite Literally ran into at those shows always made a point to look out for their fellow concert-goers, and that’s why I had fun.

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here’s some examples:

Book: saliva is actually filtered blood!

Book: saliva also contains a painkiller that is stronger than morphine, but we don’t produce a lot of it otherwise we’d be constantly high