things do change

hey i felt you right click me just now. are you seriously viewing my properties? pervert

if i were a respected british actor with any principles at all i would simply not agree to a project whose earnings will have material consequences for trans people but maybe i'm built differently

This is what hozier meant when he says he falls a little bit in love everyday with someone new

I once watched a girl in the produce aisle pick up a bushel of bananas that were precariously perched on the edge and move them farther back and under her breath she said “there you go sweeties - that will be more comfortable” before shuffling off and… I think about her often.

« Silent lovers » is such a sweet way to put it.

I was driving on the highway and passed a dude absolutely JAMMING alone in his car, doing those little half dance moves you do when you’re stuck sitting down in a small space, bellowing unheard lyrics at the top of his lungs, and my instant reaction was to think “I love you.” And then to pray he had a good day, or whatever, because those fleeting moments of connection are so incredible.

Hi my name is john normal and being alienated as a child didn't effect me at all

trauma humping

this gag NEVER fails to make me laugh. watching them all file in one by one and collectively laugh harder every time the next guy walks in…i could watch videos of this practical joke all day

Their faces as they collectively realize they’re married to the funniest women on the planet

Top-notch prank: no hurt feelings, no embarrassment, keeps getting funnier as it goes.

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

tmi actually stands for tumblring my information

What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

you've taught me to count blessings I didn't know were mine

onto better things thursday

Today the weight of history rests upon the weary shoulders of the people of Clacton. All previous existence has labored clanking to this auspicious moment. They have a choice to make.