Seraphim

✦ About Me

Hey! I’m seraph, reviving this old dusty cellar. Sorry for disappearing, I was held hostage by a horse.

• Age: 26

• Pronouns: She/Her

• I mainly do: imagines, one shots, scenarios, shitty art, or general obsessive brainrot

• Beaten senseless with the tism stick at birth. My hyper fixations are the waves and I don’t have a surfboard

‼️DNI if you are are under 18‼️

⸻

You’re already stretched out enough by his thick digits, but he loves to watch your face as you gasp and squirm from the added girth and texture.

Man I need those sausage fingers inside of me 🤤

Just accepting this big mechanical being wants to do some heavy petting

Cackling fr fr. I mean ngl I can’t even blame them because real shit 💀sorry it took me forever to reply to this. I actually typed this out so many times but kept forgetting to save the drafts because I’m dumb so tumblr kept eating them. This happened a sickening amount of times and I only have myself to blame. Victim of the day is Hound.

Hound x reader pet AU - internet Famous

Warnings: vomiting in the first part for my emetophobia besties. Some valveplug content.

General

- he adopts a human because he’s a good guy like that. Immediately becomes infatuated with the weird fleshy thing and its home planet. Most of the information out there is questionable at best but I won’t tell him if you don’t

- such a doting, soft guy. Loves his little squish and would do anything for them. Absolutely refuses to use any cage or terrarium as he thinks free roaming is the only way to go.

- Starts a vlog channel to show off his fleshling and provide educational content about them to prove how cool they are to others. It starts as a tiny channel only followed by his friends (Tailgate, Bee, and begrudgingly Ironhide) after he annoys them enough to do so.

- Each video is recorded while he narrates their behaviours and explains about their species. Typically in the soft David Attenborough style whisper as to not startle them or influence their actions. When he gets too excited and into it, it turns into a Steve Irwin style excited rambling.

- The channel eventually blows up after one particular video gets elevated to meme status on the cybertronian web. He unintentionally becomes pseudo famous the more he posts, people loving to turn his content into memes and shitposts. He doesn’t know how he feels about it, initially feeling like he’s being made fun of. Trailbreaker convinces him that people just enjoy his posts and not worry too much about it. He should just enjoy it. He learns to, embracing it after a while. He’s still providing educational content and people are watching and learning about humans through it so let them have their fun.

The first video to blow up and gain attention:

- Hound takes you out in his alt mode for ‘enrichment’. He’s speeding through Iacon’s wilderness, hitting every bump and pothole. The camera is trained on you sitting in his drivers seat, white knuckling his interior, nails digging into his door and seat.

- “See how they dig their little claws into my interior? That stems from their social nature as deeply bonded back animals. They’re holding onto me to designate me as part of their pack. Isn’t that just the cutest?”

- His voice is proud and adoring. The camera zooms in on their pale face, growing more sickly green with each passing second. They’re staring intently out the windows, trying to keep down the rising bile with each sharp turn and jolt.

- “Did you guys know that humans come from a class 12 death planet? The environment and fauna are so hostile that it’s nothing short of a miracle these tiny little dudes can survive it. Evolutionary perfection! I wonder what this little one is thinking of our own wilderness? See how they scan vigilantly for any threats around? Oh boy!-“

- the next words are interrupted with silence as they projectile vomit all over themselves and the dash. He rolls to a stop, stunned, as they claw at the door handle, trying to stop the next wave. They inevitably hose his wheel and dash again before the footage cuts

- The part 2 is Hound scrubbing a sulking human who looks very sorry for itself, sitting in a dish of water.

- “So I looked it up on the way home and apparently some Earth creatures regurgitate their tank content in order to feed their young and close ones. Isn’t that interesting? Perhaps my little human thought I looked hungry, or maybe they were trying to provide sustenance for their pack. Thanks little fella, I appreciate the thoughtfulness.”

- the video circulates, going viral at lightspeed. The comments are immediately flooded with shitposts and memes.

- The clip of his excited “oh boy!” is clipped over and commented under any videos of something unexpectedly gross and bad happening.

- After the follow up, a trend starts where bots will comment things like “average Hound dinner” or “Succulent human cuisine” under any videos/images of gross things like waste, bodily fluids, or filth.

Another gem that makes it rounds:

- His human has taken his polishing rag (it’s warm and smells like him) and doesn’t want to give it back to be washed. Queue hound filming as they run around his suite like a gremlin shouting up at him looking grumpy (again).

- He is so cautious of stepping on them with them being so tiny that he’s carefully tiptoeing around after them at a snails pace.

- “It seems the human has claimed this cloth as their own. Humans, by nature, like to hoard and are territorial so I need to approach this with extreme caution to safeguard the our pack bond. One wrong step could spell disaster.”

- despite the effort they’re making to escape him, with the size difference, he’s easily able to keep up with slow ballerina steps. He could easily catch them but is trying to avoid hurting them or breaking their trust by just snatching them up.

- “Observe my carefully practiced herding techniques. Any minute now, my little companion will be outwitted and I will have retrieved their treasure.”

- the video ends up being 8 parts of the same thing. The human is growing sweatier and less agitated as they lose their energy. In the 9th part, it’s changed to Hound laying on his chassis, digits holding one end of the cloth while the human pouts, leaning their entire weight to tug on the opposite end. His other servo comes into view waving a nutrient bar at them before sliding across the floor to their feet.

- “As you can see, the human is unwilling to give up their claim without an adequate offering in return. I am attempting to bargain with them through the offer of nutritional replacement of equal value.”

- the camera is smacked towards the ceiling as the human lets go with one hand to pick it up, lobbing it at his helm and missing.

- “Oh boy! What an impressive display of dominance. It seems my exchange has been declined and I must proceed with caution, lest they become hostile.”

- The next clip shows their human smug and happy, sitting on a mountain of new rags, munching on treats they’re digging out of the bag, the same size as them at their feet. Some toys and tools are piled around for good measure.

- “and finally, the exchanging of goods ritual has been a success. My human drives a hard bargain, but the key to any heated human interaction is to offer submission, and a calm steady presence. Eventually they’ll always come around. See, no need for raised voices or grabby servos here.”

- Yet again it’s an internet gold mine. The video is reposted so many times, some with intense chase music and some with pre existing sounds like the already memed clip of Optimus Prime rallying his troops to “give chase to the enemy. No matter for fast they go or hard they fight know we will be victorious!”

- Many bots recreate the first clip, filming down at their friends to make them look smaller as they look back up at the camera acting frantic while miming running at full tilt then it clips to the other friend from a low angle to exaggerate their size as they dance and tip-toe around.

- “I must proceed with caution lest they become hostile” becomes another loved clip to overlay on other videos.

- the comments are yet again a goldmine.

The most recent posts from his channel:

- Hound is ducked behind some storage crates (he keeps telling himself he’ll unpack them), filming over the top as his human grinds on one of his buffing cloths rolled up between their legs on top of his berth.

- “How fascinating to observe. The human has selected a scented item for comfort and self soothing. This is a rarely witnessed private ritual that humans rarely allow others to observe but it is a perfectly natural part of their evolutionary drive. Here the human interfaces with a soft item which smells of their pack in hopes of producing an offspring.” He stage whispers to stay hidden. Their human turns to frown in his direction, their movements freezing.

- “Ah. We’ve been spotted. The human is now pausing to assess for danger, usually at their most vulnerable when mating back on their planet.”

- The human keeps staring at his optics blinking over the crates, returning to their activities, deciding they care more about finishing than being embarrassed right now. Privacy was a distant memory these days anyway.

- “wow. What an honour. The human is displaying their level of trust in me, trusting me to keep watch for danger while they continue their business, as they would trust their own in the wilds. I shall return their faith by playing the role of protector and maintaining a vigilant observation of their sorroundings.”

- He makes a dramatic show of crawling around the room and looking around, searching under boxes and scanning the surroundings before giving them a thumbs up. They awkwardly blink back at him before returning the gesture. He is filled with glee and can’t help himself as he comes to the bed, standing over his human with a soft smile, petting their head with a digit. The human clearly takes this as an invitation. They’re looking up at him as they lean toward and poke his interface panel. They know what’s in there, had spied on him touching himself at night and they want to see.

“Wow. Oh boy. They seem to be seeking me as a mate. Perhaps an unfortunate consequence of being removed from their natural habitat. I must approach this delicately. They are built to be very sensitive to social rejection”

- he goes rigid when they place their hands on the seam and begin to tug, trying to pry the plates open. Mortified when the plates apparently are quite happy to begin opening and he’s trying not to think about it while his own hands are pushing against them to keep them shut.

“Wow. Oh boy. Geez. Humans sure are strong, guys. They’re managing to force open my panels completely against my will. Impressive and terrifying all at once.”

- The words are flustered and strained and he doesn’t acknowledge the voice crack as his panels push against his straining hands. 100% sure he’s playing it off convincingly. The human lets out a pleased sound, arm diving through the widening crack before them and Hound lets out a yelp, cutting the camera.

- The follow up is Hound explaining that he did some research and human interfacing is actually just a form of pack bonding. It’s a very important part of socialisation and often practiced freely and casually between fertile humans. There’s no reason he’s explaining this. Just sharing his knowledge. Responds to a comment asking why he felt the need to explain this after the last video with a defensive rant that he is simply educating other mechs and he will not stand for any further implications or accusations. Angry Hound is activated, calling everyone degenerates and demanding they respect his humans dignity and understand his content as a documentation of their instincts and behaviours. Doesn’t realise until after posting that his little guy is humping away on his ped in view.

- “I will not stand for any further implications!” Becomes a trending sound.

- “Wow. Oh boy. Geez” becomes just as popular and is used for any videos of people being caught in compromising or embarrassing situations

- New meme trend is bots filming themselves army crawling and rolling around on the floor “protecting” their confused human pets

- The response anyone has now when being judged for their sexual activity is simply “hands strong. Panels weak.”

Bonus:

- Bee, Sides, Rod, and Blurr are big fans. Partake in every trend and active in all the comments. Living for the memes.

- Trailbreaker is just happy his buddy is happy. Hound is desperately trying to convince him to get his own human so they can collab. He’s convinced that’s a terrible idea.

- Ironhide would say the videos are stupid but he sits at night watching every single one. He’s secretly addicted. He doesn’t know why