#transformers headcanons

I think they’re mostly seen as a vague shadow with optics

bots who should have wings whose sense of balance is completely off because their gyros are built for limbs that aren’t there

flyers who cherish the brief moments between shifts when they get to go up, who know in their spark of sparks that the mines are last place they should be in

cassette decks who yearn to have a gaggle of cassettes to care for and nurture and hold safe

cassettes who yearn for a cassette deck to care for them and nurture them and hold them safe

warframes who have to deal with combat coding and targeting systems that constantly demand to be turned on, but lack the parts to use them

beastformers who have to suppress instincts they can’t fully explain, whose senses are far duller than they should be

gestalt members who feel a constant emptiness in the back of their processors, who are social butterflies trying to find the bots who fill that emptiness just a little

triple changers who seem even more diminished than the rest of their cogless kin, frames with gaping holes where kibble should be

outliers who can just barely use their abilities if at all

weaponformers who crave being held, who cling to the bot who, in another life, they would have chosen as their partner

Something so human, that speaks and walks, and most possessing faces that look so similar to someone of your own, something that might lack pupils, something that doesn’t breathe, moves so smoothly that it unnerves you, something that you can sense instinctively tries to communicate with you in ways that you cannot. The feeling of their EM fields on you is obtrusive and uncomfortable. None of the humans like it.

Something so Cybertronian, yet so much smaller and squishier. It’s so easy to forget the fragility that they are burdened with, so easy to forget their weak EM fields cannot respond in kind. If you do not see their you can almost pretend they’re a minicon with exotic mods, but the sheer amount of substances that they produce covers almost everything they touch.

Wafting a candle to their nose and being surprised when they can’t smell it.

Trying to speak to them in a higher tone and feeling bad for having forgotten that their ears are so sensitive when they squish their hands against their strange audials.

Another expansion to the au where humans are a new species introduced to the pet market under the belief they’re a non sentient race. They become the trendy exotic pets in cybertronian culture.

Warnings: some valveplug 🔞

Rodimus

- paid way too much for you when off ship. Like way way too much. None of it was technically his own money though. I’ll give you one guess where he got the funds.

- dresses you up as a mini him, in a full commissioned cosplay which is the equivalent of lingerie with a helmet and decorative armour. What? (Your soft skin is just too precious to actually hide under a full armour set. That’s the only reason) Calls you miniRod. Did it initially as a joke because he thought it would be adorable but immediately started jerking it the first time he saw you in it.

- The crew is constantly asking where the supply funds for the month went and Rod just sends back photos of you with whatever new (insanely expensive) thing he’s gotten you this time.

- Has absolutely tried to pop you down at meetings to “stand in” for him when he’s “busy”. The other bots sigh, looking down at the tiny human smiling and waving at them, dumb and clueless as to what’s going on.

- Makes up a little theme song for you he sings whenever he pops you in front of someone. You sway along happily. It’s good you don’t know how condescending and explicit the lyrics are.

- Whenever he’s on a call, he’s playing with you in his palm, thumb stroking over your body or grinding you against the tip of his spike. I’d love to say he keeps you off camera but he probably doesn’t, not like they can’t hear the whimpers and wet noises. If someone complains he calls discrimination and files paperwork to have you officially recognised as a a concentration and productivity aid.

- You’re the LL mascot, whether the crew likes it or not. You have found the ship tannoy system and you like to babble down it and hear your voice echoing through every room, day or night. He’s never been so proud. He thinks it’s improving moral.

- Absolutely human valve/spike pilled. Doesn’t even care about the whole sentience debate. His decision making went as far as “wow this feels fucking great so it must be right”

- Puts you down and gets distracted, leaving you there alone, all the time. You’ve been left on his desk, in the meeting room, on the bar, and just about everywhere else at some point. Thankfully one of the other bots usually finds you just staring up at them like this

and most of them take pity enough to babysit until Rod remembers he’s missing something, even if they sigh and grumble about it. He’ll try casual about it. (Just know they’re only doing it for your benefit, not his.) Of course he knew where you were, duh. He didn’t and he has been running around looking for you for the last hour.

- One time he can’t find you and it’s been days now. brainstorm manages to find your heat signature behind inside one of the ship walls. He activates a ship wide emergency (it absolutely was not authorised to be used for this scenario) and it becomes a whole mission to cut you out.

- There’s so many stupid ways you would die. A) You fall and he’s mid catching you when he notices a bit of energon on his lip. He stops to wipe it off. B) He reads that you need UV light like a plant and puts you in a glass under an industrial lamp and comes back to you shrivelled to a crisp. C) The ships under lockdown with an active battle taking place and you’re wandering through the corridors with a spoon and half a ration bar, trying to find him because to because you’ve ran out of peanut butter and as usual he’s nowhere to be found. The list is endless

Whirl

- probably found you skittering around. Who knows how you got there. Literally the equivalent on finding a rat in the basement and keeping it as your shiny new (feral) pet.

- You bite him when he tries picking you up, probably growling and hissing. Tried spitting on that big yellow peeper. He has heart eye(s) and decides in that moment that he’s keeping you.

- Chases other bots around with you in his hand, while you yell and squirm, threatening that when he catches them, his little human is going to burrow into their plating and chew through their wires.

- Has no idea about humans in general but makes up lies to others just to horrify them about how you bite the heads off of your own babies if left alone with them, you detonate like a grenade is scared enough, and you live on a diet of mesh and metal alone. Riptide is terrified and has so many nightmares. Starts seeing Rung because of it.

- Initially would be just terrible. Likes to pin you down just to watch you squirm. Likes to hold you high while slowly loosening his grip to see the fear in your eyes as you scrabble to grip to him. You’re cute and friend shaped and it makes him hate you. Is it hate? He doesn’t know because he can’t bring himself to ever actually kill or seriously maim you.

- Over time he’s treatment would soften somewhat. The resentment sparked from your softness and dependence would slowly morph into a more protective tenderness. That doesn’t mean you will register it as such though

- suffers from unbearable cuteness aggression. Uses you like a squeaky toy in his pincers and likes to rotates his wrist while cooing “weee” at you as you’re subjected to near G-Force speeds. If it looks like you’re going to puke holds you over someone else’s helm to do it.

- For enrichment he puts you in a glass of water with another on top and shakes you like a margarita. It’s surprisingly fun tbh.

- it goes without saying that he’ll also use you as an excuse to commit chaos. “Hey, meat, i think you’re telling me to unpin this grenade and throw it into that storage closet.” You’re blinking up at him, eyes flicking to the grenade in his hand with terror. “Welp that settles it, you always have the best ideas.”

- I actually don’t see you dying with Whirl. I think you’d be the cockroach in the situation. You shouldn’t be alive (countless times over) but here you are sitting, munching on some crackers, and swinging your legs from your perch on his tiddies.

- He gets depressive bouts and it means you’re left to your own devices while he lies there, unmoving enough to convince you he’s offline. Will make himself get up to tend to your needs eventually but terrorises you (“playfully”) for it just to get the bust of whatever their equivalent of dopamine is it gives him.

- Loves fisting his spike with you in his hand or placing you on top of it to see if he can slide you down onto just the tip. You make out sloppy with the fluid outlet on top and it’s a game to you to ride that thing like a fireman’s pole while he giggles and puts you back on top to go again. Just shoves you right into his spike to feel you squirm around in there (certified freak). Pulls you out covered in his sticky fluids and probably dunks you in a cup of water to clean you off and tucks you into your nest with a little “kiss” goodnight (he bumps his head into and it always hurts)

- Has no qualms about fucking his pet especially since you clearly don’t possess the capacity to understand how disgusting and unfuckable he is. Who else would ever let him do this to them? He’s experienced the cruel hand of so called sentient and intelligent beings as they stripped him of his body and his worth and has decides he much prefers yours.

Megatron

- I’ve already covered Meg’s in another post but to reiterate: Probably took you to spite Rod, it definitely wasn’t out of pity or interest…nope. Sees you blinking up at him on the empty bar you’ve been left on for god knows how long…again, and finders keepers was enacted. That’s his human now.

- Trauma dumps, speaks through ideas, and tells you about his day. You obviously don’t understand a word but you curl up against his arm or hand, staring up at his mouth as it moves, sometimes falling asleep. Pretends any noises you make are very sound advice or philosophical interjections.

- Big guard dog energy. Won’t stand to have anyone mess with you or make crude remarks about you.

- Lets you wrestle his finger while he works, often ended with you pinned to the desk by it until you tap out.

- Sleeps with you on him, listening to your heartbeats and breathing. You become a certified emotional support pet and you’re going everywhere with him now.

- Another cuteness aggression victim. Where whirls is more to just have you squeak and squirm, megatrons leans more into the “I need to squeeze you until you explode or chew you to paste” side of things and it scares him because he would never actually hurt you.

- Writes (bad?) poetry about you and how he assumes you must see the world.

- All of your puppy dog eyes, and whining, and desperation would slowly break down his resolve. You’ll break it eventually. One day he just pops you down next to his spike and just lets you do whatever you want to him. Loves every second of it and the line is long crossed and far behind him. The guilt eats him alive but he just cant stop.

- If you die this dramatic mf is probably ending it right there and then (jk. Kind of)

Swerve

- saved up just to get his own human. It was the best day of his life.

- spams the chat with so many pictures of you. One of those pet owners who is taking pictures and fawning every time you do anything at all. “Look how my human was sleeping today🥺” “swerve it looks the exact same as every other time you’ve sent this.” “No. Look. Their toes are all curled up in this one.” “Here’s one of it now. Look at them gulping that water, getting all hydrated.”

- The bar is plastered in photos of you and selfies of you guys together.

- Mimics the noises you make back at you. Fully convinced he has learned to speak human. He hasn’t.

- Always hated being smaller than the others but now he’s thanking primus above because he. Can. Fit. Inside. Of. You. The universe has a plan for him all along.

- Often cums before he can even get it inside of you but don’t worry that just means you can sit on his face for as long as you want. Sentience isn’t something he can even bring himself to consider. He’s too busy drowning in that sticky human lubricant.

- You’re safe with this one and your only true threat is the copious amounts of energon and engex around. someone (whirl) probably plops you into a glass of energon and you are brought to ratchet who sends a reminder to everyone he is NOT a vet and did not go through extensive training and battlefield experience to treat peoples exotic pets.

Nautica

- buys a full terrarium for you and one of the only bots who wouldn’t just carry you around everywhere off the bat. Wants to see you in something close to your natural habitat which she has tried to research extensively.

- Likes to sit at her desk and watch you go about your business and grows concerned when you seem unsure what to do and stare back through the glass at her, instead of sharpening sticks and climbing trees. She thought humans came from a forested dirt planet. What’s wrong with it? She read there was a lot of water so maybe you’re aquatic?

- Notices you seem to be lonely and feels guilty because she doesn’t know what to do to help. She’s lonely too, so decides you can help each other and will regularly brings you out to play together and socialise.

- Her exploration of your body starts as just clinical curiosity. You’re so similar to her from your build to your face and expressions, and you have a valve/spike too just like cybertronians? Sparks a deep curiosity in her about if there is come kind of common ancestor or something.

- Knows humans have natural sexual needs and supplies you with lots of toys to account for that. Doesn’t know why you look horrified when your giant robot owner starts handing you dildos and vibrators. Maybe you just prefer using your hands like you do when you think she isn’t watching? Will assume you’re maybe just not the brightest and will start helping you along and showing you how to use them. (Nautica ily)

Riptide

- probably doesn’t even question why you’re standing in his room (someone definitely found you and didn’t want to take responsibility caring for you and his room was the closest). Shrugs and guesses he owns a human now. The universe truly works in mysterious ways.

- regularly posts questions about you to the LL group chat like it’s google. Only receives (deliberately) wrong answers. At least nautica is trying to help (even if she’s also wildly often wrong)

- begins asking nautica for information on humans and immediately jumps on the fact the your planet has so much water. You’re aquatic and nobody is telling him any different.

- If you don’t know how to swim your life expectancy has dramatically decreased. Made the mistake one time of thinking it was a stroke of genius to leave you overnight to recharge in a container of water and was traumatised finding you the next morning.

- following this, buys a tiny inflated life jacket and makes you wear it all the time, even when you’re nowhere near any water which is most of the time. You stopped trying to take it off because he panics when you do and hey, you can fall asleep with your head resting on it. It’s comfy.

- Likes to cruise around in the water with you on him when he gets the chance. Ahh, just like home, huh little buddy? You usually have no idea what’s going on or why you’re now inside a speedboat but it’s ok.

- It doesn’t matter how many people try to explain to him you don’t speak cybertronian, he absolutely believes they’re just shy. Crouches down and stares at you waiting for the day you finally talk back to him. “It’s ok little guy. You can talk to me. Take all the time you need.”

- When he finally catches you touching yourself he will apologise profusely and is so flustered. “Sets the mood” by dimming the lights and turning on some music for you. Proceeds to just stand there with his hands over his eyes. He definitely isn’t peeking through the comically big gaps he’s left over both optics.

Brainstorm

- Gets you for dirt cheap. He takes one look at you and thinks ‘that little thing is a fleshy juice box full of scientific discovery”

- Gets attached when after watching him grow increasingly agitated, rewiring and fiddling with his latest invention to get it to turn on again, you realise you know exactly what to do. This is your time to shine. As any intelligent homosapien would, you walk up to it and kick it as hard as you can. It turns on immediately. He instantly imprints.

- Now when anything breaks, he summons you to do your thing (to varying success) documents as a point of significant interest that humans appear to have an instinctual inclination to attempt to fight metal objects. Fascinating.

- Publishes his findings on your behaviours but not to the result you would hope for. Anyone responding to said research claiming that this is clear evidence of sentience is shut down by him immediately. Complex problem solving and tool use? Learned behaviours to gain nutritional based rewards. Being given the middle finger and yelled at when he took something from you? Simple mimicry from observation. The time they tried to get him to touch their valve/spike? Attention seeking and bond building behaviour to secure protection and trust. Mocks sentience truthers by stating they’re simply anthropomorphising their pets like idiots.

- In a similar vein, his idea of enrichment is akin to psychological torture. Builds you complex puzzles and smugly states your inability to solve them is further proof of your inferior cognitive functioning. No other bot on the ship could solve these puzzles even held at gun point.

- Builds you a 3 story fully operational mini habsuite filled with automated gadgets and operation systems that probably break several intergalactic laws. Exhausted by the fact you prefer to sit in a box filled with packing peanuts to watch him work.

- Will you survive brainstorm? Probably not. Will this freak no doubt have found a way to clone you or your brain to find a way to keep bringing you back? Unfortunately for you probably.

- Let alone risk to yourself under his ownership, let’s not forget the list of intergalactic crimes you’ve unknowingly amassed. You pushed one of his stupid things off the table because he said no to more treats. It was a quantum destabiliser and you’ve just imploded countless other dimensions. The electronics you helped him wire? That caused the genocide of a sentient bird race.

- Would not lower himself to frag a mere animal. All your attempts to stimulate yourself or try to have him aid you are met with morbid fascination though and it has his evil science brain lit up like a Christmas tree.

Perceptor

- you were given to him by brainstorm as a white elephant gift. He thought it would be funny but lo and behold, now perceptor has gotten insanely attached.

- Researches everything extensively before allowing you to interact with it. Has read 17 different articles before handing you a blanket. Scanning the ph of your water 3 times (just to be sure) before you can drink it. Before any other bot is allowed to handle you, they have to fully decontaminate their servos under his supervision.

- Rewards every single thing you ever do with sugary treats. It’s definitely promoting bad habits (and weight gain). You yawn? “Look at my little human showing their denta to ward off predators. Good job!” you begin stealing little objects you can carry? “Ah you’re showing off your catching and hoarding instincts. Very good!” You bite a mech? “What a fearsome predator. Wonderful defensive display!” Will defend anything you ever do as you’re “completely innocent and just following your instincts.”

- Watches you problem solve. Recognises the complex patterns in your vocalisation. Fascinated by your testing of boundaries and pattern recognition. Although he never once thought you were stupid, the level of intelligence emerging before him leaves him deeply troubled. Sits on this information for now because he doesn’t even want to consider the implications.

- Tries to always offer you choice and autonomy when he can. Lets you pick what you want to wear, eat, do with your day. It at least suppresses the growing guilt gnawing at him. Regularly reminds himself that if he doesn’t keep you, you’d just become a pet to someone else. Someone who doesn’t see in you what he does.

- A bot of morals. Would never act on his own desires or impulses but would let you rub and grind on his body and servos to see to your needs. It’s simply your biological requirements to seek a mate. Gives you a treat when you finish.

Skids

- never intended to end up with a human. He probably saw you being kept in terrible conditions at a market off the ship. The shopkeeper saw him looking and warned him you bite, refuse food, and urinate maliciously. They try to entice him with better specimens but he’s always had a soft spot for damaged, overlooked things.

- At first he feels awkward having you around. Doesn’t really know what to do with you or himself. You recognise the familiar dissociative and despondent episodes he has. You begin trying to tug on his servo and call out to him redirect him. You know how it feels to be alone worthless and when he sees the recognition there in your eyes - just two truly beings seeing each other, you have stolen his spark.

- Who’s the pet in this relationship? It’s unclear to the crew.

- You have to become a little demanding. You learn to (loudly) let him know you’re hungry, thirsty, tired, bored and so on. he’s learned quickly to interpret these demands and will meet all of them without delay. He’s trying his best but he gets forgetful about how many needs you have. He initially had reminders set to ping him regularly but he’s delighted that you seem more than able to keep him on task.

- He responds well to pointing. You point at something? He’s on it. You point at a door? Doesn’t matter where it leads he’s carrying you in to look. You point at a bot? He’s holding you up to their face to get a better look (no matter how uncomfortable they look at the surprise human almost nose to nose with them.) you point at a sign? He’s immediately reading it out to you slowly pointing to each word as he says it.

- Expects everyone else to comply with the pecking order. If you fall asleep at the bar he’s loudly shushing anyone making a sound while glaring. If you want something someone has he expects them to hand it over to you. If you try to interact with another bot he’s expecting them to give you attention back and dote on you.

- If you want to play with his spike or valve who is he to say no? Want him to touch you and make you feel good? He’s at your beck and call.

- Would sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory before he ever let anything even moderately uncomfortable happen to you. You’ll live forever. He’ll just not let you die. It’s not allowed. Manifests your immortality through sheer willpower alone.

- It’s truly your world and everyone else is living in it. Skids wouldn’t have it any other way.

Cyclonus/tailgate

- you were purchased as an emotional support animal for tailgate after much begging.

- This guy carries you around under your arms like a cat and pats your head to calm down. Cyclonus grunts at you and acts like he wants nothing to do with you. Makes tailgate promise to not say a word when he walked in on him scratching your chin and hand feeding you while cooing that you’re such a well behaved little fleshling.

- Throws a blanket over your head when they want alone time. Originally, cyclonus would open the door and just dump you outside while pointing down telling you to “sit. Stay.” But tailgate vetoed that when you’d shrugged and gone wandering instead, leading to a full panic attack from the small bot.

- As a present, cyclonus buys him the equivalent to one of those front facing baby carriers to carry you in which delights him to no end because now his hands are free for more petting at all times.

- Tailgate approaches cyclonus with a 15 slide PowerPoint presentation around the health and psychological benefits of using his pet for stress relief through interfacing. Cyclonus can’t say no to him. he’s occupying in the cuck chair long before he decides to join. Bonus if you try throwing the same blanket he uses for you at him one time. You’re immediately shut in drawer for mandated time out.

Rung

- Got you because he was curious to study first hand the psychology and mental capacity of these trendy new companions everyone wants. You immediately cause a catastrophic existential crisis in the poor guy.

- He begins flooding the web with extensive research and hypothesis. His conclusion? Adamant and immediate sentience truther. Argues tirelessly on forums with other good faith researchers and ragebaters alike. Screaming internally that nobody, not even his some of his own crew, is taking him seriously when he has the proof. It’s right in front of him staring at him on his desk

- Plies you with enrichment activities and treats you like a roommate rather than a pet. Sounds out cybertronian words, desperately trying to teach you to speak. when you eventually manage to say his name back to him, he cries. When he reads a comment of someone calling it simple mimicry behaviour (probably brainstorm on an anon account lmao) he wants to puke.

- Rung recruits Perceptor, Swerve, Dift, Skids, and Riptide (megs would attend but he just can’t bring himself to endure the constant human fragger allegations. He’s wallowing in enough shame as it is. Background supporter) to create the ships human sentience movement. They bring their pets together to socialise and discuss new interesting things they’ve noticed about their behaviour. They’ve dubbed it “OCO”. It stands for opposable thumbs. Complex emotions. Obviously sentient.

- Lets you help him build his model planes. His spark melts at your giggles when he lets out sit inside them and “flies” you through the air in his hand.

- Can’t sleep at night, thinking about the scenario that his people will never accept the truth, and equally the scenario of what will happen if they do

- Takes you to therapy sessions with him. Lets you doodle on his datapad throughout and can’t help but make eye contact with you when the bots aren’t looking. You’re grimacing and pointing a thumb at the sobbing mech. You can’t even understand them and you still seem to pick up on the fact that everyone here is insane and/or deeply traumatised. Yeesh. He nods back solemnly.

- Will absolutely not let you engage inappropriately with him. He’s just too aware of the psychological impact and power imbalance at play. It will make him feel so guilty when you try, a reminder that you have been stripped from your natural habitat and ability to find an appropriate mate. Sources you human porn to meet your needs. Absolutely has not watched it, while fisting his spike or teasing his valve, imagining you in their place.

Drift

- Sees you in someone else’s poor care and initiates a covert surprise adoption.

- Frankly disgusted by the people arguing against human sentience. Believes all living beings are deeply spiritual and sentient in their own unique way. No being is lesser than another in his eyes.

- On this note, if someone refers to you as an “it” in front of him, he’s fighting the urge to throw down. Will take the moral high road, pick you up, and take his leave. Apologises to you profusely for their lack of enlightenment

- Treats you like a little oracle. You sneeze? It’s a sign for him to stop and reconsider his current course. You fall over or become unsettled? It’s an omen and he becomes hyper vigilant for the rest of the day. You’re at peace napping on or nearby him, looking content? Its a reminder he needs to act as you do, and take time to pause and reflect.

- Similarly he sees you as a deeply spiritual and emotionally intuitive creature. If you take a disliking to a bot you meet he takes your lead. You must be recognising something dark within them. If you take to a bot, similarly sees this as confirmation they have a pure spark and good intentions. Life is the a changeable sea and he’s using you to navigate it like a magic 8 ball.

- Melts when you join him, crossed legged when he meditates. Would give up a limb to know what you think about during this time. When you eventually get bored and start prodding and pestering him, accepts this is simply the time to stop. You’re so wise, little one.

- Tries teaching you mantras. Chuckles while petting you enthusiastically when you try babbling them back at him badly.

- Sees his impure thoughts and urges about you as a divine given test of character and virtue. It terrifies him that he feels like it’s one he’s losing. When he eventually gives in, changes his mind and decides you were given to him with this purpose included, as nothing has ever felt as holy and sacred as having you writhing under his touch.

Ultra Magnus

- Confiscated paperwork from another bot and that apparently contained the rights to your ownership. As per legal protocol, assumes responsibility and ownership of you. It’s the right thing to do.

- ever served in the military? Now you have.

- Your life runs to the minute now. It’s your 6 hourly mandated nutritional intake time, my pet. open wide. It’s your hourly mandated hydration time, human. Drink it all now. Out of your nest right now, human, for have reached your allocated 8 hours of recharge for this day. You’re not moving out of your litterbox until you go, little one. The manuals state you should experience the urge to urinate every 4 hours and you’re an hour late now.

- It truly comes from a good place. He’s read so many manuals on human care that he simply must follow them to a T, lest you succumb to a myriad of ailments.

- Creates a rota for the crew of allocated babysitting times. Refers to this as your mandated socialisation and enrichment periods. Everyone has to sign an extensive documentation stating they take full legal responsibility for your wellbeing and safety while under their care and failure to comply with the above terms will be punishable by law. (Whirl is not included in the rotations.)

- To his horror he has to update this document to state that any form of sexual stimulation of human companions is a serious, punishable offence, no matter how much the human tries to initiate.

- Sometimes, though, he pretends not to notice when you rub on and grind against his servos. It’s the only rule he’s set that he will turn a blind eye to himself because he’d rather it be him than someone else with less integrity

- Sneaks you extra treats and lets you nap without waking you up when nobody is looking. It’s his little secret and he knows you’ll not tell on him (even if you could). Wow you’re turning this guy into a true rebel (/s)

Chromedome/rewind

- rewind begged and begged to get you. Chromedome is worried it’s all going to be too much time and effort

- He quickly becomes inseparable from you much to rewinds amusement

- Rewind, much like swerve, has entire databanks dedicated to you. Doesn’t post you to the group as often as swerve because he loves having them all to himself (and chrome of course)

- Rewind ends up being the one to tend to your needs the most. It’s therapeutic for him to see you thriving and doing well and knowing it’s because of them. Chromedome gets insecure and competitive when it comes to who’s your “favourite”

- They let you watch/ read through archives and amuse yourself on their console. They obviously don’t think you understand anything you’re seeing and just enjoy the sounds and colours from the footage. Your intense interest in the cybertronian logs is perceived as simple curiously in the shapes of the words. When you begin to make a habit of copying down the words you’re reading onto the datapad. Rewind has to give regular reassurance to chrome that this is just simple mimicry and he shouldn’t read too much into it.

- let you chill on the berth when they frag, neither that put off by your presence. If you ever try to join them, they begrudgingly let you lie on whoever is on the bottom, in the middle of the metal sandwich. You’re soaking in the distracted petting when they’re not too lost in the moment. There’s absolutely been “accidental” slips into the wrong (tight, wet human) hole.

Ratchet

- didn’t want a human. Has no need for a human. Doesn’t like humans. Too busy to care for a human

- Acquires a human. No doubt you were found injured and brought to him like roadkill after being half smooshed under a ped.

- Decides immediately he liked you better comatose and held dead. Now you’re better and causing too much stress for what you’re worth.

- You try keeping him company during his long nights, always eventually falling asleep leaning on his arm or servo. It makes his spark ache. Stopped trying to put you somewhere more comfortable because how upset it makes you. Figures you’re lonely and he could use the company anyway, as long as you behave.

- You start passing him tools and things on his desk to be helpful. He doesn’t even bother to look down as he takes them and mumbles “thanks” while giving you a single pat on the head. It encourages you to keep doing it thinking you’re being helpful. You’re not. He grows frond of it anyway.

- Talks you through what he’s doing because it helps him think. You look like you’re enjoying listening to him speak anyway.

- Doesn’t let anyone hold you or babysit you. He’s seen first hand how irresponsible the bots round here can be. You’re much safer with him.

- Let’s you explore round the medbay and do your own thing, grumbling that your wellbeing is your own responsibility. He’s always watching you out the side of his eye though, ready to intervene.

- Begins reading studies on the anatomy and physiology of humans and other carbon based life forms similar to you for fun. He’s absolutely horrified how complex but inefficient our systems are.

- Sprays you with a bottle with like a cat any time you try to “mate” with him or rub on him. Threatens to castrate you (he won’t though dw)

Because all Cybertronians know what will happen after they die, the Allspark is a physical object that there's photos and videos of, you and your friends remember climbing out of the Well of the Allspark or being bundled into a cart or alt mode after emerging from Cybertron's wild lands, you can live and die knowing that after you die, you're going right back there and your spark energy will help make the next generation. The Allspark being lost/broken in certain continuities aside, the afterlife is not a source of anxiety. It's not openly talked about, because that requires talking about death and in a war that's universally bad luck, but nobody is having a crisis of faith over it.

Then they leave the system, and meet organic life (especially humans) and there's no proof of an afterlife at all. People just pray about it and make their own peace with it. And to them, that's normal and expected.

Meanwhile, every single Cybertronian who's gotten close to humans is freaking out, because what do you mean you have no clue where your loved ones go? Has it been lost? Why aren't people going on crusades to find it, we can scan for it, why are you so calm???

And their buddies have to explain that for the most part, most people just join a belief system with an explanation they like and live with it. That thinking about it too much is classified as a symptom of mental illness (anxiety and OCD) and are usually treated with counseling.

Just imagine a particularly religious bot picking up the habit of researching whatever belief system their buddies believe in and adding prayers and rites to their own worship in the slim hope that it helps their human friends reach the afterlife. Not completely understanding it but hoping their desperation and effort is recognized.

Terrorsaur would be like Coryxkenshin playing horror games, starts getting chased and will scream at the top of his lungs until light-headedness then launches himself out the chair getting caught. Waspainator would freak out, jump in his chair and make ghefkfwafkglk type noises and struggle to turn in time and run straight into a wall and get caught.