Scripts

Hello, it’s quite alright although we have a lot of scripts in this link. 

Your line is indeed a good way to start, you should also start with;

 ‘I believe/Know I have the diagnose autism, I’ve done some research and I’ve experienced these symptoms *** examples maybe childhood stories?*** which is similar to symptom.’ 

“This doesn’t mean anything different, other than with the proper confirmation (therapist) I can get more help in school/work and at home, since its easier for us to know what to do ‘example like: Since you know that routines are important we won't get frustrated of me being upset when the routine is interrupted, and you not knowing why I’m being difficult.) 

Other then that there is plenty in the link, good luck! 

Alright, so here’s what you can do;

Take aside your boss someone who is in charge of arranging the thing and explain to them/Maybe also get whoever to explain to others wondering.

The sentence is easy, I doubt they’ll question it too much.

“I suffer from sensory issues, which makes parties quite hard for me since my issues with sensory includes sound/smells/etc. I appreciate the thought behind the arrangement, but I can’t really appreciate it fully. “

You don’t have to mention being autistic, but if you want you can feel free to add it as you can other things.

Hi there!!

I’ve heard of using necklace/bracelet systems. So if you are having a masc day you wear a blue necklace/bracelet, if you’re having a femme day, pink, and then if it’s neutral/other, green, yellow, or really any other color.

I would suggest just saying “Hey friends, I’m gender fluid. I use x and y pronouns and name on [Gender] days, a and b pronouns and name on [another gender] days,” etc.

I hope this helps!!

Hi there!

First of all you want to make sure you have a therapist. I’m going to assume you already do. Please send in another ask if you don’t!!

If it’s difficult for you to say because you are embarrassed or shy or anxious, you could write a letter! Otherwise I would just try saying, “Hey, [therapist’s name], I wanted to talk about something different this session. I think I might be autistic, is this something you could help with?”

Hello, I confess I don’t have much experience on all of these things and unfortunately none of our mods do so I’ll have to rely on research for a lot of it. 

Mentioning all those disorders could be confusing, at least if you start with it. I suggest you start out with explaining the symptoms instead of listing the diagnoses and mental illnesses you have -as it can be scary for many. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t do it if you want to, but i’ve experienced that people tend to stop sympathizing with you when you mention them, which can make it harder for you. 

So to start of with you can be blunt and say something like: 

“Hey, I want to talk to you about my mental health and how I experience it. Since it really goes into my everyday-life and I trust you enough to tell you about it-”

This will make him feel good about being told, whilst also making it seem important which it is. 

“So I thought I’d start with saying how it affects my everyday life-”

Say your symptoms, think of an ordinary situation or stuff you go through each day. Use them as examples. 

“I’m diagnosed with avpd, anxiety, depression and OCD. Which I know can sound scary, but I’m no different then before. Now you just know more about me.” 

I hate that people get scared when you actually say that you’re mentally ill instead of just ~quirky~, but they do. And it sucks, and isn’t fair. If this happens I would empathise that you are the same as before, this isn’t a new development. Most likely, the whole of your relationship has had your mental illnesses in the background for it. 

If he does something that is bad connected to your mental illnesses you can say something like: 

“You don’t have to do anything special, but sometimes you do ‘bad thing’ which can make it worse for me. I’m not mad or anything, but it would make me feel better if you didn’t.” 

So sorry for how late this is, it’s probarbly too late for you now but it can prove helpful for others so I’m going to reply anyways. 

They might coddle and worry about you no matter what you say, but it can be smart to start with 

“-So I don’t want you to worry but-” 

anyways. If only because you tried, and if they start fussing you can mention it again. 

Full explanation might be something along the lines of: 

“So I don’t want you to worry, but I’ve had sort of a hard time lately which is the reason I haven’t been doing ‘the thing you didn’t do’ and I’m sorry about that.” 

If they don’t understand or don’t take you seriously you’re going to have to pull out the big bazookas. (Idk what a bazooka is, but it sounds nice.) 

“I’m trying really hard to not get down, I’m actually diagnosed with depression and lately I’ve had a really hard time. I know I said I’d do it, and I am trying but it’s really starting to affect my mental health.” 

They will probarbly coddle you, but if you pull out these it’s most likely because they aren’t that respectful and hopefully you just have to suffer from a lil’ bit of awkwardness instead of constant fussing. 

I’m going to break down stuff to mention for stage 1, which involves a decent being. 

“I don’t want you to worry-” If you’re good friends, you can just say ‘stop goddamn fussing over me’ in a joking matter. Which might be what I do. 

“Hard time.” This makes it sound serious enough that it gets noticed, but not so much like the big scary D word. Okay moving on. 

“I’m going to try again/Have tried/Will do smaller easier thing instead.” This will make it seem like you’re trying, which you are and you’re honestly great for doing so. Hang in there buddy. 

And that’s it. If they’re on stage 2 (non-decent being) then here’s it broken down: 

“I ~suffer~ from depression.” Okay, so I admit. I hate the whole ‘I suffer from’ saying, dunno why but it makes it serious. So yeah. If you want you can say that you’re diagnosed (even if you’re not ‘officially’ diagnosed, just say it) since it makes the usual adult listen more closely. 

“I’m trying my hardest.” Because you are, and you are doing great! 

“Its starting to affect my mental health.” This is a good idea if they’re insisting, too much work when you’re in a bad place can be disastrous. And they probarbly get that, if they don’t you’re going to have to be mean and say ‘I can’t do this because of my mental health, I’m sorry’ even though you’re not sorry. Because you should say that if they’re a-holes. 

Please signal boost/Consider being a member, as we’ve been told the blog is of help -unfortunately it’s also hard to keep active, so if you can think of ways to help (Anything really, whetever it be a mod,translator, making a theme -We need all the help we can get.) do think of reaching out to us.

I was wondering if you had any tips for telling my new roommate what I tried to tell my last roommate and getting the point across properly? Like, I don’t want to be rude since it’s mostly my job, but I do need some cues as to when something I’m doing needs to change, and it obviously didn’t work last time. Thanks. (2/2) 

Ahhh, anon, I feel you on this. The college roommate situation is often tricky, even for neurotypical folks, so don’t feel like you’re the only one who’s had problems with this or anything. (Also I feel like your previous roommate shouldn’t have been able to kick you out??? What is that??? I’m sorry that ended so awful, anon.)

I’m autistic too and something that took me ages to figure out is that giving someone else explicit permission to be very direct with you doesn’t actually mean that the other person will do so. I couldn’t understand why people kept being worried about being rude when I’d given them explicit permission to be direct. But here’s the thing: even when they have your permission, a lot of the time, they’re still uncomfortable being that direct. I know! It can be super frustrating! But that’s how a lot of people roll.

So the question becomes: how can you get them to communicate with you if direct communication doesn’t work well for them?

Now, there is the option of having one of those roommate agreement sheets. A lot of dorms will even require this. I personally never found those helpful, but it’s still a resource! Even if you never refer back to it, sometimes just seeing a roommate agreement can help you figure out what you do need to talk about. Here’s a decent example of a roommate agreement I found. And on that note, write down whatever things you concretely agree to do with them, maybe even post those things on the wall. (Stuff like “lights out by midnight,” etc.)

One warning here, anon: if you’re particularly unlucky, your roommate might be completely uncooperative or maybe even a jerk. I hope that’s not the case for you, but remember that if your roommate refuses to even try to work with you, that’s not your fault. You’re not their parent or their babysitter. If you can’t discuss things with them for whatever reason like that, this is when you enlist the help of your R.A. or other staff at your dorm.

Early on, it’s a good idea to pick a day with your roommate to sit down and hammer things out. Just ask them if they have time to talk about roommate stuff and laying down some ground rules with you.

If you’re comfortable telling them that you’re autistic, you can do so. I’ve found that this helps me explain why I might need more direct communication. And yes, while I did say earlier that sometimes folks just can’t do direct communication easily, it’s still a good idea to make it known that that helps you a lot.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m autistic and, while I’ll do my best to pick up on social cues, it’s not my best skill and I’m likely to miss any hints you drop. So if you can come to me and more directly tell me if you need something, that’ll work a lot better.

If you don’t want to mention you’re autistic, you can say almost the same thing while just leaving out that info.

I just wanted to let you know, while I’ll do my best to pick up on social cues, it’s not my best skill and I’m likely to miss any hints you drop. So if you can come to me and more directly tell me if you need something, that’ll work a lot better. 

From here, there are a few different options for communicating important things.

Something that can help for a lot of people is having a semi-regular meeting day where you sit down and check in with each other as roommates. By having a scheduled time for this, it takes the pressure off of both of you so that you don’t have to keep asking for A Talk, which can be intimidating and seem more severe. This can be a good time to hash out minor problems or just check in with who’s getting what supplies if you’re sharing them. Here’s how you could suggest it:

Could we have a regular meeting schedules just for like 30 minutes max every 2 weeks on a specific day? Just a scheduled time to touch base and make sure we’re on the same page with things, that kind of thing. Keeps it low-stress and everything.

Another option is to have your communication be based on writing or texting instead of speaking. Sometimes people are more comfortable being more direct when it’s written down rather than spoken out loud.

This could be done through texting on phones, a message type system on the internet somewhere (ex: skype, facebook), a physical calendar on the wall, or a physical whiteboard on the wall. (Make sure this whiteboard is inside the room, though, or other dorm residents will think they’re supposed to draw on it.)

Here’s how you could propose it:

And if talking about some stuff face-to-face is kind of uncomfortable, like you feel weird complaining to me that I forgot to wash your dishes after borrowing them or whatever, we could maybe do it through text/messaging/written notes? Sometimes just leaving notes can feel less aggressive is all. Would that be something you’d like to do?

Those are the best concrete examples I can give for communication options. Remember to be open to their suggestions, too!

Other than that, my best advice is to lead by example. Keep your own tone chill while discussing these things. If you sound super tense, it tends to make the conversation tense. Make sure you communicate well, too! (I find adding “please” and “thank you” to basically everything can help smooth a lot over.)

Shalom! Welcome to the family! How exciting, to begin your conversion! Let me see how I can help here.

I’m not a convert myself, but I talked to a couple folks and I think this should work well. For the beginning, I’d either address it with “Rabbi [Name]” if you know which rabbi you’re emailing specifically, or with “To Whom It May Concern” if you’re not sure who will be reading it.

The main things you want to communicate, I think, are your intention to convert, your ability to attend services, and what kind of studying you’ve already done. For the last part, you can mention what your experience with Judaism has been, too, like if you’ve been to a friend’s Shabbat or if you’ve been starting to eat kosher, things like that. You can also detail a little bit of why you want to convert to show your sincerity, if you want! You also have the option to explain what your disability is and how it prevents you from attending regularly if you want to; you’re not obligated to at all. The aspects I’ve mentioned as optional can easily be taken out of the example I’ve written below:

To Whom It May Concern.

Hi. My name is [name]. I’m contacting you because I’m interested in converting to Judaism and have been for some time. I really connect with Judaism because [insert brief list of reasons why Judaism is awesome].

I’ve been doing self-led study while I’ve been coming to this decision. So far, I’ve read [insert books you’ve read]. I’ve also begun [insert things you’ve done to make your home a Jewish home].

One thing that might be relevant is my ability to attend services at synagogue. I live 2 hours away from the nearest synagogues and due to my disability [insert name of disability], I’m unfortunately not able to attend weekly. This is because [insert explanation of disability].

However, I’m still very interested in converting and would appreciate your guidance in this. Thank you for your time.

[Your Name][Contact info other than email if applicable]

Apologies for any delays, neighbor. Let’s see if I can help with this.

This is definitely one of those awkward questions, I think. For some reason, people are expected not to ask questions about money, regardless of how important they are.

I think the way you can ask your boss about this depends on what kind of job this is. Are you employed, like at a retail store type of thing? Or are you a contractor, essentially being hired for one project as a freelancer? And if it’s the latter, do you have a contract?

If it’s the first one, where you’re an official employee, that’s probably easier to handle. You’ll either want to talk to your boss or possibly go to the HR department if you have one. Most of these jobs pay every two weeks or so, so that’s what I’ll be writing in my example, but replace it with whatever applies instead.

Hi, I wanted to talk to you about my paycheck. I was under the impression that employees get paid every two weeks, so I should have gotten a paycheck/direct deposit on [insert date] but haven’t gotten anything yet. Is something going on?

Very simple, nothing too complicated. Don’t let them blow you off, if they try to. Keep asking questions, demand an answer if you have to.

If you’re a contractor, however, it can be a little different. If you’ve ever read submissions on the Clients From Hell website, you probably know that a lot of people try to wiggle out of paying freelancers. Hopefully this isn’t what’s happening. I recommend calling or emailing the person who’s supposed to pay you and say something like this:

Hello, I wanted to ask about my payment. I was expecting to be paid by [insert date]. Can we discuss what’s going on with that, please? Thank you.

Again, very simple. Keep this to the point and have that professional, slightly-distanced tone that people use for customers and the like. This is a totally normal question to ask, so treat it that way! Try to avoid any kind of accusatory tone, as that tends to make people defensive, but also don’t offer excuses on their behalf. They’re supposed to pay you and you’re asking to be paid. Nothing dramatic there, right?

If you’re a contractor without a contract, things could get tricky if they’re trying to wiggle out of paying you. I don’t have great advice for that in particular other than being very firm and to the point.

I don’t think that’s too blunt at all! That’s just perfect, if it’s how you want to do it. For me, when I want to avoid sympathy, I just say, “[thing happened], but I don’t want to talk about it.” If you’re asked why not, I suggest just saying “I don’t want to talk about it because of personal reasons.”

Hope that helps,

I think you should say just that! Like, “You know how I’m aroflux? Well, in case you forgot what it means, sometimes I just won’t want to be romantic.” And then you can add, “I like you, and was wondering if you wanted to go out with me.” There’s really no smooth way to do it but hopefully this helps.

This is a though one friend! A lot of people believe that therapists can’t make mistakes, which is nonsense. They do, and sometimes they hurt you. So you aren’t in the wrong here! 

When you do believe something, it becomes a part of yourself. Religion more then anything, and although a lot of bad stuff happens because of religion, it is not a good reason for anyone to dismiss it altogether. 

If your therapist is halfway decent, they want feedback. And you have to give it to them, I know this can be nerve wracking. But imagine that you’re merely giving a student feedback to become better, teachers don’t tell students that they did something wrong to mock them (if they’re decent at least) but to push them to become better. 

By being direct you can help your therapist not only help you, but others. And thereby themselves and their career. 

“I hope you don’t find me rude, but I feel like you’ve been dismissing and blaming my religion for everything lately. It really hurts me and my mental health, as my belief is a part of who I am. It is what I find comfort and peace in, and you talking about it in such a negative way is making me feel bad and anxious. You probarbly didn’t mean to, but you almost come across like you’re trying to make me give it up. Which I won’t, and trying to make me do so is only making me feel worse.” 

Now, since this is such a broad subject I’ll break it down so it’s easy to customize. 

“I hope you don’t find me rude-” I’m not sure if they’re good or not, but trying to put them off the defense is a good call anyways. 

“Dismissing/being negative about my religion hurts me.” You’re being honest, and truthful. This also shows how serious things are, and might make them find the matter more seriously as well. 

“My belief is a positive thing for me.” Emphasising that your belief is a good thing, and that you have good experiences with it will reassure them that no, not all problems stems from that. It might be more helpful then hurtful. 

“You probarbly didn’t mean to-” Again, trying to put them off the defensive is a good call no matter what. 

“I don’t have anything against people who don’t believe like I do-” Is a bonus point, and one I recommend.  

I hope it goes well friend, and good luck! 

Alright, so this is a tough one but I’ll do my best anyhows.

It might be easier if your religion is ‘mainstream’, AKA a lot of people practise it. If it’s not it might be harder, as they might even go as far as to ridicule you. Which I’m very sorry about, as there’s a real possibility for that to happen depending on the person.

To avoid being mocked/hurt by the person you should start with something like:

“Hey, I wanna talk to you about my religion. I’d prefer for you to be quiet as I explain, since I’m quite sensitive to criticism right now.”

If they know what you struggle with and am accepting this might be easier, as they have more reason to respect your wishes.

“I believe in *RELIGION* and you haven’t really been respecting my belief, I’m not trying to convince you to join in or anything, but I am trying to get you to respect my belief. Not respecting it is really hurtful for me.”

Ending this with a “Do you understand?” Will open up for more questions, including about the religion and why you believe in it. If they get too touchy and start ridiculing you (Saying things like, ‘Wow you believe that? That’s so weird/obscure’) be firm, say that talking like that is really hurtful.

I know a lot of people will go ‘But emotional manipulation!!!’ And that’s bullshit, you’re telling the truth because if you don’t, this will go on. And I imagine it would hurt you very much so, since it seems to me this is something you do because you want to not only continue your relationship, but for it to be a healthy one. Which includes communication, and telling people when something they’re doing is hurting you.

Now, I might suggest writing online (messaging etc) or so because for many people it is so much easier. This way you can have better control over how you phrase yourself, think over your response and stop yourself from saying things you’ll regret.

If you choose to do this it’s very similar to the above, although you might change the opening with something like:

“Hey, so I wanna talk about something serious and the reason I’m doing it online is because it makes me less anxious (or/and) so that when I reply it will be with my wits about me, that way I won’t become upset and say something I regret.”

I hope this is helpful!