come on and slam

they're making a Chris Hansen biopic with Robert Pattinson in it....

robert Pattinson voice: my hungry ass will eat just about anything

if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

When I was a kid watching tv was idiot coded and nerds read books, but now scrolling shortform videos is considered braindead behavior and watching tv means you're some kinda intellectual. You might think this shifting assessment of media's consumers might make readers into absolute super geniuses, but no. Only perverts read now.

I’ve seen you people thirst after men I wouldn’t even feed to my creature

haters will see you ressurect and be like “he cant afford a funeral”

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair

THAR SHE BLOWS!! A LIFTED BLACK FORD F150 WITH TINTED WINDOWS. PASSENGER PRINCESS, GET THE HARPOONS!!!!!

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

little known fact about me i was actually isekai'd into this world from the video game world. i used to be a peggle orb