on the moon

childhood friends to complete strangers

hello this is your google account. did you know that you are trying to log in. to. your google account. would you like five emails about how you logged in to your google account.

Being horny is very hard when youre stressed and exhausted and overworked. Nevertheless, I am an overachiever

people in the emo scene who are like heavy body shamers are so stupid. what do you mean "nobody wants to see a fat ass in fishnets." everyone wants to see that. I want to see that. what are you talking about. you're stupid

You've heard of the man, the myth, the legend. Now get ready for the woman, the omen, the portent.

Jolene

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

i just don't believe any good can come from the federal government or school system interfering in what should ultimately be a parent's decision whether to sell their child to one direction

you know what? fuck it *reads the fanfic I spent hours writing for my own enjoyment*

if you’re not rereading your own 3yo one-shots every once in a while so you can shake your head at the ao3 tab and mutter god i’m fucking funny then what are we even doing all this work for?

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper