What Will You Leave Behind?

Instead of becoming caught up in it, it is possible to learn to observe it, acknowledge it, let it move through you in its own time. The last part may not be pleasant. But if you can let go and allow it, then you are not creating an extra layer of distress: fighting it.

It is like being caught in a riptide. You did not choose this. You do not control it. You can only control your response, to whatever degree you have learned to do that.

If you have not learned what to do when caught in a riptide, you may try to swim against the current towards the shore. This would be the obvious choice. But the riptide is stronger than you, and will wear you out before you can reach land.

If you know what to do, you will either try to float without resistance and call for help if you are not a strong swimmer, or swim parallel to the shore until you are free of the riptide. Then you can either be rescued, or swim to shore.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.