a lot of people are more content to stay quiet or refuse to take a hard stand on the "bi lesbians" issue, because you don't want to lose friends or whatever, and I get that! I really do! nobody wants to be disliked

but there's certain things where like.. you can't just stay quiet and pretend not to be involved, because that itself enables the people causing harm to keep doing it

which is honestly the main reason this mess has gotten as far as it has: the fact that nobody else, cishet or lgbt, respects what lesbians have to say, and the lesbian community is so small in comparison to the rest of you that even with the majority of us begging for allies, we are easily drowned out by the people who are hurting us and the people they have roped into it

so it's like... do you see all this? you're standing in the center of it, so I'd assume you're seeing posts from the other side, along with us begging for people to listen to why this is hurting lesbians

if you really, honestly consider yourself an ally to the lesbian community, then why aren't you listening to us? why aren't you standing with us, when that's what we're begging you for?

you don't even have to do anything difficult! just listen when actual lesbians speak, uplift our voices, and don't associate with those who are hurting us... that's it!

we just want allies, and to feel like people besides other lesbians actually love us for a change

#fun fact but someone actually did research on this divide in understanding femme identity a few years back

#and the researchers concluded that there are two major groups:

#one group is femmes which are community oriented towards uplifting and supporting masculine sapphics regardless of partnering with them

#and the other actively distances itself from that and sees femme as purely an expression of ‘queer femininity’

#it’s a fascinating read and confirmed what I had been seeing for years and why there is such a divide

#because they literally are only seeing femme really as an aesthetic expressed in queer settings

#this probably isn’t a surprise to anyone reblogging this

#but it certainly explains why those of us in the first category feel that expressions of the later usually feel pretty defanged

#in terms of how the latter understands what femme is

#anyways if you don’t support butches and studs you don’t really understand what being a femme is

At its core, femme is truly about a deep love for (and not just in the romantic and sexual sense) for butches, studs, AGs, etc., and the ability to relate to and find kinship with them. We have been community nurses & healers, archivists, activists, stand-in therapists, interim mothers and big sisters, we have housed & fed community members in need, we have mentored and educated... this is femme. It’s about a unique way of seeing and interacting with the world, the community at large, and especially with your femme and butch brethren.

Of course, it would be historically inaccurate and even a little absurd to claim that visually displaying your femininity hasn’t been a key part of femme identity for many femmes. But when we reduce this element to a shopping list of trendy “girly things” we are missing something crucial- our femininity is a powerful tool we employ, a concept we distort and bend to our will. We shift our interpretation of it as starkly or subtly as we need to. We do it to arouse desire in our lovers, to signal our desire for them as both fiercely passionate and deeply safe and healing, to navigate the world at large to survive, to help our lovers & community survive as best we can, to express ourselves and feel joy in our bodies, our sexuality, and our relationship with gender, and so more. This doesn’t look like “one thing” at all. If it did, it sure as hell wouldn’t be something you can buy, and for many femmes, it’s very far from “hyperfeminine”. It’s hairy, it’s fat, it’s stereotypically androgynous or even masculine, it comes with accessibility aids, it’s spitting on all that shit you have to do for johns/clients, it’s a makeup shade they don’t carry in the drugstore, it’s a hand-me-down skirt that someone’s been wearing for years.

"I know what butch is. Butches are not beginner FTMs, except that sometimes they are, but it's not a continuum except when it is. Butch is not a trans identity unless the butch in question says it is, in which case it is, unless the tranny in question says it isn't, in which case it's not. There is no such thing as butch flight, no matter what the femmes or elders say, unless saying that invalidates the opinions of femmes in a sexist fashion or the opinions of elders in an ageist fashion. Or if they're right. But they are not, because butch and transgender are not the same thing with different names, except that butch is not a trans identity, unless it is; see above."