at every customer service job iâve worked at, during the initial introduction and workplace tour thereâs always that moment where it stops being a professional âthis is our workplace and these are the rulesâ intro and becomes the âthis is hell and these are the corners we can get away with cuttingâ tour, i.e âthis is the cupboard we go to sit and cry in during bad daysâ and âyou arenât supposed to steal but we get minimum wage so nobody gives a shit if you take a handful of biscuitsâ.
with that in mind. Tim showing Damian the ropes of being Robin.
Tim: so after patrol youâre supposed to do a nightly report of any incidents at the batcomputer, iâll show you the login and how the system worksâŚ
Bruce: *nods in satisfaction and walks away*
Tim, the second theyâre alone: ok so to be honest youâre supposed to do it at the batcomputer so itâs thorough but none of us can be fucked with that so what we usually do is just keep a note on our phones of any major incidents and then on the way back to the cave we send a screenshot of it to Oracle and she inputs it remotely, it saves you like half an hour every night.
Tim: this is the weapon storage centre; at the end of the night every bat tool has to be accounted for and scanned into the system.
Damian: everything is to be returned to here?
Tim: yeah, Bruceâs orders. but what we havenât told B is that Dick broke the scanning system years ago so if you want to nick a cool knife or grapple gun for everyday use then you can literally scan, like, an apple or something, and input the code as the item youâre stealing and Bruce never notices.
Tim: i scanned a sharpie instead of a flamethrower i was supposed to return one night. Bruce still doesnât know itâs in my school backpack.
Tim: this is the usual patrol route; thatâs where we usually get to rest for fifteen minutes, by that 7-11 down there, and over in that alley thereâs a really secluded abandoned balcony that no civilians can see.
Tim: thatâs where we go during rough nights when we want to cry or stare into space for a few minutes.
Tim: if you hurt a rogue too badly youâre supposed to log the injuries inflicted on them to Bruceâs online files so he gets flagged by any major incidents, but Jason figured out that if you tag the injury as âlight skin traumaâ it will register in the system as a scratch and automatically get put in the âunimportantâ file which Bruce isnât notified by. So even if you stab Scarecrow in the neck, as long as you tag it as âlight skin trauma with metal implementâ Bruce wonât see it.
Tim: the same applies to our own injury reports, so like, if you ever canât be fucked with having to sit still and be examined in the medbay after a busy patrol, thatâs how you get around him knowing youâre hurt.
Tim: thereâs supposed to be a limit on the amount of training you can do per day to stop us from âover doing itâ but if you time your workout to the evenings where Bruce works on the batmobile, then he never remembers to keep an eye on the timer and we get like an extra hour.
Tim: this is the only chandelier in the manor that Alfred canât get to to clean it, so he relies on us to swing up and polish it every now and then. So if you smoke, up there is where Jason hides his stash.
Tim: Jason started when he was ten, i dont know.
Tim: youâre supposed to take water with you on patrol so we all have our own bottles that attach to the belt. Bruce checks that we have it but not whatâs inside it, so you can fill it up with whatever. i usually go for coffee. one time Jason and Dick split a pint of margaritas in theirs and tried to see who could drink and swing the best. Dick hit a lamppost.
Damian: âŚwell yes. the pit enhanced Toddâs metabolism, so alcohol rarely will effect him.
Tim: that sneaky motherfucker
Tim, turning away: DICK GUESS WHAT-
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