i'm starting again.

With the kettle boiled, Henry sets about pouring their tea, going through the motions that are as natural as breathing. The mug he instinctively sets out for Elaine has a delicate bluebird painted on the front, and has sat, unused, at the back of his cupboard for almost a year. He supposes he’s come to think of it as being hers - it seemed wrong to let anybody else drink out of it. “I’m not going to let you pay, you goose,” he says with a laugh, handing over her tea. “In fact, I insist you take some things home with you today - I made far too much anyway, I’ll never sell it all. I’ll get you a box before you leave.”

Henry nods in understanding at what Elaine says - he’s often guilty of the same, not least because it’s hard to cook for just one person without any waste, but because there’s so often another person in the Valley that would benefit from a meal made by a friend. It’s just his turn to be on the receiving end this time, that’s all.

It’s almost imperceptible, but the fairly innocuous question regarding his wellbeing makes Henry’s smile flicker. In truth, he’s still embarrassed by his behaviour during those black months, that she ever had to see him like that, even if a chance at rekindling their friendship came from it. “Yes, fine, just keeping busy, you know?” he says quickly, dismissively, desperate not to talk about it. He’s always been terrible at talking about it… “But, uh, how are you? How’s Sofia, have you seen her lately?”

Elaine watches silently as he pours the tea into their respective mugs. Another hit of deja vu-- that night she had seen him in one of his worst states, both tearful as they apologized to each other over tea. There’s a small strain in her heart at the thought of it, but then she sees the bluebird painted onto the mug he hands her, and she feels light again. She hasn’t told Henry about Fitz yet, has she? “But--... fine. I’ll pay back in kindness, though. So expect more leftovers.” She grabs the mug carefully, shooting him a small but playful smile.

She watches him carefully, and notices the small twitch of his simper, and worries for a moment she’s already said the wrong thing too soon. Sometimes, she feels like the two of them are almost too similar-- she can recognize herself, even in her worst moments, in him. He swerves around the question, and she can tell, but she doesn’t want to push. She just wants him to know she’s there for once. “... Okay.” She says after a moment with a nod, her gaze lingering, and lets it go for now.

“I’ve been... I don’t know. I'm feeling pretty okay lately, so I guess that’s good.” There’s an awkwardness to her answer, like she’s struggling not to just say I’m fine with a dismissive smile. She’s starting to try and be more OPEN. It’s not easy. And at the mention of Sofia, her cheeks almost instantly darken in a blush. “Oh, um, yeah, I’ve... I’ve seen her lately. I, um... we’re-- she’s-- she’s doing fine. Good. Uh, yeah. I-- I’m pretty sure she misses you.” Elaine chuckles and tries to hide behind her mug. She takes a long sip, even though it burns her tongue. Very nice. Smooth. Subtle.

in a way it was like malia was getting the small college experience of having a roommate. when her mom was sick she commuted from zuzu city to get her nursing degree and she never really got to leave home. it was nice having another person there, she wouldn’t ever tell them about how it made her feel to be needed again in some weird way. sometimes malia felt like this was the only thing that she was good for. she almost smiles at finley at them doing it back. “well, tomorrow is a new day.” her voice is quiet, snorting at her own words. “my mom used to tell me that and i would always roll my eyes at her.” she shakes her head now, tapping the ash into the ashtray. “well, i’m still wearing my scrubs, i just came home and grabbed the bottle of wine and i’ve been out here since.” she continues to stare up at the sky, she was so tired. it wasn’t the kind of tired that sleep could fix. she felt waxed and waned from life. she missed henry, but she was too scared to go see him. she didn’t like that she was scared to see him. “i lost three patients today.” she eventually says, “i don’t like bringing work home with me but it was just the cherry on top of an already shitty cake. or however the fuck that saying goes.” she holds her hand out for the wine to take a sip, slumping in the bench more. 

“Well, how did I know you were together?” Sasha prodded, her hands planted firmly and angrily on her hips. “You can keep saying that, but more people in this town read Gossip Elder than you think. And it was kind of a giveaway when Jillian dropped the mic in front of everyone.”

“I am a bit, but I still have time for you,” he tells Elaine, directing a soft smile over his shoulder as he rummages through one of his cupboards, finally laying his hands on the missing kettle. It seems Archie has tidied it away in the void of time between February and now, and he supposes he can’t really blame her. It’s not like he’s been using it.

“I signed up for the farmer’s market a couple of towns over,” Henry explains as he fills the kettle with water and sets it on the hob, “It’s spread out over a couple of days, but I might have, uh, overprepared a little.” As he says this, he looks pointedly at the closest selection of treats, which include paw-shaped brioche buns, and matcha cookies that look like little frogs. God, he hopes they’ll sell. It’s terrifying getting back out there.

While they wait for the kettle to boil, Henry takes the opportunity to peek under the lid of the tupperware Elaine has set on the counter, the home-cooked meal inside inspiring another smile. The gesture makes his chest ache - it’s no secret that food is the way to his heart. “This looks wonderful, thank you,” he says. It’s good to have her back.

I still have time for you. Elaine is simultaneously grateful and guilty; she’s glad they’re finally nearing a point of reconciliation, yet she still struggles to believe she deserves it. She shoots a small smile back, still curling into herself like she always does, like she’s trying not to take up too much space in the room. She glances over the treats splayed all over the kitchen; there was a touch of Henry in all of them, and a touch of the Valley. Her smile widens. "That’s really good to hear.” Her tone is genuine, smile persisting as she glances at him, “On the off-chance that there’s anything left by the end, I’d love to buy some.”

She clasps her hands behind her back, shrugging bashfully. “You’re welcome.” She responds, and adds, “I have a habit of cooking too much for myself.” It doesn’t take much to figure out gift-giving is Elaine’s love language, so maybe overcooking isn’t completely subconscious on her part. She wants him to eat well. And despite all the treats, the sweet smell wafting in the air, and his smiles, she has to ask-- because she knows how good people can be at pretending they’re fine, because she wants him to know she cares, “How are you doing?”

malia used to be a rough and tumble kind of kid, trying to prove to everyone that she was capable of doing anything that she put her mind to out of spite. it had always been like that, especially when it came to running, all the boys trying their best to outrun her but never being able to. she had pride in that. she had scraped her knees and fallen so many times, and when she and jillian were kids would sneak off into the mines, fully not prepared for what they’d find but malia had trusted and believed in jillian to lead the way. though there had been times when they both got burned because of it. jemma, in a way, reminds her of the good parts of her childhood, the ones where exploration of the place that you grew up was new and exciting instead of what it was now which was painful memories and bitter nostalgia. she smiles slightly at her story about the skeletons, “sounds like they had a bone to pick with you.” 

when she starts changing malia briefly looks at her before cleaning up the stuff around her. “okay, well, you know where to find me.” she says, knowing that she probably wouldn’t. malia understood where jemma came from. she was capable. but sometimes even the most capable people deserved to be taken care of. jemma deserved to be taken care of. she walks over to the tea that she’s making for both of them, and when jemma mentions the house she doesn’t really know what to say. “my mom decorated it. wanted to make it feel like a cozy cottage you’d find in some mythical land.” like fairies, her mother would say, picking up more stuff from antique stores in zuzu city. 

Jemma had always been one for adventure, and barely anything could stop her-- injuries be damned! It had started in her early childhood, and despite everything, it had stuck. Even as she watched her older sister be praised for her academic achievements while no one noticed the huge tree Jemma managed to climb all on her own without breaking a limb; even when her parents tried to sway her in a hundred different directions; even when people thought she was weird or immature. Sure, maybe all of that got under her skin sometimes, but-- hey! She has the guild! She has people who think that what she does is cool! And she thinks it’s pretty neat, anyway. “Hmph. I know right? ... Oh-- Oh.” It takes a moment for her to notice the pun, but when she does, she grins. “That’s a good one. I’m using it.”

Hearing the word ‘hypothetically’ gave Adria pause. The picture of Elaine’s distance to others was slowly growing clearer. For now, she nodded at the mention of her family not discussing or working together through their grievances. Clearly Elaine needed to work through these emotions and not just distract herself from them. “How long ago did you stop boxing? And do you feel like these methods truly help you, or that they are a distraction from dealing with the emotions? If you’re struggling to answer this, try to reflect on how you coped with issues prior to this event.” Their time was a bit more than halfway through and Adria was starting to get a sense at how they could start digging deeper but it was dependent on Elaine remaining open with her. 

Elaine was an absolute expert at distracting herself. She picked up hobbies, she threw herself into her work, she made up mindless projects for herself; anything to not think too much-- or at all, if she could help it. “Well, um, I stopped competing about... two years ago? Early 2019, I think. After my injury, my mom asked me to stop, so, uh, I did.” A small shrug. “I mostly just practice on my own now for exercise.” At Adria’s next question, Elaine pauses; almost curling into herself as if she feels exposed. “I... I mean, I don’t know. I’ve always done this. Whenever my dad got deployed, I would just kind of... find new things to do, ways to... entertain myself until he came back. Stuff like that.” She shrugs again, eyes shifting temporarily towards the clock. How long did she say these sessions last? “It’s what works.”

@silvcrlining​ | starter for Jemma

It had been a nice enough day that Dakota decided to head to the beach - both to gather a few soil samples and stick their feet in the water. After a few hours of digging in the soil, they closed several tubes, placed them in a box that would prevent any spillage, and moved to sit by the water. Just as they had begun to toe off their shoes, they noticed a familiar figure - Jemma. The other person in town that actually knew D&D things. “Jemma, hey-” they waved her over. “Uh, do you have a few minutes? I-I wanted to ask you something… it’s D&D related.”

Jemma likes having a lot of stuff to do, which is why she mostly doesn’t mind working two jobs: during the day at the fishing shop, and during the night at the Saloon. However, the days she only has to work at one are a welcomed change of pace, so her shoulders are slackened with relief as she finishes closing up the fishing shop. Maybe she could go to the mines again, or maybe visit the guild and chat with the members for a little bit... or take a nap. But when she hears her name being called, her attention is easily diverted from whatever plans she had. “Oh-- Dakota!” She grins and waves, the pier thudding beneath her feet as she jogs over to them. At the mention of D&D, she brightens slightly, tugging her bag off her shoulder as she moves to sit cross-legged on the sand beside him. “Ah, you’ve come to talk to a fellow expert, I see. Ask away.”

It’s actually Archie that Henry had been expecting - she’d gone out several hours ago, long before the living room had been completely taken over with his baking enterprises, and he doubts she’ll be particularly impressed to come home to such chaos. She’s been good to him these past few months, better than he thinks he really deserves, but her patience has well-observed limits.

Elaine’s appearance he hadn’t thought to anticipate, but now she’s here, he finds he’s actually… pleased to see her? Nervous to see her? Henry’s feelings regarding his old friend are still so complicated, but that ugly knot of resentment and hurt that used to flare at the sound of her voice is… well, not gone, not yet, but healing. The smile he shoots her as he leans briefly into view through the open door of his kitchen is shy, but encouraging. “No, no, not at all! Come in!”

“Do you want a cup of tea? The kettle’s… somewhere…” He trails off, raking a hand through his hair as he ponders the appliance’s whereabouts and leaving his dark locks streaked with powdery white.

Elaine gets hit with a strong sense of deja vu when Henry peeks his head in from the kitchen. Suddenly it’s early summer of last year, and this is just a routine visit, and nothing bad ever happened, and they’re still good friends. And even though she’s brought back to the present the moment he disappears into the kitchen once again, everything that’s happened since then suddenly surging back-- it’s still early summer, and there’s some sense of hope that lingers in the air (along with, well, the general baking smell). For the first time in a while, Elaine’s heart doesn’t feel as heavy in this house.

“Oh, um, yes, I’d love some-- but you don’t have to if you...” Elaine treads her way into the kitchen, lingering by the doorway and quietly observing the source of the chaos that has unfolded throughout the entire home. “-- You seem busy.” The way she says it, it sounds like a good thing; it is. ”I wouldn’t want to interrupt you.” She glances up at him then, a hint of an amused smile on her lips when she spots the bits of powder coating his hair. She pauses to reach into her bag, pulling out a small container and placing it on what little empty space there is on the kitchen counter, “I just had some leftovers from last night, so I, uh, I thought I’d bring you some... though it, um, it looks like you have dessert covered, at least.”

For the first time in months, Henry is baking. In fact, he’s been baking, and now almost every available surface in both his kitchen and living room, as well as several stairs, are littered with baked goods in various stages of being iced. It’s like a switch has suddenly been flipped, and all that time he spent as a zombie has been brushed aside in favour of his usual flurry of activity. It’s time to try again.

“Watch your step!” He calls, reaching to turn down the radio with one floury hand as he hears the front door open behind him.

They finally talked, and she sent the birthday gift, and those all feel like important steps-- positive steps-- in repairing what they had, but Elaine is still hesitant as she approaches Henry’s home to check up on him again. Granted, half of that hesitance is her mentally preparing herself to bump into Archie.

it had been a whirlwind of a month for zola. she had been called away for a special tour for ana indiana, something about a nostalgia reunion with her and some other stars when they were on the same tv show back in the day (they were children and wore awful clothes, but they were also best friends – just busy best friends). media sources these days were really banking on nostalgia as a selling factor nowadays. anyway, she was back in stardew valley, a place she can’t exactly call home yet, but that’s where her stuff was stored for the time being. she came crashing into the saloon, having lost control of her luggage and knocking over one of the chairs. “oh, shit… that’s my bad… sorry!”

when elaine asks sofia doesn’t know what to really tell her without feeling like it’s too much to say. that was always sofia’s problem. she was quiet but she had so much going on her mind at once, and living with the person that she does has kept her quiet in fear of speaking out what she’s feeling. she thinks a lot about her mom and dad. who they were before sofia, if at one point they had ever felt this way about someone or if it had always been hard for both of them. sofia’s perception of love was so warped, fueled on paranoia, lack of trust. eventually her mom left both her and her father, who’s to say that it can’t happen again with someone else? she used to think as a child that if her mom couldn’t stay then who ever would for sofia? it had taken her a long time to get out of that spiral but sometimes she slipped back into it. 

“that it’s magical.” she says with a small smile shaking her head, “that it’s hard sometimes, especially if it feels like you’re too much or. carry a lot of weight. but finding someone is all about trust and knowing that regardless of what you feel about yourself that the other person accepts all of that and helps carry the weight with you.” she looks at elaine now with another small smile, as if she’s trying to say that i can do that for you. “it’s an all consuming thing.” she focuses on elaine’s gentle touch along her arm and feels goosebumps raise on her arm. “my um. my mom left my dad and i when i was young. i don’t really remember much of her, but my dad says i look a lot like her. so i’ve never really known a healthy perception of love, or just even liking someone. i used to think that maybe all anyone got was this just one moment of whatever my mom and dad had before i was born but…. i’m starting to think a little differently about it. maybe i’m just a little optimistic.” she squeezes elaine’s hand, looking up for shooting stars. 

After spending so much time pushing people away, even the ones who have the best intentions, Elaine doesn’t know how to feel. The other person helps carry the weight with you. She catches Sofia’s look, and she can sense the insinuation there, and Elaine has to keep herself from shutting it down on the spot. Because she had already gotten so used to holding all of this baggage on her own-- it was almost embarrassing, the thought of passing that to someone else, of sharing all that guilt and sadness she kept inside. Sofia didn’t deserve that.

Honestly, Jemma seemed nice. Even Art could admit that. She seemed fun too. Beyond her obvious good qualities, it was also rare Art disliked anyone, so under normal circumstances they probably would be ‘friends’ like she wanted.

But these were not normal circumstances. And Art wasn’t ready to move on yet. His pace slowed as he looked at her hand, then looked up at her with a blank expression on his face. “How am I supposed to shake your hand? I have four fingers.”

Jemma’s friendly! She’s cool! Hip! Likable! She’s pretty chill gal, if she says so herself. But her patience is like the attention span of a goldfish, and Art is not making it easy for her to be the hip, cool, chill woman she so obviously is!

Carefully packed inside, there’s a handmade ceramic tableware set. Folded beneath it, and serving as padding for the tableware, is a very soft fleece blanket that looks oddly similar to the one Elaine had lent Henry during his stay at the clinic. Atop of it all, there’s an envelope with two piece of paper inside. The first one is a letter:

Dear Henry,

You told me that you were worried about me because I shut you out when I came back. And you’re right; I did. When I came back, everything felt... different. I didn’t feel safe getting close to people anymore. I shut many people out: Malia, Gabe, Ben, Alex-- the list goes on. To a certain extent, I think I still do. It’s hard, and it’s complicated, and it involves things I’m not ready to share, but I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve the way I turned on you. You’re a wonderful person, so wonderful it scared me.

I’m trying to unlearn that; shutting people out, I mean. It’s hard-- once you start, it becomes like an odd addiction. You isolate yourself, you drown in your own silence and your own negative thoughts, and it hurts, but you convince yourself that you deserve to hurt, that it’s better that way. I still feel like that. Maybe you feel like that right now too. And it’s probably hard to take advice from someone that’s in a similar rut, but... you deserve to give yourself the same kindness you give to others. You deserve to believe in yourself as much as you believe in others.

I know I’ve been a bad friend to you in the past, but I hope friendship is still a possibility. I can’t assure I’ll be a good friend all the time, but I promise I’ll try my best.

I should get to the gifts.I don’t know how often you’ve been baking lately. If you’re not, take this tableware set as a sign that you should. I made them myself, so I apologize if there are a few imperfections. The blanket is for-- well, everyone needs a good blanket, and I like to think I have enough knowledge in that department.

I hope you don’t take this last gift the wrong way. When my grandfather first decided to open up a carpentry shop, he actually opened it in Zuzu City first. He eventually went bankrupt and had to close it down. It took him a long time to finally set it up here, and to have it last as long as it has. There were a lot of moments when he almost gave up, but I’m glad he didn’t. It’s a good place. I don’t want to push you in any direction you don’t want to go, but I want you to know that one failure does not have to mean it’s the end.

I drew this up after Sofia had told me about the idea you two had. She didn’t ask me for this, but-- well, I got carried away. Just know you have someone on your side.

Happy birthday, Elaine

PS. Whenever Daisy comes to visit again, I’d love to meet her.

malia doesn’t know what to say to that but she directs her to a chair as she looks over at the wound grabbing her antiseptic putting it on a microfiber towel. “this is going to sting.” she warns, looking at her in the eyes as she starts to clean off the blood. you could say a lot about malia and how she acts, but when it came to her work she was very gentle. malia often went into a trance when it came to her work, after she had successfully cleared the wound she made sure to grab another bandage and place it on the wound. “okay.” she says in a small voice. “any other wounds?” she asks. 

while she waits for an answer she quickly grabs some clothes for her to change into considering hers were now all bloody. she turns the tea kettle on and is tempted to grab an ice pack out in case it’s needed to. she stands in front of jemma now and takes some of her own bandages putting them into a ziplock and handing them to her. “i would change your bandage tomorrow. if you don’t want to do it yourself i’ll be at the clinic tomorrow.” 

Though Jemma hisses slightly once Malia begins cleaning the wound, it’s a bare-bones reaction. She scratches absentmindedly at the faint scar that runs across her left cheek; she’s used to stuff like this. Malia settles into silence easily enough, but silence has never been Jemma’s strong suit. “-- Y’know, this isn’t even the worst of the stuff I’ve dealt with in the mines. One time this skeleton threw a bone at me, and-- I already had this nasty bite on my shoulder that I had just finished patching up, and it landed right on the wound, and-- guess what? Dislocated my fucking shoulder.”

sofia knew that elaine had a hard time with words, she had written that after all, whereas sofia felt like she could write a book of everything that she feels, she wasn’t nearly as brave, but they both had somehow come together in gifts. it was something that they had in common, being able to pick up on those small things about a person that no one else would notice and try and match a gift to that. sofia loved learning little things about elaine and already had more things in mind to gift to her because she simply thought of her. it was a rush of emotions that she didn’t know what to do with, but she wanted to nurture them, and help them grow into something beautiful. she had spent her entire life hiding behind books and words, too afraid of showing anything in fear of rejection. this doesn’t seem like rejection to her, it’s what made it so complicated. 

when elaine ducks her head, she reaches out again to place a hand on her cheek, wanting to see her, even if she is a little bashful, and the moon reflects on them and it makes the moment that much more intimate and vulnerable. she feels her cheek against her thumb, and she smiles. i think of you a lot in general. despite her heart racing there was a calmness about the whole thing. “i uh, i never liked someone like this. before.” ever. she thinks that it might be too much, admitting it, she had never actually voiced that of course sofia likes her. likes her in a deep way that if she were to explore it more that it could lead to bigger revelations but she was taking this step by step. “so, you’re on my mind all the time.” her voice is small, but she wanted her to hear it. she reaches over to gently press her lips against elaine’s, it’s a quick kiss fueled on bravery and a little bit of selfishness. she gets into a position where she can lean against elaine now, eating her sandwich with a smile on her face. “i’ve only ever read about what i’m feeling.” 

Elaine’s skin warms once Sofia’s hand finds her cheek. She still can’t get used to the sensation, to the fact that she’s let herself get this close to someone. There’s a part of her that feels guilty about it, like she shouldn’t allow herself to bask in this. She doesn’t know when that goes away-- if that ever goes away. She shouldn’t feel this happy, even if it’s a fleeting thing. But then Sofia kisses her and the thoughts momentarily subside.

“yeah, she does. it’s been really nice. i can actually have a break now.” he says with a small smile, looking down at his lunch and book that he was reading. when she starts to explain why she was here, it didn’t really matter to him, he was always happy to see elaine despite whatever it was that she had seemed to be going through, she looked happier today and that was all that he could really ask for when it came to his friends. “well, we got plenty of them.” he says, another smile walking over towards one of their flowers that were now in bloom. “the daffodils are at their peak right now.” he says, looking over at them and all their beauty. “they have such a short lifespan but when they’re in bloom…” his voice fades, his fingers touching a petal. “i’m glad you came by.” he reaches out to squeeze her hand. “can i interest you in some flowers?”