We write for ourselves, but we post for others.
(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)
So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,
and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing
but i also think:
“i write for myself, but i post for others.”
because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.
people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,
and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:
“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”
especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,
and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.
And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,
and then it’s like,
does anyone see me? does anyone even care?
this is something so deeply frustrating in writing. i think people treat "writing for yourself" and "wanting engagement" as mutually exclusive when they're not. writing is solitary, publishing isn't. if i truly only cared about myself, i'd leave the fic in the coal mines and reread it privately. the moment i post it, i'm participating in a social act. i am directly saying, "i created this, does anybody want to see it?"
nobody giving you direct engagement (not praise, just engagement) hurts not because of ego, but genuinely just discomfort of sending a message and never finding out if anybody received it. like the desire to be read isn't corruption. it's arguably one of the oldest reasons people tell stories at all.
also, the risk and reward asymmetry is dramatic when it comes to writing, and the opportunity cost for a writer is drastically higher than that of a reader. a reader spends twenty minutes reading and a writer might spend twenty hours writing. the risk isn't equal and that's also why "just write for yourself" can feel dismissive sometimes! the writer has already invested in a way the reader hasn't
humans are fundamentally social creatures, we learnt this in like 5th grade. humans don't develop identity in isolation, a huge amount of our self-concept comes from recognition. that's why a child shows their parent a drawing. writers want people to see their works and it's not selfish for them to want it
