Sadbitchypeach

Shane ends up being the one to explain the Drake vs. Kendrick feud to Hayden (who came into it cold when Not Like Us got huge). JJ started explaining it to him but, honestly, he was doing a bad job at it and Shane has heard Ilya rant about this for months now, every time there was a new development, so he takes over and Hayden and JJ both just stare at him in blank shock.

The veterans on the Centaurs ask Shane to explain the Cardi B trial because Ilya got too worked up over it and started speaking Russian when they asked him.

They watched the entire four-part documentary on Diddy that 50 Cent produced and Shane now gleefully tells people that 50 did an in-depth interview on ABC, specifically because that's one of the few channels shown in prisons (yes, Ilya made him watch the interview and cackled beside him the entire time).

During them watching that series, Shane asked Ilya "who's that?" when Biggie Smalls came up on screen for the first time. Shocked and appalled, Ilya played Shane Biggie and Tupac's entire catalogues and showed him several video essays covering the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry.

Fandom ⊳ Heated Rivalry, Game Changers Series

Rating ⊳ Explicit

Pairing ⊳ Fertility Doctor!Alpha!Ilya Rozanov x Retired!Omega!Hockey Player!Shane Hollander

Word Count ⊳ 12k+

Tags ⊳ fertility issues, infidelity, married Shane Hollander, explicit content, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort (only for awhile), mental health discussions, mutual pining, doctor/patient, slow burn, angst with a happy ending

Summary ⊳ Freshly retired, Shane Hollander thinks the hard part is over. No more roaring crowds. No more ice. Just real life, and the one thing he’s wanted for years: a family. He and his husband are past “someday.” It’s supposed to be now. Shane does everything right. Vitamins. Timing. Patience. Hope. And still the tests come back negative, each one taking a little more out of him. So Shane finds the best fertility doctor in Canada, the one who specializes in athletes, and shows up alone anyway.

Paper gown. Bare knees. A heartbeat he can’t quite steady. He tells himself it’s just an appointment. Then the door opens, and he comes face to face with Doctor Rozanov.

And Shane’s world tilts off its axis.

If Doctor Rozanov can help give Shane the baby he’s been wanting, what happens when Ilya starts offering everything else Shane didn’t know he was starving for?

Author's Note ⊳ This fic explores some dark, intense themes and a lot of emotional turmoil, so please check the tags and take care of yourself while reading. If you're comfortable with that, I hope you enjoy 🖤 in search of a beta so if you’re interested msg me! | moodboard made by me | Updates are every Wednesday

🔗 ⊳ Read It Here

He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.

He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.

Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.

He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.

Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.

He has no interest in teaching people what a fucking microaggression is, or why a question is homophobic or why a particular comment is racist. If he doesn't like it, he's done. And he is enough in demand (and not at all actually in need of money) to enforce this. The teams need him. He doesn't need them.

There are probably a few teams that have declined because of that, but most are gonna make sure everyone is on their Best Goddam Behavior. The locker room can, on a normal day, be the most vile cesspit of toxic masculinity, but the GM/whoever is in charge makes it Really Fucking Clear that while Shane Hollander is within a hundred miles of their rink they are the Most Enlightened Team On Planet Earth.

now ilya would definitely complain about how boring it is, while being (not so) secretly contented because he gets to listen to his husbands voice who is threading his hand through ilya's hair, but neither of them think ilya's paying attention enough to absorb any of the information.

that is until one day at practice weibe is explaining a play he wants them to do and ilya comments on how 'oh, this is like the <insert name> maneuver from the 1988 playoffs' or something (i don't know hockey) and the rest of the team turns around to stare at him thinking holy shit it's actually happening, they're morphing into one person.

it takes him a second to realize but when the notices them all staring at him he instantly starts to backtrack, 'i didn't mean that, shane, you're turning me into boring canadian, what the fuck, is this what is like in your head??'

naturally the whole boston team now thinks he knocked jane up and has been hiding his child in canada