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I am glad that I am resilient. It is a really critical skill to have because at the end of the day, you donβt know if others will be there. But it is really really exhausting to have to be resilient all the time.
The other thing I will add is, if you are a resilient person who always handles your shit, you have to be super vocal when you need help. No one else lives in your head. No one is a mind reader. You have to advocate for the support you need. That is hard in itself, especially if you think you donβt need it because you can limp along just fine on your own. But just because you can handle things yourself doesnβt mean you should. You donβt have to be falling apart to deserve help. At the same time, donβt blame other people for not supporting you if you never actually ask for support.
As the person who has consistently had to be the fire department in my family/circle of friends; the one who constantly has to be there for others and unfuck things - often at great personal cost and while watching the sand in my own hourglass of life continue to run- I feel this intimately. Sometimes I am so jealous of friends who had capable partners or family/friends who werenβt so often in need. It is what it is; this is life. Better to be the rock, I guess.
