I'm a Garbage Man In a Garbage Can

I love the concept of Tooks. "Everybody in the Shire is very very businesslike and respectable and has no use for adventures except for this one entire family of mad lads who also run the municipal government"

just saw a "only one bed" fic with the major character death warning

#i guess that's one way to solve that problem

“This bed ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

food doesn’t actually “go bad”, it just gets eaten by something else first

Parent I’m babysitting for says “[2yo] usually reads a bedtime story but sometimes she wi say ‘I want pictures of [2yo]’ and we pull up photos of her on the iPad to look at.”

Modern day Narcissus at the pool

I just heard the dad say “once you finish your noodles we can look at FIVE pictures of [2yo].” I am in hysterics I’ve never seen a child rewarded with pictures of themself. I love it, I hope she loves herself forever.

monster that doesn’t know that it’s a monster because it’s never seen its own reflection, doesn’t understand why it’s feared. lonely creature only trying to love and be loved but it’s clumsy and doesn’t realize its power, doesn’t know it’s different. why don’t you love me. why are you scared of me. i’m just like you

Oh, NOW I understand why gays love monsters so much

Dead wife but it's a flashback to an amazing sandwich you had 3 years ago

sick fuck ate his wife

Inadvisable Dungeons & Dragons adventure premise #137: Diplomatic mission to a kobold warren culminating in a personal audience with what appears to be a shitty cardboard puppet made up to resemble a dragon, but is in fact a real dragon that just looks like that.

"Friends with benefits" and the benefit is being my friend :)

We can also fuck nasty or whatever