rah rah rasputin something something sour cream
He was a cat that smoked a whole bong
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ


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@s0ld-0ut-things
rah rah rasputin something something sour cream
He was a cat that smoked a whole bong

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bois
a group of mystery-solving teens break into my wizard tower and—after a series of whimsical and spooky hijinks—manage to tie me up and say “alright gang, time to see who’s really behind this ugly ‘evil wizard’ mask,” and then they pull on my face and i go “ow…”
Would you like Krongus to remove the teens from the premises
jeepers. just throw em in the pit
Which pit?
The tower possesses 3 pits
the—the death pit, obviously
Krongus is unsure of the morality of condemning the teenagers to the death pit
would you do it for a krongy snack
Jinx trying to have a grownup a conversation with Silco.

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i got inspired by this post :p
Walk into your kitchen at 3am and this wizard is waiting for you, having drunk your beer and sampled, but disliked, your potato chips, hasn’t done the dishes, and he isn’t happy
What do you do?
“Really, Carl? Really? Christ, I knew the breakup with Cindy was bad-but not THIS bad! How’d you even get in my house? Why are the Utz all over the floor? Wh- how did you get in my house!?”
“Damn your fool’s mind, Randy, the mists of dream still you know my Amulet of Saros allows me passage through all portals, physical and arcane. I came here as this apartment provides protection from the mental ravaging of that dark sorceress, Cindy, gods blast her name! Your fermented beverages are all that have kept me from darkness this night, Randy, would you turn me away in this hour of terror?”
certified iconic post
everyone talking about wizard posting needs to pay respects to the original
Heritage post
MF DOOM's villainous Mac and Cheese recipe
absolutely fucking killing it tonight

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I think it’s interesting that tabletop warlock bargains generally operate on the idea of eternal servitude or owning your soul or whatever but there is a world of alternatives that range from funny, dramatic, or just plain interesting. Consider:
Patron was sealed for a long period of time, and more than seeking their revival, they miss the world and its experiences, and thus seek warlocks who are willing to share their senses with their patron and thus ameliorate the loneliness and fatigue of ages
Patron likes money and valuables and will bequeath power in exchange for a warlock who will share their adventuring fortunes.
Patron has a chaotic sense of humor and likes fire and explosions; causing spectacular destruction pleases them.
Patron is just kind of a (relatively wholesome) frat bro who gave the warlock powers because they decided the warlock was chill and could hang, maintaining powers hinges on navigating said relationship. Patron may manifest physically for the exclusive purpose of fistbumping warlock if they do something really cool.
Patron is a foodie and warlock is a chef traveling the world looking for rare ingredients and lost techniques to construct dishes that please their patron’s palate
Patron is a literal patron- warlock is an artist of any form and the patron commissions them for works from time to time.
Warlock babysits (or performs another service) for patron, who prefers to pay them in dark powers.
Variant on above where warlock is occasionally ordered to perform various esoteric tasks such as delivering an object to a site or obtaining something and sending it to their patron- they are simply running their reclusive patron’s errands as the latter would rather not leave home.
Patron and warlock promised to be best friends forever when one or both of them was a small child and patron takes that very seriously
Patron likes blood but is disinterested in full-body sacrifices as their particular taste means that some people are exceptionally delectable to them, and it seeks to prolong those people’s lives as long as possible in exchange for semi-regular ‘blood donations’
Patron was disembodied and in exchange for being allowed to inhabit the warlock’s flesh, is willing to fight to defend the shared body.
Patron specifically seeks to cultivate adventurers and support them throughout their career, in a manner similar to a professional wrestler’s manager.
Warlock was a child sacrifice, offered live, at a dark altar; patron has an interesting definition of what ‘the child is now mine’ entails.
Patron is an alternate timeline ‘potential future’ of the warlock’s who is either trying to influence events to ensure their timeline or prevent it.
“ Patron likes blood but is disinterested in full-body sacrifices as their particular taste means that some people are exceptionally delectable to them, and it seeks to prolong those people’s lives as long as possible in exchange for semi-regular ‘blood donations’ “ This likely confuses most vampires.
Depending on your interpretations of vampires, you could roll this WITH a vampire as a patron. Just imagine an eccentric and highly out of touch ancient vampire noble who doesn’t get out much and is like a weird old high society uncle who chortles at your latest antics like ohohoh, delightful, take this and go give them what for, would you? and hands you an extremely evil sword.
good content
renaissance in the 21st century
some more
the WHAT??
okay, found her
some more good replies from the notes
do any of the fanboys saying momo has to show that much skin because she needs it to use her power wanna explain to me why bakugou wears gloves
valid point but also i forgot that bnha existed for a second and was very confused as to why people were arguing about a lemur being naked
I’M DYING THANK YOU
Same energy
trifecta
quadrifecta
“Tortilla” would match to “torta”, which….is a real Spanish word that just means cake, y’all.
Tortillas are little flat cakes.
in addition, mosca means fly
mosquito does mean little fly
lmfao
‘dump’ is an old adjective that meant “doughy” so “dumpling” is basically “little doughy thing”
Yes but that’s not funny.
Doro still at large

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finally, the thrilling radio play adaptation
lady dimmadome