meow

"Play toys with me or you're gay"

i bet that mario and luigi dont get pussy

And? Do you?

we’re not talking about me right now

labubu was meant to be hanging off a kindergartners backpack filthy as fuck with no eyes left

reblogging a funny low note count textpost on your dash made by your mutual's mutual kinda feels like walking up to two strangers on the street and laughing loudly at their joke

The cold hand of Death just touched me inappropriately

Dude I'm so fucking sorry but that was my poisoned meatball that I was saving for later and it fell out of my pocket while I was jogging and I didnt notice and like I'm sorry that your dog ate it but I also lost something of mine not only that but I also lost my canes naked bird tender wit a razor blade in it

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

your dog looked at me funny so naturally I had to fell it with one wicked blow