so i hate to do it but i’ll be dropping all three of my muses effectively after having posted this message. i would not be true to myself if i stuck around after the events that have happened today and that’s all i’ll say. i’m keeping up my blogs for haechan and yerim for an archive bc i am proud of the progress and writing i’ve posted for them. as for the future, haechan will continue to exist but not as rkhaechan. yerim will have moved back to chicago and yuqi back to canada. i’m sorry to say goodbye, i really am but this is really is the final blow and the final reason i needed to leave.
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yerim’s living her life in rosy glasses, going day by day through changing intensity of emotions. the giddiness is especially when she knows she’s going to spend time with heejin-- like tonight, when she’ll stay with heejin so over the next few days they can go to seocho together. the entire day is spent being way too excited and maybe a little distracted. ( though not enough to get in trouble, apparently. )
when she finally arrives to heejin’s apartment, she finds herself in almost a dreamlike state. upon seeing her girlfriend, she’s smiling like an idiot and leaning in to kiss her. “hey,” she says setting down her bag of clothes for the next few days. her hair is still wet from the shower she took before she came over after getting home from sphere and her attire is comfy clothes-- leggings and a plain t-shirt. “i should have brought food with me,” she says. “are you hungry? how are you?” yerim pauses before reaching out for heejin’s hand. “i missed you...”
yerim’s grown naturally into her trainee routine~ she doesn’t really go shopping or bake as much as she used to because she’s too busy. when she’s not training she’s catching up with school and her homework. she’s definitely stressed out trying to balance both and not necessarily let her trainee schedule outweigh her school, though it’s become that way inevitably.
––– - relationships ▪︎
yerim confessed to heejin after breaking up with hwi. truthfully, she wasn’t planning too and it wasn’t exactly the reason she broke up with him but she can’t deny that she has been in love with heejin ever since they became close friends -- with their history, it was solidified and heejin was always her first love. it was during the mga’s when yerim called heejin, while drunk, and confessed. the next week, heejin understood her feelings and they started dating soon after. currently, she and heejin try to go together to seocho, heejin staying at yerim’s twice a month for those days and then yerim at heejin’s. when they can’t be together, they try to facetime and call each other though doing this in the trainee building makes nervous because she doesn’t want staff to go through her phone.
––– - mental health ▪︎
yerim’s mood has been great since she’s been dating heejin. she feels stressed and tired but the honeymoon phase of her relationship keeps her in a great mood literally all the time, especially when she knows she’s going to see heejin or is thinking about/talking to her. i think once she graduates and she can focus more on training and, more importantly, heejin, she’ll be pretty satisfied with everything therefore after. ( unless something happens to mess her up... )
“yeah, it does.” saerom says with a smile, sitting down with yerim to eat their ice cream. saerom had been lucky, this evaluation, if they could call it that, had come at the perfect, divine timing; when saerom needed it the most. a moment to refresh herself before pursuing the rest of the year. and after everything that had gone on with seoyoung … saerom needed a moment away from training and sphere. it felt good to not have to do anything dancing, singing or rapping related for a weekend. although she couldn’t help but feel like it was somehow a waste of time.
saerom hums. “it’ll take some time to adjust to everything,” she says with a smile. “it’s hard work, but i would like to think that it’s all worth it in the end.”
“right,” yerim says nodding at saerom’s words and giving her a smile before she goes back to eating her ice cream. “there’s so much that i’ve learned already so it must be worth it. even if i don’t get to debut...” yerim chokes on her words for a moment but composes herself with a clearing of her throat to continue. “at least i’ll learned something and at least i’ll have made friends.”
suppose there’s always a lesson to be learned in life but yerim really hopes that this is more than a lesson. she’d want to keep her dream alive as best as she can and take the stage. she’d prove that she’s not a child anymore, someone who could be personable as she is skillful on stage. “i need to prove myself,” yerim says. “no matter what.”
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“Thanks for letting me do this,” Seokwoo says, twisted at his waist to count how many colours he had set there to be picked from. Happily reaching the number nine, and feeling satisfied that he’d gotten all of them out of his bag. He turned to face Yerim more, hands clasping over his knees and sitting up straighter. “Just tell me what colours you want. You can pick any, and then I’ll paint them prettily for you. I did it for my dongsaeng all the time, but she’s busy with school and I can’t try out the new colours on her.”
yerim really never paints her own nails-- at least not since she was in middle school and she was using recalled polish from claire’s. she usually saved her nails for the technicians who are trained to make her nails look better than they are but lately, with training she doesn’t have time or energy to keep up her nail routine. when seokwoo asks to practice his skills, she’s more than happy to let him paint over her boring natural nails.
“of course,” yerim says holding out her hands for seokwoo to work on. she’s impressed by his array of colors and how he seems to be very serious about doing a good job and furthering his skills. “oh, do you have a dark green? i’ve been really enjoying that color on my nails recently,” she tells him before he starts. “oh, that’s too bad. did you learn for her specifically?”
sakura rarely saw yerim these days. a friendship that she once kept to heart ( and still does to this very day ) but cannot talk to her on a daily basis due to busy agendas and trails of the past. though, it seems that she’ll be seeing her more around the seocho building. “hey there!” she tries to put on a smile the best she can, even though it’s a forced one. “they have me sending out these flyers for some odd reason..” she’s folded the papers in triangular shapes as it’s easy to manage than stuffing her whole backpack with the full sheets. “would you like to take one?”
yerim’s mind is somewhere else but it’s drawn back when she hears a soft voice calling her and beckoning her away from the daunting thoughts running through her head. “h-hey,” yerim says recognizing sakura when she finally turns around. her lips turn up into a smile and she reaches out to hug sakura. “long time no see! oh, you’re a trainee now.” yerim takes her flyer and waves it across her face with a smirk. “sign it for me?”
♡┊AUG ‘19 eval ( 190831 )
⤑ performing suga sweet with @rksomi & @rkiny ;*
yerim’s been plagued with thoughts of one thing this month-- not even training can take her mind off the fact that heejin is hers, and subsequently, she is heejin’s. it’s now official, the exchange of feelings that yerim’s been so confused about for the past two years, since she’d first realized just how in love with her best friend she is. so perhaps, she now lives her live with rosy glasses, walking around with a smile on her face, and feelings overwhelming her whenever she gets the chance to facetime heejin or walk with her into seocho.
but her feelings are overshadowed a bit by the looming possibility that this is dangerous for the both of them, especially since they’re both trainees since the finale of the fifth season of the mga’s. yerim’s quick to delete her texts to heejin in case one staff decides they want to go through her phone on any given day. she supposes, she’d have to do this if she were with a guy too but there’s a fear that’s even greater now that she’s with a woman-- what would they think of her if they knew?
she wonders what anyone who knew her would think if they knew-- putting aside that she’s the happiest she’s ever been, more in love than she ever thought she could be, what would they do if they found out? but she remembers to focus, thinking that nothing could ruin this for her, so she’d just have to be careful for both their sake’s.
the eval song that comes to her small group is almost too fitting when she thinks about it. she’s not sure if that’s why she’s so enthusiastic about performing it, but she does know that it’s a fun song and she’s happy that she gets to experience trainees from outside of sphere. she can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be from kt or trc so being able to meet up with somi and nayeon, it’s begun to be a peek into another ( albeit mostly similar ) world.
once they seemingly perfect the simple choreo along with their pronunciations, yerim feels proud. she knows that this was challenging for all three of them-- somi with singing, though she’s better than she gives herself credit for, and nayeon with learning some english along with japanese. she feels lucky to have been grouped with such talented individuals with skills that differ from herself. together, they look as though they were always meant to perform together, which is exactly what yerim wants for the end of the month.
before they’re called on stage, yerim tells the others that she’s taking them out for a fancy dinner, whether they like it or not. she feels an overwhelming urge to give them a group hug and when she steps back, smile on her face, she thinks that this is all very unlike herself-- and heejin is to blame.
during the performance, she finds herself looking over to the girls and smiling genuinely as they dance and sing along to the lyrics that have been memorized over the course of the past weeks. and the song ends happily, finishing on a high note, practically perfect, with a display of summer sweetness for everyone to eat up.
“we did it,” yerim says hugging them again with a light laugh. “maybe we should get to debut together, huh? now let’s go eat.”
nayeon was equally pleasant, she was really pretty (even more so up close) and somi could tell that she was talented. and if anything, she reminded her of chungha and wendy, so this ’extra motivation’ was probably sunflower seeds or something healthy to help with their sta– “cookies?” somi turns to nayeon, clutching the brown bag close to her chest with a smile. “i think we’ll do well too! we have you and yerim, unnie!”
“yeah, just some things to keep our energy up,” yerim says after being almost scrunched in a surprisingly winding hug from somi. she’d not really talked to somi since the mga’s but she remembers her face, remembers being not so friendly to her. however, since then, she likes to think she’s changed and being in somi’s presence was almost refreshing because she’s so positive and by the looks of it, forgiving. yerim smiles at her softly and sighs a little as she looks to nayeon who’s talking about cookies.
yerim stretches again and yawns, pushing her hair from her face before she decides to just put it up and get it out of the way. “should we start on learning the lyrics? or would it better to start working on the choreography?” she pulls out line the distribution with japanese pronunciation and translations, handing them to her eval partners. “nayeon got a lot of english parts, so we’ll have to work on that but thankfully, there’s two native english speakers here with you,” she says with an encouraging smile. “somi, how are you with confidence in singing?”
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yerim’s words were comforting, as simple as they may of been. “sisters have to take care of each other, right?” saerom says with a nod. a collective of sisters was always better than one or none.
yerim’s always believed in family-- the way that families can be more than just one thing and almost never are the perfect nuclear one that you’d see on children’s shows or read about in books growing up. no, family can take any shape and be anything, as long as there is love and respect. yerim’s family is not normal-- she’s adopted and she’s known it since she was old enough to understand and grasp that concept. sure, she had a mother and a father, siblings, but they weren’t related to her by blood. her parents chose her among, her brothers and sister and together, they became a family.
when she came to korea, she felt disconnected and it scared her. but soon enough, everything fell into place; heejin, jiwoo, jaemin, saebom, soojin, and then meeting her real sister, jihyo, by happenstance. it was as if, no matter where one ends up, as long as they’re willing, a family can be found anywhere. now that she was in sphere with luna, eve, saerom, she believed that to really be true. these could be the girls that she’d possibly debut with and they all meant the world to her now-- a team that needed to keep together if they were ever going to be successful.
“exactly,” yerim says again, reaching out to nudge saerom again and then give her a little laugh. “who else will fix your makeup, if not me, your very own sphere sister?” yerim keeps the smile on her face as she looks toward her friend. “you’ll come to me if you need anything, right? i want you to know you can trust me, okay?”
she finally shrugs and smiles at the other, waving her free hand in a so-so gesture. “i mean, no, nothing’s been happening for sphere girls exclusively, not with convex being so freshly debuted. they haven’t even had their one year anniversary yet, you know? it’ll probably be a while before we’re seriously considered. but i mean….i’ve been here for so long and have been training so much that it feels like it’d be a waste to quit now, you know? i intend to wait it out ‘til debut. and who knows? maybe once convex celebrates their one year in october, sphere will announce plans to debut the girls as their sister group or something. i don’t know, but baek jiyoung has gotta know what she’s doing, right? we’ve just gotta trust her.”
yerim nods listening to eve speak more about how time seems to not only fly by but catch up to her. it’s something to keep in mind when she thinks about dedicating time to a company because as much as yerim wants to keep her wit together and keep loyal to her time put into this, her dream was so elusive for so long that she was already making other plans for the many years ahead of her. she can’t help but think that in the end, four years, going on five, with no promise debut, she’d want to again, rethink her decision.
“ah, i see,” yerim says with a nod. “that makes sense.” and then it’s something eve says to counteract her previous train of thought. “would it be a waste?” she wonders aloud and then shakes her head. “you’re probably right. i mean i trust her more than tiger jk or hyun bin,” yerim says with a laugh. “what do you think of convex, by the way? do you like their concept? how are the members, i don’t know any of them. i think i’ve seen them only a handful of times yet and only in glimpses.”
while she still felt she needed a bit more time to fully warm up to her impending future training under trc, heejin did her best not to let her thoughts distract her from her current task. however, it’s difficult not to get distracted and resist the temptation of wrapping her arms around the other girl once she’s in heejins sights, a smile blooming on her lips instantly, so she doesn’t— with open arms and unending warmth, she pulls yerim in for a tight hug once she’s close enough. “yerm,” she speaks happily, pulling away slowly as she pulls a flyer from the stack she’s carrying. “i guess i’m official now— wanna take one of these and help lil ol’ me out?” her tone is playful, and as her eyes widen to mimic the look of a puppies, she holds out a flyer loosely.
yerim can’t help but feel a little worried about the full schedules that she and heejin have now. sure, she knows that they’ll make it work-- sleeping at each other’s apartments and finding days to meet in seocho. her overwhelming feelings of pride try to outway the feelings of worry and she’s so happy for heejin’s success. she feels heejin’s arms around her and she can’t help but close her eyes and hum, loving the way her girlfriend’s arms feel around her. “you’re official,” yerim repeats watching her pull a paper out from her stack of flyers. “of course.” her hand reaches out for the flyer but then it recedes. “but only in exchange for a kiss,” yerim says with a smile and an eyebrow arched.
saerom knows this. in the end, it’s all going to be worth it. the journey to stardom and success is and will never be easy, smooth sailing. it’s hard to go through everything without falling down and wanting to give up. what’s an experience without hardship? “i just hope i’m going to still be me at the end of this.” she admits curtly in response to yerim’s extremely inspiration speech. it’s a lot to take in, but she gets it. she understands. “hey yerim,” saerom murmurs under her breath. “t-thank you, i mean it.” she looks at the younger girl, the corners of her mouth turning upright. saerom’s cheeks are tear-stained, touched up by the help of yerim. “i’m really hoping we get to stand on the stage together one day. that’s what i want most now.”
“of course, i think so,” yerim says nudging saerom again. “i don’t lie, even when it’s probably beneficial for me.” she gives a small huff of a laugh and looks down to her fingernails, staring at the gap in the acrylic where her naked fingernail is showing slightly. she looks over to saerom again, smiling and keeping her head up high.
she has to understand these doubts saerom is having because she’s been in the same position. failing all of her previous auditions only brought her the success to be here and meeting saerom, reconnecting with luna, and getting to see her sister everyday was so worth the hardship that she had endured.
yerim’s eyes keep to saerom’s face when she thanks her and her smile turns soft an understanding, giving a nod. she nudges saerom again and then nods at her words. “me too,” yerim says almost above a whisper. “now that... i’ve met you, and all the other girls in sphere, i don’t think i could picture being anywhere else. just doesn’t feel right?” yerim smiles again, eyes melting into half moons. “we’re sisters now, okay?”
“ah, i’ve always thought that you got your good looks from me. even if that was just a few months ago.” jihyo deiced that yerim looked more like her and not that man. even thinking about him upset her a little. but this wasn’t the time. “i guess it’ll always be a sort of competition.” that couldn’t be denied. “but it doesn’t have to be a bad one, you can still have fun and collaborate with people. you might debut together. just enjoy the moment and make sure you focus on bettering yourself, go at your face. don’t compare.” she paused, “good enough? i’m not good advice. i tend to make the bad choices…well depending on who you ask.”
“is there something brewing in your life?” yerim says raising an eyebrow and looking to her sister with an amused look. “are you going to tell me or do i have to force it out of you, hm? wait, lemme guess. you’ve won an all inclusive cruise and you’re taking me with you?” yerim lets out a laugh and keeps walking, bent on trying one of the ramen restaurants nearby the sphere building.
“oh, of course,” she says nodding. “you are definitely the defining person to inspire my looks. i’d be nothing without you.” yerim knows that jihyo has an issue with even thinking about their birth father and for yerim, she’s learned to compartmentalize and deal with him only in terms of biology and when realizing she has a whole other person that shares part of her dna. but to her, he’s not family and there’s no point in calling him her father when she already has one that could never be topped or replaced.
“that’s true,” yerim says. “definitely good advice. i think i’ve worked so hard to be here, that now it seems like i can just breathe. i can focus on myself and learn from others and that seems like something i’ve never really been able to do before.” yerim pauses and looks toward her sister as they enter the street and make their way to the restaurant for lunch. “what do you mean bad choices?”
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stretching in the practice room, yerim finds herself surrounded by faces she hasn’t seen in awhile but it feels nice to reach outside her company for a moment and experience trainees that are running on different schedules and with different skills. this eval seems not simple, but challenging in a way that makes sense for yerim. thankfully they’ve all agreed on japanese, which should sound nice while they sing, even if they’re not fluent.
“i brought you guys some things!” yerim says handing nayeon and somi both pretty brown paper bags with vitamin drinks, protein bars, and a few gift cards to nike. “these should ensure we do well,” yerim says giving them both a smile. “i also brought a lot of water so we keep hydrated. we should do well, right? i’m confident we balance each other well at least.”
hi i love you so much! whenever i plot w you i feel special and like somebody likes my muses! you're such a nice mun and i appreciate your kindness a lot!!! i love rkyerim so much!!! i really like the way you write for her ^^
omg thank you so much~ you are special and i bet loads of people like your muses! i’m glad i can remind you of that ♡ ( also bless, yerim thanks you for this praise )
