Code:17 -Hold out hope-

"Hey, Riku."

You called your boyfriend who was craddling you from behind while playing with your fingers. Somehow, this position caused you to be unable to move elsewhere.

"Hm? What is it?" His voice was soft as he replied to you.

You took a deep breath. You could almost hear your own gulp clearly as you braced yourself to say your next words.

It needed to be done. You can't lie to yourself anymore. This uneasiness had slowly drive you insane.

Seemingly to notice your stress, Riku continued his words with a tone full of care and warmth. But somehow, it ended up causing you to tremble more in fear.

"Take your time, I'm guessing it must be something important."

You tried hard to calm yourself despite your choked breathing. You felt like throwing up.

"R, Riku... let's, let's break up."

The moment you said that, you could feel the hand gripping yours tensed up immediately.

"Come again?" His voice toned down eerily. "No, no, I don't mean to frighten you, sorry." As he said that, his other hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer to his embrace.

"Did I do something wrong? I am still terribly in love with you in case it isn't obvious."

You knew fully well that he still loves you, so terribly deeply in fact that his love felt nauseating.

"No... It's not your fault..."

"Then what is it? What caused my dear young lady to look so troubled?"

You almost instinctively said 'you' when he asked that. But the words stuck in your throat, forcing it out took every power you could muster and it still came only as a whisper.

"Me... I'm... I'm scared, Riku."

"Again?"

Riku thought to himself, it wasn't like this is the first time his love scares others. But, no, not this time. He wasn't willing to let you go.

"What are you scared of? I never hurt you, nor do I plan to. I want to love you, and receive your love in return. That's all. That's... all I ever wanted." There was misery when he said that, something he never showed to others except you.

He didn't want to let you go, he loved you too much for that.

"I love you, I love you so dearly. I will go insane if you leave me, is that okay with you? After everything I've done you wanted to leave me?"

His words caused guilt to return to you. It wasn't like you didn't think it over before you asked to break up with Riku. Everything was nice, everything you wanted was given to you by him, he was everything but devoted to you.

"I, I don't really think I deserve to be loved, especially by you, Riku. You're so amazing, you're capable of everything... While, it may sounds very pathetic, but I really think I don't deserve to be with you."

Riku just listened to your talk, allowing you to say everything on your mind while calculating his next words. You could still feel the intensity of his feelings on his hand as he gripped you.

With a shaky voice, you continued your words.

"I feel ashamed to be with someone as dependable as you... I got everything from you while never giving you anything back. It made me feel so guilty, like I'm so useless. I'm honored that you're able to love someone like me, but it's starting to feel... Too much. All the things you did, all of your feelings."

Taking a deep breath, again, you finally tried to look at his face from the corner of your eyes as you finished your reasoning.

"I think... we're not meant for each other."

When you said that, Riku leaned to kiss your lips. Catching you off guard and confused by his sudden unpredictable actions.

It wasn't long, though. But it was intense, like he was taking all the air in your lungs. As if he was stopping you from thinking even further.

It was his turn to talk.

"Say, my young lady."

His voice when he called you has never been more chilling than before. His eyes seemed darker than usual, his embrace felt even tighter than you realized.

There was a clear hint of possessiveness.

"If you're not the one meant for me, then who is it?"

Your breath stopped in your throat. No one hurt you but why do you feel like being hit so hard? Since when did his love feel so suffocating?

"You're saying as if I never got anything from you, but it's quite the opposite, I feel like I'm unable to return how you make me feel so happy to be in love."

"Then it doesn't need to be me, right?"

"No, it needs to be you. I want to die with you, with our ashes mixing with each other in death. It must be you since it's you who I love."

It's not that Riku would go insane if he broke up with you. He was already insane right now.

"You hold the responsibility for making me love you, young lady." He lifted up your body so you faced him. He was smiling, as usual. "So, don't even think of leaving me. It makes me sad, you know?"

His fingers touched your leg, slowly trailing down, feeling the goosebumps all over your body.

"Or else, I don't know what I might do to keep you by my side. Do you know that if your tendon is cut here you couldn't ever walk again?"

You immediately struggled to be away from him when he said that, eyes full of horror as you watched your biggest mistake in life.

You shouldn't ever love him, and you shouldn't ever make him love you.

You kicked him when he still didn't let go, causing him to jerk in pain. But after all, he's still a man, so your attempt was futile.

"Ouch ouch, we don't want the worst to happen. So just stay, I won't do anything to you if you behave. I'll even allow you to go out, to talk with others, we could still live the same as before." His hand pushed the back of your head, causing his face got closer to you until he's the only one you could see.

All sense of your whole being was telling you that he was dangerous. A beast that found its prey, knowing fully well that you could be devoured easily.

"As long as you keep loving me who loves you, then I'll make you the happiest woman alive."

"Riku..." You were holding your tears, feeling so pathetic with your current predicament. You knew that even if you asked for help, you would lose because everyone knew how faithful he is and his cunning words. The same one that caused you to end up in this muddy swamp he called love. They wouldn't believe his coercion and insanity towards you since he was able to mask it very well.

"Oh dear, don't cry." He brushed the corner of your eye, but you couldn't stop the tears from flowing from how pathetic you felt right now.

"Please, please just let me go... I can't with this. I'd rather die."

"Then, shall we die together?"

His words didn't sound like a joke.

In fact, in spite of your tears, you could clearly see how serious he is.

"If I'm going to lose you for real by letting you leave me, then it's better for us to gamble whether we'll be together in the afterlife."

Once again, he is insane.

"I'll allow you to die, but only if we die together. So, do you want it?"

You hate Riku for how much he knew you wouldn't be able to do it. There was no way you're going to bring him to death with you.

"Oh, and if you think of suicide, I'll also follow you as soon as I feel you're no longer breathing. So, don't worry, I won't let you be lonely for long." He pulled you for a hug, caressing your head affectionately as he placed his cheek to your hair.

"I hate you." You said while trembling in his arms.

"They do say that love and hate is just separated by a thin line. If you think of me, even if it's hatred, it's enough to make me happy to be in love with you." Riku replied with a smile.

"I know everything about you, from what you like to eat, your preference in clothes, every person you've talked to, until the fact that you're supposed to be mine. Yet I also know that your heart belongs to someone else."

"I don't want to return to our happiest time. I want to spend each and every memories together with you. From the most painful until the sweetest moments, I want you to be always beside me."

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I keep telling you that, I always showed you that love of mine. Are love supposed to be this painful?"

"I loathe being lonely. I despised loneliness. And I also hated the way every time silence came, my mind wanders towards our memories together in the past."

"Don't leave me too. I can stand being avoided, I don't mind you hated me, I know you want me to disappear. But dear, don't leave me alone in this loneliness. Losing you is even more painful than death itself."

"This heart of mine belongs to you, and it'll always be yours for eternity."

A:"Why are you staring at me?" B:"I'm looking at my favorite thing in the world."

A:"What's this?" B:"Breakfast! I make it for you!" A:"Why is the detergent bottle beside the stove?"

"Every person has many different faces. For me, I have 3, the first is towards strangers, second is for those I'm close with, and the third is just for you."

"What is the use of love language when I'm going to do everything you need and want flawlessly while also accepting everything you're going to do or give to me with my whole heart?"

"I wonder how you'll look like when I die without ever saying "I love you" to you? Aah, it'll be the best revenge ever. I'll be patiently waiting for that day to come."

"Can I believe you'll be waiting for me until I come back?"

A:"people said that after 5 years of marriage it isn't love anymore, it just become a habit of them to be together." B:"Well those people are wrong. I love you. What do you want for dinner?"

"In this life, I'll fulfill all of your wish that I failed to do in my last life. This time, I'll give you the happiness that you deserved."

"It's because you're precious to me that I'm letting you go. Your wish is my commands, and your happiness has always been my happiness."

"We may be killing dragons and in a big journey of saving the world, but to be honest, if I have the chance, I would much preferred to live with you without any problems besides tending our little garden.”

"You called me with a thousand nicknames but never even once you've ever called me by my name."

"We started off as friends, and then we became lovers. The problem is, our feelings never changes, we saw each others merely as a friend, never more, never less. That 'love' everyone dreamed about never existed between us."

"We have everything in this world except time."

"Thank you for teaching me what is the meaning of love to this despised me. I love you."

"I know that you don't care about me, and that you'll never cry because of me. But at the very least, when I die, will you attend my funeral?"

"I don't deserve any happiness. I am a sinner. This hand of mine has taken countless things from others, my own sins are crushing me as we talk. Nevertheless, I'm still breathing, and this life is a punishment for me."

"I hope in the next time when you wake up, you won't be greeted by the sea of blood anymore. I sincerely wish that you'll live in the beautiful scenery, just like the flowers in those paintings."

"I'm sorry. Although you've done everything for me because of your love for me, I could only feel my guilt towards you. The everlasting pain from the one I love will never cease forever."

"There's a lot of mistakes someone could never avoid in their life, but my biggest mistake in this life is placing my trust in you."

"It's my fault… What's the use of this pain from regrets when I can't do anything about it anymore…"

"In spite of everything that had happened, in the end, I still love this world."

"Everything just turn to the same things before you come to my life and yet I wonder why everything feels so different now."

"To others, it may seems like a trivial matter, a simple one, if I must say. But for him, that "good bye" is his greatest nightmare."