A little introduction,,, I'm rivi!, currently obsessed with Avatar. I like writing angst and fluff, PLATONIC AND FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS!!!! I like taking requests so feel free to talk to me in my asks!! <33 luv music so always looking for recs and I'm always down to talk abt Avatar or other things!
Neteyam:
Would stardust fix us? (7 part series master list)
Ao'nung:
A long way home (5 part series)
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5(1/2) Part 5(2/2)
Two eyes, a hundred word
Jake Sully:
Maite. (platonic daughter!reader)
Like the Wind in Your Grasp (Platonic familial reader)
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Synopsis: Your training with Neteyam continues, but you're also offered time to really enjoy the forest and your friends. Time moves fast, overwhelmingly fast, but you'll do fine.
Warnings: sick!reader, mentions of puking
word count: 9.4k
Author's note: sorry it took so long to update! overwhelmed with school right now but im writing when i can <3
âWith Neytiri, itâs learn fast or die.â You sit at your desk watching Jakeâs old logs, you know what heâs gonna say, but you still watch it, hoping for some hint that might help with your lessons.Â
Neteyam seems to take a similar approach to his mother, throwing you into the deep end, but he at least seems to keep a life vest on you. Youâre grateful. Jake was an ex-marine; he had experience with hardships and intense training. You were a measly, sickly girl. You doubt you would have survived Neytiriâs methods.Â
Still, a part of you wishes it were her teaching you. She was just as calm as Neteyam, but she wasn't as suffocating to be around. Itâs been a few weeks since Neteyam started training you, and so far, all heâs done is take you through the forest and village.
To be fair, his lessons were valuable, in-depth explanations of their way of life and connection to the forest. Youâd seen plenty of fauna from afar in your time with him, and it amazed you every time. Â
You wanted to see all of it. Be a part of all of it.
-
âRaise your arm!â He hisses, nudging your elbow with his hand. You purse your lips as you follow the direction. The bowstring is starting to cause an ache where it meets the bend of your knuckles, your arms are sore, and youâre tired of staring at the same target for so long.
You wish you were back in the forest, walking for hours on end; at least you could move by your own will and enjoy the scenery.Â
Youâve been practicing archery for the past several hours now. At first, he demonstrated and had you examine his form. He then had you pose alongside him, allowing you to adjust yourself before he made corrections. He made you practice entering and leaving the form for at least half an hour before he thought you were ready, and you started adding in the arrows.
Pulling arrows from the quiver was harder than you expected; the angle and length proved difficult for you. You thought maybe you had a faulty one until Neteyam pulled one out, shot it, and pulled another out before you could even blink. Truly, maybe youâre out of your head like Spider and Max thinkâŚ
You had to practice pulling from a back and leg quiver and positioning until you were at an âacceptableâ speed and proficiency before he even let you shoot it.
The humiliation you felt was more than you thought possible. You havenât even hit the target yet; the closest youâve gotten was at least several inches away. Heâd make you hold your form after you shot so he could nitpick and point out what you did wrong.Â
You wanted to scream, go off on him about his attitude and aggression. It seemed that everything you did was wrong in his eyes, and it infuriated you.
Your form is too slouchy. Your arms were angled wrong. You didnât pull the bow back enough. You pulled it too much. Your feet were too close. Too far apart. You waited too long. You didnât wait long enough.
There was something wrong every goddamn time! You know Neteyam is a strict teacher, but this is literally your first time seeing a bow and arrow outside of annoyingly pixelated images in the hundreds of files youâve read.
The more he pushed you, the more you hurt, and the worse you got, so the more he pushed you. It was a cruel feedback loop. The worst part was how stoic he was.
He just stood there, nitpicking your form and poking at your body. But he was nothing but truthful and blunt in whatever he said. So you couldnât fight back, lest you seem like a crybaby.Â
A part of you wanted to cry. Your progress with Neteyam was constantly wavering. One moment, you were joking and conversing steadily; the next, he was gruff and cold. You wanted to pull your hair out, and you wanted to cry. Your only saving grace was that he never revoked his approval. When he complimented you or acted like he was proud, he stood his ground on it.Â
His faith in what you were good at never wavered, and for that, you were grateful. You just wish it were easier to gain his faith.Â
âKeep your eyes on your target, right where you want to hit.â He demanded. âIf your body is in tune with your mind, the arrow will follow.â He said it like it was easy. You wonder if he was a prodigy, if he never had to go through a learning curve. You really wish that wasnât the case; prodigies are never good teachers.
You pull back the bow, the arrow notched and resting between your fingers. You pull it tight, hovering right by your eye as you zero in on the bullseye. You breathe in and out, letting your breath go right as you do the arrow.Â
The arrow flies through the air, grazing right by the target and lodging itself in the tree behind it. Your lips curl into a frown, disappointment and embarrassment swirling in your throat.Â
âAgain.â Neteyamâs voice rings through the silence of the field. Taking a breath, you draw another arrow and notch it. As you pull back, Neteyam steps around you, âYou did well, youâre getting better.â his breath right in your ear.Â
You hold your form, focusing on the target. Neteyam's hands reach up, ghosting over yours as he matches your position right behind you. You can feel the heat of his skin, and it burns where it meets yours.Â
âSteadyâŚâ He whispers, âLook at the target.â With the slightest touches and movements, he adjusts your form, slowly molding you until you're a mirror of him, skin grazing and burning against each other.
You watch the target, eyes locked on the bullseye. Your body molds to your mind.Â
âGo.â His voice is barely audible, but you hear it, so you let go, the feathers grazing your cheek as it glides past you. It hits the target, two rings right of the bullseye, but you hit it.
A gasp of disbelief leaves your lips, a smile forming in its wake. You turn to Neteyam, wide-eyed and staring at him with excitement. He meets you with a grin, hand resting on your shoulder as yours meets his chest.Â
âI did it.â You breathe out. âI did it!â The words come out just as breathy, but much more excited. You resist the urge to jump up and down, just grinning at the boy in front of you as you soak in your accomplishment.Â
He squeezes your shoulder. âWhat did I tell you?â His free hand comes up, finger pointing to your forehead and dragging down to rest between your collarbones. âIf your mind is strong, your body will follow.â
For a moment, both of you are still. Standing barely a few inches apart, you could feel when he breathed out.
Your eyes meet his. Theyâre intense, staring down at you as if he meant to be looking at your bones.Â
Heâs close. So close. Heâs been close before, but nothing like this. Before, he was checking you for injuries, or holding you close for safety, or whispering something to you in the quiet of the forest. There was a reason.
But now he's close, for no reason other than the fact that neither of you has made the effort to move. You can feel the heat radiating off his skin.Â
His eyes draw down to where his finger lazily rests between your collarbones. Slowly, his hand flexes, ever so slightly, his other fingers reach forward to ghost against your skin.Â
The space between you two is buzzing. You feel choked up, like your lungs are full and your face is on fire.Â
His eyes meet yours.
âAgain.â He demands.
You spend hours in the forest with Neteyam. After he decides youâve practiced enough with the bow, he leads you deeper into the forest, creeping through the brush, watching the environment around him.Â
Youâre starting to recognize what's around you. The flow of energy, how things move. Neteyam sees it too.Â
He doesnât think heâll ever get over how easily you blend in with the forest, always thinking back to the day he found you, how he had to stalk you so carefully as not to lose you.Â
Heâs worried every time heâs with you and he can't see or hear you.Â
Youâre getting too good at this. Youâre learning to be silent, to stalk, to become one with the forest, and itâs driving him mad because he always fears heâs going to turn around and youâll be gone.Â
Itâs because heâs responsible for you, he reasons. He needs to keep you safe, and the forest is impossibly dangerous. Thatâs why.Â
Hours turn into days. Youâre in the forest endlessly. You don't complain.Â
You can feel yourself getting stronger, faster. You can climb higher, and you can move quietly. You see more than you ever have.Â
And Neteyam is right beside you.Â
Youâre always with him. He places his hands on yours as you graze them across the luminescent moss, the vines, and the plants. He draws close to you to whisper in your ear, pointing at bugs and animals in the distance.Â
You grow used to it, how close he always is, but the burn never ceases.Â
Itâs dark when you get back to the village. Spider had probably returned home hours ago. Many in the clan were sleeping, but some were awake. You recognized the ones who were always up in the late hours, receiving smiles and nods as you passed by, giggling to Neteyam about the bug that had crawled onto you earlier.
âIt was on my finger, and it was glowing so beautifully. I didnât touch it, but it jumped into my face!â You exclaimed, keeping your voice low, and you recalled the event, explaining why you had fallen straight onto your ass on your walk back.Â
Neteyam shakes his head with a smirk. âYouâre distracted and startled so easily.â He states, tilting his head at you. âGood thing you are not becoming a warrior.â
You cross your arms, huffing dramatically. âWell, I could be. I just donât like killing.â He reaches over and flicks your forehead, drawing a giggle from you.Â
âYeah, yeah, whatever you say.â He drawls. âItâs not like itâs a bad thing; balance is needed. Warriors are not the only people necessary to the clan.â
You hum in response, simmering on his words. You knew youâd never be a warrior; it wasnât your style. You were a scientist. But scientists werenât a thing amongst the Naâvi, so finding your place wasnât going to be as easy as it was for Jake.Â
The silence between the two of you is comfortable, you realize. Itâs only been so long since heâs been training you, but youâve spent so much time with him. Still, there's a layer of tension, buried beneath the comfort and growing familiarity.Â
You approach your tent, and your pace slows. Stopping just outside the entrance, you turn to him, a soft smile on your lips as you look up to him.
The silence. It's so comfortable yet so suffocating, like you want to drown in it. He watches you carefully.Â
âYou will ride the Paâli,â he starts. âAnd after, I will teach you to weave.â His voice is quiet, soft, and barely carries through the air between you. But you hear him, and you feel a heat in your chest.Â
Shyly, you smile. It is one thing for you to learn their ways of life, for you to prance around the forest and learn to exist within it. It is another for you to learn their culture. This is your first real step into coming into the clan.Â
Neteyam watches you, how you smile, biting your lip, and looking down at your fingers. How you wring them together, the tilt of your head, how your hair, still unbraided and wild from your expedition, falls across your shoulders.Â
He wants to brush it aside, out of your face, behind your ear.Â
He clenches his fist.Â
âI will see you tomorrow.â
You watch as he leaves, disappearing into the brush, leaving you in your tent. After a moment, you turn, crawling into your hammock.Â
You close your eyes, and you canât breathe.Â
Your chest is tight, it burns, and you feel your throat constrict.Â
You thrash around, pushing at the door of the link pod, fighting against the technology as you claw at your chest.Â
It hurts, and youâre panicking. You heave, you wheeze, throwing yourself out of the pod and onto the ground. On your hands and knees, you suck in deep breaths of air, but itâs not enough. Your eyes sting and water.Â
âY/n, deep breaths!â You hear Normâs voice through your wheezing, his hands running across your back, curling around your shoulders, and pulling you up.Â
Sitting on your knees, he moves in front of you. âIn and out, Y/n, in and out.âÂ
Slowly, your panic subsides. The burning in your lungs fades, soothed by your steady breaths of air. Still, youâre shaking, eyes locked onto Norm as he breathes in sync with you.Â
If you look away, youâre afraid youâll break down. Youâve had attacks like this before, but they never get any less scary.Â
Youâre weak. Youâre always teetering on death, and itâs moments like these that scare you the most. You take in a deep breath.
Itâs not as fresh as the air outside.Â
You pull yourself from Normâs arms, leaning on the link pod as you stand up, ignoring his insistence that you take it slow.Â
You can feel fatigue pulling at your eyes and your muscles aching and sore. You drag yourself through the lab, fighting your yawns, ignoring Norm following behind you tentatively.Â
Itâs dark in your room, refusing to turn on the fluorescent lights, relying on the shine of the stars through the window to lead you to your bed.Â
The more youâre in the forest, the more wrong it feels to look at the stars through your window.
-
You were a little late to wake up, sleeping through your first few alarms until Max came in and nudged you awake. He insisted you eat breakfast, leading you away from the link pods and towards the table with a chuckle.Â
It was just you two, you noticed. Max told you Norm was focused on a fragile sample, and Spider left early. You resisted the urge to frown. Your time with Spider was dwindling with the days, and even though you slept in, Spider wasn't usually gone this early.Â
You scarfed down your breakfast, brushing off Maxâs reprimands with a smirk before booking it to the link pods.Â
Neteyam wasnât one to like tardiness, and you wanted to keep the good dynamic youâd worked to build with him.Â
Waking up in your avatar is one of the best feelings, you think. The immediate relief you feel. Your muscles, though sore from training, werenât weak. You felt energized, the buzz of the forest vibrating on your skin.Â
You hummed as you made your way into the village, smiling and greeting Naâvi you passed. Thankfully, you hadnât overslept egregiously, and breakfast was still going.Â
It was easy, weaving through the crowd, fixing your portion, and finding a place to sit. You didnât feel the weight you felt on your first morning here. Yes, many were still curious or wary of you, but theyâd grown comfortable and used to your presence.Â
As you took bites of your breakfast, you spotted a familiar figure bounding through the crowd. You barely had enough time to set aside your food before Tuk was throwing herself into your lap, giggling and wrapping her arms around your neck.Â
âOh, Tuk Tuk, youâre energetic as always.â You purr at her, smiling as you run your fingers through her short braids.Â
âItâs been forever, Y/n! Neteyamâs hogging you!âÂ
Her words pull a chuckle from you. Sheâs always so blunt. Youâre about to respond when Loâak sits next to you, tugging at a strand of your hair. âYeah, no kidding.â
âGood morning to you too, Loâak.â You drawl, side-eyeing the boy as he rests his chin on his hand, grinning at you.Â
He just stares at you for a moment, a shit-eating grin on his face. Before you could think to comment on it, you felt a hand rest on your head.Â
âExcited to see us, Birdie?â You glance over to see Spider standing at your other side. He smirks, tilting his head at you. âYouâre ours today.â
Your brows furrow at his statement, glancing between him and Loâak, the two just staring at you, satisfied.
âI already talked to Jake. Today's gonna be your day off!â Spider explains, patting your back.
Tuk squeals in your lap, bouncing up and down excitedly. Before you could say anything, Loâak was pulling you up and leading you through the village, Tuk holding onto your other hand as she bounced along your side, Spider trailing beside Loâak.Â
âSo, Neteyam knows?â You blurt out as the Naâvi boy drags you wherever he planned to take you.Â
You could only see his side profile, but you could see how he rolled his eyes, his lip quirking in a sense of disgust.
âYeah, sure, probably.â He dismisses. He glances at you, the look in his eyes shifting slightly. âYouâre gonna have so much more fun with us, I promise.âÂ
And back was his signature sly smirk, that look that told you he had plans that would only further solidify his title as a troublemaker. Often, it was simple, harmless things. But Loâak, and your brother in tow, had a way of making things so much worse. A gift or a curse, depending on who you ask or how much fun they had.Â
This wasnât planned, you know that. Neteyam wouldnât neglect to tell you if he knew last night. A part of you wants to pull away, stop in your tracks, and find Neteyam and tell him that you still want to do what he had planned. You wanna tell him this wasnât your idea, that you wanna learn their ways faster and better. You donât wanna disappoint him.
But Tuk is giggling next to you, babbling about everything she wants to do with you, far too much to fit into one day. Loâak is grinning at you like he always does, and you feel comfortable. It's strange, being outside the lab with him and Spider. It reminds you that youâre not in some simulation or fantasy, that this is actually happening, that in your life, youâre actually outside in Pandora.Â
So, you smile at Loâak and nod. He pulls you to the healer's tent, peaking inside and whistling at Kiri, who promptly glared at him as if to ask, âWhat do you want?â
Her expression changed, though, when he tugged you closer, pulling you so you were peeking in with him. She lit up, gasping and turning to Moâat with a âIâll help you tomorrow, Grandmotherâbye!â before bounding out of the tent
âYouâre with us today?â She asks, wrapping her hands around your bicep. Sheâs grinning and looking at you like she really, really wants you to say yes.Â
You giggle, nodding your head as she jumps up and down, Tuk copying her in her own excitement.Â
âBefore we go, I have something to give you.â She states, intertwining her fingers with yours. You glance back at Spider and Loâak as she starts pulling you along. They just shrug and trail behind you.Â
âWhat is it?â You ask tentatively, raising your brows with a smirk. She simply smiles back at you and draws out a âyouâll see.â
She pulls you into their Marui, telling Loâak and Spider to stay outside, ignoring their objections and telling them itâll only take a second. Your hands separate when she crouches down to rifle through one of her bags.Â
You peek around her shoulder, curious to get a glimpse, but she turns around with a grin before you can. âI finished it a few weeks ago, but I wanted to wait till the right time.â She explains, glancing between you and the bundle she has scrunched in her hands.
Delicately, she unravels it, a web of strings and beads falling down to reveal a beaded top. Your lips part and your eyes widen as you gaze down at it. Tuk squeals, hands wrapped around your wrist, as she tells you about how it was her and Kiriâs idea, how she helped pick out the beads, and what the design should be.
You canât take your eyes off of it, the swirling twine and vibrant beads. Itâs beautiful. âYou made this?â The question leaves your lips, quiet and amazed, as you reach forward to drape the top over your hands.
Kiri nods, placing the top in your hands. âI made a matching tewng too.â A grin forms on her lips. âThought maybe you could stop wearing these ugly clothes.â She pinches your shirt, pulling at it as you roll your eyes.Â
âCâmon, try it on!â Tuk demands, shaking your arms. A wave of insecurity washes over you. Youâve never worn something like this. Youâve only ever worn old human clothes, even in your avatar body.Â
This feels personal. You know how revealing it is isn't a problem; your brother practically only ever wears a tewng, and has been since he was a kid. Itâs just that you never have.Â
You take a deep breath. Kiri made this for you, and Tuk helped. This was a gift, and itâs proof of your freedom. You pull your clothes off, the old fabric falling to the ground as Kiri steps behind you, laying the top over your chest and pulling the strings behind your neck. After she ties it, she grabs the tewng, showing you how to tie it securely.Â
Itâs an intimate moment. You feel so vulnerable, but the feel of the beads and string on your skin, and the air touching what had been covered by your old clothes, makes you feel like you can really breathe.Â
She steps back in front of you, taking your new look in. You resist the urge to look down, blushing and fiddling with your fingers.Â
She tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. âLetâs go.âÂ
Spider showers you in compliments as you step out of the Marui, and it's only his words that make you perk up. He looks at you with pride, like he was really looking at you for the first time. Thatâs what it feels like. Like for the first time, when eyes land on you, theyâre looking at you.Â
Loâak looks at you with an expression you canât quite place, like heâs happy but in a bittersweet way.Â
âYouâre becoming one of us; itâs about time you looked like it.â He states, intertwining his fingers with yours as he starts pulling you along out of the village. âNow câmon, weâre losing daylight.â
The forest moves around you, pulsing with a newfound vibrancy as you move through it with your friends.Â
Spider stays close by you, nudging your arm to point things out or just watching you thrive in the environment. He always knew you would.Â
He wonât lie and say heâs not jealous of your avatar. Heâs spent his entire life feeling out of place among the Naâvi, like he stuck out in the forest. A part of him wishes he had an avatar as well. But more than anything, heâs happy to see you outside.
Youâre not stuck behind white walls anymore, bound to your bed and hooked up to IVs and living through stories and the computer screen.Â
Itâs weird being the same height as Kirk and Loâak, being able to look down at Tuk. Itâs especially weird being taller than your brother, whoâs tall even for a human. But none of them comment on it; none of them act as if whatâs happening is out of the ordinary.
Kiri pulls you to the ground, lying down in the grass next to you. She giggles, telling you how right it feels to have you next to her in the forest. You intertwine your fingers, laying your head on her stomach as she asks you about your training.
Youâre not sure how long you lay there, staring into the trees above you as you talk endlessly with Kiri. There are moments of quiet, of comfortable silence, but thereâs also seemingly endless conversation topics.Â
You can feel the energy of the forest as you lie with her, as if itâs pulsing with her breath. You always knew Kiri had a strong connection with Eywa, unrivaled as far, but itâs mesmerizing to watch it happen. How âAtokina float down around you both, ghosting across your skin.
âPerhaps Grandmother would like having you in the healing tent with her.â Kiriâs words carry through the clearing, soft and melodic.Â
âOr maybe Iâll be a gatherer.â You offer. âI mean, Iâve studied these plants all my life.âÂ
Kiri hums, running her fingers across your forehead and through your hair. She was pleased to know your training with Neteyam was progressing well, and you were ready to start your first steps into entering the clan, offering ideas as to where youâd fit in best.
âOr,â You can hear the amusement in her voice. âYouâll be an artisan.â She prompted, sitting up as a laugh left your lips. âIâm serious! You always enjoyed stories when you were younger; perhaps you could create and retell them.â
You moved to match her, leaning on your arms as you looked at her with amusement.Â
âOr youâll find you have a hidden talent for weaving.â She tacks on.
All you do is giggle, tilting your head at her as she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. It was sweet how involved Kiri wanted to be in your becoming apart of the clan, as if it was something sheâd been waiting for.Â
You smile at her. âIf I have a place in the clan, I will find it.â
She makes a face at your words, snaking her hand forward to re-intertwine your fingers. âYou do have a place.â She states
The two of you sit in silence for a moment, taking in each other's presence before you hear someone approaching.Â
âY/n!â Tuk calls out, breaching the clearing and bounding towards you, Loâak and Spider in tow. âTry this! Itâs my favorite fruit; itâs so sweet!â The words tumble from her lips like an avalanche.
You giggle, taking the fruit from her hands and biting into it, your eyes widening as the sweetness floods your mouth, juice dripping from your chin.Â
âOh my goodnessââ You mumble out, interrupting yourself to take another bite, ignoring how Spider laughs at your no doubt unseemly demeanor. Tuk sitting herself infront of you, raving about how good it is.Â
Youâve tried plenty of fruit; youâve been eating and living with the clan for weeks now, so youâve tried a multitude of foods and dishes. You werenât sure there was much else to try, especially with how Neteyam insisted upon trying new fruits with you during your training sessions.Â
Kiri leans over, taking a bite from the fruit when you offer it wordlessly. She nods in approval, ruffling Tukâs braids and leaning in to take another bite.Â
âPretty good, right?â Loâak asks, now squatting next to you with a smirk. You nod in agreement, taking another bite and smiling as he chuckled. As you pull back, Loâak reaches over and wipes away the juice coating your chin.Â
The action was soft, methodical as his thumb swiped across your chin and lower lip. As if it were the most casual thing in the world, his hand lingered tentatively.Â
âCâmon, we have more to show you.â And heâs off, disappearing into the brush, Spider and Tuk following after him. Kiri wraps her hand around your arm, hoisting you up and dragging you along, mumbling something about Loâak always running ahead and getting everyone lost.Â
You and Kiri follow the trail of voices through the forest; giggles and banter, echoes against the greenery and trees. You munch on the fruit, handing the last bite to Kiri as you approach the tree your friends started to climb.Â
Youâre better at climbing, far better than when you first started. The calluses on your hands, the muscles in your arms and legs. Youâre not as fast as the others, but you keep a good pace.Â
The tree is tall. So incredibly tall, you refuse to look down, even to glance at Kiri climbing below you. You feel like you should be scared. But youâre not. For a moment, you think back to your first day in the forest with Neteyam, how he caught you when you fell, the awkward silence and tension between the two of you.
You wish he could see you now. Heâs seen your progress firsthand; he knows how far youâve come, but you want him to see more.Â
A shaky breath leaves your lips. You push aside the memory, focusing on climbing. Youâre growing tired, but in an odd way it only pushes you more. You wonder if exhaustion being rewarding is something the others feel, if itâs something theyâve always felt.Â
Loâak reaches out a hand, pulling you onto the branch they decided on claiming. âYou did good, no one had to catch you.â He teases as he helps you stabilize your footing.
You roll your eyes, ignoring Spider and Tukâs giggles. You look back, nodding at Kiri as she hoists herself up onto the branch effortlessly. You go to say something, but the words fall short on your lips.
You take in the view. Really take in the view.Â
Itâs breathtaking.
You can see the expanse of the forest, an endless stream of green all the way to the horizon. Hills and rolls, the Hallelujah mountains floating in the distance, glimmering under the sun.Â
You can spot animals flying in the distance, Fkio and Ikran. The breaks in the trees revealing waterfalls and rivers. Itâs overwhelming. So incredibly overwhelming, and you feel emotional.Â
This is what youâve been living amongst your entire life, and only just now are you getting to see it. The forest youâve studiedâyouâve read endless logs and research papers and books. Youâve watched the documentaries, studied the pictures, but none of it compares.Â
None of it is anything like this. You can feel the wind against your skin, blowing against your beads and hair, the same wind rustling the leaves around you.Â
Unconsciously, you take a step forward. It's not enough.Â
Loâak slides an arm around your shoulder, grinning at you as he glances between your face and the view.Â
âBeautiful, right?â
All you can do is nod, your mouth slightly agape. He chuckles, moving his hand infront of you to gesture to it all.Â
âJust imagine what it would be like to fly over it all.â His words spark something in you, something that steals your breath and fizzles out just as quickly, leaving a faint redness in your face.Â
Your Iknimaya. Itâs only so far away. Neteyamâs been hinting towards it, and youâre terrified as much as you are excited.Â
Loâak, perhaps strangely attentive towards you, nudges you. âYou got this.â He slips his arm off your shoulders, his hand snaking across your bicep. âIn no time flat, weâll be flying across all this, going wherever we want. Maybe youâll repay all those years of Spider telling you about the forest.â
On cue, Spider passes by you, nudging you with his elbow with the widest grin youâve ever seen on him. You canât help but smile back. Tuk clasps her hands onto yours, asking you what you planned to name your Ikran when youâd tame one, what color you wanted it to be.Â
She jabbered on, telling you about how Kiri claimed one when she was about her age by asking it to be her friend! A story you already knew but listened to intently. Tukâs enthusiasm was contagious.Â
Loâak whistles at you, drawing your attention to a path of vines and branches leading towards another tree. He nods towards it.
âThink you can make it?âÂ
Before you could respond, you feel Kiriâs hands wrap around your bicep. âOf course she can!â She calls out to him, looking at you with a satisfied smile. âSheâs one of us.â
-
Tuk was tired by the time you all decided to return home, complaining about her exhaustion between yawns. The poor girl probably tired herself out with all the running around you she did, between her rambles and unending list of things she wanted to show you, she did a lot.Â
Loâak, of course, told her to suck it up. Kiri was nicer, coaxing her along by telling her there wasn't much farther to go and she was doing so well! But the poor girl was utterly exhausted.
Eventually, you gave in, gathering the girl in your arms and carrying her the rest of the way, ignoring Loâakâs complaints about how you were only spoiling her. She wrapped her arms around your neck, nuzzling into it as her legs loosely hooked around your waist. It was impossible to not coo at her.Â
You barely made it back in time, entering the heart of the village right as the sun started to set. It was lively; you had to navigate through the crowds, following closely behind Spider and Kiri. As you approached the center of the crowd, you nudged Tuk awake, sure she would want to be awake for dinner.Â
Setting her down, you started to gather your portions, watching out of the corner of your eye as Tuk sluggishly walked over to Neytiri, crawling into her arms as Neytiri cooed and smiled at her.Â
Usually at dinner you sat with Kiri, Loâak, and Spider. The trio liked to pull you from Neteyam as soon as they could, taking all the time they could get with you. You watch as the trio takes their usual spots, chatting and bantering as they settle down and start on their food.Â
Your eyes roll over to Neteyam. Your breath hitches. Itâs been less than a day since youâve seen him, but itâs your first time seeing him since he promised to see you today, to teach you to ride a direhorse and lean into the domestic part of the Naâvi culture.Â
Carefully, you step over, standing in front of him. He look up at you, and you canât quite catch the look that flashed in his eyes.Â
âHey.â You force out, the words tumbling from your lips curving into a shy smile. He stares for a moment, his eyes moving from yours to rove down your body. You watch as his expression changes, just the slightest. And you realize youâre not wearing your normal clothes.
You fight the heat blooming in your cheeks, taking a deep breath in lieu of fiddling with your fingers, hindered by the food youâre holding.Â
âKiri made it for me,â You explain. âItâs pretty, right?â The smile on your lips bleeds into your tone.Â
He continues to take in your outfit for a moment before his eyes meet yours again. A smile takes over his lips, the corner of his mouth quirking up as his eyes bore into you. âYeah, itâs beautiful.â
He stares at you for a moment, the words lingering before he tears away his gaze. He shuffles over slightly, nodding at the spot next to him wordlessly. You ignore your friendsâ eyes on you from a few feet away, choosing to focus on your food and talking to Neteyam about your day apart from each other.Â
âIt was like an ambush. Barely got to finish my breakfast before I was being pulled away.â You explain, pausing to chew and swallow your food.Â
He chuckles, shaking his head. âI was just as blindsided as you. Spent my day helping my father train some of the younger kids.â He rests his chin against his palm, head tilted as he watches you eat. âWasnât as entertaining; I was exceptionally bored.â
His words stop you in your movement, paused mid-chew as the words settle in your mind. Your eyes meet his. Heâs looking at you intently, like he was relieved to be looking at you again.Â
You like your time with him. You like your time with your friends, you canât wait to be able to be with them more, but youâre finding yourself wanting more time with Neteyam as well. You wonder if he feels the same, even just a little.
âI didnât even have to do much to coach them.â He adds, a sly smile snaking on his lips. A huff leaves your throat, rolling your eyes and nudging his shoulder.Â
âYeah, yeah, whatever, you love having to teach me everything twice.â
He cackles, shaking his head. The banter between you flows easily; conversation lasts through dinner. You donât even realize youâve left and are back in your Marui until heâs placing his hand on your shoulder, wishing you goodnight and telling you heâs actually going to train you tomorrow.Â
Things seem to fly quicker after that day. The training gets easier, moving from engraining skills to honing them and applying them across different uses. He brings you hunting, settling himself close beside you as you draw back your bow.
He rests his hands around your shoulders, you elbows and hands. His touch ghosts across you and somehow youâre able to focus, ignoring the way his touch leaves a trail of goosebumps in its wake. Youâre landing closer and closer to the target, and with each time you inch closer to the center, Neteyam speaks to you with more ease.Â
He teaches you to ride the Paâli. He smiles and praises you as you take to it like you were born to. Riding through the forest on its back, it feels powerful. Youâre faster, you donât get tired as quickly. Tsehaylu is beautiful. You can feel the breath of your horse, the movement and you can feel their thoughts. Itâs hard to describe, but itâs nothing like youâve ever experienced.Â
Day by day, itâs a cycle. Some days you ride, others you forage, some you hunt. Soon, he has you integrating different activities, hunting or foraging on the direhorse, fixing the weave of the grips on some of the hunters' knives, and foraging materials to craft with.
He sits by you as you weave, laying his hands over yours as he guides your fingers. Mostly, he leaves the teaching to one of the weavers, Isoâey, but he helps and directs you under his breath.Â
He crafts something alongside you, but itâs different than what youâre being instructed to, and he refuses to tell you what it is, a knowing smirk on his lips and a glimmer in his eyes.Â
Kiri joins you most days when you stay in the village. She watches Neteyam out of the corner of her eye, inching closer to you. When he looks away, attention drawn by something else, she slides her hands into yours and pulls you away quietly, leading you through the bustle of the village to the healing hut.Â
You giggle, sitting beside her as she goes back and forth with Moâat about pulling you from your lessons, arguing that teaching you about their medicine should be apart of your curriculum.Â
The Tsahik shakes her head, but she never shoos you away, a simple quirk on her lips forming as she offers bits of knowledge of each medicine your eyes land on.Â
Warriors come in and out, eyes grazing over your presence, curious but lacking disapproval. Itâs easier to talk with them, you realize one day as you chat with one of the older warriors. Uayn is kind, a tall, broad man with a hardened set to his face, but he speaks to you with a comfort that coaxes you out of your shell.
You tell him about how you always loved Pandora, raised in the lab and watching all of Grace and Jakeâs logs. He smiles as he recalls the early days of Jakeâs arrival and the days when Grace was the human closest with the clan.Â
He picks your brain, asking what youâve learned and how it rivals what you grew up with. His questioning makes you think. Youâve started to forget the days you spent glued to the screen. You rarely come in contact with one now, only using them when recording logs of your own for your own enjoyment. Occasionally, you read over an old report or one of Norm's newest studies, but your time in the lab has dwindled to eating and sleeping.
Your hands pause, fingertips coated in a salve you were rubbing on one of his bruises. It felt as if youâd spoken more with Uayn in these past few weeks than you had with your own fathers.Â
It's not true, you reason after a moment. You speak with your fathers plenty, they hardly leave you alone when you return, hoarding your attention until you fall asleep mid-sentence. But the conversations feel disconnected. Like your time in your human body is but a simulation that lacks substance.Â
Uayn watches you, tilting his head as you take a deep breath and continue your movement with the salve.
âI await your Iknimaya.â He states, soft and sturdy. An assured look on his face as he gazes down at you. âAfter, I hope you find home here as a healer, you are much softer with the salves than the Tsahik and her Tsakarem.âÂ
His words bring a hum from Moâat, raising her bare brows at him from her place infront of the mortar and pestles coated in the make of medicine. He chuckles as Kiri giggles, leaning over and telling her grandmother your help would be well received and beneficial.Â
You purse your lips to block your own chuckle, the corners quirking up as you shake your head softly.Â
âThat is if Neteyam does not forbid me from returning. I fear I am neglecting my real lessons in being here.â You gaze over at Kiri, grinning toothily as she shrugs her shoulders and states that he shouldnât be limiting your talent.
Wrapping Uaynâs bicep, you hum to yourself, glancing around the hut before standing up, stretching your limbs as you saunter over to your friend. You lean over, planting a kiss on her cheek from behind.
âSpeaking of Neteyam, I should make my way back to the weavers, lest I fall behind in my skills.â Kiri frowns at your words, rolling her eyes and huffing. You simply smile and promise to eat dinner with her as you make your way out of the hut.
As you pull back the entrance flap, waving goodbye to Moâat and Uayn, youâre met with a sight that makes you pause.
Neteyam stands infront of you, leaning against the woven wall of the hut as he watches you with an amused expression.
âHave fun?â He muses, tilting his head as you smile nervously.
Before you can answer, excuses flittering on the tip of your tongue, he chuckles shaking hid head. âI know it was my sister who stole you away, donât worry.â He reaches over, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. âShe is hard to refuse.â
A nervous laugh leaves your lips, shyly nodding at his words, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. You knew Neteyam knew youâd snuck away; heâs not incompetent, but you hadnât intended on staying so long as to make him come for you.
Except he hadnât come to collect you. He was waiting for you.Â
He watches you for a moment before nodding towards the part of the village youâd been in with Isoâey. You walk by each other.Â
âShe said she needed help grinding the salves.â You chuckle, amused at the lame excuse Kiri offered you that you were now offering Neteyam. He simply shakes his head, rolling his eyes.Â
âSheâs quite insistent.â Is all he adds. The two of you walk in silence, the quiet between you filled by the sounds of the village fluttering around you. Itâs comfortable, you realize. When youâre with Neteyam, youâre comfortable. More comfortable than youâd ever really been with anyone other than your brother.Â
Itâs different with Kiri and Loâak. Youâd known them your whole life. With Neteyam, youâre comfortable with him despite the newness of your relationship. Itâs special, in that way you think.Â
As you approach the circle of weavers youâd been among earlier, Isoâey notices you and throws up a hand to wave. She calls out your name, grinning as you jog to get to her faster.Â
âY/n! Youâre back!â She states, reaching to take your hand in hers.Â
On her other side, Tsoli, one of the girls youâd been weaving with, leans over and grins. âFinally decided weâre entertaining enough again?â
âHardly, the healers are just boring-erâ
Isoâey giggles, Tsoli rolling her eyes as she reaches over and bats at you, chiding that âboring-er isnât a real word!â
The three of you giggle together, Tsoâey pulling you down to sit next to her, handing you your abandoned project. You run your hands across it, slipping the ends between the tips of your fingers as you recall the pattern you were working.
Neteyam sits next to you, watching over your shoulder as you take to the craft, conversation flowing between you and the two other girls. A boy next to Tsoli pipes in, telling you about the project he was hoping to take on next. Neteyam watches as you question him, eyes shining as you speak so comfortably with the others.
He reaches over, grabbing the project heâd placed down when he left to retrieve you. He pulls at the strings, wrapping the beading and design as he watches you out of the corner of his eye.Â
Tsoli continues to banter with you, poking fun at you as Isoâey leans over intermittently to coach you. You poke back at Tsoli, coaxing the others in the group onto your side, soon conversing with multiple of the others present. All as if you were one of them from the beginning.Â
Soon, the hunters come back, and dinner starts. The group starts to disperse, some leaving their projects as is and some carefully finding a good stopping place. Ăetso, one of the other weavers youâd come to know well, approaches you to ask if you wanted to join him and some others for dinner.
Neteyam watches as you smile at him, that shy but open smile heâd started to see from you these past few weeks, telling him youâd already promised Kiri but youâd love to eat with him tomorrow.
Satisfied, he nods goodbye to you and Neteyam, leaving you two alone. You hum as you continue to weave, attention focused on the string and fabric. Neteyam leans over, watching your movements for a moment before chuckling.Â
âWe should go to dinner.â He offers, his voice quiet like it was only for you to hear. âDonât want to make my sister wait too long and get upset, do we?â
You glance at him, grinning as you fold the edges of your work and reach over, placing it in the basket before standing up, flexing your fingers to work out the soreness that had built up with the repetitive and fine movements.Â
Neteyam wraps his work in cloth, keeping it concealed as he places it in the basket. You eye him curiously, communicating silently with a tilt of your head and a raise of a brow. He simply smirks and gives a dumb shrug as you roll your eyes before turning to walk towards the center of the village with him.
Youâre dizzy, so incredibly dizzy. The air in the link bod is stale and thin, a series of coughs rising from your lungs as you push the door open. Hunching over, you fist at your chest, fingers grabbing the fabric that suddenly feels overwhelming and suffocating.
Max is at your side, hand rubbing your shoulder as he scans the monitor next to your pod, the series of cables stuck to your body leading up to the screen to record your vitals.
This was the compromise.Â
Max wanted you to pull out, slow down your training, or stop entirely. Your fathers disapproved of your prolonged time in the linkpods, their worry growing with the increasing problems you were experiencing when you came back. Coughing fits, bouts of asthma, syncope, and nausea.Â
They nearly grounded you at your refusal.Â
You were nearly eighteen, and they gifted you your avatar early, yet they still held onto their authority over you.Â
You argued and pleaded with them, your talks straining into the night as you made your case. Ultimately, they allowed you to continue. They couldn't refuse, not really.
They saw how happy it made you and how fulfilled and free you felt. Your health was always teetering; it was cruel to rip away the one thing you truly had. So now, they hooked you up to cables, keeping an eye on your vitals while you were in your avatar so they could watch over you and help your episodes better.Â
âYour heart rate is high.â He mutters, squinting at the screen as he reaches over and presses his fingers to your pulse. His touch is unusually uncomfortable, youâd grown used to physical contact, whether it be for medical or affectionate purposes.Â
A heat rises to your head, crawling up your limbs and into your cranium. The buzz in your ears leaks out into your mouth, static as you feel the hiccups. All you could do was make a noise, Max turning his attention to you.
You must look ghastlyâthat, or he can read you like a book because heâs moving like lightning to grab the trashcan and put it in your hands right in time for you to retch into it, the contents of the minimal breakfast youâd eaten spilling into it.
Max is rubbing your back, hand sliding over your shoulders and across your spine as he speaks comforting words.Â
You sit there for a moment, simply shutting your eyes as you focus on breathing. You can feel your father shift beside you. Somehow, itâs like you can hear the gears in his head.
âI know what youâre gonna say.â You mutter out.
He lets out a breath, sitting down next to you and continuing his ministrations on your back. âThen you must see the reason in it.â
You shake your head, resting your forehead on the back of your hand perched on the rim of the trashcan.Â
The silence between you lingers, only filled by your deep breathing and the sound of machinery. You hate it. It makes you feel sicker.
âDonât tell Norm.â The words come out quiet, strained by the coarse in your throat. âDonât tell Dad.â You nearly whisper.
You hadnât specifically called either of them by their parental name in a while, you rarely used it at all. Theyâre your dads, no doubt, but they⌠werenât. Not in the way that was real. But they were in the way that mattered. You didnât know how to explain itâtheyâre the only parents you have.
Max sighs, biting the inside of his cheek before nodding. Silently, he stands up, supporting you to follow him as he places his hands on your bicep and pulls you into his arms.
âLetâs get you cleaned up and in bed, Birdie.â
You simply nod, eyes blinking as you let your father guide you through the lab, feeling like a small and sickly kid once again.
You much prefer the sounds of the village and forest to the sounds of the lab. A rich dichotomy you relished in. Perhaps itâs because itâs new, at least compared to the fact that youâd grown up in the lab. But the village and forest sounded like the songs you wished youâd been rocked to sleep to as a baby.Â
Loâak has his arm slung around your shoulders, telling you about the nantang he saw the other day with Spider, your brother nodding eagerly as he relays parts of the story he felt Loâak was omitting.Â
Kiriâs behind you, braiding loose braids into your hair as Tuk sits in front of you nibbling on her breakfast.
Itâs comfortable, this dynamic youâve built.
Clan members nod to you as they pass by, poking over to ask you or one of your friends a question, no longer tossing you odd or uncomfortable looks. EyĂŹnom, one of Loâak and Spiderâs friends, comes and sits with you all when he overhears the retelling of the event he was present for.
He rolls his eyes, leaning over and telling you when your friends exaggerated something.Â
Youâre no longer overwhelmed by the momentum around you, the conversation and clamor. You live in it.
Across the clearing, you notice Neteyam passing by. You toss him a smile, waving at him. He smiles and nods back, but before he can walk too far, Loâak calls out to him, waving him over.
âWhatâs on this girlâs schedule today, huh?â He shouts even as Neteyam comes into a normal volume range, leading to a swift elbow in the rib from you for shouting right in your ear.Â
Neteyam raises a brow, amused by the whole spectacle. His eyes land on you, and you try to ignore how they soften.Â
âActually,â he starts, his voice smooth and timber as he speaks. âI was going to give her off today.â
You raise your brows at this, curious about the change in routine youâd just been informed about. Kiri peeks out from behind you, curious as well, mirroring the âgo onâ look her brother and your were giving Neteyam.Â
He ignores them, his eyes fixed on you as he looks at what seems like your bones. âBecause tomorrow, you will claim your Ikran.â
The words shake you, your breath sucked out of your lungs and lips parting in surprise. You hear Kiri gasp behind you, her hands coming to rest on your shoulder blades, physical touch forming communication between the two of you better than words ever could.Â
Tuk squeaks, eyes shimmering as she glances between you and her eldest brother. You canât see Loâak and Spiderâs reactions clearly, only vaguely out of the corner of your eye, and youâre almost entirely focused on Neteyam standing in front of you, but they seem excited.
Words start to spill from your lips. âAre you sure?â is all that really comes out, though.
A murmur of chuckles comes from your friends, Kiri scoffing behind you as Spider reaches over from behind Loâak to pull at your ear.Â
You ignore them all though, focused entirely on Neteyam, the smirk forming on his lips and the flutter of his eyes. How his attention only really stays on you even though youâre not the only one he looks at.Â
âI am sure.â He states
âI havenât mastered any of my training, though.â You love to offer excuses, you realize. You want to come up with reasons to not go through with it, to avoid it, like how you did when you were first shown the body youâre residing in now.Â
But Neteyam looks so sure. He squats down to your level, his hand slipping to hold yours.Â
âYou donât need to. Youâre one of the people now.â Your lungs are empty again. âYou just need to⌠finalize it.â He brings your hand up to your chest, splaying your fingers across your heart, his hand over yours, the tips of his fingers ghosting across your skin.Â
You breathe in. Kiriâs hands rest on your back, Spiderâs coming to lay on your shoulder as Loâak wraps his hand around your other wrist delicately, Tukâs hands cushioning her chin on your knee.Â
Their eyes are all resting on you.
âYeah.â It feels like you croaked out the words, but they come out strong. âI can do it.â
Synopsis: Your training with Neteyam starts, and you underestimate how hard it would be to be around him. There's a buzz of tension between you, and even with your friends' support, it's hard to keep your mind clear.
Warnings: sick!reader, mentions of death, depression, passive suicidal thoughts
word count: 9k
Author's note:
Newton's third law: Action & Reaction
His third law states that for every action (force) in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If object A exerts a force on object B, object B also exerts an equal and opposite force on object A. In other words, forces result from interactions.
You learned about Newtonâs laws 4 years ago when Grace mentioned them in one of her logs. She was explaining another scientist's research on the Ikrans; their anatomy vastly different from anything alive on earth, and they wanted to compare them to Pterosaurs. Flying fascinated you after that, fully diving into any books you could find on physics and birds.Â
Like how you wanted to learn about everything on Pandora, compensating for never being able to see it, you wanted to know everything about flying, maybe if you knew enough, you could imagine what it's like.
~
You were dizzy, stepping out of the link pod. You barely caught yourself against it, collecting yourself after the postural hypotension. After a moment, you walked into the main part of the lab, greeting Norm and Max as you entered.
âYouâre late, Birdie, dinnerâs gettinâ cold.â Norm states, raising his brows at you from his chair. All you could do was shrug and smile.Â
Max, still focused on the sample he had in the microscope, spoke. âIf we werenât so nice, weâd ground you and revoke your driver privileges.â He muses, smirking with amusement as Norm chuckles.Â
You roll your eyes. âWell, Iâm ever so grateful to have such forgiving fathers.â Sitting next to Norm, you stick out your tongue at him, dodging his attempts to pinch your cheek.Â
âYeah yeah, whatever, kid.â Norm swats at you, smiling for a moment before glancing around. âWhereâd you park your avatar, by the way?â He asks, eyeing you with a raised eyebrow as you freeze. âYou didnât leave it in the forest, right?â
You purse your lips, fiddling with your fingers as he leans in for a response. âNoâŚâ You mutter. âItâs um⌠in the village.â
Max stops, hands hovering over the nobs of the microscope, leaning back after a moment to stare at you, Norm staring with the same bewilderment.Â
âWhat?â The latter blurts out.
âWith the Omaticaya, they set me up in one of the Maruiâs.â You explain nervously, your nails starting to dig into the calluses of your palm.Â
Norm looks at you, tilting his head lamely before shaking in. âDidnât I explicitly tell you not to go that far? I-i mean what were you thinking?â He leans forward, gesturing with his hands. You only lower your head and pout your lips in response. âHow did you even get there?â
âNeteyam found me and took me.â You look up at him, looking between him and Max with a stubborn look on your face, finally able to get your defense out. âWhat was I supposed to do? Say no?â
You watch as Norm purses his lips, looking over to Max, who meets his gaze before shrugging. He sighs, shaking his head before turning back to you.
âAnd what happened exactly?â He asks, curiosity and hesitance laced in his voice as he stands up. You mull over the events, trying to figure out the best way to explain it all as all three of you make your way into the makeshift dining room, where they had already set out the food.Â
You smiled, knowing they made the choice to wait for you before starting to eat. Sitting down across from them, you start to tell them what transpired during your time in your Avatar. From the Atokirinaâ, Neteyam finding you, Moâat declaring your induction into the village. You leave out select details, mainly focusing on the actions and not on what you were feeling. You were already having to process that yourself.
âAnd she just let you in like that?â Norm questions, from across the table, pulling a chunk of bread off his piece with his teeth. You nod, widening your eyes and smiling, just as surprised as your foster father.
The two scientists look at each other, a moment passes, and Norm shrugs.âI mean Jake got in for about the same, while the relations were significantly worse, itâs not unimaginable.â He nods to Max, who has a tentative look on his face.
He purses his lips and shakes his head to himself âY/n Iâm not sure how i feel about thisâ He speaks hesitantly âI mean i donât think itâs a good idea for you to be in the link pod for extended periods of time, all day every dayâ You frown at his words, your shoulders slumping, demeanor visibly changing.
âMax..â Norm says in a low whisper, moving his hand to shield his mouth from you, as if what theyâre saying isnât to be heard. Max looks at him, and he tilts his head carefully. After a moment, Max purses his lips and turns to you, âWe can continue this conversation later. Tell us about what you saw.â A guarded smile forming on his lips.
You donât like how he changed the subject, feeling as if theyâre hiding something from you, but you take a deep breath and start recalling the forest, every image of it engraved in your mind, going into more detail than before.
The decompression door goes off, and all your heads turn. Spider walks through, pulling off his oxygen mask and tilting his head to the side to stretch his neck.Â
âYouâre late.â Norm speaks through a full mouth.Â
âArenât I always?â Spider asks, a smirk on his face. âJake and Neytiri wanted to talk to me about Y/n. They wanted to talk to her, but you were disconnected by then.â he explains, motioning his hand towards you as he walks over.
You frown. âThey told me I could go to sleep?â You state, confused. He shrugs and plops down next to you, grabbing a piece of bread from your plate and taking a bite.
âYeah, but I guess they forgot that you canât really be âwoken up,ââ He mumbles through the bread in his mouth. âIt was funny seeing Jake get all fumbled about forgetting.â he laughs, pointing at Norm, who cracks a smile.
âThe mighty Oloâeyktan, youâd think with how attached he is to guns, heâd still have some human left in him.â You roll your eyes as they take turns making jabs at the ex-marine. You make eye contact with Max, who shares your expression, a smile cracks on both your lips as you roll your eyes, and he shakes his head.
You lean over and nudge Spiderâs shoulder. âYâknow, Spider, this means you donât have to try and remember every detail of your day.â You grin. His smile falters for just a moment, a look passes through his eyes, but it blinks away before you can recognize it. âAnd you can take me to all your favorite places.â
He leans back in his chair, keeping his eyes on you before he grins. âThatâs as long as Neteyam doesnât take up all your time.â Your eyes widen, you purse your lips nervously, and glance away. You hadnât thought about the training yet, Neteyam had yet to leave your mind, but you honestly donât know what to expect with the upcoming training.
You shake your head and open your mouth to deny the accusation, but he interrupts you, âOr maybe youâll get all spiffy and serious like him.â his smirk has doubled in size now. At this, you roll your eyes and throw your plastic fork at him.Â
âI will not, I doubt heâs gonna even pay much attention to me.â You lean back in your chair and grab your stolen bread out of your brother's hand. You hadnât realized Norm had gotten up until he was reaching over and placing a food tray in front of Spider and taking his place in the chair across from you.
Spider leans forward and immediately starts stuffing the food into his mouth, earning a âmanners, pleaseâ from Max.
âKnowing Neteyam, he might not pay much attention to you, but heâll take his job seriously,â Norm states, leaning onto the table. âAnd he wonât go easy on you.â Your eyes dart to Max to confirm his statement, he nods, and you throw your head back and groan.Â
Spider chuckles and pokes at your head, making it loll to the side. âDonât worry, Birdie, Kiri and I will be on your side,â He comforts, pinching your ear. You move your head to face him, you raise a brow, and his smirk returns, âLoâak might try and make things harder.â You roll your eyes.
âOf course, what are friends for?â You mutter, reaching your hand over to flick his forehead
-
Norm strides into your room, flipping on your light and pulling off your covers. You groan, flipping over to your side and curling in on yourself. âRise and shine, Birdie!â he says, bending down and ruffling your hair. âVillage life starts early, so if you don't wanna be late, you should get up.â You groan and swat your hand at him before rolling back onto your back.
âMaybe a more careful approach next time?â You murmur, squinting your eyes to help them adjust to the light. He laughs and places his hand on your back as you start to pull yourself up. He slides his arm under the bend of your knees and picks you up.Â
You slip your arms around his neck, your head lolling into his chest. âI can walk.â you mumble out, your eyes squinting close as he exits your room, subjecting your sensitive vision to an even harsher and brighter light. His chest rumbles, considering your comment before carefully placing you down, keeping his arm your yours for support.
Thankfully, the movement didnât rush to your head, and you remained composed. The walk to the main area wasnât far, your eyes still blinking in annoyance when you reached the table. Norm pulls out a chair for you, and immediately you scoot closer to the table and rest your head into your arms. A chair scratches the floor next to you, and a hand is shaking your upper arm.Â
âAnd the princess has risen!â Spider teases, sitting down in his chair and scooting closer to you. You raise your head and realize he has placed your breakfast tray down in front of you. You shoot him an annoyed look for his comment, aware of how you were always the last to wake up.Â
Despite always waking up late, you barely slept, staying up late at night, stuck in your own thoughts, it was going to be a hard adjustment to wake up earlier.
You reach over and pick a grape and pop it into your mouth, chewing sluggishly as your eyes slowly blink open.Â
âHurry up, usually Iâm out the door by now, but I thought I'd wait for you.â The statement pulls a smile at your lips, you straighten up and pull your arms above your head to stretch. Spiderâs not the most patient or thoughtful person you know, but youâve grown to appreciate little moments like these, softness peaking out of the nonchalant exterior he puts up.Â
-
The difference you feel when you open your eyes is immediate, maybe itâs the fact that your avatar isnât sick like your human body is, but thereâs something else. The smell of the forest, the rustle of the village and jungle outside of your tent, the air is fresh, moist, and sticks to your skin compared to the sterile air of the lab.
Youâre greeted with the view of the forest, your Marui being fairly open, allowing the soft streams of dawn to filter in. You pull yourself up out of your hammock, setting aside the realization that you felt completely fine after a sudden postural change. You glance around, taking the Marui in.Â
Itâs empty, save for a table and some bowls, and of course, your hammock and a few spare furs Kiri brought you. Itâs not quite homey, a guest room at best, but your room back at the lab isn't much better. The blinding white walls and medical equipment just inches away from your bed always made it feel more like a hospital than a home, so this tent is already a step up.
You run your hand along the walls, feeling the material beneath your fingers, squinting to see the intricate weaving and texture. You want to decipher what it was made out of, what plant, what the technique was, why that plant, and when they found out that plant and that technique worked best. You furrow your brows, you canât place what it was made out of, it reminds you of the cloth of Jake's battle band, but thicker.
You run your eyes across the tent, looking for clues and admiring the craftsmanship, pausing when you feel a familiar feeling pricking the back of your neck. Despite the frozen feeling in your body, you turn around, eyes landing on Neteyam standing a few yards away.Â
He stands there, examining you. You werenât sure for how long, you only hoped you had sensed him quickly. He tilts his head, watching you for a long moment, unaware of the feeling of what feels like dumbbells lying in your chest, before he starts moving closer.Â
âYou are up.â he notes, his voice carrying through the silence. You glance down at your hands, wringing your fingers together.
âNorm told me it would be a good idea.â You didnât mean for your voice to come out in a whisper; youâre worried he didnât even hear you, but he nods.Â
A moment passes before he speaks, a long, grueling moment that makes it hard to breathe. âYou should join us for breakfast.â A brief smile presses against his lips before he turns around and starts walking back in the direction he came from.
Tentatively, you take a deep breath and follow him. It's not a long walk before you make it into the thick of the village; Maruiâs no longer scattered about among the trees, but close together and bustling with people. The village, alive and waking up, is preparing for the works of the day. Youâre only a few feet behind Neteyam, meeting his eyes when he briefly glances back at you. You follow behind him anxiously, resisting the urge to look around, wanting to seem as small as possible when you feel the stares follow you.
You speed up your pace, catching up to Neteyam, hoping his presence will shield you from the intensity and distaste that seemed to stab into your skin.Â
Neteyam notices your unease, but does little to acknowledge you; heâs still unsure of you. Youâre harmless, raised by scientists loyal to his people, close friends with his siblings, and the sister of an extension of his family. Rationally, he shouldnât have any problems in your presence.
But rationality is quick to become scarce, heâs learned. Yesterday, he couldnât take his eyes off of you, analytical of the unknown sky person Eywa brought him to. Today, he canât bring himself to look at you, unappreciative of the way his body and mind freeze at the mere thought of you.
The only other time heâs felt this was when he came face to face with a pack of nantang, unable to draw his bow or knife, only able to dodge the beast that lunged for him when he heard his sister scream.Â
His uncertainty isnât unwarranted; youâre not a danger, but he doesn't know you. Heâs never actually met someone new; everyone in his life is someone heâs known, even the Naâvi he doesn't know have been present long enough to never raise a second thought in Neteyamâs mind.
Youâre a complete mystery to him, youâve lived not-even-that-far-away for 17 years, heâs known your brother for as long as he can remember, and his siblings have apparently been visiting you since before they knew how to hunt. Yet somehow, your mere existence has seemed to go unheard of by him.
He watches as you sit down next to him nervously, at a close, but comfortable distance, and start fiddling with your fingers. You look severely out of place, still wearing your human clothes and keeping your head down, but you seem invisible, almost. Like he could look away for a moment and youâd blend in with the background instantly, like if he reached out and touched you, youâd dissipate into the air.
He considers testing the theory, watching you out of the corner of his eyes. He hadnât realized heâd been staring until Kiri lunged at you from behind, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling your back to her chest, nuzzling her cheek against yours.
You yelp before being thrown into a fit of giggles. âKiri, donât scare me like that!â You place your hands on her forearms that rest against your collarbones. She pulls you back further, positioning herself on her knees so she can rest her chin atop your head.Â
âY/n, you are up early~â She teases, rolling the ends of your loose hair between her fingers. You tilt your head back in an attempt to get a better look at her when you see Loâak pop up from behind her, leaning over his sister to poke his finger at your cheek.
âYeah, aren't you usually like, just going to sleep by now?â He places his hands on Kiriâs shoulders for stability as he leans over you both to place his face in front of yours, his braids hanging down. You stick your tongue out and push at the side of his head. You thought that since you technically complied with what he wanted by leaving the lab, heâd give up his pestering habits he developed over the years.
âIâm not up by choice,â you state, keeping eye contact with the Naâvi as he repositions to be sitting next to you. âIâm just as surprised as you are.â A grin spreads across your face in sync with the boy next to you. You hear Kiri sigh before she pinches your cheek.
Neteyam watches your interaction with his siblings; he wouldnât be surprised if he had whiplash from how quickly your entire demeanor changed, how differently you act with people who arenât him. Just seconds ago, you looked like you were ready to lie down and melt into the ground; now you were much more relaxed, the quiver in your lips replaced with a loud grin.
An uneasy feeling settles in his stomach. He knows so little about you, yet his siblings seem to know you and your habits like the back of their hands. He didnât know that you being up at this time was apparently unusual; he half expected it when he came to check up on you. You didnât tell him that was an ordinary occurrence, but you sure didnât tell him it wasnât one. The information you offered his siblings doesnât contrast with what you told him; you didnât tell him much, not that he asked for much, but itâs vastly different, much more personal.
His point is driven home when Tuk comes bounding through the crowd and throws herself into your arms. âY/n! Y/n! So itâs true!!â The young girl cries, she wraps her arm around your neck, and plops herself down onto your thigh. Her eyes beam up to you, a massive smile stretching across her face as she stares at you in awe.
A soft giggle escapes your lips as you wrap your arms around her and pull her closer, her back against your chest. You smile, repeating her name in a fondness that their mother often does. Tuk nuzzles herself into your hold, grabbing your hand and holding it in front of her face to marvel at.
Tuk sputters out as many comments as she can while you and Kiri giggle at her excitement, Loâak rolls his eyes and falls back from his heels to sit flat on his butt.Â
âAre you coming with us today?â Tukâs question makes both you and Neteyam pause, making brief eye contact before she babbles on about what she has planned. âI wanna collect fruit! I reeeaaaally think youâd like Yovo, itâs so sweet and-âÂ
Neteyam reaches over and places a hand on her head. She turns her attention to her brother, her excitement not faltering. He offers her a soft smile before speaking, âIâm sorry, Tuk-tuk, but itâs my job to teach Y/n.â He watches as her head tilts, Kiri and Loâakâs attention on him now, too. âThat means I have her today.â
A stiff pout reaches Tukâs lips, she glances up to you for some kind of consolation, but you simply offer her an apologetic smile.Â
âIâm sorry, Tuk, but I promise I'll still spend time with you.â You brush a braid that fell in her face behind her ear, âand once Iâm done with my training, then weâll have more time together than ever!â She tilts her head, considering it for a moment, glances between you and Neteyam before burying her head into your chest.
âYou promise?!âÂ
âI promise.â
Youâre so sweet with his sister, the softest and fondest smile on your lips.Â
He canât explain the unpleasantness he feels.
-
Neteyam doesnât look back as he strides through the forest; he knows youâre behind him, your raucous stumbling letting him know youâre just a few feet behind him.
You, on the other hand, struggle to keep up with him. His long strides and adept knowledge of the forest give him an advantage you canât dream of attaining. You try to keep your eyes on him, not wanting to lose him in the forest, but you keep having to look to the ground to watch where youâre stepping.Â
You doubt Neteyam would let you get lost; you donât know how long he had followed you, but you know that you werenât alone for the majority of your time in the forest yesterday. You still try to keep up, jumping over logs and narrowly dodging trees and other sudden obstacles.Â
A branch jutting out from a nearby bush snags at your shirt, feeling the pull, you immediately turn around to undo the catch, but your foot catches on a surfaced root as you step back. A yelp leaves your lips before you even begin to fall, you throw your arms out to try and find stability in something, but itâs useless.
You pull your arms up to protect your head when a pair of hands finds purchase under your armpits. Neteyam pulls you up and towards himself, peeking his head over to see the source of your fall as you straighten yourself out.
âMust I carry you?â A smile perks at the corners of your lips, but you quickly smush it away. You shake your head and turn to face him, and his head tilts forward as he examines you. âYou are like a baby, learning to walk,â he says lamely.
You smile shyly, âI have a hard enough time walking in my human body; this will be a learning curve.â You try to joke, but it falls flat as he scrunches his brows and tilts his head in confusion. He stares at you like heâs trying to speak to you through his eyes, like heâs saying a million things and youâre just not getting it.
After a moment, he shakes his head and turns around, continuing his path through the forest. His pace is slower; you notice when you struggle less to follow him. You tread the forest for a few more minutes, you try to keep your focus on Neteyam, knowing that this wouldnât just be a leisurely walk, but you canât help the way the forest captivates you.
The weight in your stomach grows with every step, every new specimen you get a glance of, you canât explain what the feeling is, but you donât want it to go away.
You snap your attention to Neteyam when he stops abruptly, looks up at the trees, and glances at the surrounding flora.Â
âWhat is around us?â He asks, his question catching you off guard. Vague yet intense questioning must run in the familyâŚ
You glance around, taking in the forest and vines, plants, and creatures growing and living around you. âThe forest.â Youâre technically not wrong, but you know thereâs more to it than that, so you scramble to say more before he comes to resent your shelteredness more than he probably already does. âLife, plants, and animalsâ
Again, youâre not wrong, but the look he gives you tells you that youâre off the mark. He keeps his gaze on you, looking at you from over his shoulder before turning his attention to a short bush-like plant on the ground. He bends down and plucks two large seeds from the center bulb of the blue plant.
Lionberries, or Cynaroidia decumbens, are one of the lesser-researched plants, but still well known. He stands up and hands you the seed. Carefully, you take it and cup it in your hand.Â
You study it for a moment before looking at him. âThis is the umm.. Kllpxiwll?â You speak slowly, wanting to get the pronunciation right, and he tilts his head and nods, a small smile on his lips.
âKllp-xi-wll,â He repeats, sharpening his pronunciation in the beginning. âYou know of it?â he steps closer and takes a bite out of the second seed. Nervously, you glance from the seed to him and nod.
You fiddle with the seed in your hand, feeling the texture and density of it for yourself. âIâve studied the logs Grace made about the forest.â Your eyes dart around the trees, landing on different vines and plants, names popping in and out of your head, âum uh, this is good for protein, right?âÂ
He nods carefully, he takes another bite out of the seed, and motions towards yours. Nervously, you take a bite. Itâs an earthy flavor, a little bitter, but it's mellow enough to be enjoyable, like the piece of dark chocolate Norm found and gave to you years ago.
He steps back towards the plant and plucks one of the leaves. He rubs his fingers across it several times before running his fingers along the tree next to you, a faint blue mark left behind.
âAround us is our way of life.â He speaks in a mellow voice, keeping his eyes on the shapes he lazily draws with the pigment. âWhen ground up, these leaves create a much more vibrant paste that we use for painting.â
He turns to you and holds out his hands, one with the half-eaten seed and the other covered in the pigment from the leaf. âEverything here is a part of the way of life we have created, a plant is created from the energy of Eywa.â He gestures to the green surrounding you. âAnimals feed on the plant, using the energy for themselves. We then hunt those animals and use that energy.â
He steps forward and swipes his thumb down the center of your forehead, leaving a faint blue mark that blends in with the color of your skin. âAnd once we die, we return the energy back to Eywa.â His eyes meet yours, âand a plant is born.â
Slowly, you nod your head. Itâs basic science; you learned about life cycles when you were 8, when you were first really getting into the scientific part of everything. Itâs an easy thing to understand, but somehow this feels deeper; itâs more than just the basic life cycle lesson.Â
Everything youâve learned up till now has been through the eyes of a human born on earth, someone who grew up with the way of life that almost destroyed the beautiful planet you stand on now.
You wonder if Earth was once this beautiful.
The way humans perceive things is inherently different from the Naâvi. From what youâve heard, life on Earth was kill or be killed, take for yourself, and donât look back. An unimaginable way of life for those on Pandora. So everything you have learned isnât wrong, scientifically it might be more than the Naâvi themselves may know, but something tells you that itâs not right either. Perhaps itâs the perspective youâve learned it through; itâs the same information, but with completely different meanings.
You knew that things would be different outside of the lab, being an avatar, but the revelation makes your mind feel paralyzed. Itâs barely been a day since you found out you had an avatar at all, and you can already feel the humanity of your existence being challenged.
Neteyam saw the change happen, the way your eyes widened, and you werenât just listening to him, but you were hearing him. A smirk passes over his lips as he turns and starts walking away, knowing youâll follow behind him.
-
You're exhausted, to say the least. Your legs ache from the almost constant walking, the bottoms of your feet sting from the scrapes and pricks from the unforgiving forest floor, your stomach turns, and you wonder if you ate too much or too little before you eagerly followed the Oloâeyktanâs son on this journey.Â
You had been walking for hours, Neteyam wanting to waste as little time as possible. Your head hurt from the constant quizzing he started after you revealed your years of knowledge on the research of Pandora.Â
You thought you had been making progress with him, his stone demeanor faltering, until your exhaustion got the better of you.
Heâd point at a plant or passing animal, and youâd have to name it and everything you knew about it. The increasing venom in his stare when you pronounced something wrong only worsened your anxiety, resulting in a less-than-satisfactory performance.
You pronounced it wrong, you were thinking of a different thing, you didnât know enough about it, you were just flat out wrong. You just wanted the ground to swallow you whole, you know that you donât know everything, but youâve studied Pandora your whole life, you know a lot, and heâs definitely being too nitpicky. Itâs your second day being outside of the lab, for Christ's sake! You try to be patient, not let his words affect you, but his snappy comments and rather mean words make you wonder why he even agreed to this in the first place.
âSkxawng, wrong again.â he scoffs, skillfully climbing over a large fallen branch and continuing on, not even waiting for you. The branch is arched and high up, propped up against another tree enough to see through the bramble and vines hanging below it. The tangled vines are too thick to go through, and the brush to your sides is the same, leaving you with only the option to go over.Â
You bite your lip and reach your arms up to try to climb the fallen branch, but you canât find a good grip; itâs suspended in the air enough for you to have to rely almost entirely on upper body strength. You grip your fingers into subtle grooves, but your fingernails start to sting, so you pull them away. You step back, considering going around it, when you notice Neteyam had stopped; you can see his still figure through the vines in front of you.
He stands watching you, narrowing his eyes and observing you. If you went around, you feel it would be failing whatever test you think heâs putting you through. He canât not teach you. If anything, he should understand your hesitation and inability to travel like he does, it would just show him what he needs to help you with more.
But you want to impress him, show him that youâre not just some human that wants to learn for fun, prove yourself worthy of his teaching.
So you take several steps back, eyes scanning the scene, when you spot a thick vine hanging from the tree the branch is propped against. Quickly, you stride over and pull at it, testing its stability. When it doesnât give, you smile and back up a few steps. You wrap the vine around your hand and pull yourself up, throwing your other hand up and gripping the vine and pulling yourself up till you're at the height of the branch. You brace your feet against the tree, stabilizing yourself on one before throwing the other over the thick branch.Â
You canât help the laugh that escapes you once youâve let go of the vine and you look down. You actually did it. You bite your lip in excitement and swing your other leg over before jumping off and landing on the ground with a thud.Â
Youâre a little disoriented, admittedly, having never jumped from such a height, but youâre on your feet and have no sprained or broken limbs. You whip your head up to meet Neteyams, an excited smile on your lips, full teeth.Â
He looks you up and down before nodding and turning around. âYou are a fast learner, but hereâŚâ He looks at you from over his shoulder, gesturing around you. âThere is no room to hesitate or make a mistake.â
Without a second thought, he continues walking through the forest. You realize what an advantage being blue is; the farther you go into the forest, the more you really have to pay attention so as not to lose him. You wonder how he was able to stalk you so well yesterday without even being close or in sight.
You walk for about another half hour, reciting the names and purposes of plants and different animals you pass by, often repeating the ones that show up more than once. You struggle to climb the trees when he insists on it; youâre slow, but you manage to make it a fair way up. You can see one of the branches. Eagerly, you reach over to pull yourself up to it, but you lose your grip.
You scream embarrassingly loud as you fall through the branches and bramble, grabbing tightly onto the vine you get hold of. You're still for a moment, still suspended in the air, youâre about to take a breath of relief when it snaps, and youâre falling again.
The Naâvi are cat-like; you wonder if your avatar wasnât combined with human DNA, if youâd land on your feet, if that happens to the Naâvi in the first place.Â
Your survival instincts arenât⌠good. Anyone raised in the forest would surely do better than closing their eyes and freezing as soon as they feel any type of fear or pain. If you donât die from the fall, then youâre going to die from embarrassment and humiliation.
You can only wonder what Neteyam must be thinking when you feel yourself landing in his arms. He stumbles back, but stabilizes himself, his hold on you still steady.
Slowly, you open your eyes to a worried Neteyam; his eyes scan your body for any sign of injury before they meet yours. You grimace, about to apologize for your oafishness, when he kneels and carefully sets you down.Â
Youâre on your knees, and heâs grabbing your arms, inspecting them with a frown on his face. You silently let him, still frazzled by the experience and not wanting to bother him. His hands ghost across your skin when they land on your shirt, torn at the bottom and along the side up to your armpit.Â
It doesnât sting, so you assume the rip is the worst of the damage. After a moment, he pulls back and glances over you one more time before meeting your eyes. âAre you ok?â The question snaps you out of a state you didnât realize you were in.
His face is serious, and all you can do is nod. A beat passes, and he nods and sits back. He stares at you for a moment. âYou climbed well.â The statement is awkward, maybe because youâre still in shock, but you take a moment before responding.
âI fell.â Your voice is quiet, and you have to clear your throat after it comes out raspy and crackly.Â
âYou made it far.â He keeps his gaze on you, intense as always. âI am surprised you didnât fall sooner.â You glance up and see a smirk sneaking onto his lips. A quiet chuckle escapes your lips, you wrap your arms around yourself, and shift so your legs are folded and youâre no longer on your knees.
âIâm surprised Iâm still alive.â You joke, rolling your eyes and looking back up to the spot you fell from. Neteyam furrows his brows before leaning forward and pushing at your shoulder.
âYou wouldnât have died,â he states. You raise your brow questioningly, and he looks up to the tree before pursing his lips. âYou would have just⌠hurt a lot.â He adds, a wry smile forming on his face.
You roll your eyes again before laughing, âI donât think Norm and Max would ever let me leave my room again.â You lean back further and hit the tree, letting all your weight rest against it. âInjuring my avatar in less than 24 hours? I definitely would have thought Iâm cursed.âÂ
He tilts his head. âI think my dad would skin me if I came back and the daughter of his closest friends was injured.âÂ
You let out a laugh, âConsidering how youâve been able to save me from myself several times, it wouldnât be your fault at all.â You point out, you look down, and start drawing random shapes in the dirt. âPlus, I doubt he would care much; maybe heâd be upset, but no way youâd take the fall for it.â
He shakes his head. âHe would definitely care, youâre my responsibility.â He lazily points to you, âYouâre like a baby.â You roll your eyes. âItâs my job to teach you. If you get hurt, itâs because I failed.â
There's a beat of silence before you frown, âThatâs stupid,â you mumble, keeping your focus on the array of lines and crudely drawn shapes in the same spot of dirt. âIâm not helpless,â you state. You glance up for a moment, only to be met with a raised brow. âIâm not! I mean, Iâm here because the Tsahik saw some kind of worth in me.â
You feel that churning in your stomach you always get before you retreat back to your room, curling up on your bed and pulling up a research log or movie to occupy yourself with. This is the longest youâve been around someone who wasnât one of your dads in⌠years.
Spider, Kiri, and Loâak would come around a lot, but it wasnât for long, and when it was, all the attention was on an argument Kiri and Loâak were having, or Spider, never you. You donât know what youâre doing, you donât know anything about actually being in the forest or talking to people. Loâak and Spider did most of the talking; it was easy to listen and occasionally egg them on.
Neteyam didnât speak. Silence around him was deafening; it wasnât the kind of silence you could have with Kiri or your dads. It suffocated you, so you talked. You talked to fill the space, but you don't know how to talk! Youâve made it this far, but the lump forming in your throat makes you think youâre going to throw up before you can carry on the conversation.
He stares at you for a moment. âWhy else would I be teaching you?â The statement strikes you.Â
You stare blankly at the ground beneath you, trying to decipher his words, trying to decipher how you feel about them.Â
Before you can decide, he stands up and nods for you to do the same.Â
âLead us homeâÂ
A moment passes
â... huh?â
He gestures in the direction you came from, âLead us home, we are not that far out.â Slowly, you tilt your head, staring out into the deep forest before looking back to him.
âYouâre serious?â It comes out quieter than you mean, nervous. He nods.
âI am here, we will not get lost.â He steps out of the way and reaches for your upper arms, nudging you closer. âI trust you were paying attention?âÂ
You nod, you were definitely paying attention, you couldnât keep your eyes off of whatâs around you, but youâre nowhere near confident enough to lead yourself back home. Going alone far into the woods yesterday was simply a one-off situation, excitement completely taking over your sense of logic.Â
Another beat passes, and you don't make any move to start leading you both home. You look down at the floor, much more interested in the flowing grass than the multiple different looks Neteyam could be giving you. Nervously, you wring your hands and bite your lip.
Neteyam watches you for a moment before sighing. You were making so much progress, the part he saw in you yesterday came out, but only for a moment before retreating back, and he was faced with the nervous girl who seemingly only came out when he did something.Â
Maybe he was pushing you too far, but he wanted to get this over with. He doesnât know what to think of you, and he doesnât want to. Youâre a human, a dreamwalker who just so happened to be interested enough in Pandora to catch Eywa and his grandmother's eye.Â
His father was once in your place, but that was different; not only was he Toruk Makto, but he made a choice to join the Naâvi and stay on Pandora. He had an entire life back on earth, everything he ever knew, and he gave it up to protect and learn from the people. You donât have much of a choice, yeah, you could choose to stay in the lab, reject his grandmotherâs offer to learn, but why would you? Thereâs nothing else for you. He doesnât doubt Eywaâs judgment, but he wonders if it would be the same if the choices werenât so⌠definite.
âFine, but tomorrow you will learn.â
-
Youâre exhausted when you get back to the village, you pull up enough energy to entertain Tuk, and listen to her story about her day. Your voice is quiet but smooth when you respond. She nuzzles closer to you every time you speak, seemingly making her sleepy.
Kiri and Loâak sit around you, asking about your training. You honestly donât want to talk about it, but you donât want to give them the wrong idea, so you give them vague and brief answers. It doesnât take them long to pick up the vibe and change the subject, at least it doesnât take Kiri long. Loâak needed more of a harsh nudge to his side from his sister when he asked a probing question to get the memo.
As soon as you eat, you go back to your hammock tent to sleep, waking up in the pod almost immediately.
The headache you get is splitting, a hissed groan escaping your dry throat. Norm is at your side with a glass of water. âHey, kid, you came out at just the right time. Dinner is about ready.â He places a hand on the back of your head as you take the glass and gulp down the water as fast as you can.
He helps you over to the table where Max sits across from you and slides a screen over. You look over it, but only look back up at him, confused.
âI thought we could open the Avatar program back up, a little unofficially, but youâre the youngest Avatar driver in action, and the only one trained by the Omaticaya, after Jake.â He explains, pulling the screen back and replacing it with a food tray. Carefully, you scoop a piece of food into your mouth.
âYouâve watched enough logs for me not to have to explain them.â A smile creeps onto both your mouths. Look down at your food and think.Â
âWhy?â you finish chewing the food in your mouth and swallow before continuing, âI mean, the research wouldnât exactly benefit us, itâs not like we have any experienced drivers or scientists readily available to test something new.âÂ
He chuckles, shaking his head, âKid, if we wanted successful research that would âbenefitâ us, we wouldnât have become ârogue humansâ and stayed on a planet that doesnât want science at all.â You look down at your food and consider his words.
And with that, the Avatar program opened again. After eating dinner, you sit down in front of the video camera and talk about your experience.
It was therapeutic, especially with how late at night it was, when you were completely alone. You talked about how weird it was to be in a new body, a healthy one. Being able to walk and run, feel the forest floor, and see the forest.
Talking about Neteyamâs lesson was more or less something you wanted to avoid. You were embarrassed, but you also didnât know how to talk about Neteyam at all. You had this preconceived notion of him, you didnât take it to heart, but it was still your only knowledge of him before the few hours you spent with him that day. You couldnât decide if it was right or not. You couldnât decide how you felt about him.Â
You didnât get to talk to Spider much, being busy with the log and then falling asleep almost immediately. You didnât get much time at breakfast, waking up late because you spent so much time recording your log. So when Spider was out the door, your link pod was closing, and you were in the jungle, lying in your hammock as the slivers of sunlight crept into the sky.
Youâre not so tired anymore, the perks of being an Avatar, you guess. You donât hesitate this time, leaving your hammock and joining the bustle of the village with as much confidence as you can muster.Â
âTuk! Donât go so fast! Mom wants you with her for breakfast!â You hear Kiri yell. Before you can really process anything, a small figure is slamming into your legs, almost knocking you over.
âY/n! Y/n!â She grabs both your hands in hers and starts jumping up and down. Sheâs way too energetic for this early in the morning. A fond smile creeps onto your lips, and you reach down, scooping her into your arms and bringing her close for a hug.
âOh tuk tuk tuk..â You murmur her name as she wraps her arms around your neck, her hands fiddling with your loose and messy hair. You smile as Kiri jogs up to both of you, smiling and reaching over to place a hand on Tukâs back.
âTuk, you cannot run off like that!â Kiri scolds as calmly as she can, you chuckle as Tuk just whips her head around with a quick âSorry, Kiri!â before turning back to your hair, mumbling something about the beads she wanted to braid into it.
You offer her a smile, âGood morning, Kiri.â You giggle. She stares at Tuk for a moment before turning her attention to you.
âGood morning, Y/n, more training today?â She asks, Loâak walking up next to her, raising his brows to say heâs wondering the same thing.
You nod, smiling as Loâak rolls his eyes. âGod, youâre gonna have such a stick up your ass by the time Neteyam is done with you.â You gasp as Kiri punches his shoulder, both of you gesturing to a now confused and curious Tuk.
She looks at you with wide eyes, humming a confused noise before you tell her nothing was wrong. She shrugs and goes back to the loose braids she was making with the underside of your hair. You glare at Loâak as he puts his hands up and laughs. âPoint proven.â He mumbles out, being met with another sharp punch to his shoulder.
âWell, Iâm glad you finally met Neteyam, making up for all the years you hung out with us but never him, huh?â Kiri nudges your arm, wiggling her eyebrows. You roll your eyes and shake your head.
âIf Iâm gonna learn the ways of the people, then Iâm going to be spending a lot of time with him.â You state with a sigh.
Tuk pulls back for a second, a wide and curious smile on her face. âY/n!â she half whispers, half yells. You turn your head so your ear is facing her, playing along with her childish habits. She giggles before leaning in and âwhisperingâ even louder. âDo you have a crush on Neteyam!?â
Her question catches you off guard, making you freeze, a slight blush heating your cheeks. Kiri and Loâak, who both unintentionally leaned in to hear Tuk, burst out laughing. Loâak with his full chest, doubling over, over dramatic laugh he always does. Kiri, in contrast, throws her head back and stifles her laugh a bit by covering her mouth with her hand.
You send the two siblings a quick glare before looking back at Tuk. âNo, no Tuk, heâs just teaching me.â youâre quick to clarify, flustered by her question.Â
She giggles, âBut if you diiiiid, then you could be my sister!â she exclaims, patting your shoulders excitedly. Kiri and Loâak look to you, you widen your eyes as if to ask how on earth such a young child knew all this?
Kiri raises a brow to Loâak, who shakes his head and mouths âIt wasnât me.â
You shake your head and look down at Tuk. Sheâs a persistent girl; she latches onto an idea and rarely ever gives it up, her easily distracted demeanor misleading you to think sheâd forget, only for her to bring it up with as much determination months later.
You think for a moment before nuzzling your nose into her cheek, making her giggle. âOh, but Tuk-Tuk, I love you so much already!â You glance up at Kiri, who steps forward and places her hand on Tukâs head.Â
âYeah, Tuk, Y/n doesnât need to mate with our brother to be your sister.â Kiri explains, Tuk looks back to her and thinks for a moment before smiling and turning her head back to you, nodding vigorously.Â
You smile at Kiri, raising your brows at each other in a knowing fashion. Talking without words, as you often found yourself doing with her. Loâak appears from behind you both, throwing his arms over both your shoulders, wedging himself between you and the older sister.
âBesides, Tuk, if Y/n were to mate with anyone, it would be me!â He states proudly, shooting you a sly grin. Before you can react, heâs looking over his shoulder and calling out to someone behind you. âIsnât that right, Neteyam?â
You can feel your body freeze, you feel your blood run cold as you turn your whole body, Loâak briefly taking his arm off you to turn with you, placing his arm across your shoulders again and leaning against you more.
Neteyam stands, several feet away, carrying several logs of wood, a confused look on his face. âWhat?â he asks, looking between you and his siblings. You can hear Kiri angrily asking Loâak âWhat the fuck is wrong with himâ
Loâak grins at you before looking back to Neteyam, âIf me and Y/n mated, then she and Tuk could be sisters!â His voice is loud in your ear, his hand reaching up from next to your head to pinch your cheek. Loâakâs always had a bit of a flirty personality; it was a joke between the two of you to flirt sometimes, always acting out dramatic scenarios as kids, but itâs been a while since he showed any form of interest outside of his usual flirt.
Neteyam looks between the two of you. Loâak is smirking like an asshole, tilting his head back in the defiant way he started doing the past few years. Tuk is looking at him bright-eyed and shaking her head up and down, her intentions much more innocent than her brothers, genuinely excited at the idea of the girl sheâs been so fond of being a part of the family.
Kiri seems to share his confusion, looking at their brother with an annoyed and baffled look. She turns her attention to him, shaking her head. The scene resembles the almost everyday occurrences when they were kids. Neteyam and Loâak at a standstill, except this time it's different; itâs no longer about Loâak being unable to hold back from his adventurous personality and Neteyam only wanting the best for him.
The air between you and Neteyam as he makes eye contact with you is thick. This situation mirrors the game theyâve been playing their whole lives, except you are here.Â
âYeah.â his voice is flat. You stand there awkwardly, eyes following his now retreating figure. Loâak cackles, and Kiri scolds him loudly.Â
âCâmon, it was funny! And I didnât do anything wrong!â You hear Loâak defending himself from Kiri, reasoning itâs not a big deal, and Neteyam could take a joke. âCâmon, Y/n, stop pouting like that, it wouldnât be that bad if we mated.â
You finally pull your eyes off of Neteyam, who was now sitting in front of the fire, meeting Loâakâs grinning face. This is the boy youâve known almost all your life, the one whoâd stay in your room for hours on end despite how cramped it was for him. Itâs Loâak.
You smile lamely. âWhat is that Kiri says?â You raise your eyebrows, Kiri stepping closer and flicking Loâakâs forehead. âI would drink acid.â you articulate, leaning into his face, grinning. He rolls his eyes and laughs, pushing you back by your shoulder.
You were focused on recovering from the situation that you failed to notice Neteyam's eyes on you.
Synopsis: You've studied and stared at Pandora your whole life, but that's all. Sick and unable to leave the lab, you've lived your life as a recluse. Until your foster fathers decide to surprise you for your 18th birthday with a brand new opportunity. With it, you meet Neteyam.
Warnings: sick!reader, mentions of death, depression, passive suicidal thoughts
word count: 8.6k
Author's note: The characters are aged up purely for the fact that I felt like an avatar would be a banger 18th birthday gift, and I wanted to give the Sullys a bit more of a childhood before they got thrown into a war.
 The Naâvi say that everyone is born twice; itâs a metaphor for young Naâvi going through their iknimaya and earning their place in the clan, but sometimes you wish it were more than that. You pray to Eywa, a god, a mother youâve never known, and doubt will ever feel, that when you die, you will get reborn. Maybe youâre manifesting an early demise, but you cannot bring yourself to care.Â
You will die, everyone does, your death has just always been by your side, its weight enveloping you in a suffocating embrace, plaguing your life with its entire being.Â
So, you pray to be reborn, into a body with legs that will carry you across the planet you were born on, yet never get to see, with a heart that will beat steadily as you run, with lungs that will breathe in the deadly air that you crave to feel blowing on your skin.
The air in the lab was stale, as always. Pandoraâs air mechanically converted into oxygen that humans could breathe. Sitting in your chair, hunched over, knees to your chest, you read another through another one of the research logs in the database, taking in each line of information like it was directly from God's lips.Â
Even when the decompression chamber goes off and a flurry of chaos fills the lab, your attention stays stagnant. Murmurs, conversation, footsteps. Youâre used to it.Â
Several times a week, Loâak and Kiri visit the lab with Spider. It's their routine to come visit you and the scientists, as well as Graceâs avatar in the Amnio tank. Even so, such commotion hardly ever draws you away from your fascination with the abundant information and research on the computer.Â
Large hands land on your shoulders, Loâak leaning over you to see what you had pulled up on the computer. Briefly, you glance at him. He narrows his eyes, skimming through the paragraphs.Â
âWatcha reading âbout this time?â He asks, amusement in his voice as you tilt your head back to rest against his forearm.Â
âRazor palm.â He tilts his head in confusion, raising a brow at your answer. âPxiut.â You clarify. The corner of his mouth jerks up, a look of satisfaction in his eyes as he nods.Â
He pulls hand hands away, instead placing them on the desk as he moves to crouch beside you, glancing between you and the computer screen. âPractically fluent.â He states. Playfully, you stick your tongue out at him, drawing a laugh from his lips.
You watch him for another second before turning your attention back to the screen, your cheek resting on your knee as you dive back into the information.Â
The world of Pandora always fascinated you; the plants and animals that resided on the planet captured your eye from a young age. You grew up staring out the windows of the biolab into the world beyond, craving to know more about it.Â
The scientists did what they could to raise the kids left on Pandora, but children's books weren't exactly readily available, so you grew up on lab and research reports. Granted, itâs what you asked for. Once you learned to read, your birthday gifts were always wider access to the research files in the database.Â
You read Grace's book more times than you could count, the pages loaded with sticky notes, annotations, and markups. At nearly 18, your knowledge rivaled that of the scientists whoâd spent decades surveying and studying the planet you currently lived on.Â
Despite this, youâd never stepped foot outside the lab, you barely stepped foot outside your room. When you were younger, youâd pester Spider about what he saw, making him describe each plant and animal in detail. Heâd oblige you, staying up late telling you stories of his adventures, and he even started drawing plants he found. It was the closest you got to the world beyond, your obsession with anything and everything Pandora growing with each moment, you could feel the presence of what lay beyond the walls.
Loâak watches you stare at the screen, absorbed in what youâre reading. It was like watching a switch flip, from present to not. As if you were in your own little world, in your chair in front of your computer.
He tapped the desk to get your attention. âSo, the little hideaway finally came out of her room, huh?â He teases, leaning in with a smirk.
Your eyes flutter to him for a moment before going back to the screen. âDonât get used to it.â you murmur.Â
âI havenât seen you in a few weeks, what's new?â
âNot much, just helping Norm with his samples and tests. Nothing youâd be interested in, though.â Your words are methodical, itâs as if your voice wasnât speaking in time with your body. At least, thatâs how it seemed to Loâak. You were too focused on the computer. He rolled his eyes.
âSeems like thatâs all you do now.â
You nod.
He huffs. âOh câmon, Y/n. How interesting can that computer be? Youâre reading about Pxiut when you could go outside and see it for yourself!â He stands up, crossing his arms as he awkwardly tilts to try and catch your eye.Â
 You give him a look before turning back to your computer.
Youâve heard him complain about your lack of interest in seeing Pandora many times before; it confused him how your brother couldnât stay in the forest long enough, while you were rarely seen outside of your room.
Truthfully, all you wanted was to get out of the lab and see Pandora up close. All you wanted was to see the forest, touch the grass and soil like your brother does, climb through trees, and hear the sounds of nature. It was something you desperately wanted but never let yourself indulge in. There was a reason you stayed indoors.Â
But all you tell Loâak is that youâd rather research it. He scrunches his nose and walks off with a huff. For a moment, youâre back to reading, but youâre abruptly disturbed when he grabs the back of your chair and pulls it out, using the wheels on the bottom to his advantage.Â
He spins you around to face Spider and Kiri sitting atop Graceâs amnio tank. âAre you guys hearing how ridiculous she sounds? I mean, Kiri, you canât possibly be ok with her being a⌠what does dad call it?â He leans over you, his braids clicking together as they fall to hang upside down. âA hermit.â
You roll your eyes at his exasperated tone, shooing him away and scrunching your nose as he swats at your hand just the same.Â
âOh Loâak, leave her alone.â Kiri hops down from the tanks, pushing at his shoulder to give you some space.Â
Loâak let out a noise. âI thought you were on my side about this.â
âI am, but youâre not making her wanna go outside, youâre just bothering her.â She states, pulling your chair forward, out of his grasp. Kiri was always a firm believer that you needed to see Pandora, but she took a much more careful approach than Loâak, telling you about its beauty and encouraging you much like a mother coaxing her child into taking their first steps.
You glance between the two from your place between their standoff, Kiri raising her brows, and Loâak crossing his arms. Uncomfortable, you tilt your head and make eye contact with Spider. With a silent plea, he hops down and gets between the two Naâvi towering over you.
âJust let Y/n do her thing, guys, sheâs always been like this.â He shooes the two away, taking hold of your chair and pushing you back to your place at the desk. âSheâll come outside when sheâs ready.â
You give Spider a smile, ignoring Loâakâs snarky âif sheâs ever ready.â and turning back to the computer.Â
âYeah, guys, listen to Spider, this is our house anyway.â You shoot Loâak a condescending look from over your shoulder. âWhat a way to treat your hosts.â
He sticks his tongue out at you. You mirror his gesture.Â
Kiri glides over, leaning against the desk and offering you a sweet smile. âBut no, seriously, how have you been?â
Her voice has an edge to it. For the past two weeks, youâve been a ghost. Whisked away to your room by Max and Norm, you spent the whole time sick and writhing in bed. It wasnât your first time being sick, but Norm, as worrisome as always, essentially quarantined the back of the lab. Today was the first day you were able to climb out of your bed without getting so dizzy youâd faint.
You find yourself clenching your fists, your fingernails digging into your palms. Your friends werenât unaware of your condition, but it was something everyone kept fairly under wraps, at your request.Â
You didnât like to feel fragile, and you felt awkward having others act so careful or thoughtful around you. It was hard enough having all the other scientists do so; you wanted it to be different with your friends.Â
âIâve been fine, just moody, I guess.â
âWhen are you not?â Loâak calls from across the lab.
You roll your eyes. âOh my god, Loâak, youâre so lucky you're like, 2 feet taller than me or Iâd beat your ass.â
Kiri covers her mouth to stifle a laugh.Â
âOh yeah? Iâd like to see you try.â
âShe canât, dumbass, thatâs the point.â You hear Spider say to him from their spot somewhere else. You cackle, Kiri releasing her own laugh as Spider and Loâak start to bicker.Â
The lab, once quiet, save for the hums and drones from the machinery, fills with chaos. A chaos youâve grown comfortable with and fond of. It can be stifling being one of the youngest in the lab, surrounded by adults absorbed in their own obsession with Pandora.
Despite your difficulty, youâve grown exceptionally close to the Naâvi kids who visit the lab.Â
âOh, whatever, all Iâm hearing are excuses.â Loâak declares, now back in sight with Spider.
You gasp dramatically, placing a hand on your heart. âWanting to beat up a disadvantaged girl? You really are an asshole, Loâak.â
Another round of laughs spills from Kiri, followed by a punch to the bicep by Spider in your stead. The Naâvi boy grumbles and swats away Spider, moving forward to be all up in your space, leaning over so you are eye level.Â
âYouâre just being a coward.âÂ
You scrunch your nose, âYouâre gross, Loâak, get away!â pushing him by his shoulders. Cackling, he grabs your wrist, jerking you forward so you are mere inches apart.Â
Playfully, you recoiled, letting out a dramatic sound of disgust. He looked at you lamely, rolling his eyes as he straightened up, your arms now stretching as he kept his grip on your wrists.Â
âHar har, yeah youâre sooo funny-â He rolled out, ignoring Kiriâs giggles and Spider inching closer in subtle concern. âNow get up! Youâre being lame-â
His words went muffled as he hoisted you up from the chair. It felt like static took over your brain. Everything was muffled, cold, and uncomfortable.Â
Slowly, sounds started to make their way back into your senses. They were saying your name, you registered.Â
â-mon, câmon, wake up!â âSheâs breathing, so⌠she's fine, right?â âShe just nee- move, Loâak! She just needs a moment.â
Your eyes opened, and you were greeted with the harsh fluorescent lights. You groaned, blinking away the blur and streaks in your vision.Â
âThere she is. Y/n, you good?â Spider's voice echoed through your head. You glance around, Spider, Kiri, and Loâak all looking down at you in varying mixes of worry.Â
You were on the floor, atleast somewhat, you registered from the cold you felt on your legs. Taking a moment, you took in your situation. You were lying down, upper body on Kiriâs lap, Spiderâs fingers wrapped around your wrists pulse point and splayed across your forehead.
You passed out. Thatâs what you gathered.Â
Makes sense, Loâak suddenly pulling you up likely triggered the response, which was understandable considering your barely healthy state and the fact that youâd been sitting down nearly all day.Â
âYeah⌠iâm good.â you mumbled out. âJust dehydratedâ a weak excuse, but you couldnât think of much better in your state.
âGood, see this is why you donât do shit like this, Loâak!â Spider scolded, smacking the back of the Naâvi boysâ head.Â
âHow was I supposed to know?â
Kiri opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, you heard the decompression chamber going off and a harsh yell.Â
Oh great.
Norm stomped over, calling out your name as he knelt to your side. âWhat are you doing out of bed? You know youâre unstable right now.â He slipped his arms under your legs and torso, lifting you up into his hold.
Internally, you cringed at his words, and more so at Kiri and Loâakâs verbal confusion at the word unstable.Â
âShe said she was just dehydrated.â Loâak stated, looking between Norm and Max, who apparently had followed close behind him.Â
Before they could say anything, you stuck your hand out, swatting at him. âYeah, Iâm fine! Theyâre just being dramatic.â You stated as you squirmed to get out of Normâs arms, who just huffed and shook his head.Â
âYouâre not fine and you know it.âÂ
âI can take care of myself.â you state, embarrassed at the commotion your foster fathers were making. Norm grunts and starts walking out of the room, ignoring the questions your friends keep asking as they trail after you.Â
You groan, pushing at Norm's chest defiantly with quiet demands to be let down, to which he responds with reprimands about your health. Before you know it, youâre being laid down on your bed, and Max is making quick work of the medication and equipment kept by it. You sit up as Max wraps a blood pressure monitor around your arm, huffing as Norm places a hand on your forehead. He points Spider to the pack of water bottles they keep by your nightstand; he grabs one and hands it to Norm, who quickly opens it and presses it to your lips.
âOkokok that's enough!â You announce, leaning away from the bottle. âGod- donât treat me like I'm helpless.â you state, glaring at the scientist. It was uncomfortable how well they had the procedure down, working like a well oiled machine. Two rogue scientists and a feral teenager working like a group of trained medical professionals when it came to you. It was embarrassing.Â
For a moment, it was silent, save for the sounds of the BP monitor expanding on your arm and beeping with its read. Norm tilted his head.
âDonât be difficult, Y/n.â
You purse your lips. âIâm not, I just-â you glance at the two siblings standing in your doorway, peeking through, unsure of the situation. You look away, dread and embarrassment flooding through you. Your voice is quiet, barely a whisper, only loud enough for Norm to hear. âI donât like being treated like Iâm gonna break.â
Normâs expression softens, his eyes following your brief gaze, landing on the two watching you from the doorway in worry. He was worried about you, but he knew well enough about your reservations about your friends being exposed to your most vulnerable moments.Â
With a sigh, he pulls back and makes his way to the Naâvi kids. Carefully, he explains that youâd been sick, and they werenât sure what it was, so it was hard to take care of. Norm, despite his stubbornness and urgency when it came to you, was able to put on a relaxed demeanor easily. He got good at waving off conversations about your health when it wasn't necessary.Â
Max, who was at your side, checking your vitals and jotting them all down, was better at keeping a level head. Granted, he was usually the one who had the strict rules; Norm was just the one who enforced them, but he took a more careful approach.Â
Norm and Max, like the other scientists, had no idea what they were doing when it came to raising kids. Hell, you doubt if they ever even wanted any. But, for all intents and purposes, they were your fathers.Â
Spider crawls over you as you bring your knees up and bury your face in your arms, sitting himself by your side and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You lean into him, refusing to look as your friends watch you worried, before backing away and leaving.Â
You take deep breaths, pinching your eyes shut. After a moment, Max takes the monitor off your arm, and his hand takes its place. âGet some rest, Birdie, itâs the fastest way to recover.â he squeezes your arm before standing up, placing a quick kiss on the top of your head.
Norm watches you for a second and sighs, ruffling your hair and walking out with Max, closing the door behind him. You donât lift your head even after they leave, so Spider rests his head on your shoulder. An odd little family you have.
After a moment, you turn your head just enough to peek your eyes out to see Spider. He notices and makes eye contact, a soft expression passing over his face. âWhat did you see?â you mumble, barely audible. He chuckles, leaning back against your headboard.Â
âWell, Loâak decided to ride a Paâli, it was the first time I saw their resting place and there were so many pitcher plants, Paâliwll Kiri says,â he explains. Quietly, you repeat the name, running through the catalogs in your head for a visual. âOh, and we saw an âangtsik from aboveâŚâ he continues, describing what seemed to be a once-in-a-lifetime adventure for you when for him, it was every other day.
You listen as he rambles on, trying to imagine it all as if youâd been there, slowly piecing together visuals and frames in your head. He makes jabs at Loâak, his ability to ride the Paâli and shoot an arrow. The kind of poking fun you see between close friends.Â
Finally, you lift your head when he tells you about Tuk cussing in front of Neytiri, courtesy of Loâak and his loud mouth. You cackle at the story, imagining the spunky little girl copying her brother's potty mouth.Â
Spider takes the chance to pinch your cheek, earning a slap on the hand before he grabs your shoulders and pulls you to be laying next to him.Â
âOh, and Neteyam was pissed at Loâak when he saw a cut on Tukâs cheek.â Your ears perk up at the name, curious about the boy you rarely hear about. Neteyam. Youâd never met him. He never came to the lab. But youâd hear a slew of stories and offhand comments about him.
Heâs older than you, but younger than Spider. Heâs Jakeâs oldest child, the next OloâEyktan. The perfect soldier and golden child who outshined Loâak. Heâs everything the first son of Toruk Makto should be, born with his life laid out before him.
You saw Loâakâs envy of him, his words shifting from admiration to resentment when he spoke of him through the years. He once desired to be like his brother, but there was a shift along the way.Â
You were once desperate to meet the brother your friends often spoke of, but as years passed and his presence stayed a ghost, you resigned yourself to only knowing him through word of mouth. When you were young, Loâak and Spider would talk about how cool he was, how he was fun and great with a bow.Â
Now, all you hear is how busy he is, how he just does his father's bidding and has abandoned spending time with his siblings for training. You take their word for it, how could you not? Youâve never met the boy, and you can see the toll their strained relationship with their brother has taken on Kiri and Loâak.
Still, sometimes he wanders through your mind.Â
âWhat does he look like?â The words slip out before you can have a second thought. Your voice is barely above a whisper, you hope that your foster brother didnât hear you, but itâs crushed when you hear him hum.Â
âHe looks like Loâak, but more like his mom. Ummm, yâknow yellow eyes and his hair is braided back, so it doesnât hang down in his face like Loâak and Kiri.â He looks up to the ceiling, trying to recall the boyâs appearance as best he could, considering itâs not something he actively takes note of. âheâs pretty tall, but then again, all Naâvi are compared to us,â he chuckles, nudging your side.
âOh, and Loâak looks a little more human than him, his nose is flatter, and he has three fingers,â he states, leaning against you. âUuum yeah, heâs really stoic though, he doesnât talk much, and when he does, heâs so⌠serious.â
It makes sense, you think, being the Oloâeyktansâ first son and having a brother like Loâak, it wouldnât be easy to be laid back. You tilt your head at the weak description your brother provides; he was never a great storyteller, even with years of experience, recounting every detail of his day by your bedside at night.
His words are interrupted by a yawn that escapes from his mouth. He continues on with his sentence, but you pat his shoulder. His words trail off. âItâs late, Spider, you should get to bed.â you whisper, a reassuring smile gracing your lips.
He searches your eyes for a moment, you havenât had much time together lately, and you know he always feels guilty about leaving you alone in the lab for too long. After a moment, he nods, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead before leaping up and out of the room.
~
Itâs been hours since the lab went quiet; the Sully kids having gone home, and your foster family asleep. Still, you canât find it in yourself to close your eyes and fall asleep, ignoring the way your eyes twitch, weighed down by your lack of sleep. You stare outside your window, tired eyes gazing up at the night sky, moonlight shining on your face.
For all your life, you stared out this window, the shining stars burning into your skin.Â
Youâve memorized the stars, the patterns, and the order, years of searing each star into your mind. It was the one time you could look out onto Pandora and not feel the ache of loneliness in your chest. After all, the stars were your company.
Youâve always been amazed by stars. When you were young, you read about the constellations, the ones visible from Earth, and you were enraptured. You threw yourself into it, reading everything you could about them, from the scientific and chemical nature of them to all the stories that were held in them.Â
You memorised the constellations, and every night, you crawled into your window and searched the night sky for them. It became your fixation, endlessly searching in hopes of finding one. You found ones that were close, but not quite right. It upset you. You knew them, you knew the story of Orion and Delphius like the back of your hand, you had drawn and memorized Hercules and Perseus a thousand times, so why couldnât you find them?Â
It all came to a head one night when you tried to leave the lab, convinced that the glass of your window and the limited view were the source of your inability to draw the lines in the stars above you. Max caught you as you were trying to reach for the handle to the decompression chamber, oxygen mask thrown on flimsily and still in your PJs.
You whined and cried about how the stars were wrong. Max didnât know what to do; youâd tried to leave before, but never had you been so reckless and so close, and you were a mess. Eventually, he was able to make the connection that you wanted to see the constellations, and he had to explain that they werenât visible from Pandora.Â
You took it better than he expected. You were upset, yes, but it ignited a different childlike curiosity in you. You wanted to know what the skies of Pandora did hold.Â
You started to make your own constellations, spending hours mapping out the stars, disfigured shapes, and lines. Each one was a story, a life you created, a life you wanted. Norm and Max knew of your hobby and even wanted to hear the stories you came up with, but you refused.
It was too personal.Â
It was something for you and just you.
You rest your head against the cold glass, eyes straining to the sky, avoiding the jungle that lay beyond the clearing, rolling over the sky. The sky. It was everything you knew.Â
Once you fell asleep, you slept through nearly the entire day, curled up in your bed and grumpily complying with Maxâs check-ups and lecture. Norm came in, checking on your condition with his own eyes, relieved when you seemed to be doing a lot better. You ignored his comments about staying up so late and how it wasnât good for you. You wanted to argue that being kept inside all the time wasnât good for you either, but you kept quiet, as you always do.Â
You didnât leave your room, and you werenât interested in talking to anyone who came in. The day passed, and you watched as the sun set on the land, and the stars came out.Â
Again, you gaze up into the sky, searching the stars for the constellations youâd created.Â
You hear the footsteps, the way he hesitates to intrude before opening the door.
âY/n,â His voice is quiet as he steps in. You donât look at him, eyes boring into dots littering the sky.Â
Carefully, he walks over, sitting on the edge of your bed, placing a hand on your shoulder. âI was going to wait till morning to tell you, but since youâre still up...â You move your eyes, looking at your foster father without making an effort to move your body, as if youâd crumble and break at any movement.
He holds your gaze, unsure of where you are.
âIâd like to show you something.â He states, coaxing you out of your trance. For a moment, youâre still, staring at him blankly. He moves softly. Heâs always careful with you when youâre like this; Lost somewhere he doesnât quite know.Â
Max steps into your doorway, making himself known when you stay unmoving. It takes a few moments, but you glance down at your hands. Slowly, you lean away from the window, fiddling with your fingers as you lean into Norm. He takes your hands and helps you up.Â
âItâs a surprise.â Max quips in a singsong voice, Norm placing his hands over your eyes. Internally, you roll them, but you go along with it, letting yourself be guided through the lab.Â
You try to make sense of where youâre going, but you get lost at just a few turns in. You want to scold the two men, accuse them of purposely going slow when they come to a sudden stop.
You keep your eyes closed for a second, even after Norm takes his hands away from your face. âItâs a little early,â Max breaks the silence, slowly, you pry your eyes open. A gasp escapes your lips. âBut we thought youâd like to put it to use sooner rather than later.â
Your eyes land on the Amnio tank in front of you, the blue liquid glowing as you take it in. Take in the body floating in it. An avatar, jerking and fidgeting. The face on the avatar was you. Your body, your face, molded into that of a Naâvi. You try to speak, but your tongue falls short, mind racing and tripping over words.
âHappy early birthday!â They chime in unison, amusement in their voice from your reaction.Â
Youâre choked up. âHowâ is all youâre able to get out, words caught in your throat and lagging in your brain.
A soft chuckle leaves the two men's lips. âWell, it took a long time, our tech isnât as good as it was before the RDA left.â Norm explains, patting you on the back.âBut, yâknow, we made it happen.â
âWasnât hard to keep a secret; no one comes in this part of the lab, especially not you.â Max places a hand on the tank, gesturing to the room youâre in.Â
There's so much you wanna say, so many questions. Slowly, you creep towards the tank, eyebrows furrowing as you take in the figure. It was surreal to see yourself like⌠that.
Itâs you, but itâs not. Itâs a mindless avatar. Youâll take over it. It will become you. You lean in, nose almost touching the glass as you stare at it. Norm and Max watch, amused as you take in all the features and traits.Â
You breathe out, fogging the glass. âWhy?â you look up to them, your hand resting on the cool tank.
On the other side, Max shrugs. âYouâve been obsessed with Pandora your whole life, and you couldnât exactly,â he scrunches his nose, looking for the right words for the sensitive subject. âSee it.â
âWe thought this would be good for you,â Norm adds, walking around the tank and placing a hand on your shoulder. âHappy birthday, kid.â
You remain quiet, your eyes back on the avatar floating in the tank. Max and Norm exchange looks.
âWeâll get it ready tonight, and tomorrow you can take it for a test drive, huh?â Norms' voice barely cuts through the tension in your head. You didnât know what to say, yes or no?
Youâve stared out your window your entire life, craving Pandora, reading and watching old logs over and over again to get a glimpse of what it might feel like. Now youâre presented with the opportunity, and you canât bring yourself to say yes.
You donât know why, but there's something like barbed wire in your throat and a fog in your mind. It's overwhelming.
âIâm not 18 yet.â You blurt out, tentatively looking up to your foster fathers with your weak excuse.Â
Norm shrugs. âClose enough.â
You want to oppose it. You want to say yes, say no, say nothing. You stare at him silently, hands itching. God, you have everything youâve ever wanted right here at your fingertips, youâve been obedient your entire life, and content with what you have.
But now you have the chance to live.
~
Before Max can even finish his sentence, youâre throwing on the old avatar clothes they dug out and bounding out the door. The examination was grueling, and the excitement and anxiety were about to burst out of your veins.
You feel the sun on your skin, and you close your eyes, basking in the light. Your breath hitches as you feel a cool breeze graze your skin. Fresh air fills your lungs, crisp and lively. A shiver runs down your spine, and goosebumps run up your arms. A smile takes over your lips.
âNow, Y/n, be care-â Norm starts to warn you, but before he can finish, youâre running. You run through the field, bounding through the grass and over logs and plants. You canât help the exhilaration that pumps through your blood, purging your mind of any previous anxiety or hesitation.
You get tripped up in your own feet, body moving faster than it can keep up with. You throw your hands out for balance, heels digging into the ground. Youâre still for a second, and a laugh rips itself from your throat.Â
You throw your head back, looking to the sky as you laugh, taking it all in. Your lungs are full, your body is invigorated and strong. Just as quickly, you whip your head down to look at your feet digging into the ground, your toes wiggling in the grass and soil.Â
You look up, turning to look at Norm watching you from afar. All you can do is laugh. Youâre outside. You're actually outside. Within seconds, your laughing becomes hysterical as you spin around, attempting to take it all in.
Itâs the same field youâd seen every day, but itâs different up close. Itâs real. It doesn't take long for you to grow dizzy and fall flat on your butt, tripping over your own feet and losing balance. Itâs without a doubt embarrassing, later youâll thank Eywa that only Norm and Max were watching you, but you canât bring yourself to care as you sink your fingers into the ground below you, threading your fingers through thin patches of grass.
You bite your lip, giggling like a child with a lollipop as you swipe your hand across the ground, committing the coarse feeling of the dried up dirt to memory, how it sticks to your palms and how the path your hand took bears a faint mark.
You can't imagine how stupid you look to Norm as he walks up to you; youâre literally playing in dirt, but the look on both your faces shows no proof that either of you cares.Â
He ruffles your hair, reminding you of how messy and unkept it is, before he hands you a choker-mic and earpiece. âItâs just the first day, so I donât want you going far, you know how badly that could have gone for Jake.â his comment draws a giggle from you, knowing the story of the great Toruk Makto from the perspective of the science guys by heart.Â
âCheck in every hour and keep an eye on your surroundings,â He drones on with the safety speech he drilled into Spider as a kid. You listen, but your attention is taken by the forest that lies just meters ahead of you, the edge just a glimpse of the world beyond.Â
Itâs captivating, every movement and sound draws your attention. Itâs so much bigger than you ever could have imagined, the towering trees pushing a subtle sense of dread in your stomach. You could get lost, lose track of time, fall in love, so easily.Â
Youâre hypnotized by the sway of the leaves, the quiet movements, and the way the air shifts.Â
Can you do this?
Youâre taken from your trance when Norm nudges your shoulder. You blink hard and look at him.Â
âWere you even-? Whatever,â he sighs. âJust please donât-â he hands you a knife. âDonât die, youâll come back to your real body and it won't hurt you, but itâs not a fun experienceâŚâ You take the knife, observing it.
Itâs a common hunting knife, the netting wrapped around the handle is worn, with basic weaving patterns. You look up to him, tilting your head. He smiles and nods to the forest, âBe safe, kid, I want you home before eclipse.âÂ
You push yourself up, and you take a moment to take in your sudden height difference. A smirk slips onto your lips, and he rolls his eyes, biting your lip. You turn to the forest. Anxiously, you step forward, one foot in front of the other.
Before you can think, your feet are speeding up, pushing you forward into the jungle you stared at for 17 years. You break through the edge, and youâre surrounded by trees and green, the forest enveloping you, the earthy smell sinking into your skin.Â
You slow down once youâre several meters past the edge, taking in everything around you. The leaves far above you sway in the wind, tiny critters crawl around on the trees, and fallen-over logs. The sound hypnotizes you, each noise and bustle piercing your ears. The forest envelopes you, every part of your being melting into the air, begging to become one.Â
Youâre smiling so hard, your lips feel like theyâre going to split, the ache in your cheeks forgotten before you can even bring yourself to notice.
Youâre in the forest.
You take a moment to breathe in the air, the damp smell of wood and moss, soil and plants sprawling across the floor and trees. Vines wrap around branches, hanging down, some of the flowers move as if they were breathing, the sway of the grass in sync. Chirps and clicks echo, your head swiveling, trying to find the source.Â
Your legs are moving unconsciously, your body in a trance. The feel of the ground beneath you is entrancing, the tickle of the grass on the bottoms of your feet. It's disorienting how soft the soil is compared to the hard floors of your home.Â
Except it didnât feel like home anymore, it never did, this is what feels right.
The smoothness of the giant leaves you run your hand over, the flowers sprouting from vines and plants, leaves of plants grazing your legs, it all leaves you breathless. Names run through your head as you observe the plants, their names popping into your head, the properties, and uses. It's surreal to see them up close, in real life.Â
I should take samples.. You think to yourself, but pack the idea to the back of your mind, another day perhaps.Â
The forest is enchanting, taking all of your attention, you forget Normâs advice and just wander through the green aimlessly. You donât even realize how far youâve gone, how long itâs been, the pair of eyes that's been trailing you for at least a mile.Â
Neteyam doesnât understand you⌠Youâre Naâvi but wearing human clothes? Obviously, you must be an Avatar, but heâs met all the Avatars left on Pandora during the meeting with his father, and youâre careless, like a toddler who just learned to walk. Unconcerned with where you are, where youâre going, clueless of your surroundings.Â
He considered you could be a Skyperson, the ones who returned, but his father and the scientists doubted that the RDA would fund an Avatar program after their last mission. Youâre also defenseless, wearing old clothes and no gun, no soldier, no sign that youâre here maliciously. Youâre not a threat. Still, he keeps his bow ready despite his certainty that youâre harmless, in case you make an unsavory move or a different threat makes an appearance.
He tilts his head as he watches you, youâre smiling, and immersing yourself in the forest. The way you take it all in reminds him of his sister, but this is different. His sister has a natural connection, the forest being her home, youâre engulfed by it, if he hadnât been keeping such an intent eye on you, then you would have disappeared right before him.Â
Something about the way you walked, the delicate placing of your feet, the careful posture you kept to be able to turn and see all of the forest at any moment, he couldnât just let you wander off. Itâs his job as future Oloâeyktan to be vigilant and mindful; your presence, even innocuous, wasnât something that could be acquitted.Â
So he followed you, tilting his ears to make sense of your whispers to yourself. He knows English, his entire family is fluent in it, but he still frowns when he recognizes youâre speaking it. He and his siblings will use it occasionally, but he often avoids it due to the distaste he feels about it, the association it has with skypeople leaving a bad taste in his mouth.
He doesnât contemn Skypeople as much as his mother or other members of the clan, but he never goes out of his way to speak or associate with them.Â
With a soft giggle, his entire attention locks onto your face. Youâre hand comes up to rest your fingers in front of your mouth as you smile at the bugs fluttering around a twirling plant after you tapped it.Â
Yeah⌠like a toddlerâŚ
He purses his lips to hold back the sigh that tries to escape his lips. How much longer must he watch you? The decision is up to him, but he doesnât know how to approach the situation.
He tilts his head, shifting his weight on his feet. Heâs about to leave, deciding youâre not going to cause a problem, when an atokirinaâ floats in front of him. It bobs through the air, seemingly aimlessly, before slowly descending towards you. His eyes follow it intently, heeding Eywaâs mind.
The spirit drifts around you, catching your attention once it bobs around your head. You canât help the smile that tugs at your lips when you notice the spirit, you take your hand off the tree it was resting on and cup it with your other, biting your lip as the atokirinaâ floats down into the cusp of your hands.
It tickles your palm and fingertips, your smile grows wider, such a being coming to you and making contact brings you endless joy, even if you donât know the full significance of it. Slowly, you bend down to rest on your knees, keeping a slow pace to avoid disturbing the being. Once you're seated, you shift to rest on the side of your thigh, humming as you bring the spirit closer and observe it.Â
He watches you for a moment, considering you before shifting to get down from his hiding spot. You gasp when he drops down from a branch of a tree opposite of you, you had the sense that you werenât alone, but you attributed that to the bustling forest.Â
Your eyes are locked onto the Naâvi boy several feet in front of you, mouth agape and body frozen. Thereâs a heavy silence between you, observing each other, unsure of what to say. You decide to say something, he hasnât killed you yet, so that's a good sign, but he beats you to it.
âWho are you.â He demands, his voice gruff and thick.
You open your mouth, words jumbled in your throat before you blurt out âY/nâ his eyes are biting, pinning you to your spot.
He doesnât say anything, observing every part of you. âIâm from the labs, um, with the science guys,â you offer. He tilts his head, furrowing his brows. You panic, realizing that you could very well be taken as an RDA sky person, âThe ones who fought with you, loyal to the Naâvi.â you add abruptly, hoping to withdraw any possible suspicions or misgivings.Â
His expression remains unchanging, it makes you nervous, unsure of what to do or say. Before you can try and add anything, âComeâ is all he says, nodding his head in the direction he turns to walk in. Realizing the woodsprite is long gone, having floated away during the interaction, you scramble up to follow him.Â
Heâs quick, knowing of where to go, experienced in the trek through the forest. You clamber after him, trying to keep up with his pace while avoiding any obstacles. Your efforts are unsuccessful, and you trip over a vine-like branch that caught on your foot.Â
You hiss at the sting of your palms that caught you, pushing yourself up on your elbows. You start to get up when the boy is in front of you, grabbing your hands and inspecting them. His expression is unreadable, but the way his eyes soften when he sees the minimal damage done to you makes a smile pull at your lips.Â
He looks up to you, repositioning his hands to hold onto your wrists, and he stands up, pulling you up with him. âMust I carry you?â He asks lamely, annoyed at your unwieldy coordination. Quickly, you shake your head, heat rising to your cheeks from embarrassment. He nods and turns to continue his path, his hand loosely holding onto your wrist as you both continue forward.Â
You donât know how long you walk for, letting the boys hold on to you, guiding you as you study the forest you pass by. Before you know it, his pace is slowing, and you peek over his figure to see the village. A pit grows in your stomach, you fiddle with your hands, wringing your fingers as you walk through the village, eyes following your every movement.Â
You donât want to be here, no doubt much farther than what Norm and Max would have approved, but there wasnât much you could do. You didnât want to protest or run, overly aware of how easily the boy could overpower and kill you, but there was also the curiosity of the forest guiding you.
The Naâvi know the forest better than you ever could; youâd no doubt be safer with a stranger than on your own. Itâs a chance to see and explore the forest without worrying about getting lost or running into danger. And now being in the village? Itâs unexpected, but you canât deny the excitement that swirls with the anxiety in your chest.
He walks up to a particular tent, and you notice it's larger than the others, not by much, though. Naâvi start to surround you, curious about you and the boy, the whispers and eyes on you causing you to bite your lip nervously. The boy calls out to the tent, after a moment the flaps open and out walks a tall man adorned in intricate jewelry spreading across his shoulders and chest, a tall woman, and an older woman stalking out after him.Â
Their eyes fall on the boy, then you, the womanâs eyes narrow, tilting her chin up. The man just seems confused, looking to the boy for an explanation. They start speaking in the language, you understand some of it, but youâre not fluent. You pick up âEywaâs signâ âHarmlessâ âdaughter of the sky menâ etc. You can interpret what theyâre talking about, but you canât understand specifically what is being said.
The woman narrows her eyes, studying you. You resist squirming under her gaze until the man turns to you and speaks, âSo, youâre Y/n, Spiderâs sister, right?â his english is clean, almost as if you were talking to one of the guys in the biolab, and your mind makes the connection.
This is Jake Sully
Your eyes widen at the realization, but you keep yourself composed. Carefully, you nod âYes, sir, they gave me this Avatar as an early birthday gift and I decided to look around the forest,â you explain, you bite the inside of your cheek, âIâve never seen it beforeâ you whisper weakly, averting your gaze to the floor.Â
The woman, whom you assume is Neytiri, circles you, surveying your appearance and self. She stops next to you, brushing her fingertips against your loose hair. âYou have never been outside of that tawtute vessel?â she muses, curiously watching your facial response.Â
Your eyes dart to her, biting your lip, you start to nod, but the attention is drawn away when a familiar voice calls out.Â
âY/n?!â To your side, Spider, Loâak, and Kiri stand startled. Spiderâs mouth twists into a grin before stepping forward, looking you up and down. You ignore the near discomfort at the height difference between you and your brother. âSo it was viable, huh?â he muses. You tilt your head in confusion, you're about to say something before he continues, âand they gave it to you early? And they didnât even tell me.â he feigns hurt, his amusement growing by the second.
Loâak steps forward and grabs him by the shoulder, âWait, Spider, you knew about this?â he asks, pointing at you. Your brother shrugs, explaining that it was an idea they told him about a few years ago but never confirmed. Youâre just as confused by your brother's knowledge of your avatar, but itâs pushed to the side when Kiri steps forward, a smile growing on her lips.
Her hands reach out, grazing your cheeks as she observes every part of your face and body. âThis is amazing, Y/n!â Her eyes lock with yours. âThis is amazing.â Her smile bleeds into yours, a shy grin forming as she takes your hands in hers and laughs.Â
âYeah, now you can hang out with us.â Loâak roughly places his hand on your head, the height difference not as drastic as before, but still there. You shyly tilt your head, biting your lip at the excitement of your friends and brother.
The buzz seems to die when their eyes are drawn to the figure that steps closer behind you, out of your peripheral you see the older woman, the Tsahik, stare at them, communicating through their eyes before they take their hands off you and back up a few steps. A lump forms in your throat as you turn to fully face the towering woman. Her gaze is unwavering, strong, it makes you want to say something, anything.
âWhat is your purpose, girl?â She questions the weight of her words pulling down on your every limb. What does she mean? Itâs such an intense yet vague question, her firm expression not giving any help to your attempts to decipher what the right thing to say is.Â
To live.
Youâre out of the lab, face to face with someone other than a person youâve known your entire life. Youâre not confined to those walls anymore; you can breathe the air, walk and run without concern, see and live among what youâve been learning about your entire life, yearning for it.
It wasnât your intention when you stepped into the forest, and youâre sure it was Max and Norms either, but the opportunity is right in front of you. This is your choice, completely and entirely your choice.
âTo learn the ways of the fore,tâ you say carefully, âthe ways of the people,â you bite your lip as she slowly looks you up and down. She finally meets your eye, and you straighten your back, keeping her gaze locked with yours. You canât explain the relief that washes over your chest when her eyes twitch, the slightest softness creeping into her expression.
She glances at the boy, then at Jake and Neytiri, again silently communicating with their eyes. After a moment, she turns back to you. âI trust my grandsonâs judgement,â She states. Your mind goes blank for a moment before she continues, âBoth my grandchildren and the Great Mother see something in you; it would be foolish to reject you.â She turns to Jake and Neytiri again, looking to the people surrounding them all now.
âShe will be taught the ways of the people,â She announces firmly. She locks eyes with Jake, then glances down at the boy who brought you here.Â
Jake breathes in before stepping forward, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. âMy son is to be Oloâeyktan; he must be able to lead and help the people.â He looks to the boy, his son. âIt will be his job to guide her, a great way to gain experience and prove himself.âÂ
Whispers move through the crowd, the way the boy's lips purse makes your tail flick against your ankles unconsciously. You lock eyes with him, and you want to curl into yourself at the way he looks at you. The intensity of his gaze hitches at your breath, reviving the weight pulling the strings of anxiety in your chest. You feel a pair of hands on your shoulders, and a voice speaks right next to your ear.
âYou and Neteyam stuck together, huh?â Loâakâs voice is riddled with amusement. âThis ought to be good,â he cackles, your brother nudging your arm as he makes similar comments.Â
The boy stands in front of you, eyes fixed on you, and you swear you see the hardness of his gaze waver.
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Inspired by the songs All I Wanted and Sailor Song
Selfishness is a horribly addictive thing; it takes everything youâve done and breaks it down in just a second. Neteyam canât bring himself to admit his love for you; he has his duty, always living for what his father and clan want. Heâs the next Oloâeyktan and Toruk Maktoâs oldest son; his resolve should be strong. Until he meets you, a quiet sky person who barreled into his life and will seemingly leave just as quickly. Youâre tired of living for everyone but yourself, confined to the white walls you were born in, staring out at the world you craved to see. You have the chance at a new life, one that can truly be yours. You decide to live it for yourself, even if it means the end of it.
In which, when given the chance to have what they want, Neteyamâs life will start, and yours will end.
I. May the dead walk againÂ
II. TĂŹfyawĂŹntxuÂ
III. Longing
IV. To Fly
V. Constellations
VI. Säâanla
VII. In the End (the dead walks again)
Warnings: sick!reader, mentions of death, depression, passive suicidal thoughts
Author's note: Hello! I originally wrote this about 2 years ago, but due to personal circumstances, I quit. Now that things are better for me, I've decided to pick back up writing, and I'm rewriting this whole series. I'll try to update as often as possible, but I have a lot of classes to study for, so please be patient. Comments, thoughts, and ideas are all welcome! Please feel free to dm me or talk to me in my asks and tell me what you think of this series <3
Warnings: NSFW 18+, established relationship, flirting , smut, cheating (technically), mentions of sex tapes/hot pictures/videos, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of child birth, mentions of blood, gunshot wounds, loads of trauma, explicit language and acts, p in v, orals (m&f receiving), our man falls into a coma, memory loss, kissing, touching. (If I forgot anything please lmk)
Word Count: 49.1k
Disclaimer: All my characters are aged-up! If that bothers you, please do not interact with my account or any of my post! Also for the this fic, Kiri is the biological daughter of Jake and Neytiri.
Index: mauri - homes in the Metkayina Clan, yawne - beloved, tĂŹywan - love, kelku - homes in the Omatikaya Clan. (If I forgot anything please lmk)
Main M.List
You met Neteyam when your steps were still wobbly and your words mostly giggles. He was barely steadier than youâhis braids just beginning, his steps a little widerâbut from the moment he found you crouched near the roots of the Home Tree, you became his shadow. He toddled up with a half-eaten yovo fruit and, without hesitation, tore it in two with clumsy fingers, offering you the larger half. It was sticky and sweet, and you always remembered it as the moment he chose you. And maybe⌠the moment you chose him too.
From then on, it was rare to see one of you without the other. You learned to walk together, your hands often tangled as you teetered around the village. When you fell, heâd help you up, and when he tripped, youâd sit beside him until he stood again. The other adults would chuckle at the sightâtiny footsteps weaving through the forest, your matching laughter echoing through the trees. Youâd nap curled beside him in the Sullyâs hammock during long afternoons, Neteyamâs hand always reaching for yours in sleep, even when heâd roll away. Jake would raise a brow and smirk knowingly. Neytiri would only smile, brushing your hair back and calling you syulang, her little flower. They saw it earlyâwhat you and Neteyam would someday becomeâeven when you were still too young to understand it yourselves.
You both remembered when Neytiri was pregnant with KiriâNeteyam was confused at first, always poking at his motherâs growing belly and asking when the baby would âstop hiding.â You didnât understand it either, but you liked resting your head beside him on Neytiriâs belly, watching it move as little Kiri rolled inside. When she was finally born, Neteyam was speechless, wide-eyed and soft as he held her tiny hand. âSheâs mine,â he whispered to you with the quiet pride only a big brother could wear. You just nodded, understanding without needing to speak.
Then came Loâak. You were both a bit olderâNeteyam nearly sixâand you still remember when Neytiri told you heâd be getting a brother. Neteyam practically vibrated with excitement, dragging you around the village talking about all the things heâd teach his brother: how to climb, how to throw a spear, how to chase glow bugs at night. âAnd Iâll teach him how to protect you,â he added casually, like it was obvious. You just smiled and said, âHeâll have the best big brother.â When Loâak was born, Neteyam wasnât overwhelmed like with Kiriâhe was ready this time. âIâm gonna be the best,â he told you, gently adjusting the babyâs blanket like he was holding the future. He even whispered to Loâak that he already had a best friendâand that it was you.
Those years were full of joy. Your days were endless stretches of running through the forest, racing along vines, whispering secrets while hidden in the high tree canopies. You shared everythingâfruit, beads, bruises, laughter. When Tuk was born and made the family five, you both stood over her, older now, understanding just how sacred it was to grow up surrounded by love. Neteyam pressed a kiss to her forehead, then turned to you. âI hope she finds someone like you,â he whispered, and you pretended not to hear how warm your cheeks became.
Jake often joked that youâd been adopted by the Sullys long before any ceremony could make it true. Neytiri treated you like a daughter, braiding feathers into your hair with loving fingers, scolding you just as gently as she would Neteyam. And sometimes, when she caught the two of you dozing in a sunbeam, limbs tangled and breath in sync, sheâd just exchange a look with Jakeâa knowing one. The kind that said, itâs always been them.
By the time you were thirteen and Neteyam fourteen, you were no longer just playmates. You were partners in everything: training, learning, dreaming. But even then, the purest part of your bond was the way you looked at each otherâlike somehow, in all the chaos and beauty of the forest, you had each found home.
When Neteyam turned fourteen, the village buzzed with anticipation. It was also his timeâhis rite of passage, the long-awaited climb to the floating mountains to claim his ikran. You werenât allowed to go with him, though Eywa knew you tried to convince the elders otherwise. âIâll just hide behind the rocks,â you had argued, arms crossed and defiant. But Jake only ruffled your hair, and Neytiri kissed your cheek with a chuckle. âYouâll have your turn, little one. Let him fly.â
You waited at the edge of the village the entire day, pacing, chewing your bottom lip, weaving and unweaving a small bracelet youâd started just to keep your hands busy. Every time you looked up, your eyes searched the skies, your heart jumping at the faintest sound of wings. And then, finally, you saw him.
Neteyam came soaring over the trees with the wind in his braids and the sun blazing behind him, riding the back of a fierce, sharp-beaked blue ikran. His smile was wide, radiant, full of victory. His yips of joy echoed across the forest and lit something wild in your chest. You didnât wait. You ranâbare feet pounding across the ground, eyes stinging with happy tearsâand launched yourself into his arms the moment he landed. He caught you effortlessly, laughing as you wrapped your arms and legs around him like a clingy yip-yip. âI did it,â he whispered into your neck, and you just nodded, tears soaking his shoulder. âI know,â you breathed. âI never doubted you.â
The next night, the village danced in celebration. Neteyam completed his Dream Hunt, bringing back a successful kill and presenting it with reverence. The people welcomed him as one of themâwith chants, with firelight, with the steady pounding of drums. You stood beside his family, your heart full of pride. Loâak teased you all night, nudging your shoulder and muttering, âYouâre gonna cry again, arenât you?â And you did. But you didnât care, you were so proud of him.
A year later, when you turned fourteen, it was your turn. And just like you had waited for him, Neteyam waited for you. He rose before the suns and flew to the floating mountains ahead of you, perched among the cliffs like a silent shadow waiting for you to arrive. You knew he was there watching, waiting, smiling. When you approached the ikran rookery, heart pounding, palms sweaty, your eyes fierce with determination, you didnât know that far above, Neteyam held his breath with pride as he followed you below the waterfall, âyou got this. Remember what I taught you.â
You tamed your ikran with grace and fire, your spirit strong and your heart steady. And when you paused. Neteyam ran up to you holding the rope around your ikranâs mouth and guided her to face the edge of the cliff. âFirst flight seals the bond, think fly.â
âFly?â And just like that you took off, quickly finding a way to steady yourself in the back of your now winged companion, the grin on your face nearly split you open. He stood there on the cliff, hands cupped around his mouth as he cheered for you. You returned home flying side by side with feathers tangled in your braids and windburn on your cheeks, your soul forever changed. When you landed, Neteyam was the first to greet you. His hands framed your face, his eyes bright. âYou were beautiful up there,â he said softly. âLike you were born to fly.â
You became one of the people that night, dancing beside Neteyam around the flames, your foreheads pressed together as the village sang for you. Jake lifted you into a strong embrace, calling you daughter with pride. Neytiri wept and braided a special feather into your hair. Kiri held your hand the whole ceremony. Even Loâak, grinning ear to ear, handed you a carved piece of bone shaped like a little ikran.
And Neteyam? He stood behind you the entire night, his hand warm on your waist, his eyes only ever on you. You were no longer just his shadow. You were his equal now, his partner. And it was written in every look he gave you.
The glances you exchanged held a different weight. Now you were fifteen and he was sixteen your bodies had begun to shift, youâd noticed it first in his arms, how theyâd grown thicker with muscle from climbing, hunting, training. His chest had broadened, his voice deeper now, richer. You caught yourself watching him from the corner of your eye as he helped build or skin a kill, your stomach flipping each time his back flexed under the stretch of his bowstring. And he noticed you, too. Your hips had begun to curve, your stride more fluid. The paint across your chest during ceremonies now made his mouth go dry. You would catch him staring sometimes, pupils wide, a subtle swallow in his throat as he looked away too late. Neteyam wasnât good at hiding it, and his siblings were relentless.
Loâak smirked every time you came around. âYouâre staring again, big bro,â heâd nudge with his elbow, loud enough for you to hear, making your ears burn. Tuk would giggle and whisper, âYouâre always looking at her,â and Kiri would grin with that knowing look and mutter, âYouâve got it bad.â Even Jake noticed, pulling Neteyam aside once with a teasing tone and a raised brow. âKeep your eyes in your head, kid. Youâre not subtle.â
The heat between you two thickened during sparring practice. Heâd pin you, hand against your hip to brace you, and linger a second too long. Youâd roll over him to escape, but not before he noticed the way your breath caught. Your touches began to last longer, skin to skin in the most innocent ways that didnât feel innocent anymore. Then came a moment, that humid afternoon after a hunt, when he walked behind you, offering water. You took it, brushing his fingers, and when you turned, his gaze was already on your mouth. His ears twitched, his throat moved like he wanted to speak. He didnât. But his eyes said it all.
It started slowly, the shift in how others looked at you both. At first, it was almost laughable, how the same boys who used to pull your braid now stammered when you smiled. Or how the girls, once shy around Neteyam, now found every excuse to ask for help, compliments bubbling on their tongues.
You had grown used to the lingering stares, but what you hadnât expected was Neteyamâs silence when one of the older hunters, Rokean, offered to walk you back to your kelku after training. You caught the flicker in Neteyamâs jaw, the way he adjusted his stance, too stiff, too still. Later, while cleaning your bowstring by the fire, he dropped down beside you with a grunt.
âDidnât know you needed someone to walk you home now,â he said casually, picking at a loose thread on his chest strap. You paused. âDidnât know I needed your permission either.â
His eyes flicked to you, sharp and unreadable. âYou didnât say no.â You scoffed. âI didnât say yes, either. I was being polite.â
He leaned back, resting on his elbows, exhaling slowly. âHe looked like he was ready to offer you his entire kill pile just to get you to smile again.â You turned to face him. âWhatâs your problem, Neteyam?â
âMy problem,â he said, voice low, âis that Iâve seen the way you smile at me â and then I have to watch you give that same smile to someone else like it means nothing.â Your breath caught, heart hammering, but before you could snap back, the loud sound of laughter echoed nearby.
âOhh nooo,â Loâak sing-songed, appearing from behind a cluster of trees, arms slung around Kiri. âTheyâre arguing again. Whatâs this time? Another boy tried to breathe near her?â
âOr a girl complimented his braid?â Kiri added dryly. You rolled your eyes and Neteyam looked away, lips twitching. Then came the softest voice.
âYouâre not supposed to fight,â Tuk mumbled as she padded up, holding a leaf plate of fruit. âYouâre supposed to love each other. Like kisses and hugs and babies.â
Both of your faces snapped toward her in horror. âTUK!â you squeaked. Neteyam choked on nothing. âWhat?!â
Little Tuk blinked slowly. âThatâs what mama said happens when people love each other too much.â
The rest of the Sully family burst out laughing. Even Jake couldnât hold it in. Neytiri buried her face in her hands, half-mortified, half-delighted. âYouâre grounded,â Neteyam muttered, ruffling Tukâs hair. âNo, you are,â she said proudly. âYouâre grumpy.â
You were trying not to laugh, your annoyance slipping away with the warmth of everyone around you. Neteyam leaned closer, voice quiet. âStill mad?â You didnât answer, just nudged his knee with yours. He smiled. âDidnât think so.â And though you didnât say a word, the way your hand slipped into his as you walked off together made everyone, including Tuk, smile behind your backs.
But the jealousy went both ways, you just went as leveled headed as Neteyam. One day, you sat on a mossy stone near the gathering circle, fletching your arrows and pretending not to watch the lesson. Neteyam was helping Airi, one of the older girls in the village with her bow grip. She wasnât exactly subtle, letting her hand brush his, laughing too loud at everything he said.
Your jaw clenched as you scraped the feather too hard, splitting it. Great. Across the circle, Kiri noticed. She nudged Loâak. âUh oh. Sheâs got that look again.â Loâak followed your glare and snorted. âPoor Airi. Sheâs about to get shredded.â You stood, trying to keep your face neutral, and walked over just as Neteyam leaned in to adjust Airiâs arm. âHmm,â you said lightly, arms folded. âDidnât know bow training required that much touching.â Neteyam blinked, surprised, and then grinned. âJust making sure her stance is right.â
Airi smiled too sweetly. âHeâs very helpful.â
You gave her a polite but tight smile. âHeâs also very taken. Or is that part unclear?â
Airi blinked, caught off guard, her hand still awkwardly on Neteyamâs arm. âOhâI didnât mean anything, I didnât thinkââ
âI know you didnât thinkt.â You didnât raise your voice, but it was firm with the same smile. âMaybe thatâs the problem.â A beat of silence passed, thick and awkward. Airi gave a small, forced laugh, murmured something about needing to help her mother, and quickly walked off.
The second she was out of earshot, Neteyam let out a low whistle and crossed his arms, eyeing you with open amusement. âDamn.â
You turned toward him slowly, still tense. âDonât.â
âDonât what?â His grin widened. âSay how hot that was?â
You shot him a look. âYou didnât stop her.â
âI didnât even see her coming,â he said, laughing. âI was halfway through talking to Loâak about hunting patterns. She ambushed me.â
You huffed, still annoyed. Neteyam tilted his head, stepping closer. âYou know, itâs funny.â
âWhat?â
âI donât have a girlfriend.â Your eyes narrowed and put your hand to rest on your hip very sassily. âReally?â
âReally,â he repeated, voice low and teasing. âNo official titles. No agreements. Nothing carved in stone.â
Your chest twisted. You hated when he did this, danced the line between teasing and truth, between almost and not quiet.
Then he leaned closer, eyes locking on yours. âBut if I did? You know itâd be you.â You froze, caught completely off guard. Your lips parted, but no sound came out. From behind, a snort of laughter broke the tension, Loâak, of course. âYou guys are exhausting.â
Kiri added dryly, âOne of these days youâre both just going to explode from the tension and take the whole kelku with you.â
âI like her better than the other girl,â Tuk said seriously, tugging on Neteyamâs tail. âSheâs prettier. And funnier. And nicer.â You buried your face in your hands.
Neteyam chuckled, wrapping an arm around your waist. âCanât argue with that.â You didnât pull away. You couldnât. Not when he was this close, warm and solid and entirely too pleased with himself. And even though you wanted to stay mad⌠part of you was glowing. Because for all his teasing, you knew he meant it.
A few years passed, just like that. What started as sleepovers and sharing fruit as toddlers had blossomed into something much deeper, something no longer so easy to ignore. By the time you were seventeen and Neteyam had just turned eighteen, the change between you had settled in quietly but unmistakably.
The flirting had evolved from playful to lingering. The touches â brushing hands as you passed, his palm against your back when you ducked beneath the trees â stayed just a little too long. And the jealousy⌠that hadnât faded. If anything, it had grown more obvious. You saw it in the way Neteyam went stiff whenever another boy tried to flirt with you during hunts or communal dinners. Just like how your stomach would twist when one of the village girls leaned too close to him, laughing too loud at something he hadnât even said.
Everyone saw it â the whole family. Kiri gave you side-eyes, Tuk giggled whenever she caught the two of you looking at each other. Even Jake had exchanged a knowing look with Neytiri once when Neteyam instinctively reached for your hand as you crossed a riverbank. Still, nothing had been said. Until the night he finally did.
Neteyam had asked you to meet him just after eclipse, near the glade where youâd learned to climb as kids. You thought maybe it was another stargazing night, like the ones you often shared in silence. But when you arrived, your breath caught.
He had cleared a space in the grass and lined it with soft, glowing petals. A few hung from nearby branches â not too many, just enough to make the air feel alive with light. In the center, he stood waiting, hands behind his back, eyes brighter than youâd ever seen them.
âYou remember this place?â he asked softly, watching your face. You nodded. âYou dared me to climb that tree,â you smiled, pointing up. âYou had to carry me down after I got stuck halfway.â He chuckled, stepping closer. âIâve carried you through a lot since then.â Your stomach twisted in the best way.
He took your hands in his. âI didnât know how to say it before. I didnât want to ruin what we had. But I canât hold it anymore.â
Your heartbeat like thunder in your chest. âI love you,â he said. Simply. âI have for years. Youâre my best friend, my peace, the only thing that feels right no matter what else changes.â You stared up at him, blinking fast, your chest tight.
He smiled, breathless now. âAnd if Iâm lucky⌠maybe you feel the same.â You didnât answer with words. You stepped forward and pulled him into a hug so tight it nearly knocked the wind from him.
âI see you,â you whispered against his skin, and he melted.
When you pulled back, your eyes were glassy. âIâve loved you too. I just didnât know how to say it either.â
His smile was the softest youâd ever seen. âYou didnât have to. I think Iâve always known.â
And when he kissed you â slow, reverent, trembling just slightly â it felt like the end of a question youâd both been asking for years. Ever since that night under the stars, everything between you and Neteyam had shifted.
There was no more wondering, no more hesitation, no more hiding behind half-glances and lingering touches. Now you could hold his hand openly in the village, sit a little closer during meals, steal little kisses when no one was watching. But the problem was⌠people were watching.
It started innocently enough. A few days after youâd officially become a couple, Neytiri had walked into the family kelku earlier than expected and found the two of you curled up in Neteyamâs hammock. Fully clothed, mostly, but definitely tangled together, your hands beneath his chest wrap and his lips pressed against your neck like he had no plans to stop.
She didnât say anything, not at first. Just blinked, paused⌠and then quietly backed out of the space with a small smirk that left you burying your face in Neteyamâs shoulder while he cursed softly under his breath.
âSheâs going to tell everyone, âYou groaned. âShe probably already has,â he whispered, but he kissed you again anyway. After that, the teasing began.
Loâak was the first to weaponize it. He caught you and Neteyam just outside the edge of the forest, your back against a tree and your mateâs hands far too low on your hips for brotherly comfort. Loâak didnât even pause â just whistled as he passed.
âDonât mind me, just trying to avoid eye contact so I can keep my vision,â he said loudly, laughing all the way back to the village.
Then came Kiri, who found you both late one night when she came to retrieve a healing pouch from the supplies and opened the wrong curtain â only to find Neteyam halfway beneath your wrap and your legs around his waist.
âAHHHH!!â she squeaked, backing out so fast she knocked over a water basin. The two of you froze, staring wide-eyed at the closed flap.
Even Tuk caught youâŚTwice. Once during a morning swim, when Neteyam pulled you into his lap and whispered something you really shouldnât have giggled at. Tuk popped out of the water like a fish, wide-eyed and innocent. âWhy is your face all red?â she asked you curiously. âDid Neteyam say something naughty?â
âGo swim,â Neteyam said immediately, flustered. âGo!â
The last time youâd been caught, it had taken a full week for Loâak to stop whistling teasingly every time you and Neteyam so much as stood near each other. But today, the pull between you was too strong. Just a few stolen minutes behind the large cluster of flowering trees near the family kelkuâit wasnât far, but just out of sight.
Neteyam had you pinned gently to the forest floor, his broad, paint-streaked body curled over yours, propped on his elbows to avoid crushing you. One hand was tangled in your hair, the other⌠was not where it shouldâve been, tugging your tweng slightly aside as his mouth met yours over and over. The air between you was breathlessâsweet, gasping kisses exchanged like secrets.
You had your hands on his back, fingers pressing into the muscle at his sides as you whispered, âNeteyamââ Then came a very small gasp.
âNeteyam?â a tiny voice squeaked. Both of you jolted in unison. There, just a few feet away, stood Tuk, eyes huge, hands clutching her toy beads. She looked confused. Then her lower lip quivered.
âMommy!â she screamed at the top of her lungs. âNETEYAM IS HURTING HER!!â Your heart stopped.
âTuk, no! Wait, Iâm notââ You scrambled up, dragging your tweng back into place, face burning.
Neteyam looked like Eywa herself had struck him. âTukâitâs not what it looks like!â Too late.
Tuk had already darted off in a blur, hollering, âMOMMY! COME FAST!â Seconds passed in a panicked blur before Neytiri burst into the clearing, bow drawnâfollowed closely by Jake, Loâak, Kiri, and an already-snorting Tuk. The scene they arrived to? You, breathless and flushed, your hair mussed. Neteyam crouched beside you, shirtless as always, hands raised like he was surrendering to the Great Mother herself.
âSheâshe thought I wasââ he started.
âI thought she was hurt!!â Tuk insisted, tears pooling in her wide golden eyes. âShe was saying âNeteyamâwaitâââ
âOh Eywa,â you groaned, dropping your face into your hands. Jake turned away, trying not to laugh. Loâak didnât bother trying. âBro. Again?!â
Neytiri sighed deeply and gave her son a long look. âGreat mother Neteyam.â
âOh my Eywa,â Kiri echoed, arms crossed.
Meanwhile, Tuk sniffled into Neytiriâs side, still confused. âBut why was her tweng pulled down again?â You shrieked in embarrassment, as Kiri and Loâak started and uproar
Neteyam wrapped an arm around your shoulders and leaned in, whispering with a smug smile, âNext time⌠high in the trees?â You elbowed him. âNext time? There wonât be a next time.â
It had been years in the making, the two of you growing up entangled in a love that had bloomed slowly and deeply, like roots stretching beneath the forest floor. Everyone had seen it comingâlong before either of you were ready to admit it. The glances, the lingering touches, the way Neteyamâs eyes always searched for you in a crowd and the way your laughter always came easiest in his presence. But still, nothing prepared you for the day he asked you to be his mate.
Youâd been walking together through the forest, side by side as you always had, your fingers brushing now and then as they often did. He was quiet that day, more thoughtful than usual. You didnât know where he was leading you until you reached that ridge above the canopyâthe one with the clearest view of the floating mountains. Youâd sat there many times before, watching the banshees in the distance, the sky changing colors like a slow-burning fire. But this time, he turned to you with a look in his eyes you hadnât seen beforeâsoft, certain, a little nervous.
âIâve known this since we were children,â he said, his hands gently taking yours. âEven before I knew what it meant⌠I knew you were mine. I want to make that true in the eyes of Eywa. Will you choose me? Will you mate with me for life?â
Your heart stilled, then surged. You had loved him for as long as you could rememberâthrough the awkward childhood years, the teasing, the jealous stares, the stolen kisses behind trees. It was never a question. âYes,â you whispered. âAlways, Neteyam.â
He exhaled, his forehead resting against yours, both of you whispering, âOel ngati kameie.â His lips brushed yours thenâslow, reverent, full of all the promises he hadnât yet spoken aloud. There was no pressure, no rush. Just love. You would wait for the ceremony. You would wait for each other.
The engagement celebration arrived just a few days later, and the entire clan seemed to vibrate with joy. Music echoed through the trees, lightstones glowing in woven vines above the gathering space. Neytiri had helped braid your hair that morning, her hands gentle as she whispered about her own mating to Jake, about the sweetness and seriousness of the commitment you were about to take. Jake, on the other hand, gave Neteyam a mock stern look and muttered, âIâm so proud of you boy. You earned a good one. Just try to keep it in your tweng until after the ceremony, yeah?â
Kiri hugged you both, whispering, âDonât think we havenât noticed all the disappearing acts and stolen touches. Eywa has eyes, you know.â Even Loâak smirked and raised his drink in a toast. âTo the two worst liars in the family.â Tuk, sweet and wide-eyed, had thrown flower petals at your feet and loudly declared, âNow you get to kiss forever!â
As tradition dictated, you and Neteyam exchanged woven bands of hand-dyed fibers, made from plants you had both gathered together during a quiet week of preparing. They were simple, but beautifulâyour initials carved in tiny beads sewn into the weave. You danced beneath the moonlight, your bodies close, eyes locked, his hand warm on your waist. It felt like flying.
Later, when the songs faded and the laughter quieted, Neteyam took your hand once more and led you to your new shared kelku, tucked beneath the giant roots of a banyan tree not far from his familyâs. Youâd helped build it together, but tonight was the first time you saw it finished. Lightstones glowed warmly inside. Feathers and woven flowers draped along the doorway, and the bed of moss and pelts was soft and inviting.
âI wanted it perfect,â he murmured, pulling back the curtain of vines to let you step inside first. Your breath caught as you turned, meeting his gaze. âIt is.â
Inside, he was gentleâso gentle. Every kiss felt like a prayer, every touch reverent. You had both waited for this night, saved yourselves for it. There was laughter and clumsy shifting, soft sighs and long-held gazes. He murmured your name again and again, like a vow. And when the moment finally came, when you gave yourselves fully to one another, it wasnât rushed or fiery or awkward. It was sacred. Yours. Together.
He held you through it, whispering encouragement, kissing away your nervousness, moving slow and with care. You clung to him, heart pounding, breath catching in your throat when pleasure overtook pain, and you realized just how deeply he loved you.
After, you lay tangled together, your head on his chest, your hand curled over his heart. The air still held the scent of the flowers heâd hung earlier, and the sounds of the forest hummed softly around you like a lullaby. He kissed your hair and whispered, âYou are my forever, yawne.â You smiled against his skin. âAnd you are mine.â
Outside, the stars blinked gently through the treetops, and the moon cast soft light across your new home. And inside, beneath warm furs and whispered breaths, you slept curled in each otherâs arms, truly mated, body and soul.
Not long after you and Neteyam were officially mated, it happened â you became pregnant. The signs came slowly at first. Your body began to change in subtle ways: your energy dipped, your appetite shifted, and there was a soft heaviness blooming low in your belly. Neteyam noticed before anyone else, before even you. He started watching you more carefully, guiding your steps when walking through thick roots, brushing your hair away from your face when you were tired, lingering with his hand over your abdomen when you rested. He didnât say anything for a few days â just watched, waited, and loved you all the more gently.
When you finally told him, you placed his hand over your growing belly. You didnât have to say anything; his eyes widened, and his whole expression softened into something almost reverent. âA baby,â he breathed. âOur baby.â And then he kissed you â slow and deep and full of wonder â before pulling you tightly into his arms. âEywa has truly blessed us,â he whispered, voice thick with emotion. âI will take care of you both. Always.â
The Sully familyâs reaction was just as emotional. Neytiri pressed her forehead to yours and wept, hands cradling your cheeks as she whispered a motherâs blessing over you. Jake grinned and clapped Neteyam on the shoulder, shaking his head in amazement. âThatâs my boy,â he said, laughing quietly. âStarting his own clan already.â Kiri was immediately fussing over you â bringing herbs, creating teas to ease discomfort, and weaving protective beads into your hair. Loâak smirked and muttered, âGreat, now thereâs gonna be a mini you running around,â but even he couldnât hide the pride in his voice. Tuk was simply overjoyed. She wrapped her arms around your stomach and spoke to the baby as if they could already understand her. âIâm going to teach you all my games,â she promised seriously. âAnd weâll eat fruit and swim and make trouble.â
As the seasons passed and your belly grew round with new life, you were never alone. The entire Sully family wrapped you in love and care. Clan members stopped by with gifts â soft cloth for the baby wrap, carved toys, fruits and roots rich with nutrients. Neteyam, though, was your constant. He helped you bathe in the cool springs when your back ached, carried you when your legs tired, massaged your feet when you couldnât sleep. His hands were always gentle, reverent. He spoke to your belly each night, whispering stories, dreams, and promises. âYou are already so loved, little one,â heâd say. âYour mother is the strongest soul I know. Youâre safe with us.â
Then, one evening, the pain began. It started as a low pressure in your back, then came the waves â tightening, pulsing, until your body was trembling with effort. Neteyam didnât panic. He scooped you up and brought you to your kelku, calling softly for his mother. Neytiri arrived swiftly, calm and collected. âIt is time,â she said, brushing your sweat-dampened hair from your face. âBreathe, maâite. I will help you bring this child into the world.â
Neteyam knelt at your side, holding your hand, grounding you with his touch. âYouâre doing so well,â he whispered, kissing your temple between contractions. âIâm here. Iâm right here.â
Neytiri worked with the grace and strength of a seasoned mother. She guided you through each wave, spoke calmly even when your cries rose with the intensity. You gripped Neteyamâs hand, locked eyes with him, and knew â you could do this. With his love. With his strength. With your own. And then â a cry. Not yours.
Your baby was born under the canopy of night, with Neytiri lifting him gently into the air, his small limbs flailing, his voice strong and full of life. âA son,â she said, her own eyes shining as she handed him to you. âYou have a son.â
Tears streamed down your face as you cradled him to your chest. Neteyam leaned close, arms around both of you, trembling with joy. âHeâs perfect,â he whispered. âYou did it, yawne. You gave us a son.â
The family came soon after, quiet and wide-eyed. âHis name is Eylan.â Neteyam told everyone. Neytiri placed a kiss on your forehead. Jake kissed his grandsonâs tiny hand. Kiri smiled with misty eyes. Loâak and Tuk peeked from behind the doorway until they were invited in, and Tuk gasped, clutching her mouth. âHeâs so small,â she whispered. âCan I hold him?â
That night, your kelku glowed with woven lanterns, the scent of sweet herbs, and the sound of lullabies. Neteyam held you close, his son resting on your chest, and whispered, âThis is our beginning. And I will love you both for the rest of my life.â Time had a strange way of moving when your days were filled with joy.
Eylan turned one beneath the thick canopy of Home Tree, surrounded by warmth, song, and laughter. His wide amber eyes sparkled with the curiosity of his father, and his tiny feet already tried to run before they could walk properly. He giggled with wild abandon, often tumbling into arms always waiting to catch him â yours, Neteyamâs, or someone from the Sully family, all of whom adored him beyond reason.
Neteyam carved him a tiny wooden ikran, polished smooth with love, and painted it with soft, natural dyes. âSo you can fly even before youâre big enough to ride,â he whispered to his son, lifting him high into the air with a grin as Eylan squealed in delight. That moment was one of hundreds. Every day, Neteyam would swing Eylan onto his shoulders and run with him through the trees, climbing, laughing, teaching him the sounds of the forest and the names of the creatures they passed. âThis is your home,â he would say gently, tapping Eylanâs chest with two fingers. âHere, and here with us.â
The Sully family was hopelessly smitten with him. Tuk was his favorite playmate, often letting him ride on her back like a direhorse, giggling as she neighed and galloped through the roots of Home Tree. Kiri braided tiny strings of flowers into his baby hair, whispering gentle stories of Eywa, and Loâak â despite pretending to be too cool â secretly carved Eylan little animals out of soft wood, sneaking them into his sleeping furs at night.
Even Jake, who was always so focused, would sit down with Eylan and bounce him on his knee, speaking to him in English and Naâvi, smiling despite himself when the baby would babble back nonsense. Neytiri taught you how to soothe him when he cried and helped you prepare his first bow â though it was mostly for show, since Eylan liked to chew on it more than anything.
And between it all â it was you and Neteyam. Your bond grew even deeper, grounded in shared parenthood, laughter, and exhaustion. Late nights swaying with Eylan between your bodies, mornings where you awoke to Neteyam cradling him on his chest, humming softly, eyes half-lidded with peace. He was the most patient, most loving father you could have dreamed of. He told you that he had never known a love like this before â not just for his child, but for you, the mother of his son.
âEywa has blessed me more than I deserve,â he said once, eyes locked on you both while you nursed Eylan under the flowering branches of a quiet grove. âYouâve made me a father, a mate⌠a man.â But peace doesnât last forever.
The Sky People returned like a storm â metal crashing from the skies, fire scorching the land. In that first wave, everyone fought. Even Neteyam, young but fierce, took to the air with his bow and his ikran to defend what mattered most. For a full year, the Sullys waged war at the edges of the forest â watching, protecting, ambushing.
You kept Eylan close, never letting him out of your sight. Neteyam came back to you every night, stained with ash or blood or both, always checking to see his son sleeping safely in your arms before allowing himself to breathe.
There were nights where he didnât speak â only held you and buried his face in your neck. âI donât want him to grow up like this,â he murmured once, voice breaking. âHe deserves to know trees, not fire.â When Eylan turned two, Jake finally said the words that shattered your heart: We have to go.
Neteyam protested quietly but understood. âTo protect Eylan,â he said, holding his son tighter that night, âwe must let go of everything weâve ever known.â
The night before you left, you and Neteyam stood hand in hand, watching your kelku â the home where Eylan took his first steps, where Neteyam carved lullabies into the walls â one last time. You whispered blessings to the trees, and Neteyam lifted your sleeping son to the stars. âEywa, guide us,â he said. âGuide our family to where he can be free.â And with hearts both heavy and hopeful, you turned toward the sea.
The sea was not the forest â not in the way it whispered, not in the way it held you â but in time, it became a new kind of home.
Arriving at the Metkayina village had been overwhelming. The open skies and endless horizon felt like another world entirely compared to the thick canopy you had once called home. You remembered how Eylan had clung to Neteyamâs shoulders, wide-eyed and quiet, watching the turquoise waves roll beneath the woven walkways.
You had been welcomed with caution. The Metkayina were kind, but wary. Their ways were not yours. Your bodies were different. Your tongues spoke in a slightly different rhythm. But you learned â all of you.
Neytiri, though her heart still longed for the trees, adapted with quiet grace. Jake trained beside Tonowari, his voice always calm but commanding. Kiri thrived â as if sheâd been born from the sea itself. Tuk learned fast, her tiny braids always dripping with salt water, and Loâak⌠well, Loâak found love.
Tsireya â beautiful, graceful, radiant. Her laughter was a melody that rang through the cove like birdsong, and Loâak fell fast and hard. It was the kind of love that snuck up on him, the way it had for you and Neteyam all those years ago. She became a sister to you, her presence a comfort and joy. Her family welcomed you all in time â friendships forged through hardship, trust, and time. Ronal eventually softened, especially when she saw the way you raised your children with the same fire and patience she held for her own.
You remembered when Neteyam first brought you to the deeper reefs. Your fingers laced, the sun cutting gold through the waves as he taught you how to dive with your whole body, how to let the sea carry you. âThis is freedom too,â heâd whispered against your skin as you surfaced, breathless and laughing. âJust a different kind.â Four years passed like water slipping through your fingers, quietly, steadily.
Eylan grew into a wild-hearted six-year-old, just like his father. He was fearless in the water, nimble with his ilu, sharp-eyed and fast. He learned to dive before many of the Metkayina children his age, and Tonowari even joked once that âthe forest boy mustâve been born in the waves.â Neteyam beamed with pride, always the first to cheer when his son surfaced from a dive or speared his first fish.
Your family expanded, love growing even deeper between you and Neteyam. One starlit night, under a blanket of bioluminescent light dancing across the sea, you told him you were expecting again. He cried softly, cradling your belly with reverence. âEywa gives me everything I never knew I needed,â he murmured into your neck. âYou, our sons⌠our life.â
From the moment Likan was born, the Sully kelku overflowed with even more laughter, love, and affection than ever before. Neytiri had been the first to hold him after Neteyam, her hands gentle and sure as she cradled her newest grandson, whispering quiet blessings in Naâvi. She marveled at how much he looked like his fatherâNeteyamâs strong jaw, his deep golden eyesâbut with your nose and the soft curl of your lips. She pressed a kiss to Likanâs brow and then turned to you, tears in her eyes. âMa âite, you and my son⌠you make such beauty together.â
Jake, too, was wrapped around Likanâs tiny fingers. Even more laid-back as a grandfather than he ever was as a father, he spent mornings showing Likan carved wooden animals he made just for him, while Eylan proudly helped paint them in bright sea-colored hues. âTwo boys,â heâd say with a wide grin, tousling Eylanâs hair while Likan cooed in his lap. âYou and Neteyam are in for it now.â But the pride was clear in his voice, and so was the joy.
Kiri, as always, was a natural. She carried Likan around on her hip with flowers braided in his hair, telling him long stories of Eywa and forest spirits. Likan loved the sound of her voice and often fell asleep curled against her chest as she whispered the tales of Home Tree. Tukâwho had long since appointed herself big cousin of the yearâtook her role seriously. She made matching seashell necklaces for both Eylan and Likan, always watching over the youngest with gentle care. The first time Likan said âTukâ in his tiny voice, she cried and wouldnât let go of him all afternoon.
Even Loâak, ever the wild one, became surprisingly soft when it came to Likan. He would let the baby climb all over him, even yank on his braids, never once complaining. He carried Likan on his shoulders through the shallows, pretending to be a tulkun, while Eylan rode proudly on Neteyamâs back beside them. âYouâre just lucky you look like your mama,â Loâak teased once, pinching Likanâs cheek. âThatâs why I let you drool on me.â
And NeteyamâEywa, Neteyam. The way he looked at his sons was enough to melt your heart every time. He was a father so deeply in love with his family that every look, every laugh, every moment spent cuddled between the boys and you in the hammock, told its own story of devotion. With Likan sleeping on his chest and Eylan curled at his side.
Now at two years old, Likan was a constant companion to Eylan â always trailing behind him, squealing as he tried to mimic everything his big brother did. Neteyam was utterly taken with them both. He carved toys from driftwood, told them stories under the stars, and swam with Likan cradled on his back while Eylan darted circles around them. You watched often from the shore, your heart full beyond words. And though the forest still called to you sometimes in dreams⌠the sea answered back with peace. This was your home now. Your family. Your love.
A few months later you were sitting in the sand with Neteyam, just past the tree line where the sea met the forest, your legs stretched in front of you, your back against his warm chest. His arms were wrapped securely around you, one hand gently tracing the growing curve of your belly â not yet obvious to others, but known, deeply felt.
âYouâre sure?â he whispered softly into your ear, his breath warm, his voice reverent. You smiled, fingers threading through his. âIâm sure,â you murmured. âI wanted to wait to tell you until I was certain. Youâre going to be a father again.â
Neteyamâs breath caught. He froze, just for a second, then exhaled a shaky laugh of disbelief, joy breaking across his features like sunlight. He kissed your cheek, your temple, your jaw, your shoulder â then rested his forehead against yours. âThree,â he whispered. âWeâre going to have three.â
You both waited until that evening to tell the family. The Sully kelku was alive with laughter and light. Tuk was trying to balance Likan on her back like a paâli, and Eylan was using a shell to make âsoupâ out of seawater and sand. Loâak and Kiri arguing about minuscule things making Tsireya laugh. Jake and Neytiri sat by the fire, smiling at the chaos around them. When you took Neteyamâs hand and stood, all eyes turned.
âWe have something to share,â Neteyam said, his voice gentle but steady. You couldnât stop smiling as he placed a proud hand over your belly. âWeâre expecting again.â
Gasps echoed. Tuk squealed, running to throw her arms around your waist. Neytiri rose quickly, mist in her eyes as she cupped your cheeks, her joy immediate. âEywa has blessed us,â she whispered. Jake let out a whoop and clapped Neteyam hard on the back. Loâak tackled him in congratulations, and Kiri and Tsireya wrapped you both in a long, warm hug.
Even Ronal and Tonowari sent over gifts the next day â strands of woven pearls for you, a carved bone teether for the baby, a set of tiny sea-colored wraps. The whole village celebrated. For a while, everything was peace and laughter and hope. Until the demon ship came.
It was fast â the sky people returning in brutal force. The hunting party never returned. Roa, Ronalâs spirit sister, was slaughtered along with her calf. The waves turned red. The village turned silent. Jake called for the warriors to move â and Neteyam turned to you, gripping your arms tightly.
âStay,â he whispered, his voice low but firm. âStay here. Watch the boys. Donât leave the kelku, no matter what. Iâll come back. I promise.â Your heart twisted, but you nodded. You kissed him once, then again, pressing your forehead to his. âCome back to me,â you whispered.
Hours later, too many hours in your opinion passed, the sky and see had matching shades of orange when Kiri came stumbling in, âcome, come, he is hurt.â She stuttered out and you didnât need another word picking yourself up and running to the healer's mauri. Kiri close behind with Likan in her hip and Eylan clutching her hand.
The healerâs mauri was already crowded by the time you ran through the reef village. She hadnât said much after those wordâjust âNeteyamâ and âshotââand that alone had been enough to steal your breath, to send your thoughts into a panicked spiral. You didnât even stop to ask if he was alive. You couldnât. You didnât want to hear anything but âyes.â
Your chest was tight, your throat aching with the pressure of a scream that hadnât yet found air. Kiriâs footsteps splashed behind you through shallow tidepools, your two sons in her arms and at her heels. You didnât dare turn around. You were focused on one thing.
When you reached the healerâs mauri, you pushed aside the flap without hesitationâand froze. He was there. Laid out on a woven mat, bloodied and still. The wail that tore out of you was immediate, raw and unrestrained. âNeteyam!â
Jake was already kneeling beside his son, hands stained red, whispering soft prayers to Eywa. Neytiri sat with her forehead pressed against Neteyamâs hand, tears streaking her face. Loâak stood rigid in the corner, jaw clenched so tight it looked like he might crack his own teeth. Tuk, curled in Neytiriâs lap, was wide-eyed and quiet, too young to understand all of it but old enough to feel the fear. When you stumbled in, the room shifted instantly.
You fell to your knees beside Neteyam, grabbing his hand, sobbing so violently it was hard to breathe. âPleaseâNeteyam, wake up. Wake up! Please!â
Jake reached for your shoulder, trying to steady you, but you pulled away, your entire body curling over Neteyamâs as if your love alone could protect him from whatever force had done this. âMama?â Eylanâs little voice broke behind you. You turned around sharply, wild-eyed, as Kiri entered, holding Likan on her hip and Eylanâs hand. The boys stopped short at the sight of their father.
âMama, whatâs wrong with sempu?â Eylan asked, clutching Kiriâs leg, voice quivering. âWhy is he all red?â Your breath hitched. Likan looked around, confused and teary. âIs Daddy sleeping?â You pressed your hands to your mouth, eyes wide and brimming with tears. You tried to speak, but nothing came outâonly broken sobs.
Kiri gently passed Likan to Neytiri, who cradled him and Tuk together, her arms trembling. Jake picked Eylan up and sat down beside you on the mat, placing the boy in your lap and anchoring your shaking hands around him.
âBreathe, sweetheart,â he said, firmly but gently. âI know. I know itâs hard. But heâs alive. Heâs fighting. Look at him.â
You barely heard him. Your eyes were locked on Neteyamâs face, unmoving, pale save for the angry red of dried blood. Eylan looked up at you, his tiny hand pressing to your cheek. âWhy are you crying?â he asked, sniffling. âIs Daddy gonna go to Eywa?â
âNo!â you gasped out, shaking your head too fast. âNo, no, babyâheâheâs notâheâs notââ You couldnât even finish. You broke again, hugging Eylan to your chest, your other hand reaching toward Neteyam even as your entire body shook.
Neytiri passed Likan to Loâak, who gently bounced him as he stood, whispering, âItâs okay, little guy, Daddyâs gonna be okay.â But you could see his jaw trembling too, the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. Neytiri came to you, kneeling beside you and pulling you into her arms, guiding your head to her shoulder while you sobbed.
âYou are not alone,â she whispered, voice thick with emotion. âYou donât carry this alone.â Kiri had tears on her face too, but she wiped them away as she pressed a damp cloth to Neteyamâs brow. âWe got to him in time,â she said quietly, mostly for your sake. âTsireya stopped the bleeding. He just needs rest. Healing.â
Jake was silent for a long moment; his eyes locked on his eldest son. Then he reached over, brushing Eylanâs curls out of his eyes, and said, âYour dadâs the strongest person I know, kiddo. Heâll wake up. Youâll see.â
You just cried harder, holding your boy as if they were the only thing keeping you tethered to the ground. And all the while, Neteyam lay still, his hand warm in yours. A breath of lifeâbut only barely.
You clutched Eylan to your chest, holding him so tightly he whimpered, confused, but not resisting. His round eyes flicked between you and his fatherâs unmoving body. His little fingers fisted in your hair as your cries beganâraw, broken, guttural. You were saying his name over and over, as if it alone could tether his soul back to you. âNeteyam⌠please⌠pleaseâŚâ
You barely noticed Loâak nearby, now crouched low, arms full of Likan who writhed and whimpered and cried against his uncleâs chest. The toddler was panicking, struggling to reach for you, reaching out with one hand while he clung to Loâak with the other. His small voice was cracked from crying, his face wet with tears, overwhelmed by the sight of both his parents falling apart in front of him. You didnât notice Kiri until she was right beside you. She didnât speak.
She simply knelt, calm and sure, and slid her arms under Eylanâs small body. He resisted only briefly, but the tears on your face, the shaking of your shoulders, it frightened him. He let go of your neck and went into Kiriâs hold, his lower lip trembling as she stood and turned away, taking him to the edge of the mauri.
Only when his weight left your arms did you suddenly feel how hollow they were. You turned back to Neteyam, grabbing at his hand, kissing it, whispering to him as tears continued to pour from your chin to his bare chest. Your trembling fingers brushed his braids back from his sweat-damp face, desperate for anything, any signâany flicker.
Likan was screaming nowâsoft, broken screams of confusion and fear. Neytiri appeared behind Loâak, arms open, and Loâak handed his little nephew off gently. Likanâs tiny fists pounded at her shoulder, face pressed to her neck as she rocked him, whispering softly, shielding him from the sight of his father.
The mauri entrance stirred Ronal entered first, sharp-eyed and focused, followed closely by Tsireya and two other healers. Their arms were full of salves, herbs, warm cloth. The moment they entered, the air changed urgency replacing fear. âYou must move,â Ronal said, not cruelly, but firm.
âNo,â you gasped, clutching Neteyamâs arm, burying your face in his shoulder. âNo, I canâtâhe needs meâI need to stayââ
âHe will not survive if we cannot reach him,â she said, already setting her things beside him. Tsireya crossed to the other side and knelt. Her voice was softer, coaxing. âPlease. Let us help him. Youâve done all you can.â
You didnât hear yourself sob. You didnât feel your body convulsing with every breath. But the arms that pulled you back were familiarâJakeâs. You resisted at first, claws curling into the woven mat. âNoâno, pleaseâI canâtâplease, noââ
Neytiri approached, still rocking Likan, who was hiccuping against her shoulder, his little voice warbling with the last of his strength. She kissed his head and crouched beside you. âLet them save him, maâite. You must let go for now.â
âNo, no no no I canât,â you whispered through choked sobs. Jake pulled you back slowly, and you crumbled into him, your face buried in his chest as your hands reached blindly for your mate.
Kiri was nearby, holding Eylan close, whispering softly. Loâak paced beside her, running his fingers through his hair, glancing back constantly at Neteyam. Tuk stood just behind her mother, silent, holding her own tears in a tight, trembling grip. And there, in that mauri, with your heart breaking open and your sons crying for comfort you couldnât give, you watched as the only person who could soothe your storm lay still unmoving while the healers began their quiet, desperate work. The moment the flap of the healerâs mauri closed behind you; it felt like the world fell silentâthen exploded into anguish.
You dropped to the sand as if your legs no longer knew how to hold you. Jake had carried you out, his hands firm but careful, his jaw clenched with grief. He tried to speak, but you had already broken into pieces in his arms, and there were no words that could hold your weight now. Gently, he set you down and immediately turned back for Tuk, who had come stumbling out moments after, her face a pale mask of confusion.
She didnât speak. Didnât cry. Her wide eyes just watched her family unravel. Jake bent down, scooped her into his arms, and held her like she was the last solid thing in his life. He kissed her forehead again and again as she clung to him, asking over and over, âIs going to Neteyam okay daddy?â Jake had no answers.
You knelt just beyond the entrance, in the pale sand outside the mauri, your body trembling uncontrollably. The sobs that escaped you were unhingedâraw, cracking your chest open in a way that made Loâak look away, jaw tight, his own eyes shining. You gasped like you couldnât find the air. Like breathing itself betrayed you. You clutched your stomachâyour growing bellyâand cried out his name.
âNeteyam! Neteyam! Pleaseâplease! Wake up! I canâtâhe canâtââ The words never finished. Your throat closed around them.
Loâak was the one who caught you this time, sliding to his knees and pulling you into him. You fought him at firstâyour hands pushing against his chest, trembling with the desire to get back inside, to feel Neteyamâs warmth, to stop this nightmare. But Loâak held you, arms locked tight around you like a brace, grounding you when the world kept spinning. You crumpled into him, shaking violently, your sobs muffled in his chest. âHeâs cold, Loâak. He was so cold. He lookedâhe lookedâgone.â
Loâak couldnât speak for a moment. His throat was thick, lips trembling. He closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against the crown of your head. His voice was hoarse when he finally said, âBut heâs not. Heâs not gone. Heâs alive. Tsireya stopped the bleeding. Ronalâs working on him now. Heâs gonna pull through. He has to.â Your arms clung to him like a lifeline. âI need him⌠I need himâŚâ
âI know,â he whispered. âWe all do.â Nearby, Kiri sat cross-legged in the sand, Eylan tucked into her lap. The little boy was crying silently now, exhausted, tears streaking his cheeks as he leaned into her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, whispering soft reassurances even as her own face was stiff with fear. She kept glancing toward the mauri, her heart clearly still with her brother.
Likan was still in Neytiriâs arms, wailing louder nowânot because of Neteyamâs absence, but because he could feel the pain in his family, see the desperation in your cries. âMama! Mamaaaa!â he hiccuped into his grandmotherâs neck, reaching his arms toward you, but Neytiri gently rocked him and whispered, âShh, little one. Let her breathe. Sheâs just scared. She loves you. She loves your sempu.â
Jake, holding Tuk close, had crouched in the sand a short distance away. His face was stone, but his eyesâred and glossyâbetrayed the cracks inside. He held Tukâs small head against his shoulder as she finally started crying, her confusion becoming real fear. âWhy is she screaming?â she asked. âWhy canât we go help?â
âSheâs scared,â Jake said softly. âAnd weâre just waiting now. Giving Neteyam time to be okay.â
Kiri gently leaned her head down, pressing her forehead to Eylanâs. âYour daddyâs strong, ma âitan,â she murmured. âHeâs going to be okay. But you need to be brave too, alright? Your mama needs you to be brave.â
You didnât hear any of it. You couldnât. Everything was a blur. A tunnel of soundâyour heart pounding, your sobs relentless, your baby squirming in your belly as if they, too, could feel your terror. Loâak held you as your cries lost their sound and became breathless heaves, his own hands trembling as he wiped the tears from your cheeks.
âYou canât fall apart,â he said, but the words werenât harsh. They were trembling. âNot yet. Not when heâs still fighting in there. You know Neteyam. Heâd never leave you. He wouldnât.â
The world was muffled behind your tears. But your ears caught the soft, broken cries of your sons again, and your heart lurched. Your lungs burned as you forced yourself to look around.
Likan was still in Neytiriâs arms, clinging tightly to her as fat tears rolled down his round cheeks. At two years old, he didnât understand any of thisâjust that something was terribly wrong. He let out a pitiful whimper, burying his face in her shoulder, sniffling and murmuring, âMama⌠mama, dada⌠where dada?â
Eylan sat quietly now in Kiriâs lap just a few steps away, tear tracks fresh on his cheeks, his little fingers curled in the fabric of her chest wrap as he looked between you and the mauri hut. His voice was quiet but clear. âWhy wonât Daddy wake up?â You broke. Again. But this time it was different. This time you didnât fall into your griefâyou leaned into your sons.
Loâak gently released you as you dropped to your knees, arms open for Eylan. Kiri didnât hesitate; she leaned down and let your boy shuffle into your arms. He clung to you instantly, curling against your chest, his little breaths shaky.
âIâm here,â you whispered, your voice hoarse. âIâm right here, my love.â
You felt movement behind youâNeytiri came forward and knelt beside you in the sand. Her arms eased Likan into yours, his soft, warm body curling against your other side. The moment your arms closed around him, he gave a wobbly cry and pushed his face into your neck, still trying to speak through his distress.
âDada hurt? Dada owie?â
âNo, baby,â you murmured, rocking them gently, tears still falling. âHeâs going to be okay⌠Heâs just sleeping. Just sleepingâŚâ And then, finally, the world slowed.
The sky darkened above you as the sun dipped lower, the air thick with salt and grief. You sat there, tucked beside the mauri, your sons pressed tightly to your chest, tears still running silently down your face. The rest of the family formed around you.
Jake sat just behind Neytiri, arms wrapped protectively around Tuk, who trembled in his lap but didnât make a sound. She stared at the entrance of the healerâs mauri like it might swallow her whole. Kiri curled next to you, brushing your hair back, her own eyes rimmed red but her touch soft, calming.
Loâak finally lowered himself to the sand beside you and sat in silence, head in his hands, his shoulders rising and falling with shallow breaths. One of his knees bumped against yoursâclose, supportive. He didnât say anything more. No one did.
For a long time, the Sully family simply sat in a circle around you. Pressed together. Supporting each other in silence. Each face painted with pain and fear; each heart suspended between hope and horror. But together.
You clutched Eylan and Likan closer, your lips brushing their hair, whispering soft things that didnât always make senseâjust your voice, soothing, constant, loving. And in that quiet, broken moment, you remembered: you were still a family. Still together.
The night had long since fallen, the sky above painted with stars scattered like beads of light across deep ocean blue. The air was cool now, and the soft crash of waves against the reef was the only thing filling the silence outside the healerâs mauri. The Sully family hadnât moved far â they couldnât. Not with Neteyam still inside, still unconscious.
You were seated on the sand, legs folded, your arms wrapped tightly around both of your sons. Eylan was curled in your lap, his tiny fingers clutching the fabric of your chest wrap. Heâd cried until his voice broke, then fallen asleep against you, lips still quivering in dreams. Likan, your littlest one, had cried himself hoarse in Loâakâs arms. When your sobs had calmed just enough to take him back, Loâak wordlessly passed him over, holding the back of your hand for a moment as he did, grounding you without needing to speak.
Now, Likan lay tucked across your legs like a baby ilu, one hand curled in your songcord, the other clutching his fatherâs discarded sash. His cheek was wet, pressed to your belly where his unborn sibling stirred gently in your womb â safe, for now. His small chest rose and fell with heavy, exhausted breaths.
Loâak sat directly beside you now. He hadnât left your side since youâd been dragged from the mauri. His arm brushed yours, his shoulder nearly touching. Though he wasnât saying much, the tension in his posture spoke volumes â hunched slightly forward, fingers fidgeting over a seashell bracelet, jaw clenched like he was fighting every wave of panic. His eyes, normally so full of mischief and light, were dim. He kept glancing toward the mauri flap like if he blinked, something would change.
Jake sat not far off, his strong arms wrapped around a sleeping Tuk. She was curled tightly in his lap, her small face still damp with tears. Neytiri had one hand on your back, rubbing slowly, her presence like a warm fire in the cold. Kiri was nearby too, legs pulled close to her chest, her gaze occasionally drifting to you and the boys, then back to the healerâs tent.
Tonowari stood quietly at a respectful distance, his wife having disappeared back inside some time ago. Aonung sat cross-legged just behind Loâak, giving space, but still clearly there â watching his friend, his second brother, with the protectiveness of someone whoâd become family too. No one spoke.
The stillness was heavy, the kind of silence born from fear and hope and bone-deep exhaustion. But Neteyam was alive. You repeated that over and over in your mind like a prayer, like a chant to keep your heart from tearing again. Neteyam is alive. He is breathing.
You tightened your arms around your boys. Loâakâs hand reached over in the quiet and touched your shoulder, squeezing gently. You leaned into him for a moment â both of you needing it more than youâd ever say out loud.
The flap of the healerâs mauri finally shifted. Everyoneâs head snapped up, every breath caught. You clutched your sons tighter, both still asleep against your chest and belly, and Loâakâs hand instinctively moved from your shoulder to your back, steadying you.
Ronal was the first to emerge. Her expression, always unreadable, was softer now â solemn, but without panic. Her hands were streaked with drying blood up to the forearms, her chest rising in quiet, measured breaths. Tsireya followed a heartbeat later, her eyes already shining with unshed tears, but her mouth curled in a small, hopeful smile.
âHe lives,â Ronal said gently, looking at the circle of broken hearts around her. Your breath hitched, and Neytiri gasped softly beside you. Jake let out a quiet, choked sound and pressed his lips to Tukâs hair, hugging her closer in his arms.
Loâak slumped forward, burying his face in his hands with a trembling exhale. Your heart stuttered in your chest.
âHe is stable,â Tsireya continued, stepping forward, her voice softer, for you. âThe wound was deep⌠but it missed anything vital. We have stitched it well and given him salves for pain. He is sleeping now â deeply. He may not wake for some time⌠but his spirit is strong.â
You couldnât stop the tears. Silent, steady drops falling down your cheeks, soaking into Eylanâs curls. âHeâll wake up?â you asked, barely a whisper.
Ronal nodded. âYes. In time. But he must rest. His body must heal.â Your arms tightened around your children. You nodded through your tears, leaning your head down to kiss both your sons on their brows. Neteyam wasnât lost. Not this time. Not this battle.
Kiri let out a shuddering breath and leaned into Neytiriâs side. Neytiri took her hand. Jake looked to the sky as if thanking Eywa herself.
Aonung stepped forward and crouched next to Loâak, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. âBrother will be alright,â he said simply. Loâak just nodded, still pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, silent tears slipping through.
Tonowari stepped forward at last, kneeling beside you. âYou are welcome to stay here, all of you,â he said gently. âAs long as you need. You are not alone.â
You looked up at him through your blurred vision and nodded gratefully. âThank you⌠thank youâŚâ Ronal placed a hand gently on your head â a rare, maternal gesture from her. âSoon, you may see him. Not yet. But soon.â You nodded again, your throat too tight for words, and pressed your cheek to Eylanâs little shoulder.
After that night, the one that tore the sky open above you â it was Neytiri who suggested moving Neteyam. She spoke quietly, like she might break if she raised her voice. âHe should be home,â she said, eyes red-rimmed. âWith you. With his sons. Where he belongs.â
And so, gently, the family helped you move him to your mauri â the small sea-shelled home you and Neteyam built with woven love and endless laughter, now filled with echoing silence. Jake carried his sonâs weight like a ghost, Kiri and Loâak flanking either side. You stayed close, one hand on Neteyamâs chest, the other wrapped protectively around your swollen belly.
It wasnât far from the Sully mauri. Close enough that no one ever knocked, and no one ever asked to enter. And so, your home became the heart of the family â the place everyone gathered, watched, waited. Grieved. Nights were the hardest. The soft sounds of the ocean couldnât mask the ache.
Eylan slept between you and Neteyam, fingers always curled in his fatherâs braids. He would whisper, childlike and sure, âI think Daddy can still hear me. Right, Mama?â And though your heart would squeeze in pain, you nodded. âYes, baby. He hears every word.â
Little Likan, barely two, still too young to understand, would crawl across Neteyamâs unmoving chest and giggle like nothing had changed. âDada sleepinâ,â he would murmur, laying his head down. âShhh, baby sleeping.â Your heart cracked, over and over again.
One quiet afternoon, as you rubbed your aching belly and tried not to cry, Loâak sat beside you, legs crossed, elbows on knees. He watched Neteyam in silence for a while before saying, âYou know, he always said heâd be the best dad. Like he wanted to prove something.â
You glanced at your sleeping mate. âHe didnât need to prove anything. He already was.â
Loâak smiled sadly. âI think⌠I think he was afraid. Of becoming like Dad. Of being too hard. Too⌠heavy.â
âHeâs not,â you whispered. âHeâs light. Always was.â
The Sully family never stayed away. Jake would come by early mornings to sit near Neteyamâs mat, just watching him with a hard jaw and teary eyes. Neytiri often brought steaming bowls of herbal broths and helped brush Likanâs hair from his eyes. Tuk curled against Neteyamâs arm every chance she got, small voice rambling about whatever creature sheâd found that day.
âHeâs still warm,â she said once, looking up at you with wide, hopeful eyes. âSo that means heâs still in there.â
âYes,â you murmured, brushing her hair back. âHeâs still with us.â
Kiri came often too, singing over Neteyamâs still body, lighting healing oils, and wrapping arms around you when your breath caught from the pressure of the growing baby inside you. Tsireya and Aoânung came by almost every day.
Tsireya would gently take Likan into her arms and hum soft Metkayina lullabies while you rested. âYou are being so strong for your boys,â she said once, when your hands trembled too much to feed yourself.
Aoânung was quieter, surprisingly so. He didnât speak much, but he would bring fish, or woven toys for the boys, or sit near the edge of the mauri, his gaze flickering to Neteyamâs form with guilt and worry that never quite left his face. Once, you caught him whispering, âCome back, forest boy.â
It was your little family that held the world together. Eylan curled beside Neteyam at night, whispering stories about jellyfish and fish chases with Uncle Loâak. âDaddy needs to hear what he missed,â he would say matter-of-factly. Likan would climb onto your lap and ask, âBaby come soon?â then lay his tiny hand on your belly and say, âTell Dada wake up. We waitinâ.â
And you would lean into Neteyamâs chest, brushing your fingers over his jaw, whispering into the hollow of his throat, âYou have to come back, ma yawne. They need you. I need you.â
Even though your world had cracked, you werenât alone in the pieces.
Three moons had passed since the day your world cracked in two. Neteyam lay motionless on the center mat of your shared mauri, surrounded by silence and warmth and the weight of his familyâs endless love. His chest still rose. His heart still beat. But his eyes⌠they never opened.
The boys had adapted, in a way only children could. Eylan had stopped asking when his father would wake. Instead, he stayed close, laying his tiny reed mat beside Neteyamâs every night, whispering stories into his ear about fish heâd seen, shells heâd found, dreams heâd had. âSo when he wakes up, he knows everything, Mama,â heâd explain.
Likan didnât understand. Two years old and all big eyes and chubby fingers, he still climbed onto Neteyamâs chest every morning and curled up, waiting for his fatherâs arms to wrap around him. Sometimes he laughed, babbling in half-sentences. Sometimes he cried. You never stopped watching.
And your belly â it was so round now. Eight months. You could feel every kick, every shift of the baby inside. Every night, you whispered to your unborn child as you stroked your mateâs still face. âYour sempu is here. He just needs more time.â
Norm and Max had come again that morning, quiet as always. They carried their strange, blinking human tools and moved around Neteyamâs mat with practiced care. They checked the IV that fed his body fluids and nutrients, adjusted the monitor that tracked his vitals. âHeâs still holding on,â Norm said gently, not looking you in the eyeâ
âI donât need him to hold on,â you muttered. âI need him to wake up.â
Loâak stood near the entrance of the mauri, arms folded tight across his chest, jaw clenched. He hadnât left your side in weeks. He helped with the boys, helped you up when your back ached too much to rise, helped keep you breathing when everything inside you begged to scream.
That night, Eylan climbed into your lap beside Neteyam. âMama,â he whispered, stroking your arm, âwhen is sempu gonna talk to me again?â You froze. Your hands tightened on his little back. âI miss daddy,â Eylan continued. âI think Likan does too. He cries sometimes for daddy.â You couldnât hold it in. You turned your face away and let the sob break through. Eylan reached up, brushing away a tear. âDid I do something wrong?â
âNo, baby. Eywa, no.â You kissed his forehead, hugging him tight. âHe loves you more than anything. He just⌠heâs sleeping very strong.â
âLike when the fish go deep for the cold moons?â
âExactly,â you lied, smiling through the ache. âBut heâll come back.â
Later that night, after the boys had fallen asleep â Likan curled on Neteyamâs chest, Eylan tucked under his arm â you stepped outside. The stars shimmered over the ocean, and the sound of waves broke softly against the reef. You didnât cry this time. You just breathed.
âIâm scared,â you whispered to the sky. âHeâs missing everything. Every kick. Every day the boys grow. He hasnât even heard this babyâs heartbeat.â
Loâak appeared behind you quietly. âI know.â You turned to him, voice trembling. âWhat if I have this baby alone? What if he neverââ
âYou wonât,â he said, stepping forward. âWe wonât let you be alone. I know Iâm not him, but I swear⌠weâve got you. Iâve got you.â You sank into him, tears finally returning. âI donât want anyone else. I just want him.â
âI know,â Loâak whispered, pressing your head to his shoulder. âI want him to wake up too.â
Ronal came the next day, her presence as quiet and firm as ever. She set a bowl of warm herbs beside Neteyamâs mat and applied a paste along his temples. You watched as she murmured prayers and touched his chest.
âHe is tethered,â she said finally, glancing at you. âYou are the cord that keeps him here. Keep speaking to him.â You nodded, though your heart was so tired.
Tsireya came later, bringing new salve for your aching legs and sweet-smelling herbs for the boys. âWe havenât given up,â she said gently. âYou shouldnât either.â Even Aoânung came by more often now. He didnât speak much, just brought fresh fish or sat with Loâak near the shore when he needed space.
And still, your stomach grew. Every movement of the baby inside you brought both awe and fear. Youâd lie next to Neteyam at night, his arm draped lifeless across your middle, and whisper, âTheyâre almost here, ma tĂŹyawn. Please⌠please donât miss this.â
But the days kept passing, and one month later, the pain came like fireâdeep, sharp, and wrong. It was still dark outside the mauri when it woke you, seizing your breath and curling your body forward instinctively. You gasped, a broken cry ripping from your throat as you clutched your swollen belly. You knew what it meant. âNoâno no no,â you whispered, panic rising fast. âNot now. Please not now.â
Your pain woke the boys, who both began to cry in their half-sleepâfrightened, confused by the sound of your agony. âMama? Mamaaa?â
You couldnât even answer. You barely registered the door flap flying open, Kiri and Neytiri rushing in. Kiri dropped to your side. âItâs the baby,â she breathed, feeling your stomach. âYouâre in labor.â
âI wonât do it,â you gasped, trying to standâonly to collapse into Neytiriâs arms, trembling. âI wonâtâI canât! Not without him!â
âHe would want you to be strong,â Neytiri said quickly, but her voice cracked. âYou have to be strongâplease, for the baby.â
Tsireya and Ronal arrived next, gathering supplies and laying out a woven mat across the floor beside Neteyamâs still form. You shrank away from them, clutching your belly like it might hold the pain back.
âYou need to lie down,â Tsireya said softly.
âI said no!â you cried. âIâm not having this baby without him! He was supposed to be here! He was supposed to hold my handâhe promised!â Ronal looked to Kiri, silently asking her to calm you, but before she could move, a voice cut through the panic.
âY/n Iâm surprised at you I really am, thisâŚ. this is not how I thought youâd handle this.â Loâak stood in the doorway. Pale. Tense. Eyes rimmed red from weeks of holding back every emotion that now pulsed right beneath his skin. Kiri opened her mouth, clearly ready to tell him to leave. âLoâak, maybe give her someââ
But he walked straight past her. He knelt down in front of you, gently brushing your damp hair back, speaking quietly so only you could hear. âI know youâre scared. You have every right to be. But you donât get to quit right now.â You shook your head, voice cracking. âYou donât understandââ
âNo, I do,â he said, cutting you off gently. âHe was supposed to be here. I know that. And this isnât fair. None of this is fair. But youâre not alone.â Your eyes welled up again, and you looked away.
Loâak leaned closer. âYouâre not doing this for just you. Youâre doing it for the baby. For Neteyam. For your little boys who still need their mama cause theyâre crying cause you're in pain. You donât get to quit on them. You donât get to quit on me.â Your lower lip trembled as a contraction surged again, and you folded into it, screaming. âI know thereâs a lot of things going on here we canât control, but this, we can do this.â He caught you as you slumped forward, gently guiding you down onto the mat Tsireya had prepared. The moment you hit the floor, the room shifted.
Kiri immediately began gathering towels and boiling water. Neytiri scooped the boys into her arms, quickly passing them to Jake who waited just outside to rock them even as tears streaked her own cheeks. Ronal positioned herself at your feet, checking how far along you were. Tsireya set her hands at your side, grounding you in soft whispers.
Loâak didnât move from behind you, sitting cross-legged so your back could lean into him, just like Neteyam had done for your first two births. He took your hand in his. âIâve got you,â he whispered into your ear. âJust breathe. Iâm not going anywhere.â
Another contraction came, and you screamed into his shoulder. He didnât flinch. âI know it hurts,â he said quietly, his voice cracking. âI know everything feels like itâs falling apart, but this baby is yours and his and theyâre ready. You just have to help them get here.â
âI donât want to do it alone,â you sobbed.
âYouâre not alone,â he said, pressing your forehead to his. âLook at me.â You opened your eyesâbarely.
âIâm here. Kiriâs here. Momâs here. Tsireya and Ronal are here. You are surrounded by people who love you. Weâre not letting go. You can do this.â You let out a shuddering breath, nodding once. âOkay.â
âThatâs it,â he whispered. âThatâs all I need. When the next one comesâpush. Iâve got you. I swear.â
The room shifted againâcalm in the storm. Ronal nodded. âThe baby is crowning. You must push.â You closed your eyes, tears falling fast, and squeezed Loâakâs hand as the next contraction came. You pushed. Screamed. Cried. And Loâak held you through every second of it.
Your chest heaved, sweat glistening on your skin as your trembling arms cradled the impossibly small bundle against your chest. She was still cryingâtiny and sharp and alive. And Loâak⌠Loâak was still behind you, arms braced on either side of you, steadying you like a living pillar. His chest pressed to your back, chin briefly lowering to your shoulder as he whispered, âYou did it.â
You couldnât answerânot yet. Your voice was trapped in your throat, and your heart was thundering too hard, but you nodded weakly, tears falling freely down your cheeks.
Tsireya leaned close, her smile wet with emotion. âShe is strong,â she whispered. âJust like her saânok.â
Ronal was quiet, checking your daughterâs tiny fingers, murmuring something under her breath maybe a prayer, maybe thanks to Eywa. âIâll go tell them,â Neytiri said softly, already turning toward the mauri flap. Her hand trailed along your shoulder as she passed. âThey are waiting.â
You could feel Loâakâs breath on the back of your neck. His voice was hoarse when he said, âShe looks like Neteyam.â That broke something in your chest. You nodded, lips trembling. âI knowâŚâ
She was beautiful. She was warm and breathing and here. And yet⌠Neteyam still hadnât moved. He hadnât seen her. Not yet. You shifted slightly, and Loâak helped you ease backward, supporting you so that you were resting against his chest, your newborn daughter swaddled snugly in your arms. You hadnât even realized you were still holding his hand until you felt his thumb gently stroke over your knuckles. Then the flap lifted again.
Jake entered first, quiet and slow, with a child in each arm. Tuk still clung to his side, sleepy and blinking, and beside her was your oldestâEylan, eyes wide with worry, searching.
âMamaâŚ?â he said softly.
Your breath caught. You sat up straighter. âEylan,â you whispered. He ran forward before Jake could even say anything, reaching out toward you. You held out your free arm, and he climbed up next to you, careful but eager, immediately peeking down at the baby in your arms. âIs that the baby that was in your belly?â
You nodded, voice soft and cracking. âYour sister, yeah.â He gasped quietly. âSheâs so smallâŚâ
âSheâs perfect,â you said.
Loâak shifted behind you, his hands never leaving your shoulders, still there like an anchor. Jake stepped closer, kneeling with Likan in his arms. âHe woke when he heard her cry,â he said gently. Likan rubbed at his eyes with a little fist, clearly still tired, but the moment he spotted you and his brother, he reached out. âMamaâŚâ
You nodded, arms full, and Loâak moved for the first time, gently helping take Likan from Jake and nestling him beside you, right between you and Eylan. Both boys now tucked into your side, wide-eyed and curious. âLook,â you murmured. âYour little sister.â Likan blinked at her. âMama BabyâŚâ You nodded, kissing his forehead.
The flap to the mauri was still drawn open, and behind Jake came Neytiri and Kiri, the whole family drawn like a tide around you. They didnât crowd. They didnât speak loudly. But the space filled with warmthâblinking away the cold ache of the months of silence. Your daughter squirmed a little, letting out a tiny sneeze.
âOh,â Eylan whispered with a giggle. âShe sneezed!â
âSheâs a strong girl,â Jake said with pride, voice a little rough as he tucked a few braids behind your ear. âJust like her mama. Just like her brothers.â
You looked to Loâak then. He caught your gaze, then leaned close enough to kiss the crown of your head. âYou did so good,â he murmured. âNeteyam would be losing his mind right now.â The lump in your throat swelled again.
âI wish he could see herâŚâ
âHe will,â Kiri said gently, her voice from just beside the boys. âHeâs still here. And when he wakes up, weâll tell him everything.â
Loâak looked at you, his voice a low, sure thing. âWeâll tell him how brave you were. How beautiful she is. How she cried just like Likan and wriggled like Eylan when they were born.â
âAnd how much we missed him,â you whispered. Loâak nodded.
Tuk came forward then, kneeling beside the boys, and smiled at the baby in wonder. âSheâs really hereâŚâ she whispered. âWhatâs her name?â
You paused, heart pounding. You hadnât chosen it yet. Not without him. âI uhâ I havenât chosen one yet, Neteyam normally has finally say but this time weâŚI donât know yet.â I tell the family and Loâak squeezed my arms softly his fingers running up and down them. âItâs okay, youâll name her when youâre ready.â He whispered speaking for everyone.
The air in the mauri is thick with warmth, sweat, blood, and silence. Somewhere just outside, Neytiri hums to Likan, rocking him slowly. Kiri is tending to your newborn, her steps soft. Tsireya is quiet, watching the Eylan sleep, giving you space.
Itâs just you and Loâak now. The curtain drawn. A bowl of warm water beside him, and you, aching and barely awake, lying half-curled under a blanket, eyes glazed with exhaustion. You donât even flinch when you feel the cloth on your thigh. His touch is gentle, almost too gentle like heâs afraid of you breaking.
ââŚLoâak?â your voice cracks. He doesnât look at you. âItâs okay. Iâve got it.â
The cloth moves carefully over your skin, down the inside of your thigh where the blood dried hours ago. Normally, this moment is sacred, Neteyamâs hands, not Loâakâs. Always Neteyamâs. After every birth, every hard night, every wound. It was Neteyam who bathed you, held you, kissed your shoulders in the firelight. Only him.
This feels too close. Too much. Your voice trembles. âYou donât⌠have to do this.â
âI know.â
âIs it weird?â You swallow. âYou can ask someone elseââ
âI know,â he cuts in, gently. Finally, his eyes meet yours. And the look in them â it undoes you. Itâs not pity. Itâs not lust. Itâs something else. Raw, reverent. Careful. Fractured.
âIt is weird,â he admits, voice low. âBut not because I donât want to help you.â He dips the cloth again, wrings it slowly. âItâs weird because this isnât mine. This moment. This part of you. Itâs his.â Your breath catches. He lowers his eyes, begins wiping you again â the inside of your knees, the curve of your hip. Nothing improper. But your skin burns under his touch.
âI used to wonder what it felt like,â he murmurs suddenly, âbeing needed like that. The way you always looked at him after the births. Like he was the only person who knew where you ended and started again.â
You say nothing. You canât. His next words are barely audible. âNow I know. And I wish I didnât.â The silence hangs so heavy it could break. âIâm sorry,â you whisper, tears slipping sideways into your hair.
âIâm not,â he says softly. Then after a beat, a shaky breath escapes him, and he tries to smile â the kind that barely holds. ââŚThough I gotta say,â he adds gently, âI never pictured the first time Iâd see you naked would involve this much blood and crying.â You laugh â a strangled, wet sound. âLoâakâ!â
He grins, but itâs quiet. Tired. Tender. âHey. I made you laugh. That counts for something.â The cloth slips back into the bowl. He covers you gently, then sits there beside you, elbows on his knees, staring at nothing.
You watch him through half-lidded eyes. It should not feel this way. He should not have seen this much of you. Should not have touched your skin. Should not have looked at you like that. But he did. And you let him. And in the soft dark, with your mate still unconscious and your body raw from birth, you realize⌠Youâre not sure where the line is anymore.
At first, itâs still about the kids. Loâak carrying Eylan when the boy is too sleepy to walk, playing with Likan in the dirt while you rest with the baby sleeping on your chest. He never complains. Never acts like itâs too much. But the way he watches you begins to change â it becomes quieter. Heâs more careful. Always aware. He doesnât hover. But he notices everything.
When your arms start to tremble from holding the baby too long, heâs already there before you ask. He doesnât make a scene â he just crouches beside you and gently takes her from you, cradling her like sheâs his own blood, offering that crooked half-smile youâve seen a thousand times before. Except now it feels different.
When you try to eat, one hand balancing your daughter and the other too sore to lift much of anything, he kneels next to you. No teasing, no fuss. He just takes the food and feeds you with quiet patience, like itâs normal, like youâve always done this dance. Thereâs a rhythm forming between you that neither of you meant to create.
âYou either eat this,â he says once, âor I eat it and tell everyone you starve me.â You roll your eyes. But you open your mouth. The next time, you lean forward before he even lifts the bite. The first time it goes too far is at the river. You sit on the edge of the rocks, staring at the water, your body aching and raw, and no one else is free. You donât even say anything. You donât need to.
âIâll help,â Loâak says, not looking at you. âJust the shallow edge. You donât have to move much. Iâll look away.â And he does. Always.
But his hands are gentle when they brush your back. His silence is heavy. And when he hands you the cloth and cups the water for you, your hands touch â just for a moment â and your breath catches, and neither of you mention it.
He still returns to Tsireyaâs arms every night. He kisses her when she brings herbs to help with your healing. He rests his head on her lap while she hums over his braids. He holds her hand when they walk together, when they sit by the fire, when she laughs too loud and he smiles just watching her. He is still her perfect partner.
But something in him has gone quiet. Especially when itâs just the two of you. He stays a little longer than he should. Touches your shoulder more than is necessary. His eyes linger when they shouldnât. He steps into Neteyamâs absence like he was born into it, without ever being asked.
And Tsireya notices. Not everything. Not enough to accuse. But enough to pause. One evening, she watches from across the marui as Loâak gently lifts the baby from your lap, tucks the blanket higher on your legs, and smooths your hair away from your face. His fingers hesitate there, just for a moment, brushing your skin like it means something. Like it hurts to let go. She doesnât say anything. Not yet.
You try not to rely on him. You hate how easy itâs become â how when you need something, when you so much as look tired, Loâak is already there. You try not to look for him, not to listen for his voice, but you do. And you catch yourself waiting for him, for the sound of his feet in the sand.
You hate the heat in your chest when he speaks your name gently. The soft way he says, âEat. You need your strength.â You hate that sometimes â just sometimes â you wish it wasnât just kindness. That it meant something more. Because itâs Loâak. Because you love Neteyam. Because youâre still his. Because you shouldnât feel this.
But you lean your head against his shoulder one quiet afternoon while your boys laugh nearby. And he doesnât move. He just lets you stay there, still and warm and silent. His fingers brush your wrist â the barest touch â like it anchors him. Or maybe anchors you. Neither of you speak. But something has shifted. Quietly. Unmistakably. And itâs getting harder to ignore.
The babyâs asleep again, her soft, steady breaths rising against Neteyamâs bare chest. Youâve bundled her there every night now â itâs the only place she seems to settle. Her little hand rests right over the bullet scar. Your fingers twitch every time you look at it.
You sit beside them; knees pulled to your chest. The lantern burns low, casting long shadows across the woven floor. The boys are asleep near the doorway, Likan curled against Eylanâs back like a fern folding in the night.
You donât expect Loâak. Not this late. But the flap rustles, soft and careful, and he steps in â quiet, like he doesnât want to wake anyone. His hairâs damp. He smells like the sea. He sees you and stops. âI thought youâd be asleep.â You give a tired shrug. âCanât.â His eyes flick toward the baby on Neteyamâs chest. âSheâs there again.â
âEvery night.â You feel the breath leave your chest, sharp and bitter. Loâak crosses the marui, lowers himself to sit beside you. You donât look at him. âTsireya okay?â you ask, voice low.
âYeah. Sheâs⌠sheâs good.â
âDid she want you to stay?â A pause. âYeah.â
âThen why are you here?â He doesnât answer right away. Instead, he leans forward, elbows on his knees, staring at the fire.
âI just wanted to check on you.â
âIâm fine.â
âYou always say that when youâre not.â
You glance at him. âAnd what if Iâm not?â He meets your eyes, steady and too soft. âThen I stay.â
You donât say anything. Not for a long moment. The only sounds are the babyâs tiny sighs, the breath of the wind outside, the creak of the marui walls. You shift, hugging your knees tighter.
âI miss him,â you whisper. âEven though heâs right there. I miss him like heâs alreadyââ Loâak turns quickly, hand reaching for yours. He grips it tight, grounding you.
âDonât,â he says. âDonât say it.â You look down at your joined hands.
âIâm so tired, Loâak,â you breathe. âOf being strong. Of pretending I donât need help.â
âYou donât have to pretend with me.â
You exhale a shaky laugh. âYouâre not supposed to be the one holding me together.â
âMaybe I want to.â His voice is lower now. Thereâs something in it that curls under your skin â a crack you shouldnât notice, but you do. You turn your head. Heâs looking at you. Really looking. The firelight flickers over his face, the high cheekbones, the small scar near his jaw, the dark, aching eyes.
Your voice comes out quiet. âThis feelsâŚâ He doesnât let you finish.
âI know.â
He shifts closer, slowly, like heâs not sure if he should. His fingers brush your cheek, just once. You donât stop him. He leans in, just enough that his forehead grazes yours. Just enough to steal your breath.
âIf I kiss you right now,â he murmurs, âwill you hate me for it?â
Your heart stops. You donât answer. And he doesnât move. You sit like that â too close, too quiet â with your foreheads barely touching, your breaths syncing, your hands still joined.
âI still love him,â you whisper. Itâs barely audible.
âI know,â he says again. âI wouldnât ask you not to.â
Then the baby shifts. A small sound. A flutter of fingers against Neteyamâs chest. You both freeze. And just like that, the moment shatters. You pull back slowly, blinking fast, like coming up for air. Loâak leans away, breaking contact, hand sliding from yours. He looks wrecked. Like heâs been caught in something he didnât mean to start.
âI should go,â he says.
You nod. âYeah.â
But neither of you moves. Your hands are still touching. Just your fingers. Barely. And the silence between you tightens, not like tension, but like grief. Like hunger. Like everything youâve tried not to feel has risen to the surface and is begging to be touched.
He looks at you. You look back. He leans in. And this time, you donât look away. Your breath catches, but your body doesnât flinch. His hand brushes your cheek again, fingers trailing behind your ear, so soft it almost doesnât register. Almost.
âLoâak,â you whisper. Just his name. Nothing more. But it cracks.
And he breaks. He kisses you. Slow. Gentle. Terrified. Heâs not rushing. Heâs not devouring. Heâs aching. His lips press to yours like heâs asking for permission he already knows he shouldnât need. Like he knows itâs wrong â but more than that, he knows itâs too late.
And still⌠you kiss him back. Only for a second. Maybe two. Itâs not passionate. Not carnal. Itâs not even romantic. Itâs just grief. Muted and drowning. A moment where you arenât the woman holding everything together. Youâre not Neteyamâs mate. Youâre not a mother. Youâre just you.
And Loâak is the only one who sees that. When he pulls back, he stays close â forehead against yours, breath ragged. âShit,â he whispers, eyes shut. âIâm sorry.â You say nothing. Because youâre not. Not yet. Your chest is rising too fast. Your hand is still on his wrist. You can feel his pulse beneath your thumb.
âI didnât meanââ he starts. âYes, you did,â you say. Not angry. Not hurt. Just⌠honest. And it shatters him. He nods. âI know.â
Then a soft sound breaks the air â not from the baby, not from the boys. From Neteyam. A shift. A breath. You both turn. He hasnât moved. Still and unchanged. But the guilt crashes into you anyway. Heavy. Sharp. You pull back completely, hands to your lap, your chest squeezing like itâs too full to breathe. Loâak stands up slowly. âI shouldnât haveââ You cut him off, eyes still on Neteyam. âItâs okay..â you whisper. âBut I think you should go.â
He hesitates. Just a second. Then he leaves. And you sit alone in the half-light, your baby sleeping on her fatherâs chest, your heart pounding from another manâs lips. You donât cry. You donât panic. You just stare, swallowing the weight of it â knowing that something has changed. Knowing that if Neteyam wakes up tomorrow, if he looks at you the way he used to, you will never be able to tell him. But youâll feel it.
The next morning, Neytiri was brushing your baby girlâs tiny curls back from her forehead, humming softly, when you approached. âCan you take them to Ronal for their checkups?â you asked quietly, trying not to wake your daughter. âShe wants to see them today.â
Neytiri turned, giving you a look that read deeper than words. âAre you all right?â You hesitated. âI just⌠need a moment.â
She nodded, collecting the baby in one arm and calling softly to Eylan and Likan. Your boys rushed over, Likan clinging to your leg briefly, then letting go when Neytiri took his hand.
You kissed each of them, your heart squeezing tight as Likan babbled a sleepy, âMama be back? âSoon,â you promised. âI love you.â
With Neytiri leading them off toward the reef healerâs marui, you turned away. But your heart stayed behind.
Loâak was exactly where you expected â perched alone where the reef cliffs met the sea, his feet dangling above the water, arms resting on his knees. The wind pushed through his hair, the waves whispering beneath. You approached quietly and sat beside him, not too close. He glanced sideways. âDidnât think youâd come.â
âI had to.â He looked back out at the ocean. âI didnât sleep. Couldnât.â You nodded. âMe neither.â A pause stretched out. You could feel the weight between you â not heavy with love, not sweet with longing. Just guilt. Raw and too recent.
âWhat we didâŚâ he said slowly, âI keep trying to explain it to myself. I know it wasnât about love. Wasnât even about wanting each other like that.â You watched the horizon. âWe were just too tired. Too empty. We found each other in that space.â
âI still hate that it happened.â You swallowed. âMe too.â A moment passed. Then, quietly: âBut I donât hate you for it.â He looked over. âI donât hate you either.â The wind picked up, salt brushing your skin. âI donât want to pretend it didnât happen,â you whispered. âBut I donât want it to happen again.â His eyes fell to the ground. âIt wonât.â
âGood,â you breathed. âBecause I canât lose him. And I still feel like Iâm losing myself.â Loâakâs hand reached out, fingers brushing yours gently.
Not holding. Just⌠acknowledging. âWeâll be okay,â he said. âEventually.â Just then â a scream carried across the reef. âGET HERâGET HER NOWâHEâS AWAKEâ!â
You both bolted upright. Kiriâs voice. Your heart slammed into your ribs. âNeteyam?!â you breathed. And then Loâak grabbed your hand without thinking, and the two of you ran. By the time you reached the mauri, the entire reef was there. Ronal. Tsireya. Aoânung. Neytiri with the baby held protectively in her arms, boys pressed into her sides. Jake knelt by the mat.
Neteyam was sitting up. Blinking. Awake. Loâak skidded to a halt beside you, breath ragged. Your legs wouldnât move â not at first. Kiri turned to you, eyes wild with tears. âHe opened his eyes. He said somethingâhe looked around, butââ You pushed through them all, falling to your knees at his side.
Neteyam looked at you, face pale, chest rising with effort. His gaze slid over you, confused but calm. You smiled through the tears. âHi. Hey. Iâm here.â
He blinked again. âAre you⌠the healer?â The words hit like ice water. Your breath caught. âWhat?â Jake turned sharply. Neytiriâs lips parted. Neteyam looked around slowly. âI⌠where am I? What happened?â
You didnât feel your legs give out, but suddenly you were leaning forward, gripping the edge of the mat. âIâmââ your voice cracked. âIâm your mate. Your wife.â
He stared at you like you were speaking another language. Neytiri stepped forward, voice soft and shaking, âitan⌠Neteyam⌠this is your wife. Your children are here. You are safe.â
Neteyamâs brows furrowed. âWife?â He looked at your baby in her arms. At Eylan and Likan â their golden eyes wide and scared. His eyes were blank. Tsireya stepped back, hand over her mouth. Loâak stood frozen beside you, his face twisted in disbelief, grief washing over him in a silent wave.
Neteyamâs gaze landed on him last. âLoâak,â he murmured. âI⌠I know you.â But even that seemed uncertain. Loâak stepped closer. âYeah, bro. Itâs me. Iâm right here.â Neteyam squinted, nodding slightly. âYou look⌠older.â And then he looked at you again. Eyes searching. Still not recognizing.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered. âI donât know who you are.â You didnât break down. Not yet. But your hand slipped from the mat. And Loâak was the one who caught it.
The room seemed to hold its breath. Neytiri stepped forward again, her voice low and tender. âNeteyam,â she said gently, kneeling beside you, âthis is [Name].â You watched his eyes flick to her, then back to you. The name hung in the air. He blinked slowly, and something passed across his face. Not clarity â but a glimmer.
â[Name],â he repeated, tasting it. âI know that name.â Your heart jumped. You shifted, leaning in, desperate for more. âYes,â you whispered. âYes, you do.â He tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowing as if trying to place a memory behind fogged glass.
âYou had long braids even at a five-year-old,â he murmured, more to himself than anyone. âYou followed me everywhere. You made me that ugly stone necklace and cried when I said it stankâ A soft laugh caught in your throat, half-sob. He looked up again, blinking hard. âThat was when we were⌠kids. Thatâs all I remember.â
Jake exhaled quietly through his nose. Kiri covered her mouth, face crumpling. You reached for his hand, but he shifted just slightly â not in rejection, but in confusion. He stared at your touch like it was unfamiliar. âI donât understand,â he said again, voice cracking. âWhy is everyone crying? Why do I feel like Iâm⌠missing something? A lot of somethings?â He turned his gaze slowly toward Jake. âHow long was I out?â
Jake hesitated. âMonths,â Neytiri said softly, before her husband could answer. âYou were shot. You almostââ She cut off. Her eyes burned. Neteyam looked down at his chest then, slowly lifting his fingers to touch the healed but angry scarring beneath the cloth. His breathing hitched.
His head snapped back up. âMonths?â He looked around wildly now â at the baby, at the boys pressed into Neytiriâs side, at the reef around him he didnât recognize. His fingers curled tightly into the bedding. âIâI donât remember this place,â he stammered. âI donât remember being here. Why are we not in the forest?â
âTheâŚthe sky people returned we came here because they were hunting us,â Jake said gently. âWe allâŚlive here now. Me, your mom, siblings and your wife and kids. This is our home now.â
âI donât understand,â he said, more panicked now. âWhy does everything feel wrong? Why do I know her name but not her voice? Notââ His voice cracked. âNot those kids?â Eylan whimpered softly. Likan shrunk against Neytiriâs side, clinging to her braid. The baby stirred in Neytiriâs arms and let out a soft, fussy noise â and Neteyam flinched at the sound. His eyes snapped to her. He stared.
âSheâs⌠mine?â he asked. âOurs?â You nodded, your voice almost inaudible. âShe was born while you were still⌠still asleep, just a couple weeks ago.â He dragged a hand down his face. âNo. No, this doesnât make sense.â
âNeteyamââ Kiri started, moving forward. âI donât know her,â he said louder, looking at the baby. âI donât know them. How can they be mine?â
Loâak tensed beside you. You could feel it in his grip. You turn to your boys who were shying away from their father saying he didnât know them and your heart ached.
Neteyamâs breaths were picking up, eyes darting. âWhy donât I remember you?â he asked again, his voice climbing toward panic. âIf youâre my mate, why donât I feel it? Why does it feel like Iâm seeing my own life from outside?â
You leaned in, your hand still lightly on his, even though he wasnât returning the touch. âBecause something happened,â you said quietly. âAnd we donât know why yet. But Iâm here. And weâll figure it out.â
He stared at you for a long time. Then whispered, âI feel like Iâm drowning.â You nodded, a tear falling as you brushed your thumb over his knuckles.
âSo am I.â Neteyam didnât pull away this time. He just looked at your hand on his, blinking back tears he didnât quite understand.
And Loâak, still kneeling beside you, kept holding your other hand, jaw tight, not speaking a word. You sat frozen, still holding your breath, your hand gently resting on his.
Neteyamâs gaze was on you â no longer searching, just⌠overwhelmed. His eyes were wide. Distant. Then, slowly, carefully, he pulled his hand away. It was a soft motion. Not cruel. Not forceful. But deliberate. Your heart cracked again. He pressed his palms flat to the mat, his shoulders hunched slightly as if he were curling in on himself, trying to make sense of a world that was too loud, too big, and far too unfamiliar.
You swallowed hard and pulled your hand back, fingers trembling in your lap. Neytiriâs face shifted, like something inside her folded in half. Loâakâs arm brushed yours. Subtle. Silent. âIâm sorry,â Neteyam said again, still staring down. âIâm not trying to hurt anyone. I justââ he shook his head, a quiet panic rising again in his voice. âIt doesnât feel real. None of this feels real.â
Jake stepped forward then, slow and calm, crouching near his son. âNeteyam, youâve been unconscious for a long time. Your body survived, but somethingâs wrong with your memory. You donât remember the reef. You donât remember what happened. And thatâs okay. Weâre gonna help you through it.â Neteyam barely nodded. He still wasnât looking at anyone. Only the floor. A small voice broke the stillness.
âNeteyam?â Everyone turned. Tuk. She had slipped through the gathered crowd, her steps careful and quiet. Her big golden eyes glistened with tears as she crept toward the mat, holding something in her arms â a small shell toy heâd carved years ago.
She knelt near him and offered it up with a little smile. âYou made this for me when I was little. Do you remember?â Neteyam looked up and froze. His brows furrowed hard, confusion blooming deep. His eyes roamed over her face, her frame, her tiny shaking hands. âIâŚâ he blinked. âI donât know you.â The silence snapped sharp. Tukâs smile faltered. Her lip quivered, and she clutched the shell tighter to her chest.
âIâm Tuk,â she whispered. âIâm your baby sister.â Neteyamâs face had gone pale again. âNo, Iâno. I have one sister. Kiri. Thatâs all. You werenât⌠there.â You could feel Neytiriâs body tense, just a breath away from crumbling. Tukâs chin wobbled. âBut I was. You used to braid my hair. You used to carry me everywhere when I was smallââ
âI donât remember,â Neteyam said, voice cracking. âI donât remember you. Iâm sorry, I donâtââ Tukâs face fell, and the shell slipped from her fingers. Kiri was already moving, sweeping her into her arms and pulling her away as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Tuk buried her face in Kiriâs neck and sobbed. Neteyam shut his eyes tight, pressing his palms to his forehead. âIâm sorry,â he whispered again. âI donât understand why everything hurts.â Your own tears blurred your vision as you watched him â not just lost but shattered inside his own mind.
Neteyamâs breath hitched again. He stared at the place Tuk had stood, hands still braced on the mat, knuckles pale. He didnât look at anyone now. He couldnât. And then, like a dam breaking everything scattered. Jake stood swiftly. âI need to call Norm and Max,â he said to no one and everyone, already stepping toward the sat phone near the far wall. âIf this is neurological, theyâll know what to look for.â
Ronal moved forward without a word, her face set in that unreadable TsahĂŹk calm. She knelt beside Neteyam and placed her hands lightly over his head and chest, lips murmuring prayers too soft to catch. Tsireya and Aoânung stepped back to give her room, their hands linked tightly. Tsireya looked like she might cry. You didnât move at first. You were still kneeling right where Neteyam had pulled away. Right where heâd looked at you and not known who you were.
It hit you then, all of it. The months of keeping it together. Of surviving. Of healing. Of pretending you could carry all this weight alone. It caved in without warning. Your breath snagged. Your hands trembled. And then you stood, barely feeling your legs move, and backed away. Slow. Silent. Like if you just got far enough away, maybe it wouldnât crush you.
You didnât stop until you reached the far side of the mauri, your back pressing against the woven wall. But your eyes never left him. You kept watching. As if sheer will could force his memories back. âMama?â The small voice broke you. Eylan was at your side, his little hand wrapping around yours, eyes wide with confusion. Likan toddled behind him, thumb in his mouth, clinging to your leg. You sank down, arms wrapping around both of them. And then Neytiri was there too.
She knelt on the floor beside you without a word and pulled you into her arms like she used to when you were young. When you scraped your knees or cried after fights with Neteyam. She knew her son needed her in this moment, but her daughter needed her more. You clung to her tightly, your face buried in her shoulder, trying not to sob.
âI donât know what to do,â you choked out, voice splintered. âI donât know how to help him. I canât lose him again. I canât.â She stroked your hair, arms strong around you. âYou havenât lost him, maâite. Heâs here. His heart still beats. You brought him back.â
âBut he doesnât know me,â you said. âHe doesnât remember⌠us.â And just behind you, Loâak kneeled his hand brushed your shoulder, grounding you. âIâm here too,â he said quietly. âYou are not alone.â You nodded, your eyes never leaving the figure across the room. Still staring at your mate. Your love. The father of your children. Still watching the way he looked around the mauri like he was on another planet.
The mat was still where it always was, yours and Neteyamâs. But it hadnât felt like his since the day he woke up. Now, it was you and the boys. Eylan curled into your chest, Likan wrapped around your leg, the baby in the woven basinet beside you, close enough to touch. Neteyam watched you from across the room, the firelight casting your silhouette in soft gold. You were quiet, always tired, always holding one child while keeping an eye on the others. Always doing something. And he⌠just watched.
He slept on a new mat, set up on the other side of the mauri. The distance felt necessary. That first night when heâd pulled away from youâwhen he saw Tuk and didnât recognize herâit was clear. He wasnât the same. He remembered his motherâs voice, his fatherâs hands, Loâakâs laugh, Kiriâs connection to the forest. But he didnât remember you as his wife. He didnât remember the baby, the boys. And Tukâshe wasnât even born in his memory either. The look in your eyes when heâd asked who you were, never left him.
Since then, the mauri had been a blur of movement. Jake had sent word to Norm and Max. Ronal checked on him every day. Tsireya and Aonung kept their distance, though Tsireyaâs eyes lingered sometimes when she looked at you. Kiri stayed close. Neytiri moved between you and Neteyam like she was split in half. Everyone tried to act like things were normal. They werenât.
You never asked Neteyam to come back to the mat. You let him choose. You never tried to force the baby into his arms. Never corrected the way he hesitated when Likan reached for him. But he noticed. He noticed everything. He saw how you carried it allâhow you shifted the baby with one arm while holding Likanâs hand, how you smoothed Eylanâs hair and soothed him to sleep while the others cried. You never asked for help, but you didnât need to. Loâak was always there.
Loâak, who shouldâve been carefree. Who shouldâve still been the younger brother. But Neteyam saw how he moved around you like heâd done this all before. Helped you wrap the sling for the baby. Tied the back knot without needing to look. Lifted the basket out of your way without being asked. Fed Likan. Braided Eylanâs hair. Caught you when your legs almost gave out. And it wasnât just helpfulâit was natural. Familiar. Too familiar.
One morning, Neteyam watched as Loâak pressed a hand to your back while you sat feeding the baby, whispering something that made you exhale a tired laugh. Your head dropped forward, and he gently lifted the hair from your face. The touch was soft. The kind of soft that made Neteyamâs stomach twist.
Later that day, you stumbled again as you were going to a fussy Likan, only for a second and Loâak was there, catching you before you hit the ground. His hands went to your waist. You gripped his arms to steady yourself, eyes meeting in silence.
Neteyam stood up. The room shifted, just slightly. Kiri paused. Neytiri looked up. âIâll do it,â Neteyam said, voice sharp. You turned, confused. Loâak blinked.
Neteyam crossed the space and reached for Likan, who had been fussing on the floor. His hands were unsure, but the moment Likan saw him, the toddlerâs arms lifted in recognition. Neteyam picked him up. Held him. He didnât even know if he was doing it right. But Likan laid his head against his chest and didnât move. It was the first time Neteyam held one of his children since waking up. Something cracked open.
That night, he watched you sleep again. Your body curled around the baby. Eylan sprawled out beside you. Likan using your leg as a pillow. You hadnât even noticed how your hand remained outstretched, resting on the basinet like you needed the baby within reach. You looked like a home. His home. But it felt like you were a thousand miles away.
Loâak came in quietly and crouched beside you. He brushed your hair back. Whispered something. You nodded. Neteyamâs jaw clenched. His fists curled in the blankets.
The next few days, Loâak pulled back. Let Neteyam help first. Watched from a distance more often than he acted. He never said anything about it. But Neteyam noticed that, too.
He noticed the quiet glances from Kiri when he didnât know how to soothe the baby. The way Neytiri held both you and Tuk in the mornings. The way Jakeâs eyes lingered on him with a mixture of guilt and sorrow. Everyone knew he was missing something. And they were waiting.
Neteyam was trying. Trying to remember. Trying to learn. But more than anything, he was trying to understand how he could forget you. How you could be his mate, and he couldnât feel it. How Loâak could touch you like that, help you like that, and somehow it didnât seem wrong to anyone, except him.
And still, the baby slept with her cheek to your chest. Likan wrapped his hand in your braids. Eylan reached for you when he woke crying.
Neteyam sat on the edge of the mat, stiff and quiet, watching his own hands like they werenât his. Max crouched in front of him, scanning a pad while Norm gently rotated a small light near his temple. Every time Neteyam blinked, it felt like he was waking into a world he didnât recognize.
You sat nearby, the baby still asleep in the shallow woven basket beside you. Eylan was curled into Loâakâs lap again, sucking on his thumb â not out of habit, but anxiety. Likan was sprawled across your thigh, little fingers tangled in the strings of your chest wrap.
âIâm going to ask you a few things, okay?â Norm said gently. âNo pressure. Just answer what you can.â Neteyam nodded slowly.,âWhatâs your name?â
âNeteyam te Suli Tsyeykâitan.â Norm smiled, âthatâs good,â encouraged. âAnd your parents?â Neteyam looked across the room at Jake and Neytiri. âMa saânok. Ma sempu.â
âDo you remember where you grew up?â
âThe forest. The Omatikaya clanâ He glanced around the reef mauri. âThis place is⌠new.â Max nodded. âYou came here during the war after the sky people returned. Thatâs okay you donât remember yet. What about your siblings?â
Neteyam hesitated. âLoâak⌠and Kiri. I remember them.â His brow furrowed. âBut that little oneââ he pointed at Tuk, who stood near Neytiri, peeking out from behind her legs. âI donât know her.â Tuk shrank back slightly, confused. Neytiri placed a protective hand on her head. âThatâs Tuk,â Jake said gently. âYour youngest sister.â
âI never met her,â Neteyam murmured, voice flat. You glanced down, heart sinking. Norm didnât let the pause linger. âAnd this woman?â He nodded toward you. âDo you remember her?â Neteyam looked at you for a long time.
âI know her name,â he said quietly. âI remember her from before. When we were little. She always followed me around.â You almost laughed at that, even through the ache. âBut after that⌠nothing,â he whispered.
âNeteyam,â Max spoke up, shifting tone. âYouâve lost all memory past a certain point in your life. Itâs not unusual in cases like this â trauma, brain swelling, lack of oxygen, comaâŚâ
âIâve been asleep for months?â Neteyam cut in, sharp as if to confirm it again. Jake stepped forward. âYes.â
âAnd youâre all just⌠what? Waiting for me to get up?â
âOf course we were,â Neytiri said softly. He rubbed at his chest like it ached. âBut I donât even remember learning how to fight. Or fly. Or the war. I donât remember being a husband or a fatherââ He stopped. Looked at the children.
âYouâre telling me theyâre mine, but I donât feel it.â Loâakâs jaw twitched. Tsireya stepped beside him. âItâs okay to feel lost.â
âIs it?â Neteyam shot back, and his tone was more edge than emotion. Silence crept through the mauri. You didnât move. You couldnât. Neteyam turned to his brother, eyes narrowing just slightly. âYouâve been helping. With⌠them.â His gaze flicked to you. âWhy?â Loâak blinked. âBecause she needed help.â
âYou seemed very close,â Neteyam said, voice careful. Loâak frowned. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
You stepped in finally, firm but calm. âIt means heâs scared. And confused. And this is all too much for everyone involved, especially him.â
Neteyam looked at you, jaw tense. âI just donât understand how Iâm gone for a few months, and suddenly I wake up and my little brother knows more about my life than I do.â
âThatâs not what happened NeteââLoâak stood, slowly setting Eylan down beside him cutting you off. âBro, none of us wanted this. I helped because I had to. Because I love you. You think this was easy for anyone?â
You stood too, placing a hand on Loâakâs arm before it escalated. âStop. Donât fight. Please.â Jakeâs voice was heavy. âWe all did what we had to.â
âIâm not even mad about it,â Neteyam muttered, running a hand over his face. âI probably should be but, I just feel like I woke up in someone elseâs life. A strangerâs life.â Neytiri moved to kneel at his side. âItâs not someone elseâs life, maâitan. Itâs yours. We will walk with you until you find it again.â
Tsireya leaned gently into Loâak, whispering something that calmed him. He exhaled hard, jaw clenching, but he nodded.
Max tapped something on his pad. âWeâll give you space. The best thing now might be small pieces. Familiar things. Let him be around his family. Let him feel things before he tries to remember them. Just live, hopefully memories will resurface during daily activities which normally happens in cases like these.â
You looked down at your children. Eylan was clinging to Loâakâs hand. Likan was staring at Neteyam like he didnât understand why his papa didnât scoop him up. And your daughter, curled in her basket, let out a tiny sigh in her sleep. A sound Neteyam once swore was the best thing heâd ever heard when you had the boys. But he didnât even flinch this time. And you had no idea how to begin again.
The next few months were both careful and chaotic â a balance of heartbreak and fragile hope, as life moved forward with Neteyam awake but not truly returned. You tried not to mourn what you lost. He was alive. Breathing. Laughing sometimes. But he wasnât yours, not in the way he used to be.
At first, it was small things. Kiri brought out the old woven toys they used to play with as kids. She laughed when Neteyam remembered the names they gave them â âthatâs Oâupey, the angry monkey-bird,â he muttered one day, blinking in surprise at the memory. Tuk was still shy, unsure how to be with a brother who didnât know her. But eventually, she began sneaking beside him during mealtimes, nudging his arm with her shoulder until he smiled down at her and shared his fruit.
Loâak kept his distance for a few days after that first confrontation, letting space settle between you all. But he never strayed far from the kids. Eylan still ran to him when he scraped his knee. Likan still tugged on his braid when he was sleepy. Neteyam watched this from the edge of the room, always quiet.
Neteyam had moved into a separate space near the edge of the Sully mauri which was next to the one you both shared in the previous years. He couldnât sleep beside you, not with the weight of your shared history heavy on a mind that couldnât recall it. So, the boys stayed with you, and the baby girl in the woven basket slept at your side. Neytiri helped every night, whispering lullabies and staying close when your arms trembled from exhaustion.
Jake took it hardest in the quiet moments. His son was there, walking beside him, training again slowly, and yet the bond between them was stunted. Neteyam asked him once if heâd been a good warrior, and Jake nearly broke, but he told him how proud he was, how much of a good person, son, warrior, husband and father heâd always been.
âHe was the best,â he told Max later, voice rough. âHe died trying to save us. And now he doesnât even remember what he was saving.â
You and Neteyam began spending time together carefully. Norm had suggested building new memories to replace the missing ones. So, you started showing him the forest again â not the one youâd grown up in, but the edge of it, where vines crept low and fruit hung from branches. You told him the story of how you first met.
âYou were three, just turned three and I was two years old. I was sitting in the village, and you came up to me and sat down and shared your fruit with me.â you said one day, crouched in the sand beside the mangroves. âAnd you just sat there with me eating the little piece of fruit you kept for yourself and after that we justâŚstay together.â He smiled, barely. âSounds sweet.â
âIt was,â you whispered, âand so was the fruit, I knew cause as we got older you never ate fruit that wasnât overly ripe. It was always the sweetest u could find.â Neteyam didnât argue. But he kept his soft smile until it faded.
Tsireya was gentle with him, like she always had been. She reminded him of reef customs, reintroduced him to Aonung, and brought him on swims through familiar coral paths. There was never judgment in her voice â only patience. You saw her watching him when he wasnât looking. Once, you caught her eyes drift to you, and in that silence between you, there was no rivalry. Just pain shared in quiet solidarity.
Loâak helped where he could, but he never overstepped again. Not in front of Neteyam. Not anymore. But you felt it sometimes â the way Neteyam watched him carry Likan, or braid Eylanâs hair while you nursed the baby. It wasnât jealousy, not fully. It was a wound. A gap in time that didnât make sense.
One night, after a long day helping with repairs near the reef line, Neteyam lingered outside your mauri. You were inside, humming softly as you tried to get the baby down. He didnât enter. But his voice drifted through the curtain: âWhatâs her name?â
You froze. You stepped toward the flap, lifting it slowly. âWe havenât named her yet,â you said. âNot fully. We were waitingâ
He blinked. âWhy?â Your voice cracked. âBecause I choose too many names because there are a lot of pretty ones, and you are the one that normally has the final say.â He didnât say anything. But he didnât leave either.
Kiri was the first one to make him laugh again. She dragged him to the beach with a basket full of sea slugs and made him chase Likan, who had stolen one and was screeching with joy. When Likan fell in the shallows, Neteyam picked him up instinctively â and for one heartbeat, it felt like the past.
But when Likan called him âsempu,â Neteyam stiffened. âHe thinks Iâm someone Iâm not,â he told you later âNo,â you said quietly. âHe thinks youâre you. His father. And he is not wrong.â
One afternoon, the sun had barely started to dip beneath the waves when Tsireya brought Neteyam down to the shallows again. Loâak followed without a word, as if he didnât want to leave his brother alone, to keep him safe. It had become a quiet ritual, easing Neteyam into the life heâd forgotten. He was polite. Curious. Observant. And completely unaware of the landmines his presence was walking over.
The beach was half-crowded with young hunters cleaning their weapons and tending to their gear. Laughter floated above the gentle surf. âNeteyam?â Soft, like a breeze. He turned, and so did Tsireya and Loâak.
Lina stepped out from a cluster of others, a gentle smile pulling at her lips. Her eyes were kind, the curve of her voice never sharp. She was tall and pretty, wet curls cascading down her back, bow slung across her back, fingers stained with oil from cleaning arrowheads. Neteyam tilted his head. âHave we met?â
âYes,â she said gently, approaching but still giving him space. âWe used to train together. Before⌠everything.â He squinted, curious. âI donât remember.â
âThatâs okay,â she replied, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. âYou used to say you could outswim me. You never could.â He blinked, then laughed â and it was so easy. Like he didnât have the weight of a family he couldnât remember pressed into his chest. Like something about her didnât require effort. âI doubt that,â he said, smiling full now. âYou donât look like you swim very fast.â
She blushed faintly and laughed. âYou said I was faster than you once. But you also said I cheated.â
âMaybe I did,â he said, eyes twinkling a bit too long on her face. âSounds like something Iâd say.â Loâakâs brows lowered slightly. Tsireya shifted beside him, her hand sliding into his as if instinctually â as if to ground herself. Lina lowered her eyes a moment. âYou helped me build my bow. Back when my brother broke mine. You carved a seashell on the handle for me.â Neteyam looked down at the bow on her back, then back at her. âI did that?â
âYou said it reminded you of a sunrise.â There was a pause. His smile softened. âIâd like to see that sunrise again.â Loâakâs jaw slackened, his brother had always been smooth, but heâd only ever seen Neteyam really show interest in you. Tsireya sucked in a slow breath, eyes flicking toward her mate in quiet concern. They exchanged a look â full of too much they couldnât say out loud. Not here. Not now.
âYou⌠want to walk the shore?â Lina offered shyly, motioning toward the far end where the cliffs curved. And Neteyam nodded. âI think I do.â The two of them wandered off, feet kicking through the foam. Tsireya turned to Loâak. âWe need to say something.â His face was carved from stone. âNot yet,â he said, voice quiet. âSheâs been through too much already.â
âSheâll notice eventually.â He nodded, jaw tight. âThen weâll tell her eventually.â But neither of them moved. They just stood there, watching their brother disappear further down the sand â toward someone he never remembered, but now seemed to see more clearly than the people whoâd loved him all his life.
It was another sleepless night. It had been a couple of weeks now since Neteyam woke up and he was no where to be found. The baby had been fussing for hours, her soft cries escalating into breathless wails. Likan stirred again, kicking off his woven blanket, eyes puffy with confusion and frustration. Eylan was curled on his side but not asleep, thumb tucked against his lips the way he hadnât done in years. He didnât cry anymore, he just stared at the wall and sniffled, quiet in that way that made your heart twist.
You were pacing again. Rocking the baby against your chest, bouncing on tired feet, muttering soothing nonsense into her ear. You hadnât eaten much. You hadnât really sat down. You hadnât even noticed the blood on your lower back where the wrap had pulled too tight across your healing skin. The strain of childbirth, the strain of grief, the loneliness of loving someone who didnât know you anymore â it had started to show.
And no one had said it aloud, but the mat felt emptier now than when Neteyam had been unconscious. Because now he wasnât there, and you were alone.
The family tried, they did, Neytiri and Kiri checked in. Jake held Likan when he screamed for his father. Tsireya helped brush Eylanâs hair when he refused to do it himself. But they were pulled thin. And Loâak had pulled away.
You had noticed it a few nights ago, when you turned in desperation to ask him for help reaching the water jug, and he pretended not to hear you. When the boys cried for him and he sent Tuk instead. You hadnât said anything then. Maybe you thought it would pass or that youâd just figure it out.
But tonight, the pressure snapped. The baby wouldnât settle. You were shaking. Likan started crying. Again. And your hands were trembling so bad the cup of water you tried to pour spilled across the floor. And thatâs when Loâak walked in.
You didnât even hear him at first â just saw his shadow, crouched beside Eylan, checking on him. The soft whisper of âHey, buddy,â as he tucked the boyâs arm back under the blanket. Then he turned and saw you.
You were standing near the mat, the baby clutched to your chest, your whole body strung tight. Likan was crying in the corner, and you didnât even know what to do anymore â hold him? Put her down? Lie on the ground and cry with them? You blinked at Loâak like he wasnât real. And when he reached to take the baby from your arms, something snapped.
âNo.â He paused, arms mid-stretch. âWhat?â
âYou donât get to come in when itâs convenient for you.â Your voice cracked. âIâve been here. Alone. You were supposed to help me. You always did.âLoâakâs jaw locked. âI thought with Neteyamââ
âWell, Neteyam is gone!â you hissed, too loud, the baby jerking in your grip. You rocked her faster, whispering apologies, tears burning behind your eyes. âHeâs not dead but heâs gone, and I am so tired, Loâak. Iâm tired of holding this family together with spit and prayers.â
âI didnât know you wanted my help anymore.â
âI didnât want to need it anymore!â Silence stretched. You were shaking. Loâak took a slow step closer. âHeâs my brother,â he said, quietly. âAnd I thought⌠if I stepped back, maybe it would be easier. For everyone.â
âItâs not.â You looked up at him, eyes glassy and dark. âI didnât ask for this. And I didnât expect you to fix it. But you were the one who was there. You were the one who held me when she was born. And I know, I know Iâm asking a lot of you, and I know these kids arenât your responsibility, but I need help sometimes.â Loâak flinched.
The baby finally drifted into exhausted sleep. You sank to your knees beside Likan, curling him against your chest as best you could. Loâak just stood there, like he didnât know if he should stay or go. âIâm sorry,â he said. âI thought Neteyam would come back and remember how to be everything you needed.â You didnât look at him. Just whispered: âMe too.â
He knelt down beside you then, hands hovering before gently reaching for Likan, taking him from your arms. The toddlerâs sobs stilled a little against Loâakâs shoulder.
âYou should rest,â he murmured. âIâll stay tonight.â You didnât thank him. Not with words. But you leaned into him â just slightly â and he stayed there. Holding your child, watching you sleep with the baby curled in one of your arms. The other reaching for Eylan to try easing him to sleep. But no one said the thing hanging in the air between you. That he wasnât the one who was supposed to be there. That he shouldnât have had to fill the space his brother left behind.
Neteyam stayed close. His mauri was just a few steps from yours â the one you used to share â and right next to his parentsâ. Close enough to hear the baby cry at night. Close enough to sometimes catch the scent of your cooking drift over in the mornings. Close enough that the boys could wander to his mat and sit nearby, even if he didnât fully understand why it made his chest tighten when they did. But he never stepped inside.
Even as the weeks passed and his strength returned, Neteyam never once crossed that threshold. Not even when he watched you from the corner of his eye, swaying the baby back to sleep just outside. Not when Eylan called out âSaânok, saânok! Look!â while holding up a fish Loâak helped him catch. Not even when Likan would wander over, curious and bold, standing at the edge of Neteyamâs sleeping space before being gently redirected by Kiri or Neytiri.
He stayed in the in-between. And Loâak, for all his own complicated grief, never once gave up on him. He came by almost every day. Sometimes with food. Sometimes with little tools or handmade knives â âYou used to like this,â heâd say casually. Other times, he just sat, throwing pebbles at the sand as Neteyam stared at the sky. âYou talk less than you used to,â Loâak muttered one day, nudging him. âYou used to talk a lot. Mostly telling me I was being dumb.â
Neteyam gave a faint, crooked smile. âThat still sounds accurate.â It was moments like that flickers, glimpses, that made Loâak hopeful.
But then there was Lina. Sheâd been there from the beginning, one of the few Metkayina Neteyam didnât look at with the uncomfortable weight of âI should know you.â Because he didnât. Not really. Not in memory. So, it was easier.
Easier to walk with her on the shore after a long day. Easier to practice knife-throwing with her and not feel like a failure when he missed. Sheâd laugh gently, encourage him, sometimes place her hand over his to guide the movement. She smelled like sea salt and wind. Spoke softly. Never stared at his scars. Loâak noticed it all.
He didnât mention it but, he didnât stop it either. But he started watching more closely. Not out of jealousy â no, not that. It was something closer to protection. For you. For the boys. For a version of his brother that Loâak still believed was inside there somewhere. And the strange thing was, Neteyam wasnât doing anything wrong. He wasnât cruel. He wasnât trying to replace anyone. He was just lost. And Lina, with her easy calm and open eyes, was the only place that didnât make him feel like he was failing someone just by existing.
Meanwhile, the nights for you stretched long and raw. The baby cried more now. Maybe she felt it â her father just a few paces away, but never close. Eylan had grown quieter, his eyes constantly drifting toward his fatherâs silhouette. Likan had taken to curling into your side and not letting go, even in sleep.
The family helped where they could. Neytiri especially â splitting her time between you and Neteyam, her heart torn in half. But no matter how many hands helped, you were still up at night. Still aching. And Neteyam was still outside, just beyond the flap of the mauri. Awake. Watching the stars. Not knowing why they felt lonelier than before.
One day the boys were laughing as they chased one another along the shore, their feet kicking up puffs of white sand. You watched them with tired eyes from just outside the mauri, the baby restless in your arms.
She was crying again â not a loud, piercing wail, just that miserable, fussy sound that always came in waves when she couldnât seem to settle. Youâd walked her, rocked her, hummed and whispered to her until your throat ached. Nothing helped today. You bounced her gently, pressing a kiss to her damp cheek. âI know, sweet girl. I know.â
Behind you, there was a shift in the air. You turned your head just slightly â and found Neteyam standing there. He wasnât close. Just at the edge of the clearing, half in shadow, watching with unreadable eyes. He hesitated. âI can take her,â he said finally, voice low and unsure. âIf⌠if you want.â
Your heart gave a soft, startled flutter. You straightened slowly, blinking at him. âYou donât have to,â you murmured. âI know,â he said. âBut I want to.â You looked down at the baby in your arms. She was still fussing, fists clenched, brow furrowed like the whole world was wrong. She didnât know her father had never held her. Didnât know heâd been sleeping when she was born. Didnât know he didnât remember her at all. But somehow⌠maybe she felt it.
You stood carefully and stepped toward him. Your arms trembled a bit â not from fear, just the weight of the moment. You cradled her close a second longer, then gently passed her over. He took her like she was made of glass. The way his hands moved â cautious, reverent. His whole body stilled as she settled into the crook of his arm. She squirmed at first, then let out a small, sighing cry⌠And stilled. He looked down at her. Then up at you. âShe looks like me,â he said quietly.
You nodded. âShe does.â âI never held her before now?â he asked. âNo,â you whispered. âYou havenât really.â He looked away, shame flickering across his face. But the baby â your baby â made a soft, curious coo and blinked up at him with slow, sleepy eyes. His mouth parted, stunned. âI donât remember her,â he said. âBut I feel like I should.â You reached out gently, fingers brushing his arm. âYou donât have to force anything. Youâre holding her. Thatâs enough.â
He looked at you â really looked â then back down at her. âWhatâs her name?â he asked. You exhaled slowly. âShe doesnât have one yet. I⌠I couldnât pick. I tried. But I couldnât.â He looked at you again, a strange mix of emotion tightening his brow. âYou said I used to choose.â You nodded. âAlways. I would give you too many names. I could never make up my mind, and youâd just⌠decide. Like you already knew.â His eyes fell back to her, the tiniest crease forming between his brows. âDo you have names now?â he asked. You swallowed. âThree.â
He waited. âSahri. Eiweya. Kiriya.â He mouthed them silently. Then, softer than breath â âKiriya.â You blinked. âThat one,â he said. âShe feels like that.â She shifted in his arms, letting out a tiny sigh before nestling her head beneath his chin. You stared at them, heart thudding, something breaking and stitching together all at once. âKiriya,â you echoed. âThen thatâs her name.â He didnât say anything else. But he didnât hand her back either.
The beach wind had quieted, the tide soft at your feet. Kiriyaâs cries had faded into soft snuffles as she dozed in Neteyamâs arms. Her tiny hand rested against his chest; her brow furrowed even in sleep â just like his.
You were watching Eylan and Likan build crooked towers of shells in the sand when Neteyam glanced over at you. âI should bring her in,â he said. You turned to him slowly, heart tapping at your ribs. âWill you stay? For dinner?â He didnât answer right away. His eyes flicked back to the baby. âDo you want me to?â You blinked, caught off guard by the question. âOf course,â you said. âThe boys would love that.â Neteyam gave a tiny nod, shifting the baby carefully. âOkay.â
At the mauri, the scent of roasted yovo drifted over fresh leaves and warm stones. Neytiri and Jake were already sitting, Tuk bouncing between them with a carved spoon in each hand. Ronal and Tsireya moved around the fire, while Kiri passed plates to everyone. Loâak was sitting cross-legged, peeling fruit with his knife and chatting with Aoânung.
He looked up when he heard your voice first â then saw who was walking beside you. His eyes widened slightly. Neteyam holding the baby. Loâak stood up halfway, his fruit forgotten. A grin broke across his face before he could stop it. âBro.â His voice cracked. Neteyam paused, shifting under the attention. âShe was crying,â he said stiffly. âI was just⌠holding her.â Neytiri was already clearing a space near her side. âCome. Sit.â Loâak backed up, still smiling, as you and Neteyam stepped into the circle. You caught the warmth in his eyes â not surprise. Relief. Eylan barreled past you, nearly knocking over a bowl. âSheâs still sleeping?â
âStill,â Neteyam said. Likan scrambled onto your lap, thumb in his mouth, then reached toward his baby sister. âDada hold her,â he whispered, proud. âShe sleep wike a bug,â he added, pressing his hand over his cheek to mimic her squish. Neteyam smiled â a real one. Quick and uncertain, but real. Loâak sank down beside him, nudging Eylan aside just enough to pass him a plate. âYou gonna eat or just be the baby chair tonight?â Neteyam snorted. âThink sheâs claimed me.â
âGood,â Loâak said. âShe deserves it. So do you.â You looked over at him, and he gave you a small wink â not smug, just glad. Like something inside him had finally relaxed. Dinner passed in slow waves â small bites, soft laughter, cautious conversation. Kiri watched you like a mother pent up with hope. Tsireya offered seconds. And when Kiriya stirred, Neteyam didnât pass her off right away. He held her close, tracing the fine wisps of hair over her temple. You didnât say anything. But when he looked at you and said softly, âI like the name,â it almost broke you. âMe too.â
Afterward, when the children had eaten their fill and begun nodding off against each other, Loâak helped clean up. He passed behind you and murmured low near your ear: âHeâs trying. I see it.â You looked back at him. âAnd Iâm glad,â he added with a grin. âYou look lighter tonight.â You pressed your fingers to your lips, almost in disbelief. So did he. Because for the first time in many weeks, you all sat under the stars together. And Neteyam stayed.
Over the next several days, Neteyam had been around sometimes, other times disappearing off to somewhere in the reef. You honestly didnât think much about it, having your hands full with the children kept your mind occupied, and ever since the night he had dinner things have been better between you, or thatâs what you thought anyways. You had no idea he was off bonding with another woman.
The first time, they were hunting along the reef ledge. Lina was leading him through narrow tunnels in the coral, glancing over her shoulder to smirk at him every few paces. âYouâre too slow,â she calls over the bubbling tide. Neteyam grins, swimming harder to catch up. âIâm letting you win.â
âOh?â she tilts her head, treading water as he nears. âYou always this generous, or just with me?â He chuckles â canât help it â and bumps her gently with his shoulder. She bumps him back.
The second time, they were drying gear near the rocks. Linaâs hair is loose, still dripping, skin shining with salt and sun. She reaches out to adjust the strap of his sling.
âStill too tight,â she mutters, tugging it just slightly. âYouâll bruise yourself.â His hand brushes hers. âWhat would I do without you?â
âStarve. Or bleed out,â she says, looking up at him through her lashes. Neteyam bites the inside of his cheek to hide a grin.
The third time, he finds her sitting on a flat stone, braiding thin strips of shell into a necklace. âThat for me?â he asks, flopping down beside her, deliberately brushing her leg with his tail. She laughs, doesnât move away. âYou wish.â He leans on one arm. âWhat if I do?â She goes still â just for a second â then smiles again. âThen maybe Iâll make you one. If you catch a bigger fish than me tomorrow.â
âEasy.â
âYou talk too much.â
âYou like it.â She says nothing â but she doesnât argue.
The fourth time, they were in the shallows, dusk falling in golden streaks across the ocean. She splashes him lightly, then darts away with a laugh. He chases, catches her wrist under the water, and spins her in a circle. Their laughter echoes against the reef wall. âYouâre impossible,â he says, chest heaving. âYouâre slow.â
âI let you go.â
âLiar.â He pulls her close again â just slightly â hand on her arm, holding her steady. She doesnât pull away. âYou gonna let go?â she whispers. He hesitates.
And thatâs when they hear it. A sharp inhale. Both of them turn â and Tsireya is standing at the edge of the sandbank, staring. She wasnât meant to find them here. Not this close. Not this comfortable. Her eyes flick between their bodies â wet, pressed too close, laughter still fading in the air. Lina steps back instantly and Neteyamâs hand drops. Tsireyaâs voice is tight. âLoâakâs been looking for you.â He doesnât answer so she turns and walks away.
That evening when the tide had rolled in, moonlight catching on the crests as the reef swayed in rhythm. Most of the village had gone quiet â the firelight around the Sully mauri low and flickering. Tsireya found Loâak by the far edge of the reef, feeding dried root to an ilu calf. His hair was damp, eyes tired. She didnât speak at first. Just stood there, jaw tight.
Loâak glanced up. âHey,â he offered, but her expression stopped him cold âWhat?â
âI saw them again.â He frowned. âWho?â
âNeteyam. And Lina.â Loâakâs shoulders dropped. âYeah, I figuredââ
âNo,â she said sharply. âYou donât understand. This isnât just awkward flirting anymore.â
She stepped closer, voice barely above a whisper. âShe touched his chest today and he was touching her arm. Laughed like it was nothing. Then leaned into him likeâlike she wanted him to notice. And he did.â Loâak looked away, jaw clenching.
âShe doesnât care,â Tsireya hissed. âShe knows. She knows heâs married. She knows you all told him. She knows he has children. And she still looks at him like that.â
âNeteyam doesnât rememberââ
âThat doesnât excuse her.â Loâak shook his head. âI donât think he sees it the way we do.â Tsireya didnât back off. âHe doesnât have to know everything to feel whatâs right. Something in him should know. That kind of bond doesnât disappear just because you forgot a name.â
âHeâs not the same,â Loâak muttered. âNot yet.â
âAnd sheâs taking advantage of that,â Tsireya snapped. Silence hung between them, thick as sea fog. âI didnât tell her,â She said quietly. âI didnât say a word. But I swear, Loâak⌠if Lina puts her hands on him again like that, I will.â He exhaled slowly. âDonât.â
âWhy not?â
âBecause sheâs already breaking,â he said, voice strained. âEvery day sheâs holding it together for those kids, for the family. You think watching him forget her wasnât bad enough?â Tsireyaâs eyes softened.
âShe finally got him to hold the baby,â Loâak added. âNamed her with him. The day they sat and ate with the family. First time in months. It was right before that.â Her voice dropped to a whisper. âThen why is he out there with her?â
âI donât know,â Loâak admitted, eyes glistening. âBut I canât be the one to break her.â Tsireya nodded once, quietly. âThen Iâll wait. But not forever.â Loâak stared at the stars, wondering how long he could keep pretending nothing was burning.
Neteyam sat on the warm stone, legs stretched, hands braced behind him as the waves lapped close. Lina was beside him, knees drawn up, the curve of her smile impossibly soft in the golden light. âYour shoulders tense again,â she murmured, scooting closer.
He didnât stop her when her fingers brushed along his shoulder. âI think you like touching me,â he said, not quite teasing, not quite serious. Lina laughed under her breath. âMaybe. Youâre not stopping me.â He turned to look at her â really look.
âYouâre not like the others,â he said slowly. âEveryone stares at me like Iâm supposed to be someone they remember. You just⌠let me be who I am now.â
âYou donât owe anyone a past you canât remember,â she whispered.
âYou donât even ask questions.â
âI already know the answers that matter,â she smiled. âI like you.â
He blinked. âYou donât care that Iâmââ
âMarried?â she finished, almost playfully. âYou donât remember that. Itâs not the same.â There was a pause. A long, heavy pause.
âIâm stillââ he started, then faltered. âSheâs kind. Patient. But itâs like Iâm supposed to feel something I donât.â
âYou donât have to explain anything to me,â Lina said, brushing her fingers along the side of his jaw. âYou just⌠feel this. Now.â And then she kissed him. Not a short, confused kiss. Not unsure. This was deliberate. Gentle, but real. And Neteyamâhe didnât pull away, not right away. His hands twitched against the rock. When he did break it, it was breathless, conflicted. âLinaââ She smiled. âYou can stop me next time. If you want.â
Behind a rock ledge just above them, Neytiri stood frozen. She had come looking. Something in her heart told her something was wrong. And what she heard broke her completely. Every word. âYou just feel this. Now.â The kiss. She almost called him out. Almost walked forward and made her presence known. But she didnât. She couldnât. Not when her son â her eldest â the one she buried her soul into, kissed another woman while his mate rocked their baby just a few steps away in the village. Neytiri backed away, breath trembling, hand pressed hard against her chest. She didnât speak. But something inside her, something sacred, began to unravel. Not for herself, but for you.
The night air was still and thick with the hum of distant ocean wind. Only the crackle of low embers broke the silence inside the Sully mauri. Neytiri sat by the hearth, her body unmoving, eyes fixed on the firelight flickering across her knuckles.
Jake entered quietly, wiping his hands with a cloth after helping Kiri settle Eylan and Likan into their sleeping mat while you tended to Kiriya. âYouâve been quiet all night,â he said, crouching beside her. Neytiri didnât look at him. Her voice, when it came, was soft but cut with steel. âI saw them.â Jakeâs brow furrowed. âWho?â Her jaw clenched. âNeteyam. And the girl.â He sat down slowly, feeling the air shift. âWhat girl?â Neytiri nodded once. âThat Lina girlâ Two nights ago. I followed him. I wanted to be sure.â
Jakeâs voice dropped. âWhat did you see?â Her eyes lifted to meet his, burning. âThey were kissing. Her hand was on his jaw. He did not stop her.â
Jake swore under his breath, rubbing his temples. âShit.â Behind the thin woven wall, there was a scuffle of movement. Someone breathing too loudly. Too sharply. Neytiriâs ears twitched. A moment passed before Loâak stepped into the light, arms at his sides, face drawn in guilt. Tsireya stood behind him, hands knotted in front of her, not meeting anyoneâs eyes.
âI know,â Loâak said before either parent could ask. âIâve known.â Neytiri rose slowly to her feet. âHow long?â Loâak held up a hand. âIâve known for a while. Since before he even held the baby. I saw them. First just talking, then⌠more. Since he started to go to the tide pools the hunters hand out by.â
Jakeâs eyes narrowed. âAnd you didnât think to say anything?â
âI didnât know how,â Loâak admitted. âSheâs already barely holding things together. Sheâs feeding the baby alone. Putting the boys to bed. Waiting on him to come home. And I justââ
âYou should have told us,â Neytiri snapped. âI thought heâd come around,â Loâak said, voice cracking. âI thought once he saw her â really saw her â saw the kids â it would all fall into place. I thought the memory flashes were working.â Jakeâs jaw worked. âBut he kept going back to Lina.â Loâak nodded. âHe kept going back I guess.â Neytiriâs voice was trembling now. âAnd you let her believe he was trying.â
âI didnât want to be the one to break her,â Loâak whispered. âShe still believes in him.â Tsireya finally spoke, quiet but firm. âLoâak and I first saw them. I told him we should say something, but he said it wasnât time.â
Neytiri turned away, her fists clenched. âHe kissed another woman. While his mate waits. While she takes care of those babies alone.â
Jake stood slowly, running both hands down his face. âWe need to talk to him.â Loâak looked up quickly. âNot yet. Please. Heâs remembering. Not all of it, but enough that I think heâs confused. Let me talk to him first.â
Neytiriâs eyes narrowed. âAnd if he touches her again?â Jake answered this time, voice cold and low. âThen itâs no longer confusion. Itâs a choice.â The word no one said was still thick in the air. And none of them could bear to imagine the moment you would find out.
The sky was dark, save for a stretch of stars reflected on the surface of the sea. Small waves lapped at the sand as Neteyam stood alone, arms folded, staring out at the horizon. His back was to the village, but he hadnât gone far â not really. He could still hear the soft calls of nocturnal birds, the echo of distant laughter, the crackling of fires. Loâak found him there.
He didnât say anything at first. Just stepped up beside his brother, letting the silence linger. The two stood shoulder to shoulder, the sea wind tossing their braids gently. Neteyam spoke first, barely above a murmur. âDid they send you?â Loâak shook his head. âNo. I came on my own.â Neteyamâs jaw tightened. âI already know what this is about.â Loâak sighed. âThen that makes it easier.â A long pause. Then, quietly: âI saw you with her, bro.â Neteyam flinched, but didnât turn. âYouâve been spying on me?â
âNo,â Loâak said softly. âJust looking out. For her. For the kids.â Neteyam finally looked at him, eyes conflicted, searching. âItâs not like that.â
âYou kissed her,â Loâak replied, not harshly, just stating fact. âAnd youâve been sneaking off for weeks.â Neteyamâs mouth opened, but no words came. Loâak shook his head slowly. âIâm not here to yell at you,â he said. âIâm not our dad. Iâm your brother.â
He hesitated, then added, âAnd Iâm hers too. Not by blood â but I helped catch your daughter when you were unconscious. Iâve held your sons when they cried for you. Iâve seen the way she looks at you like you hung the stars.â Neteyamâs eyes shimmered with something â regret, maybe, or confusion. âI donât know whatâs happening in your head,â Loâak said, voice low. âI know this memory thing is eating you up. I know youâre not the same. But that doesnât mean you get to break her in silence.â
âI didnât mean to hurt her,â Neteyam said. âBut you are,â Loâak whispered. âEvery time you donât come home. Every time she lies to the boys and says youâre busy, or training. Every time she feeds the baby alone. And she wonât ask you to stay, she has no idea. Sheâll wait for you to come to her.â
Neteyam turned his face away. âShe thinks youâre getting better,â Loâak went on. âShe thinks youâre coming back to her. And you are, sometimes. That night on the tablet, when you smiled at her. You felt like you. Thatâs whatâs killing her. She hopes.â Loâak paused, then said gently, âIs it Lina?â Neteyam didnât answer. âSheâs not your mate,â Loâak said, still calm. âShe doesnât know your sonsâ lullabies. She didnât carry your child. She didnât sit at your side when you were dying.â Neteyam closed his eyes. His voice was a whisper. âI know.â
Loâak looked at him with something like grief. âThen why are you still going to her?â The silence hung, heavy and raw. âI donât know,â Neteyam said. âSheâs⌠easy. I donât have to feel like Iâm failing when Iâm with her.â Loâakâs eyes darkened. âShe doesnât ask you to remember.â
Neteyam nodded. âShe doesnât look at me like sheâs waiting to find the old me.â Loâak stepped closer. âShe doesnât know the old you. We do. And she does.â Neteyam looked at him, chest tight. âWhat if I never remember everything?â
âThen you start from where you are,â Loâak said. âBut you donât build something new while sheâs still holding the pieces you left behind.â Neteyam turned away again, swallowing hard. Loâak let the words sit. He didnât demand. He didnât lecture. Just before he walked away, he added one last thing, soft as dusk. âYou were always the one I looked up to. The steady one. The protector.â He paused. âIf you canât remember it from your own memory, remember it came from me.â And then he left his brother alone with the stars.
Itâs the next morning. Youâre up early with the baby, trying to braid Eylanâs hair while Likan chews on a toy. Neteyam returns from the beach. His shoulders are tense. His steps are slow. You smile when you see him. âHey,â you say softly. âWe missed you at breakfast.â He hesitates. Then: âCan we talk?â Your stomach drops. You hand Eylan the comb and step outside with him, the light warm on your skin.
He doesnât look at you when he speaks. âI⌠I need some time. To think. To breathe. Things are getting clearer but⌠itâs a lot. Being here. With you. With the kids. With the pressure to feel everything Iâm supposed to feel.â You go quiet. His words twist in your chest. âYou donât feel anything?â
He shakes his head quickly. âNoâ I do. I think I do. But I donât know whatâs real and whatâs me wanting it to be real. Last night felt⌠good. You felt safe. Familiar. But then I woke up this morning andâŚâ His hands clench. âI was terrified again. Of losing myself to a life I donât remember.â You swallow hard. âSo, you want space.â He nods. You nod too, but your lips tremble. âOkay.â
âItâs not forever,â he says, voice low. âI just need to understand who I am⌠on my own.â You force a small smile. âOf course. Take the time you need.â But when he leaves, heading toward the far edge of the village â you donât know heâs going to see Lina.
youâre left standing outside the mauri with the wind in your hair and a silent ache blooming beneath your ribs. And for a long moment⌠you just stand there. Because what are you supposed to do? Chase after him? Beg him to stay? Demand an explanation he doesnât even understand himself? No. You go back inside. You wipe your eyes before the kids see.
The sun had barely risen when he walked away. Soft golden light slanted through the mangrove roots, stretching long shadows over the damp earth. The village was still, caught in that in-between hush before the day began â birds just beginning to chirp, ocean breeze barely rustling the fronds above.
Inside, the air was warm and faintly sweet from the firepitâs embers. The kids were already stirring. Kiriya had begun to fuss softly in her basket, tiny fists working against the woven cloth around her. Eylan sat nearby, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm and yawning loudly â a tangle of half-finished braids still jutting out at strange angles. Likan lay sprawled on his belly, drooling into a woven mat and humming something tuneless to himself. You didnât feel ready. But ready or not â you were their world. And you were not going to let them see you fall. Youâve already let them down too much as it is.
You moved on instinct. You knelt first beside Kiriya, scooping her into your arms with the ease of a mother whoâd done this a thousand times, even if it still ached in your chest. She whimpered once before latching against your breast, and the tension in her small body melted almost instantly. You rocked gently, her soft suckling grounding you. âThatâs it, my little star,â you whispered, brushing your nose against her temple. âEat well. Youâve got a big day ahead.â
âIs it done?â Eylanâs voice broke into the silence, scratchy and young. âMy braids?â You turned your head to him, gave a soft smile. âNot yet. Come here.â He scooted over eagerly, plopping himself down in front of you with crossed legs. âYou stopped braiding it,â he said, not accusing â just observing. âI know,â you murmured. âMama needed a moment. But Iâm here now.â
You finished nursing Kiriya and shifted her gently to your shoulder. With one hand, you resumed braiding Eylanâs hair, fingers nimble even with your youngest curled against you, slowly drifting back to sleep. His hair was thick, like his fatherâs, and slightly wild â stubborn strands that always slipped from your grip. But you were patient. You always had been. Likan toddled over next, dragging his woven bird toy, his eyes still puffy with sleep. âHungry,â he mumbled, pressing his face to your knee. You leaned down and kissed the top of his head. âSoon, baby boy. Let Mama finish your brotherâs hair.â
âI help?â he asked, pointing at the pile of fruit. You chuckled. âYou can hand me the yovo, hmm?â He nodded proudly and waddled off on his mission. By the time you finished Eylanâs last braid and tied it off, Kiriya was burping sleepily against your shoulder and Likan had managed to bring back half a yovo fruit, teeth already sunk into it. You couldnât help the small laugh that bubbled up. âThank you, sweet boy. Very helpful.â He beamed, mouth full.
You got up slowly, adjusting Kiriya in your sling so she could sleep tucked against your chest. The boys followed as you moved toward the firepit, preparing their breakfast from leftover grilled fish and soft yovo mash. Eylan fetched the dishes, Likan danced in circles, and you worked â stirring, plating, humming softly â while the sun crept higher outside.
There were no grand declarations. No epiphanies. Just movement. Just being present. Just⌠trying. Because yes, you were his wife. But you were more than that. You were their mother. Their comfort. Their rhythm. Their constant. And no matter who stayed, who left, who forgot â you would always be the one still here.
The stars were beginning to blink awake as the sea breeze curled through the village, quiet and cool. Dinner had come and gone. The children were already tucked away â Eylan and Likan asleep in their nest, Kiriya dozing peacefully in her wrap against your chest. You sat close to the firepit outside Jake and Neytiriâs mauri, cradling her gently, her small weight grounding you more than anything else could.
Kiri was plaiting Tukâs hair beside you. Loâak leaned against a post nearby, Tsireya tucked against his side. Jake and Neytiri sat across the fire, quiet, eyes flickering between the flames and each other. It was Kiri who finally spoke. âNeteyam didnât come back with you today?â You shifted slightly. âHe said he needed some space. Just for a while.â Loâak stilled. You didnât see his jaw tighten, but Kiri did. Jake looked up. âHe told you that directly?â
You nodded. âThis morning.â There was a beat of silence. You were still trying to gauge the reactions when Neytiri stood slowly, brushing off her hands. âHe asked for space,â she repeated, voice carefully neutral. âFrom what, exactly?â You blinked. âFrom everything, I guess. The memories. The pressure. Me.â You looked down at Kiriya. âHeâs not running. He just⌠needs air.â
âAir?â Neytiri said sharply. âHe has all the air in the world here.â Jake put a calming hand on her leg, gently. âMaâTiri.â Loâak straightened up suddenly. âItâs not just about the memories.â Everyone looked at him. Kiriâs eyes narrowed. âLoâak.â But he ignored her. âHeâs confused, yeah. But itâs not just about that.â âLoâakâŚâ Neytiri warned under her breath. He backed off instantly. âI just meanâitâs complicated for him. You canât judge him for needing time.â You watched him, head tilting. âYou okay?â He nodded too quickly. âYeah. Just tired.â
You didnât press it. The odd quiet that followed said more than any of them did. You felt it but couldnât place it â the edge in Neytiriâs tone, the way Loâak wouldnât quite look at you, the heaviness in Jakeâs silence. Kiri shifted closer to you, her presence warm, protective. âYouâre all acting weird,â you murmured, trying to joke. âIâm the one who got asked for space. I should be the one brooding.â
âYouâre handling it with grace,â Jake said finally, offering a quiet smile. âWeâre proud of you for that.â You met his eyes, then Neytiriâs. Hers were guarded. Too guarded. Something was off. Still, you smile and looked down at your sleeping daughter. âHe just needs time. Thatâs all.â No one argued with you. But no one agreed either. And as the fire crackled quietly, your heart ached with the weight of all the things left unsaid â because you were still standing in the light, and everyone else⌠already knew something you didnât.
Three months later, your mornings had changed. No longer did they begin with tear-streaked cheeks or aching silence. They started now with purpose. With Eylan giggling as he tried to braid his own hair, with Likan waddling into your arms, babbling half-formed words, and with Kiriyaâs soft, sleepy coos as she nursed while wrapped against your chest. You rose before the sun most days, not out of sorrow, but to reclaim yourself piece by piece.
You had begun to hunt again. The first time you picked up your bow, it felt foreign in your hands, the weight unfamiliar after moons of barely using it. But the moment your feet touched the forest floorâalone, quietâyou remembered. The strength in your arms, the rhythm of your breath, the way the jungle had always spoken to you. You didnât go far the first time, but it was enough. Enough to remember who you were. Not just his mate. Not just a mother. But a warrior. A woman. A force.
Over time, you started to laugh again. It came slowly at firstâsoft smiles, half-hearted chuckles. But then, one afternoon, you met up with two old friends from your youth, both mothers now, and one cracked a joke about her toddler eating a bug. You laughed so hard you cried. You realized you missed yourself. And more importantly⌠you missed joy. Joy you havenât felt since neteyam had his memories. You helped mend nets, wove baskets, joined other mothers in gathering sea fruits, and swam farther than you had since giving birth to Kiriya. You didnât do it for Neteyam. You did it for your sons, for your daughter⌠and for you.
Jake and Neytiri loved you like their own. They helped when they couldâwatching the kids when you needed to gather, bringing fresh meat after long hunts, or simply sitting with you at night when you couldnât sleep. They noticed your growing strength, the fire returning to your eyes, and they were proudâeven if it broke their hearts that it had to be this way.
They said nothing of Lina. They didnât have to. The pain in Neytiriâs eyes whenever she looked at her son, the way Jake sighed deeply whenever the topic of space came upâit was all there. They knew. And they hated it. But they also understood that Neteyam was lost in his own way, and anger wouldnât guide him home. Patience might.
Loâak was the one who struggled the most. He couldnât understand why his brotherâwho had once looked at you like you were the starsâcouldnât see you now. Loâak tried to hold his tongue, but it gnawed at him. Tsireya was the one who calmed him, reminding him that love canât be forced, and healing isnât always linear. Even Tuk knew. She had cried one night in your arms, confused and worried, asking if Neteyam would ever come back to being him. You didnât have an answer.
The children were adjusting, each in their own way. Eylan, ever the oldest, had grown more protective, more aware growing into a man who mimicked his father without even knowing. He watched your face carefully when you thought he wasnât looking, quietly stepping in to help with Likan or Kiriya when he sensed you needed a moment. Likan, wild-hearted and two, was all tangled curls and endless energy, bouncing between tantrums and giggles as he tried to mimic his big brotherâs every move.
And Kiriya, just three months old, was beginning to show more of herself: tiny hands always reaching, eyes wide and curious, gurgling happily whenever you or her brothers came near. She loved being held against your chest, calmed instantly by your heartbeat. Together, the three of them were loud and loving and beautifully chaotic. They didnât understand everything, but they were still happy. Still whole, because they had you.
Each night, after the children were asleep and the fire was low, you knelt and prayed to Eywa. For strength. For patience. For your mate to find his way backânot just to you, but to himself. You no longer waited by the door, hoping he would come. But you didnât close it either. You lived. You thrived. You healed. Quietly, painfully, and steadily. And though you didnât know it⌠Your light was still reaching him. Even from afar. Even in the arms of another. Something in him still remembered. And Eywa⌠was still listening.
Meanwhile with Neteyam, he spent his months with Lina, she always waited for him at night. Not coy. Not nervous. Prepared. Her hair was down, lips glossed with fruit oil, and her wrap â if you could call it that â barely covered anything. A soft green length of fabric tied at her hip with a loose knot that looked like a gentle breeze might undo it. Neteyam didnât miss that. And she knew.
âLong day?â she whispered one night, slipping behind him, arms curling around his waist, mouth pressing to the back of his neck. She was tall, taller than you, where you stood at Neteyamâs chest, she stood just below his jaw. âYou can relax now, youâre with me.â Her hands slid across his stomach, dipping low. He exhaled, chest tight. Sometimes, he didnât stop her.
Her fingers found him hard, aching â always from her touch, her scent, the way she pressed into his back like she belonged there. Sheâd stroke him slowly, lips dragging along his jaw. Sometimes sheâd murmur praise. Other times, sheâd drop to her knees, hands sliding up his thighs â but every time her lips brushed against him, the sound of footsteps, a call in the distance, a flicker of lightâ Heâd freeze. âWaitââ heâd say, hands gripping her shoulders. âNot now.â She always looked up, mouth flushed, eyes wide. âYouâre always say that.â
âI know,â he breathed. âI know.â But he wouldnât let her finish, wouldnât let her cross that line. Even the night she climbed into his lap, completely bare under her shawl â guiding his hands to her breasts, her thighs parted over his hips, rocking gently until he gasped against her mouth â he stopped it. Her fingers had worked his tewng loose. Her tongue was in his mouth, his hands full of her heat and softness, his head spinningâ Then a branch snapped outside. A childâs laugh. A shadow. He gripped her hips, breathless. âNo. We shouldnât.â She groaned in frustration, but softened, kissing him again. âYou keep saying that.â
âIâm trying to do the right thing.â
âBut you want me,â she whispered, grinding down again, making him stutter. âDonât lie.â He didnât. He never did. Because yes, he wanted her. She was beautiful. Willing. Soft and warm and slick against him. But every time they got close â too close â something pulled him back. Something inside or outside stopped him. And when he left her mauri, half-dressed and still aching, heâd collapse onto his sleeping mat and try to breathe.
Thatâs when the dreams began, not nightmares â memories. You. Laughing beneath him in the forest, hair tangled, your moans stifled by his kiss. And just felt it, he loved kissing you in those dreams, loved dipping his head and pressing up on your skin. You on your back, guiding him in with a sigh like youâd done so many times he just couldnât remember them all yet. You crying with joy, his son in your arms. You pulling his hands to your growing belly. And the way you looked at him like he was your whole world. He started to wake up with a tightness in his chest. Not just lust. But longing. Heâd press his palm over his heart like it could stop the ache. The confusion, the guilt. Because Lina felt good. Safe in a way. Familiar now. But when he touched her, it was never like that. The feeling of worship. Of oneness. That only lived in the dreams. And those dreams were growing stronger, more vivid, more real. Which meant, little by little⌠Lina was losing him.
he didnât know when exactly the dreams had started exactly. Maybe it was after the night you looked at him with flushed cheeks, when the sunlight kissed your skin and your laughter echoed through that small space between you, when his fingers brushed yours and something deep in him shifted. Or maybe it was earlierâwhen Likan grabbed his tail one day on the beach toddling between his legs like he was so used to doing it. Maybe after he once again, stopped Lina from getting her desperate fuck. He wasnât sure.
But now, they came more and more often. Vivid. Unshakable. Sometimes warm and quiet, like drifting through memories too soft to be real. Other times sharp, intenseâdesire threading through his body until he woke in the dark, chest heaving, skin damp with sweat, painfully aware of the ache low in his belly.
At first, he thought they were just dreams. Imaginings. Wishes. But they kept happeningâso detailed, so real, down to the sounds of your voice, the way you smelled, the exact curl of Likanâs fingers around his thumb. Eylan laughing, splashing in the river as you reached for him. You smiling up at Neteyam in the forest, eyes glowing with pride and love. The feeling of carrying you into your new mauri when you first arrived at Awaâatlu, both of you still dripping from the sea. The first night Likan was born, when you placed the baby in his arms and cried into his chest, or when you both introduced Eylan to his new baby brother.
He started writing them down, carving the details into the bark of a sea tree near the cliffs where no one would look. Just in case. He needed to be sure. Needed proof. He wanted to bring them to you someday, look you in the eye and ask, Was this real? Did I carry you across the ocean? Did we love like this, this deeply, this hard?
And then there were the other dreams. The ones he didnât know what to do with. Your hands on his chest, your mouth on his skin. The soft groan he made when your hips rolled against his. The sound of your laughter tangled in heavy breathing, the press of his hand between your thighs as your voice broke on his name. Your body beneath him, around him. Sometimes playful. Sometimes desperate. Always you.
He would wake up with his heart racing, painfully hard, breath caught in his throat. It was impossible not to imagine what it had felt like in realityâyour warmth, the way you moaned when he whispered in your ear, how you gripped him when he pressed deep inside. Sometimes it left him quiet for hours. Other times, he found himself flushed, frustrated, pacing near the waterâs edge, unsure if it was guilt or longing.
He never told Lina. How could he? Those dreams never had her in them. Only you. He still didnât remember everything. He was still confused, overwhelmed, pulled in two directions. But each night when he curled beneath the woven mat in his quiet mauri, Eywa whispered a little more of his past back to him. Gently. Deliberately. Sometimes cruel in its intensity, sometimes kind in its simplicity.
The cove was half-shadowed, kissed in dusk light and the faint shimmer of tide pools. The waves lapped gently, rhythmic, soft like the hush of a whisper. Neteyam sat alone on a rock worn smooth by the sea, one leg bent, the other dangling just above the sand. His jaw was tight. His eyes distant, mind loud Lina found him there again, just as she always did, silent steps through the shallows, stopping just behind him. âYou always come here when your headâs too loud,â she said softly, voice just above the waves. âI like that.â
He didnât turn, but his shoulders didnât tense. He was used to her now, her voice, her scent, her closeness. âIâve been dreaming again,â he murmured, fingers drumming against his thigh. She took the invitation. Sat behind him on the rock, then leaned forward, pressing her chest to his back gently, her arms wrapping around his middle without hesitation. Her hands settled flat against his stomach. âAbout her?â He nodded slowly.
âI see her sometimes. The boys. The baby⌠Kiriya.â He said the name carefully, like it might shatter in his mouth. âItâs not just flashes anymore. I can feel the emotion of the moment. Like I was really there.â Lina rested her chin against his shoulder, her fingers tracing slow, calming shapes against his stomach. âDreams can be like that,â she murmured. âVivid. Powerful. Especially when youâre searching for something â for yourself. Maybe your mind is trying to fill in blanks with what your family told you.â He was quiet.
She turned her head slightly, brushing her lips just behind his ear, soft, innocent. âBut here, now⌠none of it is confusion.â He inhaled â not sharply, but deep â and Lina felt the moment shift. She took it. She moved to sit beside him, hips pressed to his, then slowly reached for his hand and brought it to her thigh, guiding his fingers to rest there. âYou werenât dreaming when you kissed me,â she said, voice velvet smooth. âOr when we touched.â Her hand slid along his wrist, up his arm. âYou werenât someone else. You were you. And you were relaxed. Real. With me.â He looked at her now, eyes shadowed with conflict â torn. Linaâs smile was soft, never smug. She cupped his cheek with one hand, her thumb grazing his jaw.
âShe may have been your past, Neteyam,â she whispered. âBut Iâm your present.â Then she leaned in and kissed him. It wasnât shy not like the first few times. Her fingers slipped behind his neck, pulling him closer as she moved her body more fully into his lap. His hands hesitated â one landing on her hip, the other still limp at his side â but she coaxed him gently, slowly. Her touch was steady, persistent, like the tide eroding stone. âYou donât have to force yourself to remember someone you donât feel for anymore,â she murmured against his lips. âWhat if sheâs just part of the story others told you? What if you donât fit there anymore?â Neteyam looked at her â really looked at her.
âI donât know what fits,â he admitted, low and raw. âI just⌠I donât know.â Lina kissed him again â slower this time, her fingers tangled in his hair. âThen stop trying to remember who you were,â she breathed. âLet yourself be who you are. Now.â And for a while, he let her hold him like that. Let her mouth guide his. Let her arms wrap around his neck and pull him close, as if she could remake him from memoryâs ashes into something brand new. And for now â she had him. Right where she wanted him.
Linaâs fingertips danced along the cords of muscle at the back of Neteyamâs neck, so light it almost tickled. She leaned in again â not to kiss him this time, but to let her forehead rest against his. Their breathing synced in the quiet. âYouâre always thinking too much,â she murmured, voice barely audible. âEven now.â His hands had stilled at her waist. She could feel the tension buzzing just under his skin. âI see it, you know,â she whispered. âThe weight you carry. The questions. The guilt.â She traced down his arm slowly, then took his hand in hers, guiding it back up, placing it over her heart. âBut here, with me⌠you donât have to answer to anyone. You donât have to know anything. You can just be.â
His jaw clenched, throat tight. His fingers flexed against her chest, and for a moment she thought he might pull away. But he didnât. Lina smiled gently and leaned back just enough to look at him fully. âYou told me about your dreams,â she said, brushing his hair from his face. âHow they feel so real. So full. But those dreams⌠theyâre just pieces. Fragments.â He blinked slowly, watching her lips more than her eyes.
âYou said they feel like memories, but maybe theyâre not. Maybe theyâre just your mind trying to give shape to something you lost.â Her fingers slid up under the leather strap across his shoulder, curling against his collarbone. She leaned in again, this time pressing a kiss to his cheek, then the edge of his jaw. Neteyam exhaled hard through his nose, but his hands came down to her thighs, steadying her in place. Linaâs voice softened, velvet sweet. âBut this?â She guided his hands again â down her back, over the curve of her hips â slowly rocking forward so he could feel the press of her body. âThis is real. This moment. Me.â
Neteyam groaned under his breath, jaw tightening, eyes fluttering shut for a second before he opened them again. âItâs not that simple,â he said, voice rough. âWhy not?â She nuzzled against his neck. âBecause I feel like Iâm losing my mind.â
âYouâre not,â she whispered. âYouâre waking up in a life you donât remember. A mate you donât recognize. Children who look at you like youâre someone youâre not. Thatâs not your fault.â She felt him tense under her, so she kissed the side of his neck, slow and soft. âYou didnât choose this, Neteyam.â
âI didnât choose you either,â he said quietly. That made her pause. Not because it hurt â but because it told her she needed to move more carefully. So she gave a soft laugh â not mocking, but light, breezy. âNo,â she agreed. âBut sometimes Eywa puts the right person in your path at the right time. Someone who sees you. Who gives you space to breathe.â Her hands cupped his face gently now. âIâm not asking you to choose me. Iâm just here. With you. Right now.â
His eyes flicked down â to her mouth, her neck, the way her chest rose and fell close to his. His hands were still on her thighs, but one began to trail upward slowly, as if he were testing what felt familiar. Or maybe⌠what felt good. Lina closed the distance again, this time kissing him with more intent â a slow burn, coaxing his mouth open with hers, one hand sliding down his chest and resting low on his stomach. She didnât push further. Not yet. She just let the kiss carry the weight, the confusion, the need. And when he didnât stop her, when he kissed her back and let his hands roam, when his grip tightened and his mouth opened wider â she knew. He was spiraling. Floating somewhere between desire and doubt. Between what used to be and what he didnât remember. So she kissed him deeper, then slower. Then softer.
When they broke apart, breathless and flushed, she smiled and leaned her forehead against his again. Her fingers grazed his chest. âYou donât have to feel bad,â she murmured. âYouâre allowed to want something that feels good. That feels real.â He didnât answer. Just stared at the ground over her shoulder, jaw taut, hands still trembling on her body. âYouâre not the same man you were before,â Lina whispered. âYou donât have to force yourself to go back to someone you donât know. Maybe⌠Eywa gave you a second chance. A clean start.â Neteyam said nothing. But he didnât pull away either.
And that was enough for her. Because as far as Lina was concerned â she already had her foot in the door. And every time he let her touch him, let her pull him in, let her speak softly into the cracks in his memory â He was already choosing her. Even if he didnât know it yet.
His lips were still warm against hers. Lina didnât move at first â didnât dare. Her fingers lingered on his chest where sheâd pulled him to her, heart thudding like a war drum in her ears. She kept her eyes on his mouth; breath caught in her throat like sheâd swallowed fire. That kiss was real. That was progress. Slowly, she let out a trembling breath and smiled up at him, soft and sweet, playing the part, sheâd carved out so perfectly.
âYou always taste like the sea,â she whispered, voice low. âEven after all this time.â Her thumb dragged gently along his jawline, a featherlight touch meant to make him stay. To keep him close. Hers. Neteyamâs eyes flickeredâuncertainty warring with something else. Want. Or confusion. Maybe both, she didnât care which. Because he hadnât stopped her. That was enough.
She shifted closer, knees pressing against his hips. Her fingers slipped from his jaw to the cords of muscle along his throat, brushing softly, tracing. âYou donât have to say anything,â she murmured. âI know what it feels like to be lost. You donât owe anyone your peace.â He swallowed but didnât answer. Just watched her. Watched the way her hands moved. The way her voice soothed. The way she filled the silence. Lina leaned in, nose brushing his. âLet me be that peace,â she whispered.
She had worked too hard for this, too long. From the moment she saw him step out off his ikran, a baby in his arms and war in his shoulders, she knew. She felt it. The weight of who he was â who he used to be. And she envied it. All of it. The love. The family. The way his mate clung to him like gravity. He never noticed her back then. Not really. But she noticed everything. She started helping with hunts she didnât care about. Took training sessions near the Sullys. She gave him fruit, offered quiet jokes, asked him questions no one else did â just to hear him speak.
But his eyes always found their way back to her. The mate. The mother. So she stepped back. Smiled politely. Waited. Until the sky burned and blood soaked the sand, and suddenly, Eywa delivered him straight to her â broken, blank, and so beautifully lost. She had thanked the Great Mother that night. And every night since. Linaâs hand slid beneath the braid resting on his collarbone, fingertips brushing the skin just under the hollow of his throat. âI donât ask you to be anything,â she said softly, lips brushing his cheek. âI donât ask you to remember. I only ask you to feel whatâs right in front of you.â
Her hand guided his again, this time to her hip, letting it rest there, just above the bone. His fingers twitched against her skin, but he didnât pull away. She smiled. âYouâre always tense around them,â she murmured. âLike youâre failing some invisible test. But with me⌠I see you breathe again.â She leaned in, barely touching her lips to his ear. âYou feel like you when youâre with me.â And he did. She made sure of that. She never questioned him. Never pushed. She laughed at everything he said. She let him lead even when he didnât know where he was going. She was patient. Attentive. Always near but never too much. She never even brought up the mate. Or the children. Not unless he did. And even then, only with a quiet smile and understanding eyes. The kind that said itâs okay that you donât love them. You donât have to.
Because eventually⌠He wouldnât go back. Eventually, he would stop dreaming of a woman he didnât recognize and realize how easy it was to just let her go. Eventually, he would choose the calm over the storm. And she would be there. Waiting, still smiling, still soft and still his.
Neteyam began spending more time outside during the day, often seated in the sun with Kiri or helping Jake mend a fishing net, eyes following the sway of the sea in silence. He spoke more now â slowly, cautiously â as if testing the weight of his voice in old rhythms. The boys would come up to him sometimes. Eylan offering him small gifts, Likan tugging at his tail to get attention. He didnât always know how to respond, but he didnât back away.
That morning, you caught him holding Kiriya again â this time with her tiny fingers wrapped tightly around his braid as she gurgled happily in his arms. He didnât realize you were watching. But he smiled. The dreams were changing him. Heâd begun writing them down â scratching notes into thin leaf parchment when he woke, tracing the edges of memory with almost frantic curiosity. He saw your face in all of them. Your laughter. Your tears. The sound of your voice calling him âtĂŹyawn.â
And lately, heâd been seeing Loâak too, laughing with him, hunting beside him, helping deliver Eylan, pulling him from danger. The images werenât clear, but the feeling was. Love. Loyalty. Trust. He needed to talk to someone. So that night, he found Loâak sitting on the rocks near the shore, watching the tide pull against the reef. âYou got a minute?â Neteyam asked, voice rough from use. Loâak glanced over. âYeah, Whatsup bro?â They sat together in the moonlight, the ocean lapping at their feet. For a long time, Neteyam said nothing. Then, âI keep dreaming of you.â Loâak blinked. âUh⌠thanks?â
âNo,â Neteyam huffed a laugh. âNot like that, skxawng. I mean⌠we were close. Werenât we?â Loâakâs smile faded into something soft. âYeah. You are my brother. My best friend.â There was silence between them again, warm and heavy. Neteyam nodded slowly. âI feel it. Even if I donât remember it all yet. I feel like I trusted you more than anyone.â
âBesides your wife, you did,â Loâak said. âYou still can.â Neteyam rubbed a hand over his face. âEverythingâs so loud lately. The dreams wonât stop. And every time I look at herââ His voice faltered, but Loâak knew who he meant. âItâs like⌠my body remembers even if my head canât.â Loâak swallowed, choosing his next words carefully. âYou donât have to force anything. But if you feel it⌠follow that.â Neteyam looked at him, searching. âYou think Iâm a terrible person?â
âNo,â Loâak said without hesitation. âI think youâre lost. But youâre finding your way back.â Neteyam exhaled, the corners of his mouth twitching up. âI missed you.â Loâak grinned. âI missed you more.â
But further back, hidden in the shadow of the reef wall, Lina stood â her back pressed against the stone, breath caught in her throat. She hadnât meant to follow him, not at first. But when she saw him walking toward Loâak, toward his family, something gnawed inside her. And when she heard what he said â that he dreamed of them, felt something for them, missed them and that gnawing turned to fear. No. No! She had worked too hard to lose him now.
She had touched him, claimed pieces of him, given him herself in every way he would allow â all to be the one he reached for in the darkness. She couldnât compete with dreams. Not if he started believing they were real. And so, as the brothers laughed quietly under the stars, Lina stepped back into the shadows â her smile gone, her hands curling into fists. If he was starting to remember who he was⌠Then she had to remind him who he could be. With her.
The lanternlight inside Linaâs mauri flickered low, casting her face in a warm, amber glow. Outside, the reef was quiet, only the occasional lap of water against stone and the breeze threading through the woven walls. Neteyam stood near the entrance, silent for a long while. He shouldnât have come. He knew that. But her voice had pulled him in again, soft and aching when sheâd said, âCan we talk?â
Now he stood in the hush of her space, tense and unsure. She hadnât touched him yet â not like she usually did. She just sat there, on the mat, her knees drawn to her chest, her head resting lightly against them. âYou didnât come yesterday,â she said quietly. His brow twitched. âI had a lot on my mind.â
âI noticed,â she said, her voice tight. âYouâve been⌠different.â He didnât answer. She glanced up at him â eyes glistening. âI keep thinking I did something wrong.â Neteyam exhaled. âYou didnât.â
âThen why donât you want me anymore?â He flinched. Lina dropped her gaze, fingers curling against her legs. âYou come here, but you donât touch me like before. You donât even look at me the same way.â
âI never meant to hurt you,â he murmured. âIâm justââ she whispered cutting him off. âI know. Confusedâ A shaky breath escaped her lips. âBut⌠you kissed me, Neteyam. You held me like I mattered. And IâI thought that meant something.â
âIt did,â he said quietly. âThen why do I feel like Iâm losing you?â He stepped forward, uneasy. âYouâre not.â But she shook her head, blinking fast. âYou are slipping away, and I can feel it.â A tear slid down her cheek, and she looked at him with trembling lips. âWhat did I do wrong? Why canât I be enough?â Neteyamâs chest ached. He didnât have an answer. His mind was too full â dreams, flashes of laughter, touches he couldnât place, names that held weight even without memory. Lina leaned forward slowly, crawling toward him on her knees, eyes wide, wet. âDo you still want me?â she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. âOr was I just⌠something to hold while you were lost?â
âLinaââ
âBecause I was there,â she said. âI didnât ask for anything. I didnât push. I just stayed. I listened. I held you. And nowâŚâ She reached for his hand. âYou wonât even look at me.â
He looked down at her hand in his â warm, trembling. Her fingers threaded with his, then slowly, she guided his palm up to her shoulder, pressing his hand there like she was pleading with her skin. âTouch me like you did before,â she whispered. âLike I matter to you. Even if itâs just for tonight.â His fingers twitched.
She moved closer, lifting his hand to her collarbone now, guiding his touch as if it were his idea. Her breath hitched when his thumb brushed her neck. âThere,â she said. âDo you feel that?â He swallowed. âThatâs me,â she murmured. âStill here. Still wanting you.â Her hands slid to his waist, her head tilted, eyes searching his face. âLet me have this. Let me keep something before it all disappears.â His heart pounded. She rose slightly onto her knees, her chest pressed to his, her breath warm on his lips. Her hands curled around his shoulders, pulling him gently, softly, until his forehead was resting against hers.
âI need you,â she whispered. âI need us.â His eyes closed for a moment, the weight of her words curling around him like vines. Guilt. Sadness. Confusion. His body responded â it always did â but his mind was a storm. And then, like always⌠a noise outside. Children giggling, passing by. A familiar laugh in the distance â his brotherâs. Neteyam tensed. He stepped back slowly, his breathing unsteady. Her hands slipped from his skin, her face falling. âWhy?â she asked, voice breaking. âWhy do you always pull away?â
He didnât answer. He just looked at her, gaze heavy with something she couldnât quite decipher â sorrow, maybe. Or guilt. Or both. Then he turned and left. And she stayed there, staring at the doorway like it betrayed her. But in her chest, something twisted. If soft didnât work⌠maybe it was time for something harder. Because she was not going to lose him. Not after everything.
The stars blinked above him as Neteyam walked the short distance from Linaâs mauri to the Sullyâs. His hands were still warm from her touch, but his heart felt heavier than it had when he walked in. He hadnât said anything on the way out. He never really did. The flicker of torchlight reached him first â then the sound of laughter, childrenâs voices, and the smell of grilled fish and roasted sea roots drifting through the humid evening air, home. He stopped at the edge of the mauri, just out of sight, watching.
Jake sat cross-legged with Tuk and Eylan, cutting bits of fish for both of them while they chattered excitedly. Neytiri was nearby, laughing softly at something Loâak had said while Kiri fed Likan, who squirmed and babbled with his usual endless energy. You sat to the side with baby Kiriya in your lap, bouncing her gently while you tried to eat with your free hand, the sling now loosened. Her little head bobbed as she cooed and reached for a piece of your braid.
The space was warm and full, lively and familiar. It felt like something he didnât realize heâd been missing. Then Tuk spotted him. âNeteyam!â she chirped, waving hard with both arms like her life depended on it. Everyone turned. And youâyour head snapped up, eyes meeting his with that small, soft smile that hadnât changed, even through all of it. He stepped in slowly. Loâak shifted over without a word, patting the space between him and Eylan. âYouâre late,â Jake teased. âI didnât know I was invited,â Neteyam replied lightly, settling down between his brother and son. âYou always are,â Neytiri said, smiling warmly at him.
Eylan wasted no time crawling into his lap, talking a mile a minute about the reef games he played with his friends and how he won twice but only because one of the boys cheated once and tried to pull his tail underwater. Neteyam listened. Really listened. His arm curled around the boy instinctively, his smile more genuine than it had been all day. Kiriya squealed from your lap; eyes locked on her big brother now curled in her fatherâs arms. Her little hands wiggled excitedly in the air. âSheâs been very chatty today,â you said softly, brushing a hand over her head.
âLike you?â he replied before he could think twice. Your eyes flicked to his and your open your mouth in offense playfully, the words surprised even him. âWas that an insult? You saying I talk to much?â You laugh and so did he, a real chuckle. Then Loâak leaned in, smirking. âWe were just talking about the clan gathering.â
âThe big one?â Neteyam asked, eyes going to Jake. Jake nodded. âFew weeks. All the coastal villages are coming in for it. Singing, dancing, food â even a few races and competitions.â You grinned. âEylan is already planning what heâs going to wear. And Iâm thinking weâll leave Kiriya and Likan with a sitter so we can all actually enjoy it.â Neteyam blinked. âA sitter?â You nodded and told him about a friend of Ronalâs who volunteered to watch them. âShe agreed to watch them,â you said. âSo the family can go.â
âSheâs kind,â Neytiri added, âand Likan already loves her.â Neteyam looked toward Likan, who was now face-first in Kiriâs lap, pretending to be a sea creature while she dramatically scolded him for drooling on her skirt. Everyone laughed. Neteyam looked down at Eylan still cuddled into his chest. The world felt right for a moment. Lighter.
âI remember this,â he murmured softly. âThis feeling,â he said more clearly. âThis noise. The way everyone talks over each other. Itâs warm. I remember that.â Loâak smiled at him, wide and proud. âYou always said it drove you crazy.â
âBut I liked it,â Neteyam replied. Eylan looked up. âYou remember us, sempu?â Neteyam hesitated. He didnât want to lie. âNot fully. But I dream about you. A lot.â Eylanâs eyes lit up. âWhat do I do in your dreams?â
âYou cry a lot,â Neteyam teased, nudging him with a grin. Eylan gasped. âI do not!â Everyone burst out laughing. Likan shouted something unintelligible and flailed in agreement, as if he understood everything and Kiriya squealed again, bouncing in your lap. For the first time in weeks, Neteyam laughed â fully. Loud and real. He leaned into his brother, who bumped shoulders with him. You looked down at your baby, then at your boys, your mate sitting there like he always belonged, and you smiled.
Dinner had ended with the warm hum of laughter still lingering in the air, the scent of smoked fish and sea root still clinging to everyoneâs fingers and hair. Youâd barely noticed how late it had gotten until Tuk yawned with a dramatic stretch, and Eylan slumped more into Neteyamâs side, rubbing his eyes and murmuring sleepily. Likan was already asleep in Kiriâs lap, his little hand still clutching a half-eaten piece of roasted yovo fruit. Kiriya lay against your chest, blinking slowly from the sling, her fists curling into your wrap like she didnât want the night to end. You rose slowly, brushing the side of her cheek. âAlright, bedtime,â you murmured. Neteyam was already shifting, carefully gathering Eylan into his arms. The boy sighed, nestling in with a contented little hum.
âI can get Likan,â he said, glancing toward Kiri. She smiled softly and handed over the sleeping toddler. âHeâs heavier when heâs asleep. Good luck.â Neteyam gave a little huff under his breath and took him carefully, one arm under Likanâs bottom, the other supporting his back. âWhen did they get so big?â he muttered. âYouâve been gone a while,â Kiri said gently, then turned to help Neytiri tidy the dinner space.
With the baby against your chest and the boys in his arms, the two of you left the Sully mauri and padded softly across the sand toward your own. The stars blinked above, and the soft crash of waves against the reef formed a lullaby in the dark. Your home was quiet, warm. The fire pit glowed low with embers, just enough light to see by. Neteyam crouched and carefully lowered Likan onto the sleeping mat, then Eylan, who stirred immediately with a dramatic groan.
âI donât wanna sleep,â Eylan mumbled. âYouâre already sleeping, itan,â Neteyam said dryly, nudging him. âAm not,â came the sulky reply. âIâll settle Kiriya,â you murmured, already tugging at the ties of her sling, her soft breath hot against your skin. âIf you settle the boysâ?â
âDone,â Neteyam said. It was not done. Eylan rolled onto his side, bumped into Likan, and immediately yelped, âHeâs kicking me!â Likan sat up with a startled cry, wide-eyed and completely disoriented. âNo kicking! No!â You sighed. âGreat. Now theyâre both up.â Neteyam rubbed his face. âI jinxed it.â
âClearly.â The next half hour was a blur of soothing and shifting. Eylan wanted a different pillow â ânot that one, the soft one!â and Likan kept scooting off the mat to look for a rock he swore he lost during dinner. You nursed Kiriya while walking gently in a slow loop, whispering soft lullabies, but she squirmed and whimpered, unsettled. âI think sheâs overtired,â you murmured. âShe gets that from you,â Neteyam called quietly from the mat. You shot him a look and he grinned.
Eventually, Eylan conked out again, curled around one of the large shell-shaped pillows. Likan was sprawled across Neteyamâs chest, one tiny hand curled against his fatherâs collarbone, breathing slow and deep. And Kiriya⌠well, she was still fussing. You sat on the edge of the mat, nursing her again, hoping this time it would soothe her to sleep. Neteyam turned his head where he lay on his back, looking at you through half-lidded eyes. âYou make that look so easy,â he said softly. You huffed a tired laugh. âI donât think my back would agree.â
âShe looks so much like you when sheâs angry,â he whispered. âShe looks like you,â you corrected, brushing a finger down her nose. Neteyamâs voice dropped lower, warmer. âYouâre really beautiful when you do that, you know.â Your eyes flicked to his. âFeeding her,â he added. âYou look strong. Like a mother. Like a wife.â You felt your cheeks flush, heat crawling up your neck. âIâve been doing it for months.â
âI know.â His gaze lingered on your chest for a moment longer before flicking back up to your eyes. âStill.â You cleared your throat. âYou should get up. Youâll fall asleep like that.â He smiled rubbing a hand on Likanâs back âI might.â
âYou havenât slept here in months.â He looked down at the cozy chaos beneath him â soft woven blankets, the seashell pillows, Likan drooling slightly on his chest. âItâs nice,â he said quietly. âYou made this warm. Safe.â You smiled, brushing Kiriyaâs cheek. âThatâs what a home is supposed to be.â He didnât answer, but he didnât move either. His hand rested lightly on Likanâs back, rising and falling with the toddlerâs breath. âYouâre good at this,â you said softly, surprising yourself. âAt what?â
âBeing a father. Even if you donât remember how you got here⌠you belong here.â He turned his face toward you again. âYou really think so?â You nod, âI do.â The fire popped gently. You switched Kiriya to the other side, and Neteyamâs eyes flicked toward your chest again before quickly looking away. âYou know,â he said after a pause, âsome of those pictures we saw⌠you looked downright dangerous.â You laughed under your breath. âDangerous? You were looking at pictures again?â
âIn a good way. Like⌠you knew exactly what you were doing.â
âI did,â you teased. âYou liked that.â
âI do like that.â You glanced over. âDonât flirt with me while Iâm breastfeeding.â
âWhy not?â he said, voice a little lower. âYouâre still hot.â You laughed again, quieter this time, trying not to jostle the baby. âI canât tell if youâre joking.â
âNeither can I.â There was a pause. Then, softer: âBut I think I mean it.â And when Kiriya finally drifted off against your chest, her little lips still puckered, Neteyam reached out and adjusted the blanket around your shoulder, fingers brushing the skin just beneath your collarbone. âThank you for this,â he whispered. You met his eyes, voice almost too soft to hear. âYouâre welcome home.â The mauri was quiet, soft with the hush of the ocean beyond its walls and the occasional murmur of sleeping children shifting in their dreams. But Neteyam lay wide awake, still and silent, his arms at his sides, his head turned slightly toward you.
You were close, closer than you had been in months. Eylan lay between you both, curled into his fatherâs side, one hand resting over Neteyamâs chest. Likan sprawled in his usual starfish pattern across the bottom of the mat, and Kiriya had been swaddled and tucked close to your chest earlier. But now, it was the middle of the night. The stars outside had shifted overhead. And Kiriya stirred, giving a soft, sleepy whimper. You woke immediately â that motherâs instinct still razor sharp. You sat up slowly, rubbing your eyes, careful not to jostle Eylan. Kiriya let out a soft protest again, louder this time, and you pulled her into your arms, guiding her to nurse as naturally as you breathed. Neteyam didnât move. But he wasnât asleep. His voice came softly, almost hesitantly, like he was testing the darkness.
âIf someone⌠forgot their whole life,â he said, âand started over⌠are they still responsible for what they do when they donât remember who they were?â You blinked at the question, caught off guard. âYouâre awake?â Kiriya suckled quietly, your hand stroking her soft downy hair. âThatâs a strange thing to ask,â you said gently. âI know.â You could hear the tension in his voice â low and conflicted, almost uncertain. âWhy are you asking?â
âItâs justâŚâ he paused. âWhat if⌠they did something they wouldnât have done before? Something that⌠wasnât fair to the people who love them?â Your heart tightened. Your fingers stilled where they stroked the babyâs back. The air felt thicker now. In the dark, you couldnât see him. But you knew. You knew what this was. âNeteyam,â you said quietly, âdid you do something?â He didnât answer right away. You reached out, careful not to wake Eylan, and your fingers brushed across your sonâs curls before finding the edge of Neteyamâs arm â warm, steady, trembling slightly. âI didnât know who I was,â he said finally, barely a whisper. âBut that doesnât mean I didnât⌠feel. I still felt things. Wanting to be wanted. To feel like I mattered to someone.â
âAnd now?â He exhaled shakily. âNow I remember more every day. And I feel like Iâm⌠two different people trying to live in one skin. The man who forgot, and the man whoâs starting to come back.â Your hand stayed there, on his arm, fingers tightening just slightly. âAnd both of them are hurting.â He swallowed. You heard it. âI didnât mean to hurt you.â You whisper, âI know.â
âI think I already did,â he whispered. You were silent for a long moment, and Kiriya stirred again in your arms, unlatching briefly before shifting and settling once more. You brushed her cheek and whispered, âSheâs hungry again. She does that. Doesnât like to be alone.â
âI think I understand that.â You looked at where you knew he lay. âI donât need a perfect version of you, Neteyam. Just the one who tries.â He was quiet, but your fingers still felt his â brushing lightly over your knuckles now, just barely. âI donât want to be lost anymore,â he said. You nodded. âThen come back. Piece by piece. Iâll wait.â And there was something in his next breath â a sound halfway between a sigh and a sob, so soft it barely made it to you. You didnât say more.
You stayed there, in the dark, with the baby nestled against you, your fingers resting against the edge of his hand across Eylanâs little head. And somehow, even with all that had happened â the heartbreak, the confusion, the silence â it felt like you were finding your way again. In the dark, but still together.
The rain had slowed outside, just a gentle patter on the leaves now, but inside the mauri, it was still warm with your shared breath and the soft sounds of your sleeping children. Neteyam hadnât moved since your conversation started. Likan was curled up on his chest, Eylan pressed into his side, and Kiriya was snoozing in your arms. You let a beat pass. Then you whispered, not quite able to let it go, âIs that all you did with her?â He blinked slowly. ââŚYou meanââ
âYes, Neteyam,â you cut in, voice hushed but clearly not done. âBecause Iâve been sitting here, holding our daughter, who literally looks like a smaller, grumpier version of you, and wondering how far another woman got with my mate while I was leaking milk and chasing toddlers.â Neteyam groaned softly, covering his face with his free hand. âYou really want to do this now?â
âYes.â He peeked out between his fingers at you. ââŚYouâre serious?â You narrowed your eyes. âDead serious.â He sighed, careful not to jostle Likan. âShe⌠tried things.â You raised a brow. âShe kissed me. Obviously.â
âObviously,â you muttered, nose wrinkling. âAnd, uh⌠she touched me.â His ears twitched slightly in embarrassment. You waited, blinking slowly. âTouched you how, exactly?â He gave you a long look. You didnât blink. Neteyam cleared his throat. âWith her hand.â You blinked again. âAnd?â you pressed, biting back a smirk. He gave a half-hearted shrug, lips twitching. âShe tried to go down on me. Like⌠a few times.â You gave him a scandalized look, eyes adjusting to the dark. âShe was veryâforward,â he muttered quickly. âI never let her. But her hand⌠got there a couple times.â
You just stared at him and then shook your head. âCouple times, he says. Neteyam, a couple is two.â He looked at the ceiling like it held answers. âIt was more than two.â You let out a soft snort. âI should throw this baby blanket at you.â He gave you a sheepish grin. âPlease donât. Likan might wake up. And Iâm currently pinned under his drool.â You stared at him, lips twitching despite yourself. Then your voice turned teasing, but it held an edge. âSo? Was she good at it?â
He choked. âWhat?â You tilted your head. âIâm asking. Was she good with her hands?â Neteyam looked like he wanted Eywa to strike him down where he lay. âIâI mean. It was⌠fine.â
âFine?â He winced. âOkay, good. Whatever. It felt good. Iâm not made of stone.â You leaned closer, voice lower. âBetter than me?â He looked horrified. âWhy would you ask me that?â
âBecause Iâm your wife,â you said, barely containing your laughter, âand if another woman had your favorite parts in her hands, I want to know if she did it right.â He groaned again. âItâs like youâre trying to kill me.â You shrugged, totally unfazed. âWas she better?â
âNo,â he said without thinking. Then added, âLikeâI mean I donât fully remember everything with you, but I know how it felt with you. That connection. The trust. The way we⌠moved together. Thatâs not something you just replace.â You smiled a little, then asked slyly, âDid she smell good?â Neteyam paused. âWhat is this?â
âAnswer the question.â He rubbed a hand over his face. âShe smelled like seaweed and flower oil.â You wrinkled your nose. âI knew it. That woman bathes in crushed petals like sheâs trying to lure in unsuspecting men.â Neteyam chuckled softly. âYou were always so territorial.â You shrugged. âYes, but Iâm more protective. Thereâs a difference.â
âUh-huh,â he said, lips twitching. âWas she softer than me?â His eyes slid over to you, finally catching on to the playful, wicked glint in your gaze. âYouâre soft and strong. Best of both.â
âWas she prettier?â
âNo.â
âCurvier?â Neteyam smiled. âNo one fits against me like you do.â You paused, surprised by how much that made your heart skip. Then, in a quiet moment, you asked, âDid you want her?â
He went still. His gaze dropped to your daughter, curled on your chest. To your hand resting on the mat near his. And finally, to your face. ââŚNo,â he said. âI was confused. Lost. And she was there. But I didnât want her. Not like I want you.â The silence that followed was full of everything unspoken, all the weight of grief, memory, love, and longing. You exhaled. âOkay.â
âOkay?â he echoed softly. You nodded. âWeâll figure it out.â He looked at you a moment longer, then brushed a knuckle across Likanâs back. âYouâre incredible, you know that?â You smirked. âYeah, well. Your memory may be slow, but your taste is still perfect.â Neteyam laughed under his breath, and for the first time in ages, it felt like home.
The mornings felt different now. For the first time in what felt like seasons, Neteyam was back in the mauri where he belonged â where you and the children had waited for him without ever stopping. His things had been moved quietly during the early hours of his return, his arm brushing yours as he helped fold blankets, tuck them into corners, smooth over sleeping mats. The space had always been his, and yet now he treated it like a sacred gift he was trying to earn back every day.
He hadnât gone to Lina since you told him not to â since he agreed not to. He hadnât even looked in her direction when he passed the outer reefs. Every time guilt threatened to creep up his spine, he reminded himself that he was here because of you. Because you still loved him, still prayed for him, even when heâd forgotten everything.
He remembered more now â slowly, in pieces. The way you used to curl into his chest at night. The way Eylan would cling to his shoulders when he was younger, pressing his cheek into Neteyamâs neck. How Likan used to demand to ride on his shoulders, yelling âUp! Up!â with a chubby little hand tugging his braids. And how Kiriyaâs lips curled the tiniest bit when she nursed, like she was smiling up at you in her own way.
He apologized over and over. Quietly, loudly, sometimes with tears in his eyes, sometimes with flowers braided into your hair when he thought words werenât enough. He hadnât slept with Lina â but it didnât make what happened disappear. And he didnât expect your forgiveness quickly. He just wanted the chance to prove he was worthy of it. You let him. Slowly. On your terms.
He swept the floors of the mauri. Took over the task of bathing the boys in the lagoon when they were fighting so you didnât have to. Cooked badly â and burned things often â but he kept trying. Kiri joked once that he was trying to atone through labor, and Neteyam didnât even deny it.
One afternoon, a few days into his return, Loâak came by to help him fix a crooked support beam that held up the side of the roof. The boys were napping after an afternoon of chasing each other in the sun, Kiriya nestled against your chest while you rested in the shade nearby. âHold this steady,â Neteyam said, gripping the thick vine and pulling it taut while Loâak looped it around. Loâak grunted. âYou got heavier since the war, bro. Youâre not fun to lift anymore.â
âYou got scrawnier,â Neteyam shot back, smirking. Loâak snorted. âYou wish.â They worked in easy silence for a bit, sweat collecting at their temples, the weight of the sun warm but not oppressive. Then Neteyam asked casually â too casually â âSo⌠you and my mate. You kissed her?â Loâak froze like someone had poured cold water down his spine. âWhat?â Neteyam didnât look at him right away. He was focused on tying a knot. âShe told me. Said it happened the night before I woke up.â
âYouâsheâoh my Eywa.â Loâak dropped the cord. âBro, I didnât mean toâshe was crying, I wasâNeteyam I wasnât even trying toâIâm sorry.â Neteyam let the silence stretch. Then: âWas it⌠passionate?â
âBro!â You, overhearing from the shade, couldnât stop the snort that slipped from your nose. Loâak looked like he wanted to fling himself off the reef. âI mean I justââ Neteyamâs mouth twitched, trying to keep a straight face. âShould I be worried?â
Loâak waved his hands wildly. âThere was no tongue, okay?! It was likeâa sad, forehead-touchy kind of thing, and then we kissed but likeâyour wife kisses with emotion, okay?! I wasnât trying to seduce herââ Neteyam was laughing now. Fully, openly. Loâak narrowed his eyes. âYouâre the worst.â
âIâm serious,â Neteyam said between laughs. âWas it good?â Loâak turned to you. âAre you hearing this madness?â You were howling now, arms crossed as Kiriya snoozed peacefully, unfazed by her familyâs antics. âIâm just saying,â Neteyam added, wiping his face, âif my brother kissed my wife, I at least want to know how I rank.â Loâak pointed at him. âYou ranked. I promise. I almost got punched by guilt mid-kiss. Itâs you, bro. Itâs always been you.â
Neteyamâs expression softened at that. He nodded once, serious again. âI know. Itâs okay. I just⌠I needed to hear it.â Loâak tilted his head. âAre we⌠cool?â Neteyam clapped a hand on his shoulder. âYou raised my kids with her. Helped her when I was gone, kept them safe. Iâm not just cool with youâI owe you.â
Loâak smiled. âJust donât make me babysit all three at once again. I still have nightmares.â You grinned, watching the two brothers laugh again. The ache in your chest softened. This was what youâd missed. What had been missing. And slowly, piece by piece, the bonds were stitching back together.
The dreams were getting worse. Or⌠better, depending on perspective. But for Neteyam, waking up next to you every morning while you slept peacefullyâwith your curves tucked beneath soft cloth, your breath warm and even, and Kiriya cooing quietly against your chestâwas becoming increasingly difficult. Not because he didnât want to be there. But because he really wanted to be there.
The dreams started off soft, tender⌠sweet flashes of you and him tangled in the glowing forest under a curtain of bioluminescent vines, your skin glowing, your laugh echoing in his ears as you kissed his cheeks, his mouth, his neck. But then they escalated. Faster than he was prepared for.
Now they were⌠loud. In every sense. They were full-body, flushed-skin, back-arching, tweng-tangling flashes that left him panting awake in the dark, his hands fisted in the bedding, his chest heaving, and a very obvious situation in his lap that he had to hide quickly before Eylan or Likan stirred beside him. He thought cold water would help. He was wrong.
So, every morning, right as the first rays of dawn touched the edge of the reef, Neteyam would sneak off into the waves, slipping into the water with a hiss through his teeth, determined to let the icy ocean chase the heat from his blood. It never worked. And when he came back in, shivering, teeth chattering slightly, you always gave him the same look. This day was no different. You blinked awake slowly, brushing a hand over Kiriyaâs soft little back where she lay snuggled against your chest, her lips still puckered from nursing. Then you caught sight of him, dripping wet, shoulders hunched slightly, arms wrapped around himself as he tried to warm up. You blinked again. Then smirked. âAnother swim, mighty warrior?â He cleared his throat, doing his best to look casual. âJust clearing my head.â
âSure.â You sat up slightly, brushing Kiriyaâs curls from her cheek, her sleepy little eyes barely cracking open. âDid the ocean help, or just make your balls disappear?â Neteyam choked, whipping around. âSkxawng!â You were laughing before you could stop yourself, your shoulders shaking, one hand trying to cover your mouth. Neteyam was pink around the tips of his ears as he rubbed his arms. âItâs cold out there.â
âWell maybe,â you said, setting Kiriya gently down beside her brothers, who were still tangled in a sleepy pile, âyou should try not torturing yourself.â He huffed. âItâs not like I can control what I dream about.â You gave him a knowing look as you moved to him, placing a thick, woven cloth over his shoulders. He flinched at the warmth, grateful. âBut you can control what you do about it,â you teased. He looked at you warily. âWhat does that mean?â
âIt means,â you said, beginning to rub warmth into his arms through the cloth, âI see you, Neteyam. You wake up every morning tense and hard like a stone pillar under that tweng. Youâve been diving into the water like some cursed, guilty little boy. But youâre not little. Youâre a grown man. My mate.â
He looked anywhere but your eyes. You lowered your voice. âI know what your dreams are about.â He finally met your gaze, his voice low. âDo you?â You nodded slowly. âYou talk in your sleep sometimes.â He groaned, pulling the cloth over his face. âGreat.â
âDonât be embarrassed,â you said, laughing softly. âTheyâre⌠kinda flattering.â He peeked at you with a look of dry betrayal. âYouâre enjoying this?â
âJust a little.â He scowled, though it lacked heat. âItâs not fair. I remember just enough to want you, but not enough to feel like I deserve to act on it.â Your smile faded into something softer. You moved closer, fingertips brushing his arm. âYouâre my husband. The father of my children. You donât have to earn whatâs already yours. You just have to come home to it.â
He looked at you for a long time, jaw tight, eyes searching your face. âI dream of you,â he said. âThe way you used to kiss me. Touch me. Your voiceâsoundsâI didnât know I remembered⌠They wake me up shaking.â Your lips parted slightly, your own breath catching. âAnd then I look at you,â he added, âand I just feel⌠pulled. Like my body remembers everything my head forgot. Every time I brush against you by accident, it feels like lightning in my chest.â You swallowed thickly, stepping closer. He glanced toward the children. âBut I canât keep waking up like this, hard as a rock, running into the ocean like a foolâfreezing my balls off.â
You laughed again, unable to help it. âDo you want help next time, ma Neteyam?â His eyes darkened, lips quirking. âDonât start, yawne. Iâm barely holding on as it is.â You smiled at him with soft eyes, brushing his hair from his face. âThen maybe you should stop fighting so hard. Come back to me. All the way.â
He leaned in, almost without thinking, but then pulled back with a sigh. âI donât want to mess this up again,â he said. âSo Iâll wait until I know for sure Iâm ready. You deserve all of me.â You nodded. âAnd youâll get there. But maybe next time, skip the icy ocean.â He looked down at his lap, where the evidence of his dreams had finally subsided. âGood. Because my balls still havenât recovered.â You giggled, smacking his arm. âGo warm up, skxawng. Iâll make tea.â
As you turned, he reached out and caught your wrist gently. âHey.â You turned back. His gaze was full of everything he couldnât quite say yet. âI love you,â he said, voice quiet. Your heart skipped. You squeezed his hand. âI know.â I giggle, âI love you more.â And as the morning sun broke through the clouds, there was a quiet promise lingering in the space between your joined hands: He was coming home. Fully. One dream, one breath, one kiss at a time.
The night was still. Quiet but for the gentle whisper of waves against the reef, and the occasional coo or sigh from the children shifting in their sleep. Neteyam sat on the mat, legs crossed, the tablet glowing faintly in his hands. You had already told himâtwiceâto come to bed. You were curled up at the far end of the mat, Kiriya tucked in your arms, Likan curled against your side, and Eylanâs head resting gently near yours. But still, he stayed up. Still, he scrolled.
He couldnât stop. The images, the videos⌠they were you. Him. All the small things that shouldâve been ordinary felt sacred now. You walking through the forest, barefoot, laughing. You trying to cut fruit with a curved blade and muttering curses under your breath when it slipped. You with the boysâsmeared in mud, singing lullabies, dancing in the kitchen. Every second was a thread. And slowly, they were stitching his life back together.
Then he tapped a file. One he hadnât seen before, the screen went black for a moment, then it lit up. It was you. Dressed in Omatikayan wedding clothâdeep forest green and rich maroon threads, handmade jewelry wrapped delicately around your wrists and ankles. Beads adorned your hair. Your face was dewy with tears. You stood inside a new home, just barely furnished, still smelling of fresh cut wood and woven palms. You looked straight into the camera and sniffled, smiling so wide it cracked through your tears.
âWeâre mated.â You laughed, wiping your eyes. âI canât believe it. I mean⌠I can, because of course itâs him. But Iâm stillâIâm married to Neteyam. The love of my life.â You giggled. âHe went back to get the rest of our stuff. He wouldnât let me help. He said, âJust stay here, baby. Iâll bring home our whole world.ââ You glanced around, eyes full of emotion. âThis is it. Our home. He built this with his own hands for us. And somehow, I get to live here with him.â The camera shook slightly as you leaned in. Your eyes were shining. Honest. âHe loves me. He loves me so much. Even when Iâm angry. Even when I donât get things right. Even when I talk too much or sleep with my feet freezing cold. He never complains. He just⌠pulls me close. He tells me Iâm everything he ever wanted.â You breathed out slowly, clutching somethingâyour courting tokenâin your hand. âI never thought Iâd have this. I never thought Iâd get to be chosen. But he chose me. And Iâll spend, the rest of my life loving him the way he loves me. The way he made me feel like I deserve and the way I know he deserves.â The video ended quietly. Neteyamâs chest caved inward as he stared at the dark screen, frozen.
And thenâIt hit him. Everything. Like water crashing through a dam. The forest. The moment you first reached for his hand. The first time you slept curled up together under the stars. Your first kiss, his fingers trembling where they touched your jaw. His face pressed into your neck the night you gave birth to Eylan. You squeezing his hand, eyes locked on him as Likan came into the world. Your laughter. Your cries. The fights. The passion. The love. Every. Single. Second. He gaspedâchoked on airâand jerked forward as if the wind had been knocked out of him. His hands trembled violently. You stirred. He didnât even realize how loud heâd whispered your name. âMaâma yawneââ You blinked awake slowly, sleep-soft and groggy. âTeyam?â
But his hand was already on your cheek, his breath hitching, eyes wide and wet as he leaned over you. And that was when Kiriya stirredâyour movement jostling her. She let out a sharp cry, confused and still tired. Likan, pressed against you, whined and flailed sleepily. Eylan murmured something and turned over. You sat up quickly, trying to hush her, but Neteyam was shakingâsmilingâand crying all at once, one hand over his mouth, the tablet slipping from his lap. You turned to him in confusion. âNeteyamâwhatâ?â He was already pulling you close, chest heaving as he clung to you, half-laughing, half-sobbing. âI remember.â His voice broke. âI remember everything.â Your heart stopped. âWhatââ
âEverything.â He leaned his forehead against yours. âYou. Our life. The boys. Kiriya.â His hand hovered over her; chest wracked with emotion. â*You were right. Youâve always been right. I was yours. Iâve always been yours.â The emotion in your chest was a storm. You couldnât speak. You could barely breathe.
Then you heard feet, running. Kiri burst in, wide-eyed, Neytiri behind her. Jake wasnât far. Tuk, sleepy and bleary, trailed behind holding her bow. Loâak came in next, tense and worried. âWhat happened?! Is something wrong?â Kiriâs eyes landed on Neteyamâs faceâhis tear-streaked, smiling faceâand yours, where you trembled and wept against him. Neytiriâs breath caught. Jakeâs shoulders slumped in relief. You turned to them, cradling Kiriya as Neteyam wrapped an arm around all three of his children, pulling them in.
âHe remembers.â The room stilled. Kiriâs hands flew to her mouth. Neytiri was crying in seconds, turning into Jakeâs chest. Tuk ran forward, hugging Neteyamâs leg. âYouâre back?â He laughed wetly. âIâm back, Tuk.â Loâak stared, stunned, then shook his head in disbelief. âYouâre such a skxawng,â he muttered, voice cracking. âIâm gonna punch you so hard later.â Neteyam only nodded, tears slipping free as he held you tighter. âGo ahead,â he whispered. âI probably deserve it.â You were sobbing now, holding onto him as he kissed your temple again and again, touching your face, your hands, your belly, like he had to feel every part of you to make sure you were real. He remembered. Everything. And from this moment on, he would never forget again.
Once the noise settled and the tears dried, the Sully family gave their son one last round of bone-crushing hugs, quiet laughter, and forehead kisses before Neytiri gently ushered everyone back to their mauri, smiling through her tears.
âIâll see you in the morning, maâitan,â Neytiri whispered as she smoothed his hair like she had when he was a boy. âMy son has returned.â Jake gripped his shoulder with pride, his eyes red. âWeâll talk tomorrow. Youâll explain everything⌠after you sleep.â Kiri gave him a long, tight hug, and even Loâak ruffled his hair with a sigh that sounded suspiciously like relief. âYouâre lucky I love you, bro,â he muttered. âYouâre lucky I remember you,â Neteyam replied with a grin.
After the family trickled out, leaving only the soft glow of a candle and the quiet hum of night, you found yourself staring at the mat, where the three kids had already started dozing again in the aftermath of their interrupted slumber.
Likan had kicked off his blanket and sprawled belly-first across a woven pillow like a tiny lizard. Eylan had found his way to the spot Neteyam sat in earlier and curled up there like it was still warm, his little face slack with sleep. Kiriya, sweet and full after nursing, lay content against your shoulder, her soft breaths ghosting across your collarbone. âStars,â you whispered, looking at the chaos. âThey sleep like drunk adults.â
Neteyam let out a small, husky laugh and dropped into the mat beside you, his shoulders finally relaxed, his posture slouched in a way you hadnât seen in monthsâlike the weight of confusion had fallen off his chest. âYou always said thatâ he said with a grin, brushing Likanâs stray braid out of his face. âI never understood it until now. He sleeps like he fought a tree.â
âHe did fight a tree yesterday,â you said, smirking. âLost, too.â Neteyam chuckled, glancing at you as you gently laid Kiriya down between the pillows and tucked her beside her brothers. You both stared down at them in silence.
âI missed this,â he said softly. You turned to him, laying on your side, your hand propping your head up. âYou didnât know you were missing it.â He groaned and replied âI know. Thatâs the part that kills me.â You reached across the mat and touched his wrist. âYou came back to us. Thatâs all that matters.â His eyes softened. âYou kept this going. All of it. The home. The kids. Me.â
âI cried. A lot,â you admitted. âAnd yelled. And didnât shower nearly enough.â Neteyam grinned. âYou smell fine. You always smell like⌠berries and sunlight and baby.â You giggle softly. âThatâs either really sweet or mildly offensive.â
âDepends on the baby,â he joked. Then, after a beat, his smile faded into something gentler. âI remember what you went through. At least, parts of it. When I was shot. When you saw me unconscious. The birth of Kiriya.â You blinked. âYou remember that?â
He nodded. âNot the pain. But I remember her crying. And Loâakâs voice. And yours.â His gaze dropped to your belly. âYou were in so much pain, and I wasnât there. And then you were holding her and sobbing because I didnât wake up.â Tears welled in your eyes. âYou remember that?â He reached over and cupped your cheek. âI do now. It all came back. I felt like Iâd forgotten how to breathe without you. But the second I saw that video of youâour wedding, you talking to the cameraâit was like my whole soul snapped into place.â You sniffled, trying not to cry again. âI didnât know if youâd ever see that.â
âIâm glad I did. You were so beautiful in that video.â His grin returned, sly this time. âI remember how long it took me to take those wraps off.â You flushed. âDonât start, Neteyam. The kids areââ He leaned closer, teasing. âAll asleep. Deep, drooling sleep. We could draw on their faces and they wouldnât notice.â You swatted his shoulder, laughing into your hand. âYouâre horrible.â
âIâm yours,â he whispered, brushing your fingers aside to kiss your knuckles. You stared at him, your heart full to the brim. âYouâre sure?â
âIâve never been more sure of anything in my life.â He lay down facing you, so close now your foreheads touched. âI remember every scar, every fight, every kiss, every moment I told you I loved youâand everyone I didnât say it but showed it anyway. I remember you, yawne. All of you.â You swallowed around the lump in your throat, your fingers finding his, tangled loosely between your bodies. âYouâre gonna have to prove it, you know.â He smirked. âOh, I plan to.â Kiriya stirred in her sleep with a little grunt and both of you froze, peeking over her bundled shape. âSheâs got your nose,â Neteyam whispered. You smiled. âAnd your attitude. She screams when her milk isnât warm enough like I can do anything about it.â He laughed softly âSheâs perfect.â
âSheâs ours.â Neteyam leaned forward, gently pressing a kiss to your brow, your temple, then your lips. It was soft. Familiar. Like coming home. When you pulled apart, he yawnedâfinallyâand tucked himself closer to you, curling behind Kiriya as you remained on your side facing him. âThis side better than mine,â he mumbled. âBecause itâs mine,â you teased. âIâm never leaving it again.â And you believed him. As the rain danced on the thatched roof above and your family slept safely around you, you let your eyes drift closed. Neteyam was home.
Lina paced the length of her mauri, the woven floor creaking softly beneath her bare feet. The ocean breeze no longer felt soothingâit was biting. Mocking. Her hands trembled as she set down the shell bowl, she had no intention of eating from. The scent of sea fruit made her stomach turn. Three weeks. Thatâs how long it had been since sheâd last seen Neteyam.
No word. No visit. No trace of the man who once sat beside her every evening, tangled in her nets, tangled in her. Gone, like fog when the sun rises. And worseâworseâhe had moved back into the home he once shared with you. That forest-bred thing he couldnât remember loving. That mate who stood in her way again. She had heard it secondhand. Whispers from the market, low murmurs from children, the ripple of gossip as effortless as breath. âDid you hear? Neteyam moved back in with his family.â
âHe carries the little one again, helps the boys bathe by the shore.â
âThey say he remembers.â
That last part hit like a blade. He remembered. Sheâd dropped her basket when she heard, too stunned to care that her gathered sea herbs had spilled across the coral path. Her chest had gone tight, her vision narrowed. She hadnât cried. No. She didnât cry. But the burn in her throat was undeniable. He remembered. And he didnât even say goodbye. He hadnât needed to. Youâd won. Again.
All her work, all her effortâeverything she gave him: her attention, her patience, her body, her timeâit had been for nothing. For a glimpse. A taste. And then gone. But Lina wasnât the kind of woman to lose quietly. She sat that night beside her hearth, face lit by dim firelight, fingers curled tightly around a carving knife. She didnât think about stabbing anything. Not really. Just the weight of it. The way the handle fit in her hand. She needed control. She needed something. Then the plan began to spin in her mind, fine and sharp as woven fishing line. If Neteyam remembered everythingâeverythingâthen surely, he also remembered pain. Jealousy. Doubt. The flaws. The insecurities. And maybe⌠just maybe, if she sowed the right seed, it would take root.
She didnât know about your moment with Loâakâhow could she? But that didnât stop her from making one up. She found the right voice, trembling, sweet, just innocent enough. She whispered it first to a pair of girls near the shore. âThey say she was never loyal,â she sighed. âEven when Neteyam was still unconscious. I heard Loâak was always around. Maybe too much.â She knew how to pick the right moments. Who to speak near, she wasnât foolish enough to name names or say it too directly. But whispers had power in a clan this tightly knit. âDid you see how Loâak always carries the boys around? Itâs like theyâre his.â
âI thought she moved on. I heard she and Neteyam werenât⌠together when the baby came.â
âShe and Loâak used to sneak off into the woods before dinner, remember?â
Lies. Crafted with care. Not wild ones, but the kind that sounded like they could be true. And they spread. Lina watched from the rocks, arms crossed, as you passed with Kiriya in your sling and Neteyam at your side, your boys trailing behind him, clinging to their fatherâs fingers. You were laughing. He was smilingâgenuinely smiling. Her stomach twisted. It wasnât fair.
She had earned him. Sheâd been there when no one else had. When he didnât know his name, she had whispered it against his skin. When he forgot who he was, she told him he was hers. But that version of himâblank, open, lostâwas slipping further away with each passing day. So, her smile turned thin and patient, her hands laced sweetly in her lap, but her eyes stayed sharp. Scheming. She wasnât done. Not yet.
It started with whispers â again. You had exactly, one week of peace together. But this time, the whispers were about you. At first, Neteyam tried to ignore them. He wanted to. He wanted to stay focused on the life he was building back â the family dinners, the quiet moments with Kiriya curled into his chest, the way Eylan giggled when he tossed him into the shallows, Likanâs sticky kisses, your soft sleepy smile before dawn. That was his life. But the voices got louder.
âShe was with Loâak even before the baby came, I heard.â
âI saw them, always together, before Neteyam woke up. Touching.â
âMaybe the little one isnât even his. Look at her eyes.â
âYou think thatâs why Loâak always helps with the kids? Guilt?â
One thing Neteyam had learned since regaining his memories: gossip in the clan was like a storm on the sea. Small at first, and then suddenly everywhere, churning, devouring, crashing over every surface. And it hurt. It hurt more than anything had in the last few months â because he had forgiven you. You had told him everything. That one kiss. That one moment of weakness. And he knew you regretted it. You had been broken. Alone. You had never stopped loving him. He knew that. But now, it wouldnât leave his mind, the noise of it. Over and over. What if there was more? What if everyone else knew something he didnât? He tried to push it down. Until the final blow came. âLoâak said something once⌠he said he loved her. Thatâs what I heard.â Neteyam lost it.
The entire family was gathered, talking near the cluster of Sully-linked mauri when it exploded. You were inside yours with the kids, nursing Kiriya down for her nap, and Neteyam was supposed to be helping Jake with spear repairs â but his voice rang out loud enough to stop everything. âYou swore it was only one kiss!â Neteyamâs voice cracked like thunder, loud and hurt and furious. âOne mistake! And now Iâm hearing that my daughter might not even be mine?! That you and my wifeââ Jake stepped in immediately, pushing a hand against Neteyamâs chest. âHey! Hey! Watch yourselfââ Loâakâs face twisted in confusion and disbelief. âBroâwhat the fuck are you talking about?â
âYou knew she was mine!â Neteyam shouted at him, ignoring everyone else, fury pouring out of every muscle. âYou stood by her while I was dying, and now Iâm finding out you touched her? Loved her? Are you proud of that?â Loâak stumbled back, face blanching. âNo. WhatâNeteyam, I neverâ! It wasnât like that! You know that!â Neytiriâs voice sliced through the air. âEnough.â But it was too late. You stepped out of the mauri then â Kiriya in your sling, wide-eyed, blinking against the noise. You looked⌠shattered. Neteyam saw you. The pain on your face. The hurt. The sheer shock at what he was saying. And still â still â he couldnât stop himself. âDid you sleep with him?â he asked, low now. âTell me right now, if you everââ Your eyes welled up. âHow dare you?â Everyone froze. You backed away slowly, turning without another word, disappearing down the sand path.
And then, a day passed. Two. You barely left the mauri, save for fetching food for the kids, helping them bathe and nap. You didnât want to see anyone. You didnât want to see him. Which is exactly when she came. Lina, you didnât realize it was her before, honestly you didnât even know what she looked like, but then she started talking. Soft-voiced. Sweet-smiled. Innocent eyes. âOh,â she said gently, âI just⌠I saw you out, and I wanted to say Iâm so sorry for what everyoneâs saying.â You didnât respond. She stepped closer. âIt must be hard, all the lies. But if anyoneâs lying, itâs not you.â You blinked, confused. She leaned in, whispering. âNeteyam lied to me too. Said he wasnât with you anymore. I wouldnât have ever let it happen otherwise. But⌠he got me pregnant. So⌠I guess youâre not the only one heâs been lying to.â Silence. Your vision blacked out. You shoved Kiriyaâs fruit basket into Linaâs chest and bolted.
The entire family saw it. The storm that broke next. You stormed into the Sully cluster of mauri, hair wild, eyes blazing, your body shaking with rage, and before Neteyam could say a wordâyour fist collided with his jaw. âMotherfucker.â He stumbled back, hand to his mouth. âWhaâ?!â
âYou accused me of things I never did! Sleeping with your brother?! And nowâNOW I find out you got the girl pregnant?! After everything?!â
âWhat?! Wait, what the fuck are you talking about?!â You shoved him again, sobbing, your arms flailing, âI loved you. I forgave you! I took you back, I let you in our home! And the whole timeââ
âShe said I whatâŚ?â Neteyam asked again. Loâak repeated it, slowly, disbelief still etched into his features. âShe told your wife⌠that you got her pregnant, bro.â
âSheââ Neteyam shook his head, blinking fast like he could erase the whole moment. âNo. No. I never⌠Eywa. I never even slept with her.â You scoffed bitterly, a sharp sound that cut deeper than your fist had. âWell, she says you did.â
âI didnât!â Neteyam barked, stepping forward, eyes pleading. âWe⌠we kissed. She touched me, I told you that. But I neverâ I never laid with her.â You held up your hand, cutting him off like a blade. âDonât. I swear to Eywa, donât come any closer.â He stopped dead in his tracks. Jake stepped forward. âWe need to get to the bottom of this. Now.â
Thatâs when Kiri ran up, breathless. âI heard it,â she gasped. âThe other girls were talking. Itâs Lina. She started the rumors. Sheâs the one who said the baby might not be Neteyamâs. Sheâs been lying this whole time. I knew it. I knew something was offââ The entire family turned quiet. Everything made sense. The rumors. The whispers. The timing. Neytiriâs face went pale with rage. Jakeâs jaw was clenched like stone. And youâbroken, shaking, furiousâyou stepped back, whispering only: âI hope sheâs worth it.â Neteyam didnât say a word.
Because for once⌠he had none. The silence after your final words was thick and suffocating. Your voice still rang in everyoneâs ears. Kiri stood stiffly off to the side, face pale and lips pressed tight, trying to catch her breath after rushing from the far reef. Neytiri stood close to her, a trembling hand on Kiriâs shoulder. Loâak had his hand on your back, trying to steady you as you held Kiriya close now, her tiny fists gripping your braid, confused by all the shouting. Likan and Eylan stood by Jakeâs side, wide-eyed and silent, watching everything with the sense that something very, very big had just happened.
Neteyamâs lip was bleeding. A trickle ran down the side of his mouth, where your fist had landed hard. He didnât wipe it. He didnât move at all. Just stood there, heart pounding out of rhythm, staring at you like he couldnât breathe. Jake crossed his arms, staring hard at Neteyam. âThen you need to find out the truth.â
âWhat?â Neteyamâs eyes darted from his father to you, shaking his head. âI told you. Itâs not true.â
âYou think I care what you say right now?â you hissed, voice low and deadly. Kiri took Kiriya from your arms gently, but your hands didnât fall limp â they curled into fists again. âI stood in front of your family, of my family, and defended you when you asked for space. When you forgot me. When you kissed her. When she touched you. I let it go because I loved you enough to let you find your way back. And now this?â Neteyam opened his mouth, but you didnât let him speak.
âYou accused me of being unfaithful,â you said through your teeth. âOf letting your brother touch me. Of lying about our children. You believed the rumors without asking me first, and now you expect me to stand by and let you see her again? After she says you got her pregnant?â
You took one step closer, the fire from your soul blazing in your eyes. âI donât care what you find out. I donât care what she says. I donât want you anywhere near that woman again. You walk into her mauri, Neteyam, and you stay there. You hear me?â He flinched at your words like they were lashes. Neytiri finally spoke, her voice cold, quiet. âShe manipulated you. Lied. Twisted her way into this familyâs peace. If you donât find the truth, she will never stop.â
âAnd if sheâs not pregnant?â Loâak asked warily. âIf itâs just another lie?â Jake added grimly, âTonowari and Ronal will deal with it.â Neteyam looked torn apart. His face was pale, expression twisted with a storm of pain. âI never wanted this.â
âBut you made choices,â you said softly now, quieter. It was worse than yelling. âAnd now you live with them.â
âIâm sorry.â You scoffed. âYou believed everything she said.â
âI didnât! Not all of it, not really,â he argued, eyes desperate now. âBut Iâ I wasnât thinking. I was a mess. And sheâ she took advantage of thatââ Loâak cut in, jaw tight. âYeah, we know. But the damage is done. The clanâs talking like itâs already true.â
âI donât care what the clan says!â you snarled. âI care about my children hearing lies that their father has another family!â Jake raised his hands, trying to calm the growing storm. âEnough. Both of you. We need to figure this out. Without sending Neteyam back there.â
Neteyam looked over at Jake now, lost. âHow do we find out? If she wonât talk to anyone else, and I canâtâwonâtâgo near her?â
Kiri stepped forward slowly. âI might have a way.â Everyone turned to her. Kiriâs eyes were steady, serious now. âShe talks to someone every day. A younger girl named Aluke. She was the first to start repeating the rumors about everything â about the baby not being yours. She mightâve overheard something else. Sheâs not very good at keeping her mouth shut.â You narrowed your eyes. âYou think you can get her to talk?â Kiri tilted her head. âIf sheâs anything like she was as a child, yes. If not, Iâll figure out another way.â Loâak nodded. âIf sheâs saying too much, sheâll keep talking. Maybe she knows Linaâs real intentions. Maybe she even knows itâs a lie.â
âIâll go with Kiri,â Neytiri said, jaw clenched. âThat girl said she saw the kiss between you two.â Loâak grimaced. âThat lie ends today, too,â Neytiri hissed. Jake nodded. âGood, go.â You didnât speak again â just nodded, sharp and stiff, and turned back toward the mauri with your children. Neteyam reached out instinctively â not to stop you, but to be near you. âMa yawneââ You turned your face just enough to look at him over your shoulder. There was no softness in your eyes. âI meant it,â you said again, low and quiet. âIf you go near her, weâre done.â He watched as you disappeared inside with Kiriya on your hip, Likan trailing behind you sleepily, Eylan still gripping your hand tightly.
The night settled in around them like a heavy blanket, no stars visible behind the clouds. And all Neteyam could think, again and again, was: âwhat if it is⌠and Iâve destroyed everything anyway?â
The rain had started up again just before nightfall â soft and drizzling, tapping against the woven leaves of your mauri like a lullaby meant for someone else. Not for you. Not for the mess your life had become. You sat curled up against the far wall, knees pulled tight to your chest, your arms wrapped around them as Kiriya nursed at your breast, her soft suckling the only real sound in the room. Likan and Eylan were asleep on the furs, their small bodies curled up together near the low-burning fire pit, unaware of the storm â outside or inside.
Your face was damp, and not just from the rain that had kissed your skin earlier. Youâd cried so hard your ribs ached. Your stomach burned. Your soul had frayed. You didnât look up when you heard the flap of the doorway shift. Neteyam stepped in quietly, his shoulders hunched, eyes rimmed red and jaw tight. He was breathing like heâd run here â or maybe like he was trying not to scream. He saw you and stopped mid-step. You didnât say anything. Couldnât. âCan I talk to you?â he asked, softly. Like you were something fragile. Like the wrong word would break you for good.
You didnât answer. Just stared down at Kiriya, who had stopped feeding and now blinked up at you sleepily, pawing at your chest. Neteyam took it as a maybe and came closer, crouching slowly beside you, careful not to disturb the boys. âI know youâre hurting,â he whispered. âAnd I deserve it. I do. I justâ I need you to know something. Really know it.â
You finally looked at him. Your face was blotchy, lips trembling, eyes bloodshot. His heart cracked wide open. âI didnât sleep with her,â he said, quickly, his voice raw. âNo matter what she says, or what anyone says⌠I swear it on Eywa. On my soul. I didnât. I never did.â You stared at him for a moment, like you werenât sure if your heart could risk believing him again.
âShe tried,â he said. âA lot. But every time⌠something pulled me back. It didnât feel right. It never did. Even when I didnât remember everything, there was something wrong about it. And I promise, I promise baby I told you everything. Everything that happened.â Your voice cracked when it came. âYou touched her.â
âYes,â he said honestly. âI did. And she touched me. Iâm not going to lie to you. But it didnât go further than that. I never let it. I never wanted to go all the way, even when I was confused. I didnât let her stay with me. I didnât let her into our home. I never crossed that line.â You choked. âThen howâhow could you still accuse me?â
âI was scared,â he admitted, his voice nearly breaking. âI heard what people were saying and I thought⌠I thought maybe I deserved it. Maybe it was true and Iâ I couldnât breathe. I lashed out. And I know it was wrong. Iâm so sorry.â He dropped his head, resting his forehead on your knees. âI was stupid. I let myself get pulled into something I knew deep down wasnât real. Not like this. Not like us. And now youâre hurting. And I did that. I did that.â You finally spoke again, whisper soft. âShe said sheâs pregnant.â
âI donât care,â he said quickly. âIf she is, itâs not mine. It canât be. Sheâs lying. She has to be. And if sheâs not⌠she was with someone else.â You stared at him, your hand resting on Kiriyaâs back. âWhy would she say it, then?â
âBecause she knew I was slipping away,â he said. âI stopped going. I stopped touching her. I came home. She saw. She knew I remembered. Thatâs why she did this. To punish me. To keep you from forgiving me.â Your bottom lip quivered. âYou donât deserve forgiveness.â
âI know. But Iâll spend the rest of my life earning it if youâll let me.â A silence passed. The sound of Kiriyaâs breath. The fire crackling. A gust of wind outside. You wiped your cheek with the back of your hand. âI donât believe sheâs carrying your child.â Neteyamâs eyes met yours, startled.
âI donât believe her,â you repeated. âBecause I know you. Even with your memory gone, I knew who you were. You wouldnât do that. You wouldnât give her that. You could make mistakes, sure. But that? No.â His throat bobbed. âI swear I didnât.â
âI believe you.â Tears welled in his eyes, falling freely now. âThank you.â
âIâm still angry,â you added quickly. âIâm so angry. Iâm not ready to just⌠be okay. But I needed to hear it from you. That it wasnât true.â He nodded, eyes shining. âIâll take whatever you can give me.â
âI canât give much,â you whispered. âIâll still be here.â You exhaled slowly, eyes falling to the sleeping boys, then to Kiriya now curled against your shoulder. âI need you to be the father they deserve. Not the man that woman wanted you to be.â
âI will be,â he whispered. âI swear, yawne. No more lies. No more her.â Your lip trembled again. âYouâre not allowed to leave us again.â
âI wonât.â He reached out, gently covering your hand with his.
The fire had burned low. The boys still slept, warm and safe beneath the woven furs. Kiriya dozed in your arms again, her soft little face pressed against your bare chest, one tiny hand curled at your throat. You rocked her absently, though your eyes stayed locked on the flames.
Neteyam hadnât moved far. He knelt just beside you still, silent, watching the way you held your daughter. The weight of everything hung between you â grief, pain, betrayal, but also something else. The flicker of something alive. Something trying to bloom back to life in the ash of everything youâd survived.
When Kiriya let out a soft sigh, eyes fluttering fully closed, you shifted and began to lower her gently to the mat, tucking her into the blankets beside her brothers. You stroked her cheek once and then let yourself sit back â your hands trembling from the storm you hadnât yet shaken loose. Then⌠Neteyam reached for you. Slow. Gentle.
His hands came to your waist first, then slipped around your back, tugging you into him. You let it happen, though your arms stayed limp at your sides, your face burying into his shoulder automatically as your body began to tremble again. Not loud, not dramatic. Just deep, silent sobs. The kind that come when the worst has already passed, and all thatâs left is the exhaustion of surviving it. He rocked you gently. âMa yawne,â he whispered, over and over. âOeyä yawne. Iâm so sorry. Iâm here. Iâm here.â
His hands rubbed up and down your spine, anchoring you against him, his breath warm at your temple. You clung to him then, arms looping tightly around his chest, pulling yourself into his warmth as if you could melt into him and never have to leave. âForgive me,â he whispered, voice trembling. âPlease. Iâll say it every day. Iâll say it in my sleep. Iâll never stop saying it. But you have to know â I never stopped loving you. Even when I didnât know who I was⌠something in me always knew you.â
You pulled back just enough to look at him. His face was wet with tears, his eyes searching yours like he was still begging to be allowed this moment. And you nodded. âThen show me,â you whispered. âShow me, ma Neteyam.â He blinked. âAre you sure?â You nodded again, slow and full of meaning. âI want to feel you again. All of you.â He inhaled sharply, heart pounding, and then â reverently, slowly â he reached for your kuru. The moment he touched it, your chest fluttered, and your hands instinctively rose to the braid at the base of his skull. Together⌠you connected. Tsahaylu. And in an instant â the world shifted.
You gasped softly as everything came crashing in. The pain heâd been holding onto. The regret. The confusion. The shame. And thenâunderneath it, rising like the tideâthe love. So much love. You felt it â how heâd carried your voice in his soul even when he didnât know it was yours. How home had always been the sound of your laugh. How the dreams haunted him because you were in every one of them â your smile, your body, your touch. How much he missed being yours. Being Neteyam â your Neteyam. And you let him feel everything too.
The moment your belly swelled with Kiriya, and you lay awake at night just praying heâd live to see her. The quiet strength you held for your boys every day while breaking inside. The ache of being forgotten. The pain of being blamed. The unbearable longing for his arms, his voice, his eyes full of love. How you still wore his courting token in your hair every day. How even after everything â you still loved him. Still chose him. A choked breath left his throat, and he crushed you into his chest again, one hand cradling your head, the other spreading across your back.
âI canât believe I forgot I had this,â he whispered hoarsely. âEverything. Every moment. Every promise I made. I meant them all.â
âI know,â you whispered back, your breath catching as more tears fell, softer this time. Cleansing. âI know, ma tĂŹyawn. So did I.â He kissed your hair, your cheek, your temple, tenderly, over and over like he couldnât stop. His hands shook against your skin. âI donât deserve your forgiveness,â he murmured.
âYou already have it,â you said quietly. âYou always did. You were sick, Neteyam. Lost. But I knew youâd find your way.â
âAnd you waited,â he whispered. âEven when I was breaking your heart.â
âI prayed for you every night,â you said. âI loved you even when it hurt.â He pulled back and touched your cheek with such reverence it made your eyes sting all over again. âI donât know how I ever looked at another woman when you were right here.â You let out a broken laugh, and he laughed too, just a little, brushing his nose against yours. âYouâre such an idiot,â you whispered, watery and smiling. âBiggest skxawng in the clan,â he agreed softly.
You both stayed there for a long time â connected, bonded, whole â until the fire burned down to embers and the soft rise and fall of your childrenâs breathing filled the quiet night. For the first time in moons, you werenât broken anymore. You were together You looked up at him, your fingers still trembling in his. Your tears had dried, but their weight clung to your chest. The soft glow of the lantern in the corner of the mauri cast golden light over Neteyamâs face, over the worry in his brow, the love in his eyes.
You had missed him. Missed the warmth of him. The way his arms felt like protection. The way his presence calmed the storm in your chest like nothing else ever could. His hand rose to brush your cheek, thumb grazing softly over the edge of your jaw. âYouâre still the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen,â he whispered, his voice low, reverent, full of ache. Your breath caught. âYou donât have to say that just because you remember now.â
âIâm not,â he murmured. âIâm saying it because I feel it. Because Iâve always felt it.â Then he kissed you. Slowly, gentlyâlike a prayer, like an apology, like a promise. His lips moved with care, like he was relearning the shape of you, the rhythm of your breath. You shifted carefully until you were straddling his lap, your hands slid up his arms, his shoulders, anchoring yourself to him as his fingers trailed down your sides, not rushed or demandingâbut familiar.
He paused, eyes locking with yours. âCan IâŚ?â he asked, voice quiet, but full of need. Full of reverence. You nodded, breathless, pulling him closer. He leaned in again, lips brushing your temple, your cheek, the corner of your mouth. âI want to take every doubt out of your body,â he whispered. âEvery lie she told, every word I ever said that made you feel less.â
Slowly, tenderly, he slid away the fabric of your chest wrap, revealing skin he hadnât touched in what felt like years. He kissed every place he uncoveredâyour collarbone, the hollow of your throat, your shoulder. His hands were careful, steady, full of quiet devotion.
âI missed you,â he said against your skin. âThe way you laugh. The way you look when you hold our children. The way your eyes soften when youâre teasing me. I remember all of it now.â You breathed in shakily, fingers in his hair. âThen show me.â And he did. Every kiss was a promise. Every whisper a vow. No rush. No demands. Just the slow, sacred return to something only the two of you had ever shared. To something no oneânot even memory loss, not even betrayalâcould truly erase. When he finally held you in his arms, skin to skin, soul to soul, the weight youâd been carrying fell away. You werenât just forgiving each other. You were finding your way back home.
His hands moved with a reverence that made your breath catch, as if every part of you deserved to be memorized all over again. And maybe you didâmaybe he did, too. His lips traveled slowly, unhurried, pressing to every dip and curve like he was rediscovering sacred ground. Neteyam was about to lay you down onto the mat but then the Likan shifted, and you both paused looking over at him. Instead, you silently pointed to the fur rug in front of the fireplace, and he lifted you effortlessly, laying you down in front of the warmth.
When he kissed down your body, over your chest, the soft skin of your stomach, and lower, you gasped, a quiet sound that broke somewhere between relief and longing. Your fingers curled against the blankets beneath you, your eyes fluttering shut. It wasnât just the sensation of his mouth or the trail of heat he left in his wake, it was what it meant. It was him choosing youânot out of duty, not because memory demanded it, but because his heart knew it. Because he remembered. Because he wanted to.
You felt it in the way his lips lingered. In the way his hands steadied your hips like you were something precious. In the way he paused, looking up at you with dark, reverent eyes before continuing, like asking for permission even now. Your heart thudded in your chest, overwhelming and fragile. You whispered his name. Not in desperationâbut in awe. He smiled. Softly. Like he knew what this meant. It wasnât frantic or rushed. It wasnât about need. It was about presence. You had him again. All of him. The weight of his body, the brush of his breath, the worship in his touch. And for the first time in so long, you werenât surviving. You were living. You were loved.
Neteyamâs lips brushed your collarbone, slow and warm, and you gasped softly half-laughter, half-need. âYouâre laughing?â he murmured against your skin, lips curving into a smile. You giggled breathlessly, your fingers brushing through his braids. âIt tickles,â you whispered, voice catching. âYouâre not usually this slow.â He chuckled, dragging his lips to your neck. âIâve been gone a while,â he said lowly, âI think Iâm allowed to savor my wife.â
You bit your lip. âYouâre lucky I missed you.â He lifted his head just long enough to meet your eyes. âMissed me? Or missed this?â His hand slid along your thigh, deliberate but gentle. You grinned. âDonât act like you donât know.â
âI want to hear you say it,â he teased, voice dipping as he nipped at your shoulder. âFine,â you breathed, a flush blooming over your cheeks. âI missed your mouth⌠and your hands⌠and the way youââ You broke off with a gasp as he found a spot that made you squirm. âThere?â he said with a smirk, nosing into your neck. You shoved at his chest, laughing. âYouâre so smug.â
âOnly when Iâve earned it.â You arched slightly, brushing your lips against his ear. âYou havenât yet.â His growl was soft but promising. âChallenge accepted.â You both laughed, your bodies close, breaths mingling. Then he stilled for a moment, his forehead resting against yours. âYouâre still the most beautiful thing Iâve ever seen,â he said, voice barely a whisper. âI thought Iâd never remember what you felt like. But now⌠Iâll never forget again.â Your eyes stung, heart pounding. âThen donât ever leave me again, mighty warrior.â He leaned in, brushing your lips with his. âNever,â he promised.
Your breath hitched as his mouth wandered lower, slow and reverent, and your hand found its way to his hair. âYou always do this,â you murmured, voice trembling with a smile. âDo what?â His voice was low, warm against your skin. âTake your time⌠like youâre unwrapping a gift.â He chuckled. âYou are a gift. Iâve been starving, yawntu. Let me taste what I nearly lost.â His lips kissed down and around both your breast before kissing your nipple softly, his lips dragged against the harden nub You blushed hard at his words, shivering under his touch. âYouâre saying things that make my knees weak,â you whispered.
âGood,â he said, tongue darting out to give you a tantalizing, slow flick. âBecause I remember now. I remember exactly how to make you fall apart.â You gasped, laughing lightly, trying to tug him back up to kiss you, but he resisted, trailing his fingers up your sides instead. âNo, no,â he teased, grinning against your skin. âYou said I hadnât earned it yet.â You whined. âNeteyamâŚâ
âSay it again.â His tone was softer now, tender. âSay my name like that.â He moved his head down after biting your nipple and tugging softly making a little mess in his mouth. âNeteyam.â Your voice cracked on it, raw and breathless. He kissed down the curve of your ribs, slow and steady. âThere it is.â A pause. âYou always said it like that. Like it was sacred.â
âIt is,â you whispered, cupping his face and drawing him up to you. âYou are.â He kissed you then â slow, searching, aching â and as he hovered above you, his forehead pressed to yours, your legs tangled beneath the covers, you felt the shift. âDo you remember this part too?â you asked shyly, teasing. He laughed softly. âI remember everything to know you used to beg.â You let out a scandalized gasp. âI did not.â
âYou did,â he said with a smug smile. âEspecially when Iâd tease these cute nipples with my tongue and my fingersâŚ.and when I sucked on your pretty clit and stuck my tongue in this tight little hole.â He leaned down and whispered something in your ear that made you swat at his arm, breathless and flushed. His fingers ran down your body, all the way dow between your bare thighs to rub small light circles on your clit, making you whimper âFuckâŚ!â you said, burying your face in his neck.
âYou love it,â he whispered against your shoulder. âI love you,â you corrected, breath heavy on his neck as you kissed under his ear He froze, just for a moment but didnât stop his movements. Then his voice broke as he said, âSay it again.â you repeated, one hand over his heart. âI love youâŚAlways.â
âEven now?â You nodded. âEspecially now.â He exhaled like heâd been holding his breath for months. âThen let me show you how much I love you too,â he whispered. âYes pleaseâŚâ you whisper as he worked his was down once more, smiling as he already got that little âpleaseâ out of you. His head disappeared under the thin blanket, kissing and sucking the skin of your thighs, grazing his fangs and sometimes biting like he really was getting taste out of the act. Your moaned softly into the air having to control your voice now more than ever, not wanting to be interrupted. Neteyamâs hands wrapped around your thighs pulling you closer and tossing your legs over his shoulders, his breath lingered on your core making you clench around nothing before you felt his mouth on you.
His tongue worked magic between your thighs, hit the spots he had hit perfected for years, as if it was the only thing in the world he was supposed to remember. Itâs been so long since felt him you didnât realize youâd want to cum so fast, his tongue flicked up and down, side to side making you arch your back and whimpers escape from your lips. Your hands tangled into his braids tugging him closer as if his face could be anymore buried in you. He sucked on your clit making your eyes go wide and your grip tighten in his hair as you hiss into the air, âohâŚoh my EywaâŚâ you whispered clenching your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut as he fucked his tongue into you, it only took a few sweet thrust before you were cuming on his tongue, your essence messing up his face, your thighs, and leaking down his chin to his neck as he lapped you up sweetly.
His head rose from the blanket as you were trying to catch your breath, he looked very pleased with himself. He wiped his face with the back of his hand before hovering over you again, his fingers trailing down to your core as he kissed you again letting you taste your cum on his tongue, it was sweet, like the flowers he picked for you yesterday. Your thighs twitched as his fingers made may to your hole, but you stopped him, âMa TeyamâŚâ you mumbled against his lips. He pulled away and looked down at you, âwhat is it sweetheart?â
You bit your lip at his sweet nickname and took a breath, âdonâtâŚ. donât put your fingers in..â Neteyam tilted his head at your request, itâs been months since the last time you had sex he wasnât to stretch you out, so it doesnât hurt as much, and he was about to say so before you spoke again. âWant your cock to stretch me outâŚwanna feel itâ you bit your lip and smile up at him sweetly, as if the most vile words ever didnât just come out of you. Neteyam let his fingers pause where they were toying between your folds, rubbing against your tight hole and look he gave you was wrecked. âOh, Great MotherâŚâ His groan punched from his chest like heâd been struck.
You snorted through your nose, half laughing, half breathless. âShh, the kids are asleep, ma Teyamââ You put a finger to his lips, wide-eyed. âDo not wake them.â He caught your wrist, kissed your fingertip, his voice rough and dark: âThen stop saying things that make me forget we even have children.â
He dipped his head into the crook of your neck, panting hard, his hand that was between your legs now gripped tight on your hips. âYou canât say things like that.â His voice was wrecked, trembling. You tilted your head sweetly. âWhy not?â He growled, lifting his head to look at you, eyes ablaze. âBecause Iâm trying to be gentle, and thatâŚâ âhe kissed you hard, teeth grazing your lipâ âmakes me want to ruin you.â You gasped into his mouth, heart pounding. His hands roamed now, slow but more desperate.
âStars, yawntu,â he muttered, his forehead resting against yours. âYouâre going to kill me.â You giggled â quiet and sinful. âYou keep saying that.â He groaned again, softer this time, but no less strained. âDonât do that, donât laugh like that after you didnât just say the nastiest thing to meâ which made you giggle again. âYou want me just like this?â he whispered, voice dipping low, dangerously low. âWant my cock in you just like that?â He asked as if he was confirming thatâs what you so desperately wanted. You nodded, lips parted, breathing shallow. And the fire in him roared. âYouâre playing a dangerous game.â But even as he said it, he was already gone for you.
His body shifted again, ridding himself of his loincloth now hanging, hard and heavy between his strong thighs over cunt. Before his hand could, you swiped your fingers on your tongue giving them a nice wet lick before grabbing his cock in your hand, your stroked it softly and his body tensed, âoh fuckâgreat motherâ he cursed dropping his head down, so your foreheads touched. âThat feel good baby?â You whisper into his mouth as your lips brush, but you didnât kiss.
âS-so goodâŚâ he matched your tone, strained. âMy poor husbandâŚso touch starved..â you giggle wickedly but it was still so, so hot to him. âYou missed me muntaxtan? Missed the way I touched you? Stroked your cock?â Your words were hot down his throat he couldnât breathe, so he nodded against you, brushing your skin close, quiet, hot. Like youâd just created a whole world for this moment. âWanna fuck me muntaxtan?â He nodded again, hand running down your body to grip his out cock over your hand, âyea? Do itâŚfuck me, put it in muntaxtanâŚâ you edged him as your jaw went slack as he entered you. Slowly, like he was memorizing how ever ridge on his cock, how every bugling vein felt going into your sweet, hot, cunt.
His jaw matched yours swallowing all the moans you let out, with every inch of his thick cock stretching you open. His eyes shut to calm himself, he felt like he could cum on the spot. âOhâŚEywaâ you moaned and his eyes darted open, taking in your furrowed brows and heavy panting. His cock was only halfway in at this point, and he stopped, moving back and forth giving you a few shallow thrusts, âcalling for God baby? Eywaâs not fucking you, my cock is fucking youâŚsay my name.â His voice was soft but commanding. Your legs wrapped around your waist, one over the other on his back, his tails wrapped around your ankle and yours around his thigh. Neteyam dug his cock deeper in, until he was fulling you completely, cock snug in your cock, âf-fuckâŚNeteyam.â You whispered into his mouth making him smile, âthatâs my good girlâŚso perfect for meâŚso good at taking instructions.â
Your eyes rolled you swear you was your brain when he started to move, shallow thrusts at first, balls slapping your skin softly as you took him in. âah, ah, ahâŚâ you went softly moaning against him. Your hands went up and over his shoulder to his back, digging into the skin as he started to spreed up his thrust. Your moaned start to get louder but he smiled and locked your lips in his kiss, swallowing all your noises, âshh babyâŚgonna wake the kids and I donât wanna stopâŚâ his tongue invaded your mouth quickly finding dominance over yours. It was sloppy and wet; you could barely kiss him back feeling him drag his cock against your sweet spot. His thrusts continued to get faster and faster until he was pounding into you, your entire body shook with his movements, but he kept you grounded, complete covered by him.
Your back arched off the soft mat, bringing your chest closer to his. His elbows hit the mat next to you bringing himself impossibly closer. âOhâoh just like thatâŚplease teyâteyam..â you moaned into his mouth, and he let out a grunt. âJust like that?â He repeated moving a little harder and you lost the ability to kiss completely, as you nodded against him. Then suddenly he pulled out completely, you let out a whine in frustration, but it didnât last long, his hands moved you without a thought, pushing you over onto your side and sliding into the spot behind you, back pressed against his chest facing the fireplace. His hand moved down to grip your right thigh pulling your entire leg up into the air as he effortlessly slides his cock back into your warmth with practiced ease.
Your stomach did flips when he started fucking you again, your hands gripping his arm that ended up under your neck and around the upper half of your body and you bit down on his bicep to keep from getting too loud. Your eyes were teary at this new depth, the way he just fit so perfectly into your cunt like you were made just for him. You sniffled leaning back against him wanting to be as close as possible while made him chuckle, âkeep your leg up.â He commanded and took your hand bringing it down to your lower stomach where his cock bugles out and pressing down. You chocked on air feeling his cock move in and out of you, heightened the sensitivity, it was as if he knew (which he did) that spot would over activate your sweet spot. Your eyes widened and your jaw went slack once more; you couldnât help the moans that escaped you. But he could, he gripped your lower face turning you to kiss him again swallowing up your moans, âfeel that baby?â He whispered against your lips, âthatâs how good I make you feel, you love it when I pump this cunt full huh?â He asked and you nodded frantically, âyesâŚyes yes yes feels so goodâŚâ
Neteyam smiled into your lips once again, âfuck youâre clenching so hard babyâŚgonna cum on my cock?â He asked speeding up his thrust once more, he was close too he wanted you to cum with him, and when you confirmed through a heavy moan you were close, he fucked info you faster. His grip tightened and so did yours, his hand that was in your stomach movedâwith yoursâ back around your right thigh intertwining your fingers together as he fucked you. Your release hit you like a rough wave as he emptied himself in you at the same time. Neteyam came so much while his cock was thrusting more and more cum into you, he filled you to the brim, so much so that it leaked out the sides of your cunt even though he was still inside you.
You both came down from your high, cock still snug in you, and his hand rubbed up and down the side of your body, then he stopped and wrapped around you even more holding you there against him, the way it was always meant to be. âThat was incredibleâ you bummed out making him chuckle. âI love you muntaxtanâ you whispered to him, eyes closing. âI love you more tĂŹyawn.â He said as he kissed your skin softly.
The fire crackled softly in front of you, casting flickering gold over the quiet curve of your back. The thin woven sheet barely covered the two of you, tangled between legs and limbs as you lay tucked between Neteyamâs arms, your back to his chest. His breath brushed the curve of your neck, slow and even now, but his fingers hadnât stopped tracing patterns into your skin. Outside, the night sang with insects and the oceanâs lullaby. Inside, it was still. Warm. Full.
Neteyamâs voice broke the silence gently, quiet and husky, his chin resting just above your shoulder. âI used to think home was a place. Forest. Sky. Clan.â You hummed softly, fingers brushing over his as they danced across your stomach. He paused, then pressed a kiss to the back of your shoulder, reverent and slow. âBut I know now⌠home isnât a place.â He paused. âHome is who you fight for. Who you crawl back to. Who you breathe for.â Another kiss, this one behind your ear. You felt the lump rise in your throat. He whispered it into your skin like it was prayer. âHome is You.â
You turned your face toward him, eyes full and glistening, and he kissed you. A soft, sacred kiss â not rushed, not fiery â just full of love. Of peace. Of truth. In that moment, with your body tucked to his, the fire warming your feet, and the stars peeking through the cracks in the thatched ceiling, everything was exactly as it should be. You smiled against his mouth, your voice a whisper. âAnd youâre mine.â He pulled you closer. Held you tighter. And there, beneath the soft songs of night and the gentle crackle of fire, the story that once felt like it shattered â finally felt whole again.
đ Likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated.
đI hope you all enjoyed reading this, honestly I tried to make it as realistic as possible, relationships are messy, especially when trauma is involved. So please any feedback Iâd love to hear, and any ideas are welcome!
i watched atwow again and i need to hyperfixate or i'll die :)
my inbox is open for any sort of ideas & chatting !! <3
TAKEN IN BY THE SULLYS / DEATH IN THE FAMILY MASTERLIST (these are in order)
bolded & blue chapters are the actual story, the others are filler/HCs! though the filler chapters do have lore to them, they're not absolutely necessary to get the story
if you were the sully's human kid (1)
taken in by the sullys (2)
taken in by the sullys (3)
death in the family (1) / aka taken in by the sullys (4)
taken in by the sullys (5)
death in the family (2) / aka taken in by the sullys (6)
taken in by the sullys (7)
death in the family (3) / aka taken in by the sullys (8)
death in the family (4) / aka taken in by the sullys (9)
taken in by the sullys (10)
death in the family (5) / aka taken in by the sullys (11)
death in the family (6) / aka taken in by the sullys (12)
death in the family (7) / aka taken in by the sullys (13)
death in the family (8) / aka taken in by the sullys (14)
death in the family (9) / aka taken in by the sullys (15)
death in the family (10) / aka taken in by the sullys (16)
Synopsis, Spider wasnât the first human born on Pandora, but he was the first to grow up on it. You had Neytiriâs heart long before Jake came along, and youâd have both of theirs long after. The problem is, humans werenât meant for Pandora. Even so, Eywa saw you, and it seems like she accepted you. Maybe that's why, even after being without you for so long, they saw you again.
WC: 10.5k (oh wow)
inspired by @jsooly taken in by the sullys series!
A/N: I wrote this quite literally at 5 am, and it's drastically different from my usual writing style, but I like it! Very bittersweet! and written with the assumption that whoever is reading this knows about Sylwanin and her lore.
You were born to a soldier on Pandora, a Seargant who seemed unbothered by her pregnancy during her term. The RDA wasnât progressive, not at all, but they werenât so cruel (at least to their own race) that theyâd force a pregnant woman into work. Your mother simply made the decision to keep working, no matter how unsafe it was.
After she gave birth to you, she seemed⌠inattentive at best. She took maternity leave for the required period of time and got back into the action once she was cleared, leaving you essentially alone. It wasnât long after her redeployment that she was killed in action along with the rest of her squad. An unfortunate accident in the dangerous wilds of Pandora
So, motherless and unclaimed by a father, you were orphaned. Too young for Cryo, they let you stay. Your mother's room became yours and yours alone.Â
Of course, the RDA base was no place for a child. Ill-equipped and non-accommodative. The higher-ups reasoned that youâd best be left to the scientists and doctors. Theyâd know how to take care of a kid best, right?
Of course, no one really paid much attention to you. Giving the minimum attention necessary to keep you alive, lest they carry the guilt of neglecting an infant to death.
Grace wasnât sure what to think of you when you were put in her care. She was a scientist, not a babysitter. Her focus was on the Naâvi, their way of life, and the organisms living on Pandora. She didnât have time to look after a kid.
You were shucked off onto some lower-level scientists and assistants. She didnât hear much from you other than your crying, which was always met with swift confinement to your room with your current caretaker.Â
Eventually, though, you became autonomous. You were quick, slippery, and curious. The ones in charge of you didnât pay much attention, which led to you sneaking around. Once, finding your way into Grace's lab.
She found you at her desk, standing on her chair in only an ill-fitting t-shirt and diapers, leaning over and staring at the projection of various pictures she had up.Â
Grace wasnât cruel; she may not have wanted to be responsible for you, but she held the same fondness for kids that most did.
Carefully, she picked you up, sitting you in her lap, and asked you what you were doing.
âPic!â Is all you blurted out, head turned around, and staring at her with your wide and curious eyes. Grace chuckled, nodding as she hummed and affirmed your babbles.
You spent the rest of that day in her hold, watching as she scrolled through the pictures and videos she had in the database, explaining, in the most child-friendly way, the ones you were interested in.Â
Being just over a year old, you werenât still in her lap. Wriggling around, grabbing at her and objects, even standing up in her lap and jumping up and down, which she swiftly stopped. Despite all this, Grace was patient with you. Perhaps it was your curiosity for Pandora that softened her, the fact that you were interested in something sheâd devoted her life to researching.Â
A new brain to fill, maybe.
So, you made frequent trips to the lab after that. Slipped past your caretakers and crawling into Grace or Maxâs laps, whoever was available, and babbling on and on. You werenât the center of attention or a priority, but you became somewhat of a soft spot for Grace and her fellow scientists. Not as much of a burden, anymore.
It wasnât long before you started picking up on the Naâvi phrases being used, especially once you discovered the parts of the lab dedicated more towards the avatars and culture of the Naâvi. Grace, ever the enabler of your interest in Pandora, started speaking to you in almost strictly Naâvi.
Being so young, you picked up on it incredibly quickly, nearly at the same speed as English, which youâd only really started learning a month or two prior.
It was cute to them, having a little human baby babbling in Naâvi and focusing so intently on the fauna and flora you saw in catalogs. Some even joked that your bedtime book should be the one Grace wrote.Â
They called you the LabRat around the base. A term of endearment, of course. Many knew about you, the loose kid on base who scurried around and spent almost as much time in the lab as the scientists. You were cute. But really, thatâs all you were to them, a cute kid.Â
But to Grace? Somewhere along the way, she grew more fond of you than sheâd expected. She ate with you at breakfast, watching you messily eat out of the corner of her eye as she held conversations with the other scientists. You stuck to her side, only ever really leaving it when you wanted to be with Max or go to sleep. Even then, she often had to carry you to your room multiple times throughout the day when you fell asleep in her lap.
You spent a lot of time with Max, too. Whenever Grace was in her Avatar, which was often, you found yourself with him. He was always a little softer with you, having been more fond and sympathetic with you earlier on.Â
He treated you more like a kid than most others. He didnât really try to feed your curiosity with Pandora, instead focusing on the fact that you were a deprived orphan child. He was the most suited to take care of you, probably.Â
At some point, you found your way into the Avatar lab, watching through the windows. No one really saw it coming, but you escaped. With your little mask that was slightly too big for your face, you ran out the door, gunning right for Graceâs Avatar.Â
They didnât really think youâd recognize her, but you did, and you wanted to see her. Of course, you were a little intimidated by her drastic change in appearance and height, but at this point, you knew about the Naâvi and Avatars, so you didnât have much of a problem.
Grace, in her Avatar form, was perhaps even more loving towards you. Maybe it was the youth of the body, or the fact that she had her own internal favoritism for it, but she seemed happier. Something you picked up on quickly.Â
You loved being outside. No longer were you content being cooped up in the lab, you wanted to see the forest! Of course, they werenât exactly ok with the idea, but your crying eventually convinced them.
Grace decided to take you to the school. Sheâd made excellent progress with the Omaticaya through the school, maybe it would be good to start introducing some direct human contact⌠through you. And she figured it could be good for your development, meeting beings that werenât just inattentive scientists and soldiers.
With your mask on and sporting your cutest clothes, Grace took you to the school. The Naâvi kids were unsure about you at first, with their adverse feelings about Skypeople, but eventually they opened up.Â
You were small, so incredibly small. Even the young children had no problems holding and cradling you. You were cute in your own, human, way.
They were intrigued by the fact that your Naâvi was as good as your English. Granted, neither were particularly good, seeing as you were a toddler, but it's the fact that they were at the same level that they admired.
Sylwanin was especially interested in you, often taking you in her arms, cooing and coddling you.Â
âSaânok, sheâs so small!â Sheâd exclaim to Grace, whoâd laugh in response.
âWell, sheâs human. Youâre probably at least 2 feet taller than my human body, and Iâm an adult.â She leaned over Sylwanin, smiling down at the scene. âSheâs just a younginâ, not even 2 years old.â
From then on, you were a regular addition to Graceâs school and a personal favorite of Sylwanin and Neytiri. The two sisters absolutely adored you. Cooing over you and your babbles, sitting you in between them or on one of their laps during the lessons.
Often, theyâd sit in the back with you, giggling at your tiny body and antics, brushing your hair, or watching as you fiddled with whatever toy or objects you could get your hands on.Â
Between your time in the lab and out at the school, you were the first human to be culturally raised Naâvi. It was fascinating to Grace.Â
Tsuâtey was cautious of you at first, unsure of how to handle how small and frail you were. But out of everything, you were also incredibly persistent and curious. Somehow, you found yourself worming your way into Tsuâteyâs arms, waddling up to him and demanding he pick you up through body language.
Sylwanin found this utterly adorable, how youâd stand there and âHmf!â until he reached down and picked you up. He didnât really know how to hold you, hands tucked under your armpits, torso and legs dangling in the air, but you crawled your way around him, finding yourself sitting on his shoulders. Well, shoulder, to be exact. You could comfortably sit on one, granted it was with one of his hands on your legs to keep your balance while you grabbed onto his braids.
âTey-Teyâ âWaninâ and âTiriâ you called them, not really able to pronounce their full names. They, of course, didnât care, cooing at the babble of nicknames you gave them.Â
In turn, they started to call you âSyulĂŹ'angâ, a butterfly-like insect that was known for its characteristic claws that latched it onto whatever it landed on. A fitting nickname, they all thought.Â
Their sweet SyulĂŹ'ang. Tsuâtey was more or less simply amused by you once he was comfortable. He wasn't as doting as Sylwanin or Neytiri or some of the others; he liked you, but it was more or less than he was entertained by you.Â
Of course, that changed the more you stuck around. By the time youâd learned to walk well enough to walk to the school yourself, with Grace accompanying you, of course, he was always waiting by the doorway. Heâd give a simple nod to Grace when the pair of you came into view, and he tried to remain stoic as you ran forward, your small body knocking into his tall legs and calling out his name, but Grace, and just about anyone else who really knew him, could see through it.Â
You spent your developmental years at the school, growing up so quickly that the Naâvi kids didnât know what to do. When they first met you, you could barely walk, and all you could really do was babble and string together words, but years passed, and you began holding conversations and moving around fairly fluidly.Â
Of course, you were still small and babyish, still just a toddler, but toddlers grew and changed fast.Â
You were like their baby sister. Tsmuke, they called you. To them, you were really no different from another Naâvi kid. You spoke fluently, you were young and saw the world in a manner that seemed to reflect their own cultural point of view, perhaps from your exposure to it.Â
Grace couldnât really place when she started to love you. Maybe it was when you first called her âSaânokâ, copying the kids at the schoolhouse. Maybe it was when that transformed into âSaânuâ, or when it became âmamaâ when back in the lab. Maybe it was that day you first caught her attention, having snuck into the lab and into her heart.
She never corrected you when you called her those things, even when she got odd stares from the others around when you did. They just didnât get it. They were too wrapped up in their own world. And yeah, so was she, but at some point, you became a part of her world.Â
She didnât really think of herself as your parent, but she didnât mind if you thought of her as one. She wasnât really the nicest; she was definitely more of a âtough loveâ kind of parental figure, but that wasnât really all that bad.Â
Pandora wasnât suited for you. You werenât supposed to be there, and it wasnât a good place for you by any means. You werenât given proper attention or affection, and when you were, it wasn't consistent. Grace and Max, and the Naâvi kids werenât role model family figures, but they tried, and they loved you, no matter how⌠odd it was.Â
At some point, youâd met Moâat and Eytukan. Likely, theyâd heard of you from their daughters and Tsuâtey. It was hard to tell what they thought of you, after all, they had their own reservations about the humans, only allowing the school to function due to Sylwanin's request.Â
But they liked you enough. You were a kid, a toddler, innocent in what was being done to their planet. You didnât deserve to be on the receiving end of any prejudice they held towards the humans. You spoke the language and learned beside their children. You seemed to love the forest as if it were your own home.
Formally, you met Moâat when you fell down and scraped yourself while running out of the school, being chased by Sylwanin. You cried, of course, but Sylwanin, as calm as ever, simply scooped you up and told Grace she was taking you to her mother to get fixed up, running off before she could object.
You watched the Tsahik in awe as she worked on you, rubbing a salve on your wounds, her jewelry and beadings clinking together as she did so. You watch her in silence, Sylwanin giggling at your entranced demeanor. At the end, climbing back into Sylwaninâs arms, you turned and told Moâat she was magnificent. A big word for your age.Â
Moâat had to admit, you were a charming little kid.Â
Neytiri was especially charmed by you, often taking you from anyone else's arms to hold you in hers. It became a running joke that sheâd adopt and steal you away if she could. She never denied it.
You could always be found fiddling with her hair or necklaces, pulling at them or putting them in your mouth. Neytiri, despite not liking your actions, was patient with you, simply giggling as she pulled it from your grasp and pointed your attention elsewhere.
Some people on base started to voice complaints about you being out too much. Being gifted jewelry and pieces by Sylwanin and Neytiri, and one piece from Tsuâtey, you began dressing in them every day.Â
Of course, the complaints went nowhere, being no more than off-hand comments made by people who had no role or responsibility in your upbringing. As loved as you were, you were still overlooked more often than not, just an orphan kid who wandered in and out of the base. Outside of Grace, Max, and a few other scientists, no one really cared.
You had your routine. Getting up, spending time with Max before running out with Grace to the school. The school was your favorite place, you often told Neytiri and Tsuâtey in giddy whispers. You felt free and loved. It was your place.
When Sylwanin stopped showing up, you were sad. You missed her. Really, she was your favorite.Â
You didnât understand why you stopped going to the school, why Grace started arguing with a bunch of the soldiers more often, and why you were no longer allowed outside of the base. You cried a lot, saying you wanted your Tsmukeâs and Tsmukan. You wanted to go to the school, you wanted to see Neytiri and Sylwanin and Tsuâtey and the others.Â
You cried when a scientist, tired of your whining, told you they probably didnât want to see you.
Grace had a hard time comforting you. She didnât know what to say, struggling with her own grief and guilt in the whole situation. All she could do was hold you and tell you that things were going to be okay.Â
It was a while before you stopped crying so much. You still whined about wanting to go outside, but you learned to stop when asked. You spent your nights fiddling with the gifts from Neytiri and Sylwanin, the jewelry they crafted for you, the toy Moâat gifted you once, and the Ikran Tsuâtey carved for you out of wood. They were your most treasured pieces.Â
You worked on your own gifts for them, on and off, through the two years you spent without them.Â
You were six by the time Jake came around. You became attached to him very quickly.Â
Heâd just made it to base and was getting filled in by Norm. His introduction to Grace wasnât going well, bordered by her hostility towards him being there in place of his brother. Before he could say anything else, you bounded into the room.Â
âSa'nu! sa'nu! 'ur 'upe oe run!â Mama! Mama! Look what I found! You yelled, stopping at her feet and shoving an insect you were cradling in your palm into her face.Â
She glanced at the bug and tilted her head, raising a brow at you. â Y/n, nga kame nga're ke tung wrrpa, âitetsyip.â You know youâre not allowed outside, little one.
You pouted, stomping your foot. âOe ke wrrkä! tsal pamähem ne oe.â I didn't go out! It came to me. You insisted. Grace merely rolled her eyes with a grin as she ruffled your hair.Â
Jake looked at Norm, confused, who translated a lazy âsheâs showing her a bug.â for him.Â
As if you just noticed their presence, you awkwardly glanced at the two, shyly shuffling behind Grace. Jake glanced between you and Grace before leaning in.Â
âWhatâs that you got there?â He asked, smiling as he watched your facial expression change. Before he knew it, you were launched into a whole explanation about the bug. It's name, both scientific and Naâvi, and all the fun little characteristics you noticed and pointed out to him.Â
It was easy to tell who youâre favorite was going to be among the newest science recruits. You became quick friends with the ex-Marine, demanding his attention whenever he wasnât busy.Â
You were an interesting little thing. Energetic as all could be, running around like you owned the place, switching between languages so casually as if they were one. Jake paid more attention to you in a week than most of the people on base had in your entire life.Â
Heâd come by your room, peaking in as you played with your toys or read a book you definitely didnât actually understand. As soon as you noticed his presence, youâd abandon whatever it was you were doing to run to him, hoisting yourself up into his lap.
âWhat's up, little bug?â Heâd say, smiling down at you as you went on and on about whatever it is you wanted to talk about. Most of it went right over his head, but he listened nonetheless. He got the memo pretty early on that you were essentially left to your own devices, only helped with the bare minimum by people who didnât want to be responsible for you
So, he started being more attentive towards you. Call it fatherly instincts, he calls it common empathy. You didnât have any plans or expectations for him, you werenât disappointed in his presence in place of his brothers, you simply looked up at him with those wide and love-filled eyes. That was all he needed to become hooked. His little bug, he liked to call you.
To Norm, Jake had adapted a fatherly role scarily quickly. Of course, Norm thought you were cute, but he wasnât really sure what to do with you. It puzzled him how well Jake was with you, for only knowing you for a few days. How you crawled into his lab during one of the briefings, obviously tired but wanting to be involved.Â
The briefing was casual, so Jake wrapped his arms around you and cradled you, rocking you in his arms as he hummed a lullaby heâd grown up with on Earth.
It was the first time someone had sung you a lullaby, at least since you were a crying infant everyone was desperate to soothe. You fell asleep in his arms immediately. Grace only gave a passing glance and a chuckle, stating he was now on bedtime duty.Â
And that he was. You were a stubborn kid when it came to bedtime, fighting your own sleep and exhaustion because you wanted to be where the attention was. You didnât want to miss out on any of Grace or Maxâs briefings or discoveries, no matter how dull they were, or the fact that they didnât really happen after hours. Nevertheless, you were difficult to put to sleep.Â
He was quickly called the Y/n Whisperer after he calmed you down from a tantrum and had you knocked out in bed within 10 minutes of you being told to go to sleep, an affair that often took at least half an hour and some strong bargaining.Â
Jake was still reeling from it all. For him, he was still dealing with the fact that his brother was dead and heâd taken his place on a scientific mission on Pandora, whisked away from his dystopic life on Earth and given a brand new chance. It was dizzying, and now he had a kid attached to his leg.Â
Call it what it was: whiplash. He doesnât really understand why you liked him so much, why he was able to connect with you so well. Maybe it was because he was the first person to spare you a second glance in your entire life, a second glance you didnât have to work and beg for.Â
If given the chance, Jake was sure you two would be absolutely inseparable.
It was during dinner that things shifted. You were there for Jake's recounting of the events that transpired after he got chansed off by a Thanator. Through it all, all you heard was that heâd met Neytiri.Â
Neytiri. Your Neytiri.
You missed her. You missed her so bad, and Jake got to see her. It had been two years, and you thought for sure there was no way youâd be able to see her again. But Jake saw her! He even went to the village, so he likely saw Tsuâtey, Moâat, and Sylwanin!Â
Seeing them was possible. That was the conclusion you came to.Â
Tsuâtey was the one to find you the next day. You had snuck out, exopack secured on for the first time in nearly two years, and you set off. Your memory was hazy, and you hardly remembered your way through the forest.
Scratch that, you didnât remember it at all. You got lost almost immediately, your excitement to see your friends slowly replaced with uncertainty and fear. You wandered through the woods, climbing across logs and rivers, becoming more and more sure that you werenât going the right wayâŚ
Of course, you didnât know what to do. No one could really blame you for how you started crying out, yelling for Neytiri, Tsuâtey, Sylwanin, Grace, whoever you thought could find you.Â
It wasnât until you heard the growl that you regretted your decision to be so loud. Nantang. They surrounded you, stalking and getting ready to pounce. All you could do was scream.
Tsuâtey found you, following the distant yelling for familiar names and then the high-pitched screams. He shot the Nantang, scaring off the others as he rode in on his paâli. He was ready to shoot you, the human who had trespassed onto their land, but he paused. Arrow resting between his fingers, and breath hitched.
It was you.
He was quick, dismounting his direhorse and scooping you up in his arms, doing his best to soothe you with soft words as you cried and writhed in his hold. Blood was everywhere. He was horrified.
He acted on pure impulse. Jake. Jake probably knew you. He was also human, and he was an avatar- so he probably knew Grace- he had to get you to Jake.
So he rode on his direhorse as fast as he could, holding you tightly in his arms as you bled and bled and cried. Oh, how you cried, clinging to him and whimpering, he felt so helpless. Exactly like how heâd felt that day Sylwanin died in his arms at the school house. He couldnât have that happen again. Not with you. Not with the small girl heâd grown so fond of.Â
It was a blur, finding Jake and Neytiri, the morphing look of terror on their faces as they took in the sight of the girl in his arms and his disjointed explanation. It was a blur, and he was on his knees, Neytiri holding onto him as they both shook, taking in the situation as Jake ran off into the woods with you in his arms, pushing himself as fast as he could go.Â
Jake was scared. You were such a sweet girl, and in the days heâd known you, he was hooked. You were small, petulant, stubborn, smart; you were a good kid. You were funny and fun to be around, and he liked you. He saw why Grace had such a soft spot for you, who wouldnât?
But now youâre in his arms, bleeding, and Grace is gonna be horrified.Â
He got you to the base, bursting through the doors, demanding a doctor, yelling you needed help because you were hurt and bleeding. You were small, hurt, bleeding, and it felt like you were at death's door.
You were swept out of his arms, and all you could do was whimper, reaching back out to the strong arms you felt safe in. They hooked you up to machines, tended to your wounds. They assured Jake and a just-arriving-frazzled Grace that you were gonna be fine.Â
But the base wasnât a hospital. Yeah, it was a military base, and those often come with medical centers, but it wasnât good, especially not for a child. With how advanced they were, they werenât well equipped.
You suffered for days, writhing and screaming in pain, tears only stopping once you ran out of them.Â
Despite Grace and Maxâs pleas and Jake's insistence towards Quaritch, you were essentially⌠ignored.
You were loved. But you were still just a bastard orphaned child; the RDA simply didnât want to deal with you, especially with your seemingly growing allegiance to the Naâvi.
Of course, they did what they could to help you, but it was minimal.Â
You were going to die, Grace and Jake were sure of it.
So, desperate, he went to Moâat. He pleaded for her to help you. She didnât need much convincing.
The night before Grace planned to move the operation to the Hallelujah Mountains, they snuck you out, careful to remove all your hook-ups to the machines.Â
They took you to the village, breaking so many rules, desperate to help you.Â
You were frail, withering away in his hold. The best he could do was whisper comforts as he carried you.Â
Moâat worked quickly, shooing them out of her tent as she worked on you. Salves, mixes, incense. She worked for hours. You were just a little kid; you had so much before you. She pleaded to the Great Mother to help you, even if you were a human she could barely reach.Â
You were getting better, but it wasnât enough. Something was wrong, very wrong, and she didnât know what it was or how to help.
She pulled away, examining you with a hitched breath. Just as she went to move to grab another tool, something caught her attention.Â
An Atokirina.
It floated in the air, pulsing until it wilted down to meet your skin.Â
Moâatâs eyes widened.Â
âWe must take her to the Tree of Souls.â She declared as she stepped out of her tent, the group that had gathered in front of it standing and moving in confusion.
They wanted to question it. Jake wanted to ask what was wrong, how you were doing, and if youâd live. All the words were on the tip of his tongue, but Grace grabbed his hand. She kept her gaze forward, at the tent, but sheâd communicated enough.
Tsuâtey was the one to take you into his arms, lips pursed, and eyes gazing down at you in worry. For a moment, Jake wanted to be the one to hold you, but you curled into Tsuâteys arms so comfortably- so familiar, a moment of comfort and assurance when you were in so much pain.
Neytiri followed close behind, hand resting on your forehead as they walked, her eyes focused on your face scrunched in agony, your pinched brows and wavering lips. How she wanted to soothe you, to hold you, and kiss away the creases of pain in your face.Â
Youâd grown so much since theyâd last seen you. You were still so small, but so much more grown. They had missed you so much, their grief compelled by the loss of two sisters. They nearly begged Moâat and Eytukan to call off the ban on humans on their land, if only to see you.
And now, you were back in their arms, but by the force of necessity and desperation. Out of the fear of death.Â
The clan, having roused at the commotion, made their way to the Tree of Souls with the group. They didnât question their Tsahikâs care of the human child, many of them having heard the accounts of you and your kindred nature from the many children whoâd attended the school.
Arriving at the Tree, Neytiri and Tsuâtey kept Grace and Jake at a distance, allowing Moâat to prepare as the clan gathered around. They pulled Jake and Grace down to the ground with them, connecting their Kuru to the roots sticking up. They started to hum, moving as a group.Â
With everything in them, they begged Eywa to help you.
You were human, yes, but they loved you. You were their sister. You were Grace's daughter, by love if not biology. You were a sweet kid, and they wanted- needed you to stay.Â
âAllow this child to heal, Great Mother, allow her to heal and walk among us. To live, to feel your embrace.â Moâatâs words echoed, her chants and pleas thrumming through the crowd.Â
Placed at the base of the spirit tree, you lay there, wrapped in luminescent tendrils. They wrapped around your small body, seemingly consuming you as they grew. The light of the tendrils pulsed with your every breath, echoing across the tree like a ripple in water.Â
You⌠you felt free. The tendrils were warm, encasing you in what felt like a mother's embrace. Your vision was blurred, but you saw. You saw so much, all you could do was smile. You saw Sylwanin, every time youâd seen her, every word, every movement. She wrapped around you. You saw the sea, you saw the forest and the land. It was breathtaking.
Moâat faltered, her chants falling off the tip of her tongue as she glanced down at you. At this, the ones whoâd brought you here opened their eyes.
They didnât know what to do.Â
You were there, alive. More alive than youâd ever been, but they could feel that you were slipping away.Â
Neytiri crawled towards you, Grace scrambling up and finding herself at your side. She took your hand in hers as Neytiri caressed your hair.
They knew it was a desperate attempt, taking you here, unlikely to work, but it hurt. They werenât ready to let go. The humans werenât going to help you. What else were they to do?Â
Tears slid down Graceâs face as she watched you, your eyes glazed over as a smile crept onto your lips.Â
âY/n- SyulĂŹ'ang please-â Neytiri whispered, her voice cracking. She leaned down, placing a kiss on your forehead. âStayâ she begged
âSyulĂŹ'ang,â Tsuâtey choked out, pleading, biting back his words, and tears with them. âBe strong, stay with us.â
You heard their words. You wanted to reach up, to comfort them. Grace was right in front of you, and all you wanted was to reach up and wipe the tears off her face.Â
Grace cried. Silent, of course. Tears slipping down her cheeks like arrows of fire burning their way through the air. They hurt like it. She wondered if theyâd scar, if there would be a trail of scarred flesh down her cheeks when she was done.Â
You were her child, at least, the closest she had to one. You were the best thing sheâd had in a long time. And now, you were slipping away. Like the school, like Sylwanin, like Neytiri and Tsuâtey and the children whoâd called her Saânok. You called her Saânu.
The grief was endless. A fountain pouring from Neytiri as she wept, hands shaking as she tried to fight the urge to take you into her arms. Sheâd seen you grow up, your words develop from babbles to sentences, your mind expand. She wore the bracelet youâd made for her. It was ill-fitting and poorly crafted, but she weaved it into her armband, careful to preserve its shape and structure. She meant to always have you with her, even if she couldn't physically.Â
You were more than a child she saw as a sister; you could have been her child. A ridiculous notion, but she felt so strongly about you. She wanted to take you in, hold you close, and carry you as she did her chores and duties. She wanted to hunt and bring it home for you to eat till you were full. Perhaps, to her, you were an odd mixture of a sister and child, but that just meant she loved you all the more.
Her sweet SyulĂŹ'ang. Sheâd named you after the insect, a beautiful creature that fluttered around and gripped onto surfaces when it meant to. She wished and wished and wished that you'd stay, that youâd grip onto the ground and stay there with her. She did not like humans, but you? You, she loved.
So it hurt, watching as your eyes closed, feeling your pulse slow, have you die right in front of her, right in her reach.Â
Your eyes, heavy, rose up to the sky. âSaânu, Tsmuke, Tsmukan, Jake-â Your words were quiet, strained, and heavy. But you spoke anyway, a warmth passing through your body. âEywa, sheâsâ It was hard to speak. âSheâs like the waves-â your breath released from your lips, cutting off your words.
The tendrils around you pulsed before they dulled, the light dimming across the Tree of Souls.
Jake could only hold Neytiri as she cried, his own tears falling as he felt his entire demeanor freeze.
They left you by the tree, something Grace opposed. But Moâat had insisted it was Eywaâs wish. Jake and Grace werenât happy, nor were Tsuâtey and Neytiri; they wanted to give you a proper burial, but they complied with their Tsahikâs declaration.
It was mere days later that Neytiri visited again, only to be met with an empty landscape. You were nowhere in sight, only an abundance of tendrils in your place, pulsing with light as Eywa breathed below them.
Ronal, for weeks, dreamed of a face. A human one. Sheâd never seen the girl before, unfamiliar with the face and voice she kept meeting in her dreams. It bothered her, being met so forcefully with a demon's face, but behind it, she felt the Great Mother's words.Â
She couldnât make sense of it; it drove her wild how she prayed and prayed, and all she was met with were new visions of the girl. With a newborn baby, she felt stretched thin. She confided in Tonowari about her dreams. He did what he could to comfort her, putting in effort to relieve her of as much stress as he could.Â
Ronal prayed, seeking answers and clarity. What did the Great Mother want?
One night, she dreamed of the spirit tree, along with the girl. She dreamt of whispers, of a new face, of a young Metkayina child she held in her arms.Â
She woke up in a cold sweat, right as dawn rose in the sky.Â
She made her way through the village, mounting her tsurak, and traveled to the cove of the ancestors. She felt a weight in her chest as she arrived. She dove under, swimming through the featherlike branches as she made her way to the center of the tree.Â
She reached forward, placing her palms on the branches wrapped tightly in on itself. Slowly, she unwrapped it, pulling it away from the other âleavesâ wrapped around. Once she got to the center, she pulled back.
An infant lay in the middle, wrapped in the leaves. Slowly, she pulled it out, taking it into her arms, she swam up. Breaching the surface, she looked down, watching as the baby breathed in the air.Â
The first breath.
Ronal gazed down at the baby, brows pinched together as she took her in. Confusion was the least she could describe it as.Â
A moment passed. Ronal mounted her tsurak, and she returned home.
Whispers surrounded her as she walked through the village, eyes following her and landing on the unknown infant in her embrace. In the mere minutes sheâd had the baby, she felt an overwhelming sense of maternal instinct towards it. She reasoned she felt that way about most babies, but this was stronger.
She approached her Marui, Tonowari, meeting her at the entrance. He gazed down at her, then the baby, confusion panting his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, stuck in the flurry of words he was trying to put together.
âThe Great Mother brought her to me,â Ronal spoke, calm and melodic. âTo us.â Tonowari gazed up at her.Â
Words exchanged between them in complete silence.Â
He nodded, stepping aside, allowing Ronal to enter the Marui.Â
The two took to their daughter quickly, entranced by the baby given to them by Eywa. They were lost, confused by her appearance, but they didnât question it. They simply placed her in the cradle with their other baby, Aoânung, watching as they turned and curled to hold each other.
âYou dreamt of her.â Tonowariâs voice broke the silence.
Ronal, attention on the baby's unwavering, nodded. âLast night, yes.â
He looked to his wife, tentative as he examined her facial expression. âAnd the others?â He questioned.Â
There was a moment of silence, Ronalâs hand coming to rest on the edge of the cradle.Â
âI do not care. She is my daughter. She is ours now.â
Tonowari stared at his wife before nodding, reaching down to cup his daughter's face in his hand. âAnd what is our daughter's name?â He spoke, already transfixed by the infant lying in the cradle he crafted by hand.Â
Ronal tilted her head, watching the girl. After a moment, she gazed to Tonowar, their eyes meeting as a soft smile graced her lips.
âSyuliâ
After your death, Jakeâs loyalty to the RDA wavered. Grace had accepted her fate as a trapped scientist long ago, but Jake refused. He bonded with Neytiri and Tsuâtey quicker, earning the faith of the clan before he finished his Iknimaya.Â
He saw it in black and white. The humans left you alone and to die, the Naâvi loved you as their own and wept at your death. His decision was clear-cut.
Still, his fast actions werenât enough to prevent the events that led to Neytiriâs belief of his betrayal. Or the destruction of the home tree. Or the death of those he fought by.
By the end of the war, your death was followed by many others. Black stains on Jakeâs heart. He mourned you, grieved for you. The devastation of the war was hard enough, but you? You werenât even a casualty; you were a victim of the most unfortunate of circumstances. He replayed it in his head over and over again, each time wondering what he could have done to save you, to prevent your death.Â
It drove him to the worst of his depths. A side of himself he hadnât even seen when his brother died.Â
The only thing keeping him afloat was Neytiri and the child that lay in her womb.
âShe is with Grace now, my Jake, with the Great Mother.â Neytiri would say, burying her grief. Twice, she's lost you now. When Sylwanin died and her parents shut down their connections with the humans, she wept for not only her sister but for you. Would she never see you again? At least back then, she found comfort in the fact that you were safe and in Graceâs care.Â
Perhaps you still were, in her arms, just as you are in the Great Mothers. But youâre not in hers. Thatâs what hurt. How youâd never grow up, forever stuck as the small child she knew and loved.Â
Time passed, and she had Neteyam. Her sweet baby boy. She felt the cracks in her heart start to be stitched back together, only further healed when they took in Kiri.Â
She saw it in Jake, too, how he took to his fatherly role immediately, perhaps better prepared after his time with you. Slowly but surely, they came to be okay again.Â
Still, you burned in their hearts. As she wove her songcord, she pulled one of the beads from the bracelet you made her, as carefully as she could, and wove it in.Â
Aâeveng, Y/n, ohe oamumÂ
Wamintxu fi oe, a syawn
aâatanur oe mameyamÂ
meyam ohe ngenga, tsalsungay pehrr lom
A child, Y/n, i knew
showed to me, a blessing
a light I held in my arms
I hold you, even when gone
It was hard to speak about you to the kids. They didnât want to introduce the idea of someone dying at such a young age. They also still grieved you, struggling to accept your death. It wasnât fair. You should be with them, growing up alongside their children. You would have been such a good big sister.
This hit Jake especially hard, knowing how youâd been excited to have another kid on base; Spider. You raved to him about how you were going to bring him to the lab all the time, what toys youâd give him, and how you wanted to teach him Naâvi and have him as a little brother. At least, the closest you could have to one.
So it was hard watching Spider do all that, grow up and learn Naâvi, come into his family and be seen by his kids as a fellow sibling, knowing it was everything you wanted.Â
But years passed, and their family grew, and it grew strong. Their children knew of you in passing, in hushed breaths like how they spoke of Sylwanin and the others theyâd loved that left them through such harsh tragedies.Â
Neytiri and Jake didnât want the children to wonder what it would have been like to have you in the family. It was already too painful for them to wonder themselves.
Their children grew, their personalities developed, and they came into their own. It was hard not to see you in each of them. Tukâs curiosity, Loâakâs mischief, the softness in Kiriâs eyes, and how Neteyam was so thoughtful with his words. For all its hurt, it also gave them comfort. Theyâd continue to see you, even when you werenât with them.Â
Their grief became something mellow, something they could plant love and strength into.
But then the RDA came back. Like an old scar tearing apart, refusing to heal. Their lives turned upside down, and their healing came to a harsh halt, slowly stepping backwards against the blood and gunfire they stood in.
That eclipse, when the kids were in the hands of the recoms, Jake felt barbed wire wrapping around his throat.Â
He heard their whines, their yelps of pain, and he almost lost them. He refused to risk it. Not again.
âHe had our children. Had them under his knife.â He was scared, begging Neytiri to leave, to find a better place for them. He hadnât been able to find one for you. He wouldnât let that happen again. âLook, I got nothing⌠I've got no plan. But I can protect this family. That I can do.â
Neytiri heard the unsaid, seeing what he saw when he spoke.Â
âBut I do know one thing, wherever we go, this family is our fortress.â It was unintentional, his hands placed delicately on her shoulders, one slipping down, grazing the armband sheâd woven with your bracelet in it.
They had to protect their children.Â
The Travel to the Metkayina was difficult, tiring, laborious, and met with storms that raged against them. But they pushed through. Theyâve pushed through worse; theyâd do this for their family.
They landed on the beach, drawing the attention of the clan, who gathered around them in confusion and awe. They were nervous, holding themselves close together as they were gawked at and picked on by oncoming clan members.
Jake felt a sense of relief when Tonowari, an honorable man and the clan's Oloâeyktan, arrived at the scene, greeting them warmly and with a smile. He felt confident, with Tonowari on their side, he believed he could get past the wall Ronal would inevitably put up.
As the crowd parted, he prepared himself, but he felt all the breath be taken out of his lungs.
Ronal stalked closer, her imposing demeanor, but that wasnât what shocked him. Behind her, following at her heels, was a young girl. Teal skin with swirling stripes.
She resembled you.Â
He couldnât place it; the girl was Metkayina, in every way. But something about her face, the way her expression was set in it, how she carried herself. The air around her, the look in her eyes. All of it set off bells in his chest, ringing and clanging against the grief that settled there. The grief for you.Â
She stood behind Ronal, tilting her head exactly the way you did when you were curious about something.Â
Neytiri had seen it hundreds of times, holding you in her lap at the schoolhouse. She let out a breath. Jake glanced at her, millions of words passing between them.
She saw it too.
Jake took a moment to collect himself, pulling back from the shock heâd experienced but couldnât explain. He went on with his prepared speech. He was seeking Uturu; sanctuary, safety for his family.Â
His veins were buzzing. He didnât want to be turned away, to force his children to retreat in defeat, praying theyâd find another clan willing to listen and take them in. He felt helpless.
Ronal, skeptical, circled the family. She pulled at their tails, remarking how inefficient theyâd be in the water, in their way of life.Â
She approached Kiri, taking her hands in hers. A scowl crossed her face. Four fingers. Kiri held her breath, self-conscious of her extra finger, a tell-tale sign of their human descent. Demon descent.
Ronal gazed down, tilting her head.
She looked up to her daughter, the one whoâd arrived with her. She watched her for a moment, the dreams she saw all those years ago flooding her mind. Something sheâd never speak aloud.
She dropped Kiriâs hands, walking past the children and Jake Sully. âYou are ill fit to live here.â
âWe can adapt. We can learn.â He pleaded, desperate to convince them to let his family stay. Desperate to appease the leaders of the clan.Â
âIâm done with war.â He spoke to Tonowari, quiet and between them. âI just want to keep my family safe.â
Ronal watched him, not convinced by his words. Behind her, her daughter stepped forward, placing her hand on her mother's shoulder.
âSaânu.â The words escaped her lips, and Jake breathed in. He saw you, sitting in Graceâs lap in the lab, running up to her excitedly, lying at the spirit tree, dying.Â
Ronal looked at her daughter, words exchanged between their gazes, she turned to her mate, being met with the same sentiment. A moment passed, and she nodded.Â
âJake Sully and his family will stay with us.â Tonowari announced, explaining to the clan their duty to teach them their ways of life.Â
Jake sighed in relief, bringing forth a âthank youâ from his family.Â
âOur children, Syuli, Aoânung, and Tsireya, will show your children what to do.â
Aoânung stepped forth, displeased by his father's decision, but silenced.
âCome, we will show you our village!â Tsireya stepped forward, hand in hand with her sister.Â
You looked to the family that had arrived at your village. You took in their faces.Â
They felt familiar to you. You couldnât place it.
Tsireya tugged you along through the village, humming as you made your way across the woven walkways. Neytiri and Jake, though focused on taking in their new home, couldnât help but watch you. The bounce in your step all too familiar.
It was eerie, and they didnât understand their attribution of you to the little girl theyâd known all those years ago.Â
You became a constant in their life, always around their kids, peeking into their Marui to offer fruits youâd picked with your mother. You were a sweetheart, thoughtful, and kind to their children.Â
Your mother stayed skeptical of her allowance of the foreigners into their clan, fueled by your growing night problems.Â
It had been years since she last caught you sleepwalking. It was a problem when you were a child, roaming around the village in the midst of the night. Many concerned clan members came to her with stories of how you found yourself at the edge of the walkways, staring up into the open sky with a withered look on your face.
You sleep-talked, she discovered after staying up to follow you one night. You spoke garbled sentences, strung together words that didnât make sense. You spoke in a mix of Naâvi and English.
How you even knew the language? She couldnât understand.Â
She prayed nightly, seeking for guidance on how to help her sweet baby girl. Again, she was only met with visions of that human child.
It all came to a head one night when Tsireya woke her up, lip jutting out as she whispered that youâd fallen during your walks. Ronal soothed her daughter, telling her to go back to sleep before leaving to find you.Â
You were on your knees, hands clasped together as you spoke in broken prayers, eyes glazed over. You were somewhere she didnât know.
She was tired of it, worried to death, and lost. So, she did the only thing she could think of. She pulled you into the water carefully, holding you as she rode to the Cove of the Ancestors. You came out of your trance, slowly but surely, but still drowsy and out of it.Â
She was able to coax you to enough consciousness to get you to dive under, connecting with the spirit tree.Â
She doesnât know what you saw when you did. All she knows is that you hadnât sleep-walked, or talked since. She knew you were special. A child she would never truly understand, but she loved and cherished you with everything she had.Â
She saw the way the animals around you seemed to move in sync with you, how the luminescence at night pulsed with your breath. She didnât ask for answers. She loved you and she trusted the Great Mother.Â
But here you were again, standing at the entrance of their Marui, eyes glazed over, staring off into the stars. Ever since theyâd let the Sullys stay, youâd been walking and talking in your sleep again.Â
It wasnât as intense, thankfully, but it was enough to rouse her or her children from sleep every so often.
They worried for you. They took turns staying up, watching you, easing you back to sleep, careful not to startle you from your trance. During the day, they acted as if nothing was different. They knew you were different, but they loved you nonetheless. You were their daughter, their sister.Â
Aoânung picked on you, teasing you and going out of his way to bother you. It was his way of showing his love, he joked. He had his moments. Picking you up in his arms and carrying you across the village to your mother for treatment when you hurt yourself on a spear, ignoring your complaints that it was your hand that was injured, not your legs, you could still walk! He ignored you, carefully setting you down in their Marui, lurking by the door until you were bandaged up and ready to leave.
Tsireya was easier. You got along with your younger sister without any problems, aside from the occasional spat that never went anywhere. You two were two peas in a pod. Inseparable. Hands clasped together, arms wrapped around each other. You were always together. Itâs how you thrived.Â
Ronal and Tonowari, they never gave a second thought to the fact that you werenât theirs, because you were. From the moment theyâd set you down in that cradle, youâd become theirs. Their love for you was strong and unwavering. They called your name out with affection, they weaved you jewelry and clothes with love, they never let you doubt you were loved. They held you as you slept, as you dreamt.
And you dreamt. You dreamt every night. Of faces, of voices, of people you didnât know, but knew.Â
By the time you woke up, your dreams were in blurry fragments, unable to be pieced together or made sense of.Â
Your family didnât voice their worries to you. They saw how you flourished when interacting with their new clan members.Â
You were patient with them, guiding them through your way of life like it was the easiest thing to do. You blended in with them, conversing with the children so easily, it was as if youâd been doing it your entire life.Â
You and your siblings, Rotxo, and the Sully kids became somewhat of a friend group. Always together, at least in fragments. You felt as if your family had expanded.
The Sully kids adored you, especially Kiri. It was something about the way the two of you seemed to understand nature that connected you. And perhaps, your mysterious origins.Â
You confided in Kiri, and Kiri alone, about your peculiar birth. The whole clan knew, theyâd witnessed it firsthand, but the story hadnât made its way to the Sullys. Perhaps it was because it was accepted, no one thought twice about it, you were Ronal and Tonowari's daughter. No one thought to mention that, by biological means, you werenât.
You told her how you didnât know your biological parents. No one did. Abandoned at the Spirit tree, you were taken in by Ronal and Tonowari, raised alongside Tsireya, and essentially as Aoânungâs twin.Â
She told you about her mother, a scientist who was beloved by their clan, who died during the first war against the humans. She was born from her Avatar.
Grace.
You spoke her name before Kiri told you.
An odd look passed her face. It wasn't until it dripped from your chin that you realised a tear had slipped down your cheek.
âI-iâm sorry, I'm just-â You strung together words, embarrassed and confused by your unconscious outburst. âItâs hard to speak about my birth.â You blamed it on that. Kiri accepted your words, wrapping her arms around you in an embrace that felt warmer than anything else youâd experienced.
You grew a lot closer to the Sully kids. It was their parents who were odd to be around.
Jake and Neytiri didnât know what to think of you. You were Ronal and Tonowariâs daughter, Naâvi, born and raised in the reef. Yet when they looked at you, heard your voice, all they could see was that little girl theyâd loved.Â
They were going crazy. That was the only explanation. Driven mad by the destruction of their home and subsequent forced abandonment of it.Â
They wanted to talk to you. They ached to. But it ached just as much to do so. It wasnât fair to you, their projections of grief onto you.Â
You were kind, you spoke for them when they first arrived, and you went out of your way to welcome them. You taught their children and defended them, taking them in as if they were your blood.Â
But every time they saw you, they were swarmed by a whirlpool of grief and relief.Â
âShe speaks like her.â Neytiri would whisper one night, when all the children were off in the village attending a celebration, Jake lying next to her.
âYeah.â Heâd say, eyes locked on Neytiriâs face, watching as she wandered through her mind. Watching as a tear slipped down her cheek.Â
For weeks, they watched you, watching every movement and quirk you exhibited. How you spoke, how you moved through the walkways, your sense of humor. The way you scrunched your nose in a certain way when faced with food you didnât like. It all pointed back.
Back to her.
That girl.
She haunted them.Â
A ghost following them around. One they thought theyâd put to rest over a decade ago.Â
They had moved on. They grieved her, yes, but they had learned to live without her. Just as they did with every person they lost.Â
But she was back.Â
They thought it was in their heads at first, but the more they saw, the more they became sure.Â
Her body had disappeared, Neytiri recounted to him, a whisper under her breath as they watched you talk to Neteyam and Tsireya from afar. Theyâd left her at the tree like Moâat demanded, abiding by Eywa's wishes. Her body was gone far too quickly to have been natural decomposition, and no creature would dare feast on a body wrapped in Eywaâs arms like she was.
They didnât question it, too wrapped up in their grief to try and breach the topic. They simply accepted it. Eywa wanted her. She was with Grace, they believed.Â
But she wasnât.
She was in the reef, living amongst the people, living.Â
They saw you, and they saw her. One in the same.
Theyâd grieved you, and now you stood right in front of them, out of their reach.
It tore them apart. They must have been going insane because you were not that girl they knew, you were not the girl they loved and doted on. But you were.
You couldnât be.Â
But they watched and they watched and they saw. They saw her.Â
âItâs not her.â Jakeâs voice was steel. Laced with a hardened grief.Â
âI know what I saw, you know what you see.â Neytiri defended, unsure of how to explain it.Â
He shook his head, pacing back and forth in the Marui, sliding a hand down his face.Â
âSheâs a Metkayina! Sheâs Ronal and Tonowaiâs daughter! That's it.â He spoke so certainly, as if he were trying to convince himself.
The two breathed heavily, working through their mind and hearts to get their words. Logic wasnât making sense, but they tried to cling to it, both of them in different ways.Â
âRonal didnât give birth to her, nor did Tonowair father her.â Neytiris' words were heavy, like steel and stone. âA gift from Eywa, Ronal calls her.â
Their eyes met.Â
At this point, they were haunted less by you and more by the fact that you were back. It wasnât easy mourning someone, learning to accept their death after having grown to love them so fiercely, to learn how to live without them. All of that, only for them to appear again.Â
All those walls theyâd built, all the strength theyâd planted in their grief, it was crumbling, the base of it all blowing away like sand in the wind.Â
It almost hurt more than the grief itself.Â
They simmered in it for weeks, speaking through glances and hushed whispers.Â
It was quiet that day. Jake was making his rounds through the village when he heard it. The humming. Not just the humming but the tune.
Slowly, he rounded the corner, peaking around the Marui, eyes landing on you sitting on the edge of the walkway, legs dangling from an opening. You sat there, beading an arm piece as you hummed.
You hummed the lullaby Jake had used to sing that girl to sleep. The lullaby from Earth.
He felt his chest crack open. He wanted to say something, to reach out and speak to you-
âSempu!â You called out, spotting Tonowari walk up from another direction. Wordlessly, you held up your work for him, a smile spreading across your face as he approached and knelt down.
âAh, this is great work, my little âitetsyip.â He leaned in, hand reaching up to pull it closer to examine it. He grinned, nodding towards you. âYou are an exceptional crafter.â
Jake watched the scene, brows furrowing, a weight resting in his chest.Â
You rolled your eyes. âOh, bah! You and Mother praise me far too much.âÂ
Tonowair simply chuckled, his hand moving to cradle your cheek as you grinned at him.Â
âNo, we simply see how great you are.â
Jake started to notice more after that. He watched not just you, but your life. How you wandered freely through the village, greeting your clan members eagerly, your cheerfulness returned. You were surrounded by kids your age, all watching you with a mix of adoration and respect. You bonded with your siblings, giggling over inside jokes and banter.Â
Your parents were doting. They didnât spoil you; they made sure you were responsible and self-aware, but they loved you, and they showed it. The more he watched, the more Neytiri did too; perhaps sheâd been watching the full scene the whole time.
You werenât alone.
You smiled so widely, and you never had to beg, you never had to work for attention or affection. You were accepted wholeheartedly.Â
You had everything you wanted here, Neytiri and Jake realized. You had everything they wanted to give you, and you didnât have any barriers. You werenât human or parentless. You moved about freely. You werenât raised to expect to come second, third, or fourth place.Â
Neytiri and Jake had wanted to give you that life. But they couldnât. They never could.
The Great Mother didnât fulfill their desires to be the one to love you; she gave you what you needed. She gave you the opportunity to live.Â
It was bittersweet. You had the life you wanted. You were loved.Â
Just not by them.Â
And that was ok.Â
Theyâd lived their lives, theyâd found happiness, a family, and they were good.Â
Youâd found what you needed, even if it wasnât with them.Â
Loke is the kind of guy to get on his knees and wail to God, âWhy must our women suffer?!â Heâd cry with one hand clawing at his chest while the other beats at the ground.
I love Gray, Lucy and Loke (also Cana, sheâs here in spirit). The imagery and energy that they all share together makes me so happy. Theyâre all in-love and that alternates between romantic and platonic depending on the mood.
This entire post was inspired by @u1tear and the description on their post âhot girl and two bi guys with homoerotic overtonesâ. If we add in Cana then its just a group of bi losers.
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