merissa

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But still interested in feeding yourself? What if I told you that there’s a woman with a blog who had to feed both herself and her young son…on 10 British pounds ($15/14 Euro) per week?

Let me tell you a thing.

This woman saved my life last year. Actually saved my life. I had a piggy bank full of change and that’s it. Many people in my fandom might remember that dark time as when I had to hock my writing skills in exchange for donations. I cried a lot then. 

This is real talk, people: I marked down exactly what I needed to buy, totaled it, counted out that exact change, and then went to three different stores to buy what I needed so I didn’t have to dump a load of change on just one person. I was already embarrassed, but to feel people staring? Utter shame suffused me. The reasons behind that are another post all together. 

AgirlcalledJack.com is run by a British woman who was on benefits for years. Things got desperate. She had to find a way to feed herself and her son using just the basics that could be found at the supermarket. But the recipes she came up with are amazing. 

You have to consider the differing costs of things between countries, but if you just have three ingredients in your cupboard, this woman will tell you what to do with it. Check what you already have. Chances are you have the basics of a filling meal already. 

Here’s her list of kitchen basics. 

Bake your own bread. It’s easier than you think. Here’s a list of many recipes, each using some variation of just plain flour, yeast, some oil, maybe water or lemon juice. And kneading bread is therapeutic. 

Make your own pasta–gluten free. 

She gets it. She really does. This is the article that started it all. It’s called “Hunger Hurts”.

She has vegan recipes.

A carrot, a can of kidney beans, and some cumin will get you a really filling soup…or throw in some flour for binding and you’ve got yourself a burger. 

Don’t have an oven or the stove isn’t available? She covers that in her Microwave Cooking section. 

She has a book, but many recipes can be found on her blog for free. She prices her recipes down to the cent, and every year she participates in a project called “Living Below the Line” where she has to live on 1 BP per day of food for five days. 

Things improved for me a little, but her website is my go to. I learned how to bake bread (using my crockpot, but that was my own twist), and I have a little cart full of things that saved me back then, just in case I need them again. She gives you the tools to feed yourself, for very little money, and that’s a fabulous feeling. 

Tip: Whenever you have a little extra money, buy a 10 dollar/pound/euro giftcard from your discount grocer. Stash it. That’s your super emergency money. Make sure they don’t charge by the month for lack of use, though.

I don’t care if it sounds like an advertisement–you won’t be buying anything from the site. What I DO care about is your mental, emotional, and physical health–and dammit, food’s right in the center of that. 

*parent leaves the area* “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!”

“You’re just…the worst.”

*internally* bitch I am the only one that gets to kill my sibling back off!

That little conciliatory pat on the back Loki gives to Thor after Thor says “Jane and I dumped each other”

“I swear I left it right here”

*casually talking to each other about something mundane with the underlying threat of violence everpresent in both of your voices*

casual jibes and banter about the way each other dresses (“Why would I do that? I’m not a witch.” “Then why do you dress like one?”)

“YES! THAT’S WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE!”

but also the concealed worry about your sibling getting actually hurt, even though you know they’ll probably be fine

Loki’s extremely obvious eyerolling when those girls approach Thor in public and ask for a selfie

This what I found( cut and pasted ):

“Theodore Roosevelt did not use a Bible when taking the oath in 1901. Both John Quincy Adams and Franklin Pierce swore on a book of law, with the intention that they were swearingon the constitution. Lyndon B. Johnson was sworn in on a Roman Catholic missal on Air Force One”

• if u like something but i dont, i will try super hard to get into the thing u like •i like physicality so neverending kisses and hugs • im not cute so no one will steal me away?? •chubby. warm hugs. •i will call u cute names all day long

cons

Aries: Appetite Loss - All you think about is him or her. Producing more dopamine, you feel little need for food or other basic necessities while floating through each day on a cloud of hope.  

Taurus: Abandon Regular Routines - You may abandon your work or your responsibilities.  Your thoughts and actions become devoted to your love interest. 

Gemini: Fresh Complexion - You feel different and it shows. Others might catch you smiling or blushing for no apparent reasons. 

Cancer: You Think of that Person as Perfect - You project your idea of the perfect one onto them and you overlook their weaknesses or flaws. 

Leo: You Upgrade Your Looks - You care more about how you dress or look. You may start thinking of the small things that you can do to make yourself look better for them. 

Virgo: You Daydream - You begin thinking about the future with this person. Your imagination creates vivid scenarios of romantic getaways, cozy chats, exciting adventures, and feel-good moments. 

Libra: You Build an Addiction - You always want to communicate with them and when they don’t communicate back, you start to worry. You spend most of your time analyzing every word and punctuation mark in each conversation to make sure that they’re interested and committed. 

Scorpio: You feel better about life - You begin to wonder where this person has been all your life, and why the two of you never found each other sooner. All of life’s disappointments, frustrations and losses will not compare anymore. 

Sagittarius: You Get Jealous Easily- You hate it when other people talk to them and you hate it when other people spend time with them. You miss them when they are not around and become irritated. 

Capricorn: You Find Their Quirks Cute, not Annoying - You don’t really mind their bad habits, but in fact find them attractive. 

Aquarius: You Talk About Them - You secretly tell your friends about them and become excited for your friends or family to meet them. 

I’ve been telling everyone I know for YEARS not to buy Blue Buffalo.

This is the short story:

A few years ago I took my sick cat, Ankh, to the vet. The vet and vet tech asked what I fed her. I told them Blue Buffalo. They looked like I had just told them I fed her razor blades and cyanide. They diagnosed her with pancreatitis and said that nearly all of the cats they’d been seeing lately with pancreatitis were being fed Blue Buffalo.  They gave her medicine and sent her home.  Two days later she had a seizure and died right in my arms. 

The day after she died Hannibal started displaying the same symptoms she had so I panicked hard and took him to the vet.  Got the same meds and the same diagnosis.  Luckily Hannibal survived.

I wish Ankh had survived. She was only ten and the best cat I’ve ever had. Literally the best and five years later I still cry when I think about her.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

Last week, I got attacked by the most painful and persistent hiccups of my life at work. My co-worker heard me hiccuping and said, absently, “Got the hiccups?” and I said miserably, “Yeah.” And she said, “Prove it.”

And I glared at her, because why the fuck should I prove anything to her? And I waited for the next hiccup, which would prove that she was a dick and that I was, indeed, suffering from hiccups. And… that hiccup never came. And she smirked and said, “My daughter calls me whenever she has hiccups and when I ask her to prove it, she never can.”

And that was weird. But later that night, I got hiccups AGAIN, so I said to my boyfriend, “I HAVE HICCUPS.” and he said “Yeah, you do.” And I said, “No, ask me to prove it.” And he gave me a look like I was a crazy person, and I hiccuped again and insisted he ask me to prove it and he did and BAM. I couldn’t do it!

And a few days LATER, I got the hiccups WHILE DRIVING ALONE, and I said, out loud, “DUDE, I have the hiccups.” And then, in another voice, “PROVE IT.” And bam. Couldn’t do it.

The moral of the story? Apparently hiccups are little shits who refuse to perform on command. 

There you go. Hiccup cure. I can’t promise it’ll work for everyone, but so far, it’s worked for me like six times.