Siobhan, the god of dangerous spelling

However, this isn’t my main blog, no. @thewestcoastlady is, it is the blog that started it all, the og from all the way back in 2009 (yes, I’m very very old, I’m ancient, an elder millennial). And so because of the way Tumblr works, I can only comment and follow other blogs as @thewestcoastlady and not as @retrieve-the-kraken like I would like to most of the time.

I just thought I would make that abundantly clear, because confusion has arisen before. You can follow me there if you want, I hope you like the very very random content that I reblog or post on a whim (that blog is also a safe space for all the same things, I just probably don’t post about them there, I like to keep things as catalogued as possible), and/or you can follow me here and I hope you like what I post here too.

Just know that @retrieve-the-kraken and @thewestcoastlady are in fact the same person liking your content and following you and commenting on your lovely posts and losing our shit when you like and/or reblog our stuff, and we are very excited that you stopped by (excited and a little awkward and probably very anxious).

Thank you, I love you. ❤️

Luckily I still have one left (and he’a amazing):

Chapter 4 - The Promise

“I shouldn’t have taken it. But I- I felt so weird by then that I didn’t know… what to say or do, and we were leaving… and it felt like-”

“I get it,” Will responded, with a sympathetic smile. “Look, don’t feel bad. I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”

Mike made a face.

“I’m really not good at this,” he mumbled self-deprecatingly. “With El… it’s not that it was easier… I mean, somehow it felt…” He looked down at his hands. “And I just… haven’t really…”

Will watched him as he fell silent again. He didn’t know how to respond, or if he even had to.

Mike looked pensively to the side, staring at nothing in particular.

“How do you know if someone likes you?” he suddenly asked.

Will blinked.

“Oh… well, in her case, I think it was the fact that she was paying all her attention to-”

“No, I mean… you,” Mike looked directly at Will, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. “like… h- how do you know… if a guy likes you?”

It felt like all the blood in Will’s body had rushed down to his legs and arms and he felt lightheaded. He had not expected a question like that, let alone was prepared to answer.

He stared a little too long at Mike, who seemed to avoid his eyes again.

“Um… I, uh… I’m not sure,” Will stammered. “I- I mean… I haven’t really thought about it, but… I guess…” he scratched his neck, “I just… pay attention to the way he acts… like, if he’s nervous… or he… he wants to spend more time with me…” He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. “Um, I… I don’t really know much from experience, but… yeah, I guess… maybe those are the things that I notice.”

Mike nodded.

“And… what do you do? When… when you notice?”

Will’s own face had surely gone pink too.

“I, uh, well… as I said, I don’t have that much experience…” he muttered. He had only dated a handful of guys, and only gotten that feeling from one of them. Needless to say, it hadn’t really progressed any further.

“I guess I just… wing it,” he answered, “and hope for the best.”

Mike opened his mouth to say something else, but then tensely closed it.

NEW CHAPTER UP NOW

Chapter 3 - The Paladin’s Plight

“The last couple of years, I feel like I barely even existed. Like… I could hardly function as a human,” he said.

Silence followed again.

“I know.”

Mike felt his throat tighten.

“I know that I have to move on… But every time I try, it… it feels like it’s too soon.”

Someone else would have told him that he had to, no matter what. He could hear Hopper’s voice in his head, saying something about choosing a path. Mike knew which one he should choose, and yet the other one was so tempting; it seemed easier, and familiar, and it didn’t feel wrong. The other path, the correct one, required a lot more work, and it was exhausting.

Forcing himself down the correct path was hard, and treacherous, and easier to stray off and get lost. And it felt lonely.

Someone else would have told him that he had to, no matter what. He just had to move on. But not Will.  

“Then maybe it is,” Will replied. “Maybe you need more time. And that’s okay.”

NEW CHAPTER UP NOW

It’s been months, and I’m still writing this story… Guess I’m stuck now, until I’ve exorcised it from my system…

So Nurse Jesse, played by actual nurse Ned Bowers, was thrown down and arrested by ICE, for trying to defend a woman/patient arrested by the same ICE agents, in an episode that was written and filmed months prior to what happened to Alex Pretti in January 24th… That hit hard.

Not to mention all the patients in the waiting room and members of the staff who took off, made me feel so bad. I can only imagine what it must feel like, to be living through that right now in the United States. It’s literally still happening.

Someone pointed out that it was unrealistic that ICE agents would bring someone they detained to the ED for care… and maybe it is, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe one of the (possibly the one without the mask) got a drop of decency left in him (which is a lot for an ICE agent), and it’s clear that the asshole with his face covered did not agree to it, did not want to be there, and he’s ready to take everyone down (he’s the one who arrests Jesse). But it’s excellent that Javadi filmed the whole thing (she’s such a TikTok girlie) and she’s using her platform to make ICE agents famous. I wouldn’t be surprised if it helps resolve the situation with Jesse faster. (Also get Jesse and Robby a lot of fangirls and fanboys).

I liked Robby’s reaction to the ICE agents. It was very “I fucking hate you but I know I can’t do anything right now because that would only make things worse and I have a job to do but get the fuck out of my ED, you absolute scum of this Earth”. That felt somewhat cathartic, but also felt so helpless.

I wasn’t expecting Roxie to die so soon, but I definitely feel that her death, that moment in her room with the husband and Javadi, and him and Al-Hashimi talking to the mother of the heatstroke child, and even more so whatever is happening with his friend Duke, will ultimately be the lethal combo that makes Robby break down again and hopefully seek help. (That moment when Al-Hashimi asked the mother if she has ever thought of hurting herself, and the camera is right on Robby as he hears it…)

And now that Mohan has made it clear that she might not want to be there anymore, I think it will make him face the fact that he’s been contradicting himself, that he doesn’t have a force field for his emotions, that he lets everything in, just like any other human. His attitude toward Mohan and Langdon, especially, signal how much he lets himself be controlled by his emotions. And if he doesn’t accept that that happens, that it’s just being human, he’ll never accept the help that he desperately needs.

I loved the whole interaction between Langdon and Mel, and I know Mel will take some time to readjust, but she will eventually realize that she needs to relinquish that need to control/build her life around Becca. But Taylor Dearden does such a good job of playing Mel, and yet it’s a little painful to watch.

I think I was a little surprised that no one else knows about Langdon being away in rehab. I thought it was widely known. 10 months is a long time for nobody else to find out. And especially for Whitaker, who lives with Santos, to not know… it shows that Santos really doesn’t take it upon herself to badmouth Langdon. She wants accountability, but she did her part and nothing happened. However…

I bet they eventually explain that the guy with the dislocated elbow not wanting to take pain meds is due to having recovered from addiction, or having someone in his life who is or was addicted… and it’s supposed to make Santos feel a little bad for Langdon and his addiction. The same way that McKay tries to explain to Ogilvie to try to be empathetic about addicts, and obviously we know that it has to do with herself too.

I was a little irked by Joy’s accusation to the mother of the heatstroke child, to her face. It shows a side of Joy that we haven’t seen, and I wonder if it’ll be explored further.

I’m so scared for Emma… Not that I condone violence, but I kinda hope Dana comes in and punches that guy out cold. Please don’t let anything bad happen to sweet Emma!

Thank you @zwiazdziarka for tagging me, i quite like doing these.

I’m not sure if i’ve already done this before (maybe it was 10 shows), but if i did, i bet it won’t look the same this time.

I just realized that most of these are women-led, with the only exception being the last one.

No tags because I just realized that I never posted this. I made this draft in OCTOBER OF LAST YEAR, and i JUST FOUND IT…

- I think everyone is spot-on on why Robby appears so disappointed in so many people in his team (Mohan, Langdon), because he sees all the bad parts of himself in them. And the reason why he admires and is so infatuated with Whitaker is because he’s the good side of him, he’s “the hope”. I think that now that Robby revealed (accidentally or on purpose) to the people he seems to trust the most (Abbott and Whitaker and maybe even Dana in a way) that he might be going down a dark path on this sabbatical, those trusted people will “betray” him by doing whatever it takes to stop him from whatever he was planning to do, for his own good. Whether he was planning to off himself or not, I think he’s going to be forced to reckon with his mental health issues and existential crisis, and he won’t go on his road trip, and the fact that it comes from the people that he least expected is going to be a huge deal.

-I think Samira might leave the Pitt. She might be done with dealing with Robby’s bullshit, accepting that she’s just his punching bag, and that she doesn’t deserve it. She’s been all about thinking of others since the beginning, being very selfless with her patients, and especially this season with Mr Diaz, helping him find a way to take care of himself while ill and under-insured, and being particularly annoyed at her own mother and all the changes she was prepared to make to take care of her. And this whole time she hasn’t been putting herself first at all, even going as far as having a panic attack because of how little she’s been caring for herself and her own mental health. I think it would be good for her to go away anyway, as she planned, take a position somewhere else. She’s a good doctor, and Robby is making her doubt herself too much, and I would be glad to see her leave him behind. Though admittedly, I would also love if she were to have a whole thing with Abbott, which would probably also annoy Robby, so I would be glad to see it.

-I hope Mel realizes that she doesn’t have to build her entire life around her sister. I can see that next episode will be her dealing with the betrayal of her sister having a whole life that she knows nothing about. She probably won’t know how to deal with it, and probably Langdon will help her enormously with that. But I think she’ll realize quickly that she doesn’t feel betrayed by the fact that her sister is allowed to have a whole life outside of Mel, and that she doesn’t have to share everything with her, but by the fact that she’s been putting her own life aside for her sister, and it’s difficult to build a life like that especially when you’re an adult and being a carer is all that you do. And maybe she’ll have a whole other level of confidence now that she has this realization.

-I think that Whitaker is genuinely too pure and good to pursue anything with a recently widowed mother. I think he genuinely just wants to help, and he enjoys working on a farm again. I think we don’t know enough about him to know why (other than med school and work) he hasn’t gone back to Nebraska in years, but there’s a hint there in how much he misses being on a farm and what he’s mentioned in passing about his brothers and his parents (“I’m the youngest of four brothers, I’m just happy when my parents remember my name”, “I suppose they’re my best friends… they tortured me, so maybe not…”). He’s the runt of the litter, and he feels so happy when he can be helpful and do good. I can’t wait to learn more about him, and I hope that, like Mel and Samira, he realizes that he can take care of others but also take care of himself.

-I think Santos will continue to be Santos, and she’s going to have to make a choice to keep going despite the things that are grinding on her (Al-Hashimi’s system, Langdon’s presence, etc.) and taking off to another place. Ultimately I think it will come down to whether she wants to continue fighting, seeing as it didn’t work and now everyone thinks she’s conflictive, because she wants things to be fair, or whether she’d rather move on elsewhere even though she’ll probably encounter similar setbacks because it’s so embedded in the system. But whether she stays or goes, I hope that she calls everyone out on their bullshit, because I think The Pitt does a pretty good job of highlighting these systemic fails and imbalances, and it would be really sad to see it play out without at least someone speaking up for real.

-That’s not to say that I don’t think Langdon deserves a second chance (though maybe not at PTMC). I’ve never had to deal or even met anyone going through rehab, so I honestly don’t know where to draw the line with people recovering… But I like that Robby’s not forgiving him so easily. How do you rebuild trust after something like that? I think it’s playing out okay, so far, because Langdon is doing his best, but he has to accept that doing all the steps and apologizing is not going to magically fix everything. And also because it might reach a boiling point that will put everyone involved on an interesting crossroads. I definitely think someone else will leave this season (we already lost Heather Collins, I’m still sad about that, she was a sweetheart, though I liked how her story closed), and I think Langdon, much like Samira and Santos, is a big candidate.

-A part of me thinks that the death of Roxy, Mckay’s patient, might trigger something in Robby… I know that’s not his patient really, but he’s in a way contributing to her peaceful death… and after Louie and also with Baby Jane Doe, I hope something clicks in him, about life and death and our time here on Earth, and he starts rethinking whatever he’s thinking about himself and his life…

-I am however enjoying the suspense. I like what Noah Wyle said, about seeing Robby riding the motorcycle without a helmet, and comparing it to how Gene Wilder was very specific on how he wanted Willy Wonka to be introduced in the movie (walking out with a cane, falling forward but going into a roll and standing up with a flourish), so that no one would know from that point on whether he was lying or telling the truth. I think that’s played out really well so far, because we really don’t know what Robby’s up to, so far we’ve just seen him being reckless, both on the motorcycle and with some of the members of his team, but we don’t really know what that will amount to.

-I hope McKay goes on that date. That guy’s really cute. She deserves an outing.

-I both like and dislike Al-Hashimi. I like how she is as a doctor, I don’t love her as an attending. If there is one profession in which you should try to explain yourself and your decisions, instead of just going “we are doing this”, it’s medicine. I know maybe she’s just being assertive at times, maybe not wanting to be questioned so much (which could very well be part of being a woman and a doctor), but that’s also part of teaching… and it feels like she doesn’t do it enough. Maybe I’m being too harsh because this is supposed to be her first time with the team, and she’ll have more time with them (presumably) so they can get used to her and she can get used to them, but at the moment they don’t seem to be clicking as much. She’s a great doctor, not a great manager (so far). She doesn’t feel as encouraging as Robby, but I love her confidence and her calm demeanor.

-We need more Joy, less Ogilvie. We need more Dr Ellis and Dr Shen and Dr Abbott, and I miss Kiara… where did she go…?

-For the record, I ship everyone. I ship HuckleRobby and KingDon and SamAbbott and GarSantos and even Ovadi (Ogilvie and Javadi, even though I detest him, but why not an enemies-to-lovers…?), and I’m sad that none of it is real (except GarSantos, but I’m sad of how little we get to see of it), but at the same time, I absolutely love that this show is somehow all about those things and yet not about those things at all… we don’t get to see much of whatever happens with these characters outside of the hospital, in the ten months since we first met them, and that is so refreshing. But if I had to bet on which ship (other than GarSantos) might become real, (as much as I want to say HuckleRobby) my money is on SamAbbott.

- someone from the team adopts Baby Jane Doe. (My guess would be Al-Hashimi).

Chapter 2 - Greetings from Coney Island

“Do you like being here?” Mike suddenly asked, his voice soft and yet startling in the silence. Will blinked in the darkness.

“You mean… here in Pratt or here in New York?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Well, yeah, both, so far. I… I feel like Pratt is everything I hoped it would be. I still haven’t picked my major, but… I really like it here, the people, what I’m doing and learning… it’s really good.” He sighed. “And New York is… it was scary at first, and sometimes it’s still scary, but… it’s a whole other exciting world.”

“And… do you feel… more normal?” Mike asked tentatively. “Like… do you feel think maybe you’ll someday feel more normal?”

Will sighed again. He probably never would feel normal, not about everything that happened to him. It would probably live somewhere in the back of his mind forever, the memory of being in the Upside Down, the things he saw and felt, being possessed by the Mind Flayer, sensing the hive mind, his connection with Vecna. It would always be there, lurking in the background, like most bad memories did.

But he liked to think that it would become fainter with time, until the feelings connected with those memories were gone.

“A little… yeah, maybe.”

There was silence.

“Do you ever feel homesick?” Mike spoke up again.

“Yeah, a little. I think most people do the first year,” Will said. He glanced across the room, his eyes still adjusting to the dark. “Do you?”

Mike paused.

“Not really, no,” he said finally. “Or maybe… maybe I feel homesick for what home used to be… But… that’s not there anymore, is it?”

Will nodded.

“She’s… not there. None of you are,” Mike added. “Other than my parents and Holly, there’s no one left in Hawkins to make it home.”

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