my dad hates it when i talk to boys

speaking of dreams i think i had another one last night where i lost my virginity they hit me from time to time and i can't remember everything but i think i was walking through the forest naked and entered some kind of house where a boy was asleep and i just straddled him and slowly had sex with him and when he woke up he couldn't move he could just moan it was pretty foggy and trippy almost like something out of erotic fairy tales or something but i woke up glistening and my thighs were glued together so i guess it's something i keep inside so much that really wants to get out somehow

sometimes i hear or see and smell or feel something and it triggers original memories made up of bits and pieces of other ones almost like a dream where i remember things i've never experienced and they're almost like visions hopefully i'm not the only one out here who has this multiple times a day but who knows maybe i'm the weird girl as usual

there's a boy i kind of like i met him in school since we had to work together on a few creative projects like he's from another school but we had to meet up and do some stuff a couple times and i don't know we kept in touch and met up outside school too one time and he's on my mind a couple times a week still i can't describe it but just being near him when i was set something off in me and it was mostly his scent he's also really kind to me and interested but his smell just made me so horny i couldn't believe it and whenever i think about him for a while i get so crazy horny on the spot but tonight we were texting a bit we do it from time to time and i guess i picked up that he has a girlfriend and instead of feeling relief like ok so if we do meet up again nothing's going to happen i just feel more horny how does that even work my first thought was like ok so if anything happens it'll have to be a secret i feel so bad about it it's like my body is trying to blackmail me into thinking it's fine to potentially have sex with this really great boy who already has a girlfriend i think something's wrong with me

was just at the local calisthenics park and an older guy helped me out with some techniques and even lifted me a few times and touched my ass and i kept picturing jesus giving me a scowl but what can i do when older men are hot and if they're above average cute my mind turns into cotton candy and thoughts about sex rush in i can't help it and quite frankly i feel cheated because life shouldn't be so very confusing

already i'm not smart and suck at studying but i don't understand how people can study religion for centuries and not have a straight answer why i'm supposed to be chaste and virtuous but still have intrusive thoughts all day long like if god didn't want me thinking about hot older guys and sex all the time why did he make my body so needy and sensitive you know

i'm at that stage in my life where my ass seems to be growing bigger every day and my thick hips too while all i can think about is cute boys but my dad would strap me down and put my lady parts under lock and key if he knew my thoughts and fantasies