Mental Illness and Personal Views

I got so upset feeling like I wasted the day away, what was worse is that it wasn’t my choice to not do anything. I even asked my fiancée why they loved me— I was really that into the idea that I didn’t even deserve compassion or care that day because of the fact I did nothing. I felt lazy and icky and sad about being so limited.

I did nothing, all day, for the whole day. But that didn’t make me worth less than anyone who had a productive day that I can only dream of completing. It doesn’t make me less valuable or less wanted or less loved. It doesn’t make me useless or lazy or anything like that.

Forgive Yourself.

In society, MOST people blame the victim and normalise abuse. They more likely in denial because it's easier for them to accept that it didn't happen, rather than facing the real issue. This is THEIR problem, NOT yours. They have deep issues they need to deal with and more likely, pain they push aside and not facing their own demons.

Forgive Yourself.

It's NOT your fault on what happened. You DIDN'T cause the pain, THEY did. You DIDN'T ask for it either. You DIDN'T do anything wrong. You were living in Survival Mode because you couldn't live your life. Nothing wrong in that. It's what you had to do, in order to protect yourself.

Forgive Yourself.

I've always said; you DON'T have to forgive your abusers in order for you to heal. You can heal WITHOUT forgiving them.

Forgive Yourself.

HOWEVER, you can forgive yourself for carrying that shame. For carrying all that hurt that you held on for so long.

if youre scrolling through tumblr in the morning- try to get up, get dressed, go brush your teeth. its going to be ok. you'll make it through the day, im proud of you.

if youre scrolling through tumblr trying to distract yourself from bad things that are happening, to you, to people you know, or people you dont- make sure youre somewhere youre comfortable, and let yourself feel those emotions, i promise you, its going to be ok. you'll get through this, im proud of you.

think about what you really should be doing in this moment. that homework assignment that youve been procrastinating, sleep youre yet to catch up on. even little things, like taking your meds, having something to drink and eat, taking a shower.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.