just an only child of the universe

Gets abducted by aliens and put in a zoo and slowly figures out how their language works and starts writing swear words on the glass when the alien children walk by

The aliens are like wait you can write and I’m like yeah I can talk too and they’re like why didn’t you say something sooner and I’m like well I figured you wouldn’t let me go since you’re clearly willing to kidnap a sapient being so I’m just taking revenge by making your toddlers more annoying

The aliens are like we didn’t know humans were sapient and I’m like did you miss all of that human civilization literally everywhere and they’re like what and I’m like look at the planet at night and they’re like holy fuck those lights are people we’ve been trapping and releasing people and meanwhile I’ve returned to writing swear words on the glass with my little alien sharpie

I glare at you from across the enclosure for ruining my alienthropology research by making them aware of being observed

Ignores you and keeps teaching a child that speaks alien sign language all the rude words for alien genitalia through the glass

Continues to glare with a twitching lip because that’s actually really funny

(visibly shaking and covered in blood) yeah its just been kind of a long week haha

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

*this meeting could have been an email voice* this cgi could have been a puppet

This is getting a lot of notes again and is reminding me that I should try to get out for more walks in the nice autumn weather

my wrist bones gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and her name is Ganglion Cyst

Haven’t posted about plastic in a minute. Rest assured, I am still hard at work eating all plastic on earth