Something to Someone

i’m just saying, when i die in mysterious and unexplained circumstances i want you all to make sure that everybody knows it. instead of saying how i was “a friend to everyone” and that i “lit up a room” when i entered it i want people to shake their heads while muttering that i “asked too many questions for my own good” and talk about how they “warned me that i was getting in way over my head” and that i “always had a knack for finding trouble” wherever i went. if you don’t make me a local urban legend you’ve failed me.

Sex is cool, but nothing beats blacking out after a crazy Saturday night and waking up cuffed in the back of a horse-drawn carriage, on your way down to Helgen to face Imperial justice

its insane how if you want a little animal can live with you

you can turn it off but only once

im pretty sure the tomato sauce on pizza is the only thing stopping most white american adult single men from dying of scurvy

Let’s take it off then

there is nothing you can say that will make me stop occasionally putting a q tip in my ear to remove ear wax. i know the ear is self cleaning. i know it doesnt need to be done at all, and in rare cases where earwax buildup actually does need to be removed this is absolutely not the way. i know theres a risk of serious injury to the inner ear. i know there is no material benefit and it can only do harm. but heres the deal: i dont care. im fully aware and im going to do it anyway. im fucking crazy.. but im free

“hey lady ur computer isn’t even on”