Normally, I get up to do his breakfast. If it isnt my morning to do coffee. The kitchen needs resetting, the fire lighting, the lights turning on. I need to dress, wash, look pretty- even a few years in i still struggle finding the correct way to run this routine. I should skip the second coffee where I curl up on his legs and cuddle to drink it, spend that time getting ready, but I treasure that time and wont give it up unless he tells me to.
Everyone is away, so i sleep in his bed and there's no one to get up and make coffee for, no one needing breakfast. I open tumblr and edge to porn for 2 hours; a luxury. When I cum I say "thank you master" out loud; i am allowed to cum while he is away. I have made the fire in the bedroom. The warmth makes me sleepy; the wind howls outside. I intend to hoover the house today so that he will come back to a pretty, clean home; and I need to sort out my computer and post to fansly again.
I think about the hands of my master's friends upon me. I read the porn about having your life and personality changed. I see the gifs of violent, degrading sex. I dont think anymore, with longing,that I want to know what that feels like. I do know what it feels like. I know exactly and fully, in my curvy, happy, bruised, used, satiated body. I was pissed on 3 times this week. I begged for violence, I begged him to punch my ribs again, and the shocks through my body were perfection. I like the men who want to cause harm, for real; but honour the social contract anyway. Who want to hurt a woman, but dont want to ruin their lives or some girls life over it; I love the deals they make with themselves. I make the same deal.
I learn more about myself with every punch, every tear cried. There is a part of me that would happily die like this; it would quite suit her. It is frightening to know how true that is, but there is real contentment in knowing who you are. Left to my own devices I am quite the car crash waiting to happen- i gave my bank details to a stranger on the Internet, once. I have loved many dangerous men- careless, confused, in conflict with themselves. Not like my master, who does nothing by accident. If I were free I would end up angry, shredded, bitter, fatally wounded either physically or psychically; either by denying my nature, or messily, shamedly, in secret being compelled by it. Because he owns me,I am joyful and I can be free. I am free and I can be joyful.
I moved in, in 2022, and now, approaching 2026 I can say I have done it. I am completely the thing I set out to become. No longer aspirational: I *am* the thing you wank about. That sounds hubristic but it is accurate. Not long ago mistress shaved my head in front of a room full of people she encouraged to call out abuse to me; she choked me, threw me to the floor, spat on me; kicked me as I fucked myself and people called out abuse; i was in ecstasy. I serve now - that is my life. Either him, or those he commands me to serve; her; their friends. He dictates me wardrobe, my hair, my diet even if he cared much... to him, beyond looking like a pleasing sex object, he doesn't care what I look like; he likes that I am chubby because it makes me easy to degrade. I am the fat, ugly, clumsy one. This is good for me. His abuse is love and it fills me with joy. Pretty is a curse! I need only be completely obedient and put his happiness before my own. Contentment is simple.
In four years, I have achieved what I set out to achieve. I am no longer a person, and my inner conflict is minimal. I am his object , one of many, and happier than I have ever been.
I am the fantasy. I am the thing I wanked about. I am transformed.




















