amorphous

People are so quick to forget that Shane and Ilya are two jocks who plays a violent contact sport and fuck nasty about it lol

SHANE HOLLANDER IS SO FINE ITS NOT FAIRRRRRRRRR I WANNA EAT IT FROM THE BACK I WANNA SUCK HIM STUPID I WANNA WATCH IT DISAPPEAR INSIDE HIM I WANNA SMOKE WHILE HE RIDES IT I WANNA PULL HIS HAIR WHILE WE'RE IN DOGGY I WANNA ASK HIM WHOSE PUSSY IS THIS WHILE HE MOANS MY NAME INTO THE PILLOW I WANNA (gets dragged off stage)

ilya acting woke solely for the purpose of yelling at hayden and then answering cliffs call on speakerphone and cliff is like “what’s up f*ggots”

hayden is like what the fuck and ilya's like he's culturally queer

marly (on the speakerphone): also like stop the bi erasure dude

shane (watching hockey on his phone): (absently) don’t worry about it hay i’m not culturally queer either

im only attracted to worthy opponents

I think Shane coming hands free the first time he was fucked genuinely made Ilya feel insane. Like, here is your league-mandated rival, he skates like a god, he has the media eating out of the palm of his hand, he commands the room without even seeming to realise his power, he is fucking gorgeous, he drops to his knees at the slightest prompting, he moans like a whore, and, oh! he also fucking spurts all over himself just from having your dick in his ass. Have fun trying to content yourself with fucking literally anyone else for the rest of your life!

sometimes someone I follow falls victim to severe Character delirium to the point where they stop even saying the character's name and just refer to them by an epithet like some kind of malevolent entity whom they don't wish to accidentally summon, so if the sickness sets in quickly enough and I don't pay close attention for a week I'm just Never going to figure Who this bastard haunting my friend Actually Is. and I'll spend months scrolling my dash occasionally seeing appeals to "that fucking horse" or "my evil grub."

the idea that hollander "tamed" rozanov is really funny to shane because like. ilya finds it hot and is always going along with it, yes of course my husband is so sexy why do you think i moved to this boring fucking city. for dick. meanwhile shane knows the truth which is that ilya tamed himself. he herded shane like a sheepdog until he was exactly in the right position for ilya to flop down at his feet and say i love you, i am a one man guy, sleep with other people if you want but you are it for me, so shane is always there like ??? ilya. what are you talking about. i was literally prepared to be a secret slot on your roster for the rest of time without even admitting that i was gay until you decided to have me over make me lunch and say my name while you come like a love confession and ilya goes lyubmiyy. shut up. i was untamable you tamed the untamable and so shane has to be like yes, baby, i worked so hard, i used all my tricks but he's rolling his eyes because ilya wants to be a wolf shane coaxed inside to sleep on the hearth but instead he's a cat who snuck through the window and fell in love with his prey. self domesticated. and this is just one of the many perfect games they play

If a reporter ever asked Ilya what his thoughts were on some semi popular hockey hobbyist podcaster, YouTuber, influencer whatever’s latest beef with him that’s been blowing up on social media and inspiring gossip throughout the league, Ilya would respond “Who?” just to piss them off and make it seem like he is so unconcerned with what they’ve said about him he doesn’t even know about it. If Shane was ever in the same situation he would also respond “Who?” but because he sincerely doesn’t know and Ilya would unironically think Shane is so cool for this.