Untitled (no, really, that's the name)

please watch with sound on

That’s Cumlord! You can find his page on Facebook!!

that’s what

Today at work a girl at my register was heatedly explaining to her mother that wearing a dinosaur costume to her school’s decades day was, in fact, perfectly acceptable because her teachers did not specify any particular decades.

the kids are alright 

sis has some validity to her statistics 

not to mention that migration chain is how America happened in the first place

vampires really should be able to get drunk they literally have to be alive forever let them have this

hc: vampires have no blood so they get drunk faster than people

charlie pulling over a shirtless carlisle at 4 am: dr cullen your blood alcohol content is literally 100% how are you not dead carlisle: au contraire im absolutely dead

I did not expect a decent twilight joke on my dash in 2019, but nevertheless there it is and it’s hilarious.

I always assumed vampires would get drunk if the drank blood from a drunk human

Counter idea, Vampires actually *stay* drunk until they drink blood from a person who wasn’t drunk, because that’s the only way they can update their blood composition

Since the ocean has meat, salt, and veg in it, it is technically a big thing of soup. (source)

but it’s COLD >:(

The Ocean Is Gazpacho

why did it go back in the water are there rats in the water please tell me water rats aren’t a thing

He’s just fancying himself a little swim :)

Ok if u really want to know it’s a muskrat! They live in lakes and are a lil bigger than normal rats

this information displeases me greatly thank you for sharing

i'm obsessed with the idea of an immortal being just having no concept of time and therefore wildly inaccurate misunderstandings of how long ordinary mortal people live

even if the fraud was like 5% it wouldn’t compare to rich people cheating the system by trillions lmao

Also, SNAP “fraud” is like exchanging some of your stamps for cash to buy necessities you can’t buy with stamps, like soap or deodorant or tampons

TBH even if one hundred percent of people on food stamps were committing food stamp fraud I’d still be in favor of keeping the program around

A M A Z I N G

Every word in that sentence is better than the last

if giving faeries your name makes it belong to them, then does the same apply to giving them any of your other possessions as well

be fae do crime