Go Gert

Some socialite telling him that he can’t bring his kids to events, asking what his mother would have said and Bruce deadpans and goes, ‘I think she would have liked to have met her grandchildren. But of course, she never did’

His med school lecturers threatening to flunk him if he doesn’t hand in his essay on blood loss, only for Bruce to say ‘it’s just a touchy subject for me’ and the lecturer blue screening because shit

Some rogue tries to kidnap Bruce at some event, holding a gun to his head, just for Bruce to look at the rogue, almost tearfully and be like ‘i always knew I would end up like my dad’ and the rogue just panics because now they are in a room with a bunch of pissed off people because they’ve almost made the Princess Diana of Gotham cry.

Clark gets mad at him over something, yelling at him and of course Bruce is just no listening so Clark just snaps, Ma Kent’s favourite phrase of ‘who raised you???’ Only to completely fucking choke, pray for the ground to swallow him up because Bruce’s expression just slips a little (inside he’s hysterically laughing). Clark comes by again with a batch of cookies.

Remember lab safety everyone 👍

Some thought process under the cut!

or alternatively, au where dr wayne moonlights at doc thompkins clinic where he keeps meeting these teen vigilantes….. WHOSE kids are these? who let these INFANTS out to fight crime? anyway he uses his sleeper detective skills to track down the vigilantes and…??? be their dad??

5 times bruce could pretend the gotham bats were not his children + 1 time he couldn’t

i have no idea what is happening but this is the drama level im proposing for finale

One thing Jason had never told anyone was how calm he felt in the Gotham cemetery. Don't get it twisted, he still had nightmares about digging himself out of his coffin. That didn't change the peace Jason felt stepping past the iron rod fence though.

Whenever things got too much for him to handle Jason would find himself here every time; walking the path between headstones. He spends time looking at them. Every name, every date, every quote engraved in stone. Thinking of what exactly the person lying six feet deep was like.

Today Jason finds himself with Daniel Fenton. He and Jason would've been the same age if life wasn't cruel. That's surprisingly not the most notable thing about this though as placed on the base of the headstone are the words that read:  "Where do ghosts go on holiday?"

With a chuckle Jason confidently says aloud to himself, "they go to Mali-boo."

He's been spending far too much time with Dick Jason thinks as he starts to move to the next plot. That is until something, it feels like a hand, latches tightly onto his ankle.

Before he can properly react to that Jason feels himself being pulled into the ground. He's tried clawing at the grass beneath his fingertips for any sort of leverage to haul himself out; it doesn't work.

Jason closes his eyes right before he feels his body meets some kind of flat surface. He's back in the coffin he knows he is. He's going to have to dig himself out again. He needs to calm down, he's already struggling to breathe. 

As he gets his breathing under control he notices something touching his shoulder and face as well as what sounds like someone talking. Their voice becoming clearer with each breath. 

"-at's it, deep breaths." They say as Jason finally opens his eyes. It's not the tight space of a coffin that greets him but instead a man with white hair in a wide open room. It almost looks as if he's in the lobby of a hotel or something. "You alright now?"

"Where- where am I?"

"You're in Mali-Boo." 

Damian, completely serious: mE?! you think I broke this vase?

Bruce: Dick says he saw you- Damian. Damian get off the floor.

Damian, slowly laying himself out as if he's been shot: your only blood son... i hath been forsaken... what the fuck...

Bruce: Damian you're on the security cameras throwing it at Jason.

Damian, rolling around to clutch at Bruce's ankles: IS IT BECAUSE MOTHER RAISED ME AS A WEAPON? YOU DON'T LOVE ME?!

Bruce, so tired: Damian.

Jason, taking photos: I'm not even mad he threw it at me this is fucking hysterical.

Bruce: do not encourage this.

Jason is just naturally very good at annoying people, and in his mind, Talia is the reason he has to deal with pit rage for the rest of his life. of course he's going to be a little shit. Talia isn't a mother to him (he's had enough with mothers after Sheila), but rather he sees her like some audacious older sister/aunt figure. Talia realised having Jason around was a burden the second he beat her at chess one time and has never once treated him like a child, let alone a child in her care, so they end up with the weird dynamic of being almost family but also pissing each other off akin to Jim and Dwight from the office.

the funniest part about it is that Ra's? is fine with Jason. like sure he's a fuckin' asshole but he's good at his job around the league; is powerful and a worthy heir, not to mention he's a good tutor to Damian who adores Jason with his whole soul. the only thing is he and Talia don't get along and so obviously this means Ra's has to spend his spare time dealing with his heir/chief general and his daughter pissing each other the fuck off like CHILDREN. he is so tired.

Talia: i swear, Jason, i can and will send you back to the pit!

Ra's head in hand: what now?

Talia: he tripped me on the way in!

Jason, working a bodyguard shift and absolutely did use his sword to trip her up: i absolutely did not.

Ra's: Jason.

Jason: there are no cameras in here, how can you prove anything?

Ra's:

Ra's, sighing: Talia, Jason says he's sorry. ok?

Jason and Talia, simultaneously: i do NOT-/he does NOT-

-

Jason, to Damian: your mother is a whore. slept with my dad once.

Damian, 7: ...i am aware. he is my father also.

Jason: tried to sleep with me once, too.

Damian:

Damian: i did not know about tha- seriously what is wrong with the two of you-

Talia, echoing from down the hall: JASON PETER TODD-AL GHUL IF YOU DON'T STOP TELLING MY SON ABOUT MY PERSONAL HISTORY-

Jason, opening a secret passageway to escape: oki bye-bye Dami enjoy lunch!

Damian, tired and used to this: *waves goodbye*

-bonus, years later-

Bruce: my relationship with Talia was... complicated. but we still held a significant amount of care for each other, and i am grateful she granted me Damian.

Dick: she's a fucking weirdo. i hate her.

Bruce, resigned: yes i'm aware you don't like her but she's still Damian's mother so could you-

Jason, walking in: what we talking about?

Bruce: i'm trying to convince Dick not to antagonise Talia's name around her son.

Jason: oh, Talia? nah fuck her she's a bitch. you know she 'accidentially' decapitated my donkey once during a group trip and fuckin' left me in the desert to travel two weeks back to the compound. asshole. ate all my cookies while i was gone.

Bruce:

Dick: