taking a nap brb

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

oh that's what the dwarves were doing

transgender super mario land 2 reboot where mario is FtM and wario is ℲtW

whoever's idea it was to have womens t-shirts have those tiny sleeves that go way up into the armpits must have done that maliciously

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

irs.

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

Ill be a star

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

This is stupid! Were you born yesterday? (the mayfly’s big limpid eyes fill with tears as it looks at me) oh god I’m so sorry oh no oh god

Get your ducks in a row. Now get them in a circle. Get them in a Socratic seminar with that duck in the middle. Get them in a mosh pit. Get them moshing. Get them moshing.