i love when people on the internet get denied stuff and you find the most innovative minds of the generation dedicated to making goddamn sure other people get what they want come hell or high water

$1,000 for your car servicing?? dont worry princess, daddy will handle this... (calls the mechanic and gets a list of services and searches for each one on the web with "reddit" appended) uhhhhhhhhhh so daddy can get it down to $980

trying to jerk off but every time i reach into my pants its just sand. sand slipping through my fingers...

judas was probably like "jesus has pulled off so many wacky things, he'll get out of this one lickity split, and i get three shiny coins out of it, too"

everybody has a love-hate relationship with their hometown. it's just built into the equation of growing up. im mr. born to run. im mr. thunder fucking road. i gotta get out, i gotta hit the highway, im a road running man, i got the white line fever in my veins. i am gonna run, run, run and im... well im never coming back. i currently live ten minutes from my hometown.