Mainly Wow stuff but I also have challenged myself to find every tameable rare and 4 not technically rare but should be rares across all of Azeroth and will be posting screenshots of the sightings! 🦁🧝♀️
Hello! I play a Hunter called Blackavar (Avar) and over the years of WoW I'd always get the urge to go and camp a rare and tame it. I still have the urge to camp but lately less npcs I haven't already done. Thus this challenge I set myself was created back in April 2021. I did set some rules for myself:
RULE #1: Always Screen Shot a rare sighting!
I do this so there is physical record of the rares I have seen and also proof of not cheating with other means. I have limited myself at the beginning to only using the selfie camera but that doesnt always get good angles.
RULE #2: NO GRIEFING or killing the rares, EVEN IF I WANT THE LOOT:
This one is IMPORTANT. No one likes it when you camp for hours and someone flies in and kills it. So if there are other players waiting let them no I have no need to tame. If there is noone around I can either rehome, tame or leave it alone.
RULE#3: No using your own pets:
No cheating via placing your own pet in the spawn point and make it look like its in the wild! This is another reason I started with using the selfie camera. the odd angle of it dissuades use of owned pets. If I already have it I still have to look for it.
RULE#4:No Chromie time!
I am already lvl 60 and eventually lvl 70 on my hunter so this feature is disabled but if it wasn't Chromie time defeats most of the camping as there are less people in older expansions. WM is allowed to use to phase check tho.
I will be attempting to camp and document all 630 (and growing ) rares there are so far and will maybe add newer ones later. I will also add 4 unique skins that are not a "rare" but do not respawn very often as well as 38 vignettes.
I am nearing the end of my journey on kalmidor at this time.
Credit of static images goes to the amazing Wayne who runs:
A visual guide to hunter pets in the World of Warcraft.
https://twitter.com/wowpetopia
#worldofwarcraft #world of Warcraft #Warcraft #rarechallenge
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When Steve announced the idea of a “field trip”, you were over the moon excited. The fact that said field trip was more of a vacation to Yellowstone National Park where you all would be staying in a few smaller cabins only served to spur on the newfound excitement. Well, that was until you found out this trip was, in fact, a road trip and you had to spend the next 14 hours in the car with the one person in the compound who hated your guts more than the stomach flu.
Loki.
It wasn’t that you had tried to get on his bad side, it just sort of… happened. Ever since Loki and Thor were employed by Stark to aid the team and the two brothers took up housing in the compound, the god just kind of had it out for you.
No, he wasn’t actively seeking out ways to make your time at the tower a living hell but, just the fact that he would walk out of a room you just walked into made your stomach twist with anxiety. Not to mention the dagger eyes he shot you when you spoke up during team briefings and whenever it was suggested you two train together he always managed to squeeze out an excuse before making a break for his room.
Yet, despite all of that, you still managed to develop some… feelings… for the prince. They were harmless at first! Just the occasional side glance during training when his torso was bared to cool off or admiring his bed head whenever he walked into the kitchen in the morning.
Yeah, it was harmless. Until he started making your chest tighten whenever he walked behind your chair to get to his seat at dinner. Until he started popping up in a few of your dreams.
But you were definitely reading into things, right? Yeah, you caught him staring from across the room during game nights more than once but, surely, that was just because he was plotting out how best to remove you from his life. That had to be why.
Only you could have sworn you saw the ghost of a smile playing on his lips as Tony teased you about how broke you were during Monopoly.
And you could have sworn you saw a black-haired shadow lingering in the hall as you swayed your hips to the Billie Holiday record you played that one rainy afternoon.
And you could have sworn you saw him carrying the same book you had raved to Bruce about after you had finished reading it.
However, you never let your brain convince you too much of Loki’s possible affections. Unfortunately, the amount of times he sneered at you far outweighed the moments you thought Loki let himself care. So, you remained polite. You said good morning to the god every morning and bid him goodnight every night (or at least the nights you saw him), you kept asking him to come to the movie nights with the group and he kept declining them, and things went on as per usual.
Of course, the car ride to Yellowstone was hell. Loki may have been keeping his distance but he was nothing compared to how annoying Steve ended up being. Between the constant fights he picked with Nat and the whining about the trip taking too long, you were ready to send him through a wall. He was so annoying that for the majority of the time on the road, you completely forgot about the strife between yourself and the God of Mischief.
Or you had until you all actually arrived and decided to sit out by one of the park-sanctioned campfires for the evening.
“I still can’t believe they let these fires go without any supervision. Could you imagine what a wildfire here would be like?” Wanda asked from where she sat beside you. You took another mouthful of your s’more and Tony shrugged his shoulders as he ran a hand over his mouth.
“I guess with a bunch of superheroes within shouting distance, they’re not as worried about that threat. Especially when we’ve got Frosty over there to freeze everything if things get too out of hand,” Tony jabbed as he pointed across the fire at Loki with his roasting stick. You watched as Loki made a split second of eye contact with you before averting once again followed by a clench of his jaw.
Thor chuckled softly and murmured “Your nicknames are getting sloppier, metal man.”
“Yeah, like yours are any better,” Tony spat back.
You settled back into your chair, content on finishing off the remains of your treat as Steve and Sam went over with the group all of the plans they had for the upcoming days when you turned to Loki. He was sitting to your immediate left with very elegant posture, considering the fact that the rest of you were all hunched over in your chairs and that’s when you realized he had nothing to hunch over: a s’more.
Well, you thought, we can right that wrong.
So you mustered up the courage and nudged him slightly, his body immediately tensing upon contact.
“Hey, Loki…” you began with a low tone and hushed voice, making sure not to disturb Sam and Steve as they went over their plans
“Can I help you?” he asked, sounding more than unimpressed.
“Do you want a s’more?” you asked as you watched his head turn to you slowly.
“A what?”
You lifted your chin up a little bit, intent on not becoming discouraged.
“A s’more.” you repeat, lifting your now empty and sticky fingers to clue him in on what you just finished eating as Sam grew more and more animated about the geysers you all would be seeing the following day.
“Was that what was making that incessant crunching noise in my ear? I thought a bear had taken refuge along the side of the cabin and had begun munching on a tin can,” Loki mused before turning back to the fire, saving you the embarrassment of him watching your cheeks heat up. “I’ll have to pass.”
But you weren’t going to give up that easily.
“Oh c’mon. You know you’ll love it. I see the way you eye Steve’s chocolate muffins.”
“I do not-”
“It won’t take me that long, honest-”
“I told you NO!” He quickly shouted, not only succeeding in quieting your pestering but silencing the rest of the group as well.
“You got a problem over there, Reindeer Games?” Tony asked, cutting the silence but not the tension. Loki stood up immediately, taking a moment to tower over the others before slipping back to the cabin he and his brother were staying in.
“This trip was a mistake.”
You heard him mutter before slamming the door in his wake.
-
And oh what a mistake the trip was indeed.
From the beginning Loki always had his antipathies toward you. Almost every night on his end was spent absolutely irate with you in mind. Only, it wasn’t because he disliked you.
It was because he liked you too much.
And it was eating away at him.
He was never one to go with the crowd and it was painfully obvious the crowd absolutely adored you. All the Avengers practically worshipped the ground you walked on and you never graced the tabloids with a negative headline.
The same could not be said about himself.
It seemed that everywhere you went you had people falling head-over-heels, growing positively enchanted with your ways.
And here Loki was, becoming enraptured with you like everyone else.
However, Loki did cut himself some slack when it came to his crush. He was attracted to powerful people and you were no exception. He watched you fight and he knew the extent of your powers because he had, after all, snuck onto Fury’s account and read up on the file S.H.I.E.L.D. had on you (that was assuming the file was all correct and had every last detail, which, he doubted). He wasn’t proud of the moment when he decided to breach your privacy but it wasn’t like he was going to up and ask you those things. No… he would never.
He also, although he would never admit it, had quite the soft spot for those who had a more nurturing side. The psychiatrist that Stark demanded he see following the attack on New York suggested that this had something to do with his mother and unresolved feelings revolving that but Loki didn’t buy it. But despite all that, he could hardly tear his eyes away that one night when he walked in on you comforting Wanda after a mission that ran into few complications or that one day he watched as you helped Banner patch Thor up after one of his own missions (this also didn’t help the fact that Loki was already jealous of his older brother).
Yes, it seemed Loki Laufeyson’s feelings towards you were growing a bit too fond indeed so, Loki did as he always had done and shut them down.
It was a shame, really. As he stood pacing the length of his bedroom in the cabin, fuming over how he handled the exchange between the two of you, you were just as sick with worry about how Loki viewed you in his eyes.
“Ummmm-” Steve called the next morning from the living room of Thor and Loki’s shared cabin.
“Guys?”
He listened as he brushed his teeth in the bathroom to his oaf brother lumbering down the hallway and greeted the “Captain”.
“Rogers! How did you sleep my friend?” Thor bellowed as he clapped Steve on the back and pulled him into an embrace.
“Pretty good, woah… easy on the squeeze my friend,” Steve answered with a slightly embarrassed chuckle as Loki spit out his toothpaste and wrapped up his morning routine.
“We’re leaving for the park in a bit, Bucky got you all a fast pass online so he’ll be in your car. Loki? Do you think it would be alright if you switched to our car so Bucky can handle the logistics?” Rogers asked him but Loki’s mind was already racing to agree as his stomach did somersaults. All because he knew you were in Rogers’ car. However, to keep up his facade Loki withheld his answer along with a sigh for a few moments before ascending.
“Fine,” he muttered before grabbing his sunglasses and pushing the door open as he made his way to your car.
Norns, you will be the death of me.
Surprisingly, Loki had a better time in the park than he had anticipated. Not only was this side of Midgard agreeable in terms of the landscape’s beauty but, he was also able to maintain an eye on you. The god wasn’t ignorant when it came to how fragile you were. Sure, you had powers that could rival his own brother’s but with that came an increased fragility that he soon grew to abhor. Not only did you need to sleep a bit more than the Midguardians on the team but you also were more prone to cuts, scrapes, breaks, and the likes.
He also wasn’t ignorant of the dangers that lie in wait at the place you all decided to vacation at.
So, all the while Loki took in the sights, he watched over you. Whether that looked like keeping himself close to you as you stood out on a rather precarious rock to snap a picture of Lake Yellowstone just in case you needed him to swoop in, testing some of the water to ensure they weren’t surprise hot springs before you even had a chance to notice, or even angling his torso in such a way so as to shield you from the sun as the team took a moment to catch their breath before continuing on with their hike.
No matter what the relationship between you two looked like, he was going to make damn sure you were safe regardless.
Until he couldn’t.
-
It was a simple task: Stark sent both you and Loki out to go collect the pizzas he had ordered for the team as they finished up their round of volleyball. Loki had assumed both of you would make it back in one piece but that was before you failed to notice the rock on the sidewalk and tumbled face-first onto the pavement.
Fuck.
His composure that he kept all too rigid when in your presence was forgotten as that familiar burst of adrenaline shot through his system. Maybe he could console you without you catching onto any ulterior motives but that was unlikely. You were smart, way smarter than some of the half-wits you both called teammates. The second Loki was at your side, raking his eyes over your bloody palms and already-swollen ankle, Loki figured you knew something was amiss. It wasn’t everyday the God of Mischief and Lies came to the aid of others.
“Are you alright?”
It was a stupid question, he knew it. He also knew you were embarrassed, what with your ever-reddening cheeks. Norns, did he love when your cheeks flushed like that. Oh the daydreams he had of flirting with you until you turned that lovely shade.
You immediately attempted to pull your hands from his as he turned them over but Loki wouldn’t allow it.
“Yeah, just… you know… took a tumble. I guess I didn’t see that rock,” you managed to squeak out as Loki turned his attention to your ankle.
“Hey, don’t worry about it I’m sure I can manage-” you began but were immediately cut off as a yelp replaced the rest of your sentence. Alright, Loki had had enough.
“You must have broken it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous-”
You tried to laugh it all off as Loki became more and more concerned.
“It’s probably just twisted.”
“Twisted ankles don’t swell like that. Come here,” he commanded, beckoning you to scoot your bottom closer but you hesitated. He couldn’t tell if the hesitation stemmed from the fact that you didn’t want to admit that you were hurt or that you were concerned with how much he was coddling you.
Norns knows that you allow nobody in the tower to coddle you, Loki thought, reminiscing on the time you passed out mid-sparring session with Nat after missing too many nights of sleep. Norns knows that you can be stubborn as well.
You eventually gave up fighting him and scooted over so you were positioned just perfectly so Loki could scoop you up bridal-style.
There go your cheeks again, Loki mused as he noticed from the corner of his eye your face heating up.
-
Okay… this is… weird.
You mentally chanted to yourself as the two of you made your way back to the cabin.
Like… really weird.
Not only were you clinging to the very man you were convinced just two seconds ago hated you but he also just said more to you in the last two seconds than you thought you ever talked in the time you knew each other.
Your head was swimming with the scene that had just played out, your brain deeming it necessary to keep replaying all that he said to you over and over again that you almost missed when Loki snapped at Stark and then proceeded up the stairs and into his own cabin.
Loki’s cabin. The very place that he laid his head last night.
As he settled you onto the bed that you knew had to be his because it smelled exactly like him, you snapped back into the conversations happening. Tony, Thor, Bruce, and Natasha had all followed you in.
“Did you break her, Loki? You know how I feel when people break my things,” Tony jested, attempting to keep the mood light but Loki wasn’t having it.
“She is not your thing, Stark. Now make yourself useful and leave!” Loki scolded, not breaking eye contact with your ankle as he assessed the damage.
“What happened?” Thor asked as he tripped over Natasha and Bruce to wedge himself in the door.
“Is she okay?” Natasha asked, uncharacteristically worried.
“Do I need to get my medical stuff?” Bruce asked from between Natasha and Thor.
This increased attention only further aggravated Loki as he tried to focus on your leg.
“She tripped, she’s fine, and no. I will heal her and she’ll be as good as new. Now… a little privacy would be appreciated! I do not work well when I have an audience breathing down my neck,” Loki grumbled exasperatedly before they all reluctantly departed, Natasha planting a kiss on your forehead before leaving last.
Resume the awkward tension from the walk!
You wrung your bottom lip between your teeth and allowed your eyes to traverse the room for what seemed like ages before Loki finally finished assessing the damage and spoke up.
“May I touch you?”
The request, as innocent as it was, almost had you swallowing your tongue as you struggled to meet his gaze. You gave him a tight nod, not trusting your voice at the moment as Loki proceeded to explain to you what he was doing.
“You definitely do have a break so I’m going to put one hand below it and one hand above it like this-” he began as you sucked in air through your teeth. Even Loki’s gentle touch wasn’t enough to keep the angry ankle from screaming when he laid his hands around it.
“I apologize,” he said, meeting your gaze briefly and making your heart flutter in the process.
Did he just… apologize? “Why are you apologizing?”
You questioned as you felt warmth begin to flood the region he was cupping. Followed by the feeling of complete and utter relief.
“Considering how you feel about me… I should be thankful you’re even willing to do this,” you mentioned, adjusting your position on the pillows as you watched Loki’s brow furrow. A few minutes pass before he dares to break the silence again.
“What do you mean?” he asks. Now it’s your turn to be confused.
“What do I mean about what?”
Loki’s gaze on your ankle is unwavering as he continues the conversation.
“What do you mean ‘considering how I feel about you’”? How do you think I feel?” You chuckle a bit to yourself. “Don’t you hate me?” you ask as Loki finally dares to look up at you. Confusion becoming immediately etched along his features.
“C’mon Loki… whenever I say stuff during the team meetings you give me the stink eye, you avoid me like the plague around the compound-”
Loki scoffs.
“You also do that a lot. Especially when it pertains to me.” You watch as Loki turns his attention back to your ankle.
“Do what?” he asks, being annoying and willfully obtuse.
“Scoff! It seems like everything I say when you’re in earshot of me is scoffed at,” you admit, wanting for all the world to shrink back into the pillows. Hell, wanting the earth to swallow you whole.
A few more moments of silence pass before Loki mumbles something you don’t quite hear.
“What?”
More silence.
“I don’t hate you,” he finally utters still making steady eye contact with your ankle. You cock an eyebrow.
“But you always-”. This gets him to turn and face you.
“I do those things to keep you safe. To keep you away from me,” he admits, cutting you off.
You joke but Loki still isn’t putting up with it. With a sigh, you continue.
“You don’t think I can handle you?”
“I don’t think you can even handle the rocks beneath your feet,” he points out as you scoff.
“Ouch. That was quite the low blow.”
“I’m aware.”
“What makes you so sure that your being nice to me is going to hurt me?” you question as the warmth around your ankle ceases but Loki gives no indication of planning to remove his hands.
“I tend to let down the people I let in,” he finally admits. With that response you could practically feel your heart shatter.
“Do they really have you so brainwashed that you believe you are so incapable of meeting people’s expectations? If not exceed them?” you ask.
“People never tell me otherwise.”
“I would,” you answer almost instantaneously. Loki furrows his brow in consideration.
“And I will. You exceed my expectations everyday, Loki. I find you endlessly intelligent, you always offer superb insight and a new way of thinking about things at the meetings. Albeit it takes a bit of coercing you into talking, but when you do… you never fail to impress me with what you pick up on,” you begin.
“You’re witty, nauseatingly charming… like to the point where I think you could woo the bad guys into giving up on the spot if you so chose.”
That bit earned a suppressed laugh and grin from him.
“And I hate that you’re so hard on yourself,” you mutter, barely above a whisper. “Because you truly are a force to be reckoned with and I hate the people who convinced you otherwise.”
And for a moment you both just sit there, gazing at each other, before you move to break eye contact and opt to stare at your lap.
“So… sorry to get all sappy but-”
In a blur, you’re pulled from your downward gaze and your lips are touching his. It takes you a moment to realize what’s happening but when you do, you lean in even further. It’s almost as if time stopped for just that moment, capturing the two of you within and keeping you for all eternity.
That is until Loki pulled away.
“I’m sorry- I just- What you said was the nicest thing anyone-” he stammers after a beat. You just roll your eyes.
"Nuts and grapes…" your charge had offered as you yanked a file from one of the higher shelves.
Loki had landed in the lap of the TVA six months ago and had been employed for almost two. The friendship forged between you both was rocky to say the least. However you, unlike the rest of the workers at the institute, knew how to crack tough guys like him. Loki was especially easy to pin down once you were given access to his file. A Frost Giant stolen away as a token and kept in the Realm Eternal all the while being taught to hate the very thing that he was. Throw in a dash of Odin favoring his biological son and a pinch of his mothers’ gaslighting him for his entire life and you have Loki: a classic case of teenage rebellion carrying over into adulthood despite his awful upbringing.
Oh… not to mention the raging daddy issues.
You knew what Loki needed. What he craved so desperately but never received growing up. First up was attention. Thor had stolen the majority of the limelight during his childhood and, thus, this lack was manifesting into rebellion. In Loki’s mind he had made the unfortunate connection that if he did bad things it got his parent’s attention, even when this attention was always negative. However, for Loki, attention was attention no matter what.
He also seemed to have developed quite the penchant for self-reliance. This lack of trust was no doubt spurred on by the fact that he was… you know… never told about his true heritage and was *cough* *cough* promised a throne that he would never get.
So, what did you do to combat this? Well, it was the little things. Offering your full and undivided attention when he spoke to you, never interrupting and telling off others when they tried to interrupt him, being almost completely unarmed when in his presence, et cetera.
It wasn’t long before Loki built up a tolerance for you and, soon enough, a soft spot.
You were the only one who came to his defense before he was reset. You were the only one who didn’t wave a melting stick in his face while in a room alone with him. You were the only one who didn’t dismiss his feelings when he came to work in a sour mood.
You were the only one who gave him a second chance.
It wasn’t long before you were the only one he wanted anything to do with at the TVA. When he had his weekly evals he only permitted you to administer them. When he had his interviews to begin training with the TVA he only allowed you to be in the room. He even found a way for you to sit in on his psych evals (he couldn’t quite persuade Ravonna to let you do those by yourself as well. Something about that being “not within her pay grade” and “not her responsibility”).
“No wonder you're so bitter”, you commented teasingly under your breath as you scooted past him and walked back to Loki’s desk where you had both set up camp. “We need to do something about that.”
“Do something about what?” he questioned. You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or if he was merely teasing you back.
“ We need to get some candy in you.”
Loki just rolled his eyes and breathed out a chuckle. “Are nuts and grapes not enough for you?”
You just stared at him wide-eyed for a bit.
“This is just unacceptable.”
You finally said after finding your footing. You looked around his cluttered desk for a moment and finally located a pen and scratch paper. Loki looked on as you began to scribble furiously.
“Okay-” you began. “This is what we’re gonna do. There are two main types of sweets. Baked goods, and then candy.”
“There’s a difference?” Loki questioned reluctantly as he moved to cradle his head in his hand. In your daily briefing, Loki’s psychiatrist told you that his nightmares had been flaring up this week which, you guess, explained why he seemed so tired today. All of that lack of sleep was finally catching up with him.
You made a mental note to send him home early so that he could get some well-deserved shut eye. Or, at the very least, some relaxation.
“Within the candy category there are also two categories, fruity candy and candy bars. Fruity candy is your standard “it’s imitating fruit” ordeal while candy bars-” your mouth was watering just thinking about them. “-have some nuance but their main ingredient is chocolate. Unless it’s like a PayDay or some bullshit but I’m not going to subject you to that.
When you looked up from the diagram you had drawn him you don’t think you’ve ever seen Loki so confused in the six months you had known him. He tried to speak and his mouth even got to the point of trying to mouth a sentence but nothing came out.
You just decided to continue.
“I am going to try to find a candy that you like, although they’re all pretty good.”
Finally Loki found something to say.
“What has you so infatuated with this… candy nonsense?” he interrogated, genuinely curious to know the answer.
“You’ll know why when you try it.”
Loki sat back in his chair. The pen he had been fondling was now in his mouth as he chewed on the tip. His eyes raking over you as his brows knit into… what? Confusion? Curiosity? Maybe a little bit of both. Your cheeks took on the faintest amount of color.
“Alright, I’ll bite,” he said while still leaning back in his chair. “Where do I obtain these delights that you speak so fondly of?”
You quirked an eyebrow, regaining your composure.
“Oh don’t you worry about that, I’ll bring you some tomorrow.
And so, as you set your keys down on your counter after a long day at work and an arduous hour at the grocery store trying to find various candies, you immediately began making the pièce de résistance Loki would be trying tomorrow: brownies.
Ravonna had allowed herself in shortly after you had begun the process, making good on her plans of coming over for a glass of wine.
“I’m here-”, she chirped before rounding the corner and finding you working in the kitchen.
“Ah… what are women if not made to work in the kitchen?” Ravonna jested, commenting on the absurd Earthling tradition. She had been working on a few cases of people who strayed from their timeline who, coincidentally, were all from the place Loki dubbed “Midguard” so she no doubt had some Earthly knowledge swimming around her head.
Ravonna set her bag down before allowing herself into your kitchen and immediately gravitating toward the bottle of red.
“We are but simple creatures,” you answered, playing along. You hear a pop and then the sound of liquid being poured and, soon enough, a glass is set in front of you as she takes a seat at the breakfast bar overlooking the counter you were working at.
“No but seriously, what the hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” you ask with a grin as you crack an egg into the bowl. Is Loki allergic to eggs? Do Asgardians even have allergies?
“Well you're obviously making something intended for consumption but at the odd hour of nine o’clock at night.”
You snort. “Oooooh, you’re good. You should apply for that detective position that just opened up.”
Now it’s her turn to snort. “Please, applying for that position is suicide. They’ve had so many die on the job.”
“I can’t argue there.” you concede as you mix the batter. You look up for a moment from stirring to ask, “Did you know that Loki has never had candy?”
Ravonna looks up from her drink with a puzzled look.
“Yeah... he said that all they had on Asgard were ‘nuts and grapes’”.
“Weird…” she replies.
“Right?!” you exclaim, resuming your stirring of the thick, chocolatey batter.
“But you wanna know what’s weirder?”
You begin to pour the batter into a pan and beckon Ravonna to continue.
“You staying up at night to make him these damn things.”
You screw your face into a stubborn glare. “Everyone deserves to at least try a brownie” you reason, more to yourself than anyone else.
“You’ve always had a soft spot for the broken,” she sighs with a smile and a sip of her drink.
“He’s not broken-”
She immediately shoots you a look that screams “Really? You’re gonna go with that justification?”
“I’m being serious. He’s just had a rough life and I know that brownies won’t fix years of trauma but… I’m sure gonna damn well try,” you finish with determination, scooping the last ropes of batter into the bowl.
“He’s lucky.”
She answers. You give her another puzzled look. “He’s got you in his corner.”
-The next morning-
Ravonna had sent you down to floor E for the day but you thankfully passed by Loki’s desk while on your way to a meeting. As you slid the Tupperware container filled with the brownies you made last night, he looked up from his lunch with a confused look. He never bothered to venture to the cafeteria when all that was waiting for him there was an empty table so he decided that day to remain at his desk and eat.
“What the hel is this?”
He asked through a mouthful of salad. You didn’t have a ton of time and you were walking up to floor T so you merely answered his question and carried on your way.
“Brownies. A sweet that I talked about yesterday.”
As he watched your coworker steal you away, he ventured to peer into the container and my what a dreadful sight he was met with. Sure, the act of you going out of your way to deliver him a gift didn’t go unnoticed by the god but this “treat” you had left for him looked appalling. It was a hideous dark brown color with chunks of black buried within and it looked to have the consistency of wet bread.
No he really didn’t know why you went bananas over the idea of him never having candy.
That is until he tried the damn things.
Loki unlatched the plastic lid and swooped his hand in, grabbing a square of the… what did you call it again? Brownie? Nevertheless, he brought it up to his nose and inhaled.
Not bad. Let’s give it a try.
And upon first bite, Loki was in Valhalla.
It was like nothing he had ever tasted before. It was sweet enough to make his jaw tingle upon first taste but with this sweetness came a rich and creamy side to it.
What kind of sorcery…
He then proceeded to devour six more of the squares, each going down smoother than the last. Now he understood why you were so fond of your baked goods. It also only made sense that such a sweet creature like you could concoct such an addicting combination like this. This thing could have never been conceived of in the Realm Eternal by even the best chefs the palace could find yet, here you were, giving them away freely. In a way the sweets almost reminded him of you: the sweetness drawing you in but it’s richness keeping you hooked and craving more. After Loki’s ninth and final piece that the container boasted, he had accumulated not only one mighty food baby, but a bellyache to match.
I guess that’s what happens when you overindulge.
-That night-
Loki knew this was a mistake. Not only was looking up your address in the system a massive privacy violation but he has also been standing outside your door hesitating to knock for the past five minutes.
Would you think it weird if he just showed up on your doorstep?
Nevermind the fact that he wanted another brownie, he didn’t get to see you all day and was… well… missing you. He had grown so accustomed to having access to your attention, time, patience, and even your understanding so much so that when it was taken away, if only for a day, he longed for it.
Ached for it.
So, what was his solution? Well, it was simple. He would come to you asking for more treats and, hopefully, you would let him in and he would bask in the attention he didn’t get from you all day as you both chatted over brownies at your kitchen table.
Only that was crazy and you would no doubt have questions about how he found your house and oh Norns is the door knob turning or am I just imagining that?
As luck would have it, Loki was not imagining the turn of the door knob because you were now standing directly in front of him with a confused look on your face and a bag of trash in your right hand.
You looked… drained. Your hair was pulled up messily and you now had glasses that Loki didn’t know you even needed perched on the bridge of your nose. Your pajamas hanging loose on your frame that he had noticed, admittedly, more than once and bags under your eyes were quite pronounced.
Darling, what did they do to you today?
“Loki?”
“I can see this is a bad time,” he says before turning around quickly. However, he only makes it down two steps from the porch when you say,
“Wait!”
He halts immediately but doesn’t venture to turn around.
“Turn around,” you command. He slowly pivots until he’s facing you, a confused look still plastered on your features. To help lighten the mood he flashes you a fat smile.
Alright, he thinks, you caught me.
You narrow your eyes more. “What are you doing here?” you question, putting the garbage bag down, crossing your hands over your chest, and leaning against the door frame. He looks guilty as he lets out a muted chuckle.
Loki: I uh- you know…
He begins to explain but he trails off.
Is he, you ponder, blushing?
You just shrug your shoulders. No, you didn’t know why your coworker was on your doorstep at eleven o’clock at night.
Loki huffs at your lack of, what? Not being able to read his mind and know why he’s here?
“I just-” he starts, followed by a roll of the eyes.
“Do you have any more brownies?” he spits out with resignation, trying desperately to keep his dignity intact.
You immediately break into a grin and this settles his nerves.
“So… let me get this straight. I don’t remember ever giving you my address so that means you a) looked up my address in the system and b) drove all the way here for another brownie that I c) gave you a full pan of earlier today. Am I getting warm?”
Loki narrows his eyes at your teasing. It wasn’t his only motivation for coming here but you didn’t need to know that. Not yet at least.
“I suppose,” he replies through gritted teeth. “Though I’m quickly regretting it.”
You chuckle and Loki breaks out into a genuine smile.
“Oh you poor thing. I gave you my entire pan of brownies save for the one I had this morning but I did just finish up some blueberry muffins to sate your sweet tooth.”
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“but what if you abort the baby who’ll cure cancer?!” sir the baby who will cure cancer is an organic chemistry major who works at a Home Depot because you use AI to go through your resumes
"I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Stephen Jay Gould, The Panda's Thumb: More Reflections in Natural History
the cops are trying to sue afroman for invasion of privacy bc he used the cctv footage of them stealing and breaking shit and going through his fridge for his music video "Will You Help Repair My Door?"
The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.
I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:
We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.
Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?
But who is the single human cast member in this tale? Who gets to put in an Oscar-worthy performance alongside the Muppets and what role are they to play?
There’s no single human, everyone is a Muppet except for one scene. Circe, played by Janice, turns Odysseus’s crew into humans who still behave animalistic and are all played by Academy Award winning actors.
But to the room full of world leaders bombarding him with Astorphage breeding questions when he arrived at the Vat. Like he JUST got there and he's dizzy and sick and they were all shouting and muscle memory just kicked in, you gotta believe him, he wasn't even thinking.
They'd all be so shocked it would work though.
He'd have .001 second to panic, like did he really just do that, and then its either control or loose control of the room just like any middle school class.
He'd still have his hand up like "Okay. Who wants to go first."
And Eva would watch like three people actually, legitimately, raise their hands and wait to be called.
She'd be like I shoulda kidnapped this guy sooner lmao what
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Stratt, standing in front of a room of Important People TM: What we are about to watch for the first time is recordings from the Project Hail Mary. These videos may very well save humanity. Press play.
Grace, on recording: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING.
Voice from back of room: welp, we’re fucked, it was nice having life on Eath while it lasted.
Stratt: Please remain silent. I assure you he has this under control. He’s got this.
Grace, on recording: THE WAY IN WHICH I DON’T GOT THIS.
i actually think these two would have the biggest chance against doom bc no matter how many times he kills them they're gonna just keep coming back. they can annoy him to death
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