IKEA's Labyrinth

People in stories who get a dramatic phone call always hop in their cars and go “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in one hour.” and then they are. It’s always half the time. It’s never, “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in an hour and fifty minutes.” And sometimes it’s not even life or death! Love interest will be like, “what are we?” and suddenly some subaru is going 150 mph up the median on I-5. Everyone’s gonna fuckin throw tomatoes at me and hiss for my brave, controversial take, but I don’t think you should tokyo drift thru a school zone just so you can eat pussy sixty minutes ahead of schedule.

Also, “I’ll be there in half the time,” no you won’t. People also say this is real life, and i do not believe them. I believe they accomplished this one, have based all their travel estimates around this, are otherwise an absolute dickhead aggressively passing in the right hand lane, AND are probably not even en route to pussy

nsfw = nosfewatu

The Ikea biphobia couch is the funniest thing that's ever happened. We found it gang. Nothing will ever top it in terms of being funny.

The what???

???

I don't know what to tell you man.

skateboard will be so fictionalized that people forget we all have one inside of us. like the war of course but like they arent just fantasy creatures.... its just In There

When i die donate my skateboard to science so they can do sick tricks

yes

the problem with getting kidnapped by jigsaw is that I'd probably get impatient and start going for it before the instructions played, and then if I learned I was doing it wrong I'd be too stubborn to change my methodology. so I'd be waving around my severed hand like "look, I did it" while he's just like "the key was in the dog. you had to eat the smelly dog to get the key."