Professional Bad Example

dwayne johnson, paper, scissors

The new generation of children is in good hands.

Sheer Heart Attack has no weaknesses

me riding a roomba around my house as my only form of transportation: what walls will we bump into today, my small robot friend?

by floccinaucinihilipilificationa

pretty sure my soulmate is a bag of sour gummy worms

I just ate a whole bag of those, no joke

u piece of fucking shit that was the love of my life

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

My favorite part is “We hope he has gone to rest.” What, like… they weren’t sure? Maybe, if ever the bear uprising should start again, he would rise from the ground to finish what he started and slay that 100th bear? Was this man so powerful they are concerned he might not have decided to rest at all and is simply biding his time?

This is too badass not to reblog.

#i had 99 problems and they were all bears so i fucking killed them (via tiny-little-dot)

Gold, Dankincense and myrrh

My favorite part about that line is that it implies that Gilderoy Lockhart was a more competent teacher than Dolores Umbridge. And that may be the biggest insult in the entire series.

Minerva left no fucking survivors with that one.