Misanthropic Raptor

A very disgruntled Church volunteer: Dracula isn't buried anywhere because he turned to dust, and he was turned to dust in Transylvania and his dust isn't in Transylvania because he's A FICTIONAL CHARACTER thank you I will put some spooky clip art on here to distract from the fact I'm gonna deck the next person who asks

Why don't you try spending a moment of quiet up by the altar of the church and maybe you'll calm down about Dracula

Bringing this back. I also love how "Dracula is fiction." is bolded and in a larger font. They did not try to hide the salt in the slightest

"no vampire is going to come and suck your blood" I am envisioning people laying down all over the graves in low cut tops like "OH NO! I SURE HOPE NO VAMPIRES COME AND BITE MY BEAUTIFUL CLEAN OUT IN THE OPEN NECK!" and a tired church volunteer steps out the building with a broom 🧹

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

the paris catacombs are 1000x more fucked up than i imagined

did you know the cops once found a fully functioning movie theater with a well-stocked bar inside the catacombs and they when they tried to go back later to formally investigate it was completely emptied out save for a note that read "don't search for us"

Underground french cinema

A little update! My little bro is now my little sister. Please don't misgender her :)

Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.

Isn’t this sheep in real life?

Children in real life also.

The humble Oxford comma

#you can understand op by using your brain

But this is genuinely a shitty act against humanity.

Strapon-wearing Austin Powers: There's nothing micro about this plastic, baby!

You could easily reboot Austin Powers in the 2020s by having Austin be re-frozen for another 30 years and wake up in the present.

Austin Powers: You Only Freeze Twice

Dr. Evil is President Evil now, with an obvious wig.

Plot twist: she's his daughter.

It's extremely obvious to everyone except the two of them until the climax of the movie, when they have their emotional father-daughter reunion while the other characters are exasperated.

Fingerless gloves are the thigh highs of hands. I will not elaborate

wrong. ballroom gloves are the thigh highs of hands. fingerless gloves are the booty shorts of hands.