prospitianEscapee

Boyband member whose gimmick is an evil scientist fused wheels with his wrists and feet and sometimes its useful but it's changed him forever and lead to a distance with band mates he cns now never bridge

I'm so glad that that truncated fucking ran-into-a-wall-at-speed tadpole-ass looking squirrel only lives in high altitude forests in Borneo bc this means I am extremely unlikely to encounter one in my day to day life. thank god

DID YOU MAKE THIS BLOG SIMPLY TO TORMENT ME

WHERE IS THE REST OF YOU

I realize we are all just earthlings and are more same than different, but I want to yell at this fuckin guy so bad.

I would flick him off that branch the way I would flick jellybeans off my palm and toward my dad's Pomeranian.

I got hired to do a stand-up comedy set at the trope villain convention. It was a great gig. Really appreciative crowd. They were absolutely cackling the whole time. It was a little weird at the end though when all of them stood up and started clapping very slowly, before saying, in unison, "Well done, my friend. Well done."

One of them said he really liked how relatable my comedy was. Apparently it made him feel like we're not so different, he and I.

Men who name their kids after themselves 78% more likely to get so far behind on their child support it's becomes a fuckin felony

Men who name multiple children after themselves should probably go straight to jail after the second birth certificate is signed. Saves time

do you guys think a shark has ever eaten an ant

yeah one ant couldve crawled on the ceiling at an aquarium and tripped and falled and landed in the big tank full of big ass fish and coincidentally drifted right into the open mouth of a shark just swimming because sharks need to keep moving with their mouths open to breathe or else they’ll die and float belly up at the aquarium and make little kids cry because they think someone just murdered baby shark I think its at least plasable

do you think a shark would like the taste of ants if it could eat enough of them in one bite to taste them

no i dont like the taste when i eat them i dont think they would like the taste if they ate them its probably for real like poison to them idk.

okay

it's extremely funny reading historical accounts of Spontaneous Human Combustion because it follows the normal historical trend of other 1800s paranormal phenomena where it stopped happening as much right around the time cameras were invented and stopped happening entirely when everyone started carrying mini cameras in their pockets, but unlike most others of its ilk, it was effectively replaced by this mysterious phenomena where alocoholics would spill liqour on themselves and then fall asleep smoking a cigarette and turn into a fireball. nobody knows if these two things are related

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

You hook up with me for a one night stand and see me on grindr four years later. In the background of my photo is a fishtank. One of the fish has your face.

I have just combined all rice in the world into a single rouse

Sneebert Deebert

*voice of a lich extending his skeletal finger towards the forehead of a captured kneeling knight* TBH ... you seem Chill...

absolutely insane sock game on this twink

that guy looks like phillipe achewood if he was a fish

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.