Fandom Tears Challenge
By recent events (see below) I was inspired for this challenge. Anyone who wants to join is welcome. The rules are simple: Describe your worst, saddest, most tear-laden experiences you've had with fandoms (and I mean source material, not fandom discourse). There's no limit to the number of fandoms you can include. Go into as much detail as you'd like – it's what I'll do X'D
You can rank your experiences strictly by amount of tears shed or by emotional impact or whatever other factors, or a combination thereof. I'll go by a mix of tear counter and severity of emotional wounds inflicted on my person, balanced in a way that makes no calculatory sense if you examine it in daylight. Don't think about it too hard XD
Obviously this will contain !Major Spoilers! for the fandoms mentioned (usually the end, as that's when the Tear Fest really kicks off). You have been warned!
No Regrets
For those who don't know, this is a two volume manga prequel to Attack on Titan about Levi's backstory. I had watched the corresponding anime episodes before so I knew most of what would happen (except where anime and manga differ). Overall I didn't cry too badly over this when I read the manga, only like 2-3 tears (yes, that panel where Farlan waves Levi Goodbye did it) but I feel it should get an honorary mention because this was the first time I got so absorbed in a manga as to experience emotions so deeply. I'm not very versed when it comes to manga and I previously had my doubts that this medium would work for me enough to grip my emotions so tightly, but it did, and I'm glad for the experience.
Nero Corleone
This is niche enough that it I definitely have to explain it. It's a German children's book which I read back in the day when I was a kid. The protagonist is a male cat who lives on a farm and when German tourists visit he spins it so that he and his cat sister get adopted by them and go live with them in Germany. However the sister tragically dies and this is honestly the only thing I truly remember XD
I can't say how old I was when I read it, probably around 7-8 (?!) but this is literally the first time that I remember when I cried over a book. Also, a year or so later when I was having a crisis and feeling like I could not access my emotions I went to the library, borrowed that book again, read it, cried my eyes out again and was like “Yup, I still have emotions, the world's fine again” however I remember the distinct feeling of being unsure if putting myself through this groveling experience just to overcome my crisis was really worth it X'D
Warrior Cats
Lol I was an OG Warrior Cats Fan back when this books series was published!! But I flunked out after two volumes RIP me so am I even a true fan?! Anyway, I viscerally remember reading the end of volume 2 where protagonist's best friend and protagonist have to part ways because protagonist's best friend's love interest tragically died and he has to switch clans to keep custody of his newborn kids (I read in German so I have no idea what their names were in English haha).
I was like, uh, 14 I wanna say and was reading this at my desk at 11 pm or something (which at this point in my life qualified as partying through the night) and it was the first time I consciously recorded my fandom tears experience haha and I remember to this day that I cried 7,5 tears over this book's ending. Amazing.
The Untamed
I feel like this should also get a mention, probably as the show during which I cried most often. Looking at my fandom notes I recorded 12 separate instances of crying (=tears fell down) or almost-crying (=tears in my eyes but remaining there) though some were during the first watch, some during the rewatch. Naturally Episode 33 takes the cake (literally my notes just read “episode 33. so. often!!!”).
However, looking back and knowing what I know now (I watched this in early 2020 and rewatched it shortly after) I feel like all in all this was a comparatively tame (hah!) fandom experience, especially since the main characters get their happy ending.
Nirvana in Fire (spoilers ahead!)
I watched NiF in summer 2022 (perhaps you can now already contextualize my statement about The Untamed lolll) and, fun fact from my fandom notes, I did cry at 7 separate instances while I watched it, but 4 of those 7 were in the last three episodes... tells you something about the trajectory of the show, haha!
Okay, jokes aside and getting into specifics – it is mentioned basically from the beginning of the show that the protagonist has a terminal condition. He gets progressively worse. And while the show dangles some type of cure ex machina in front of the viewer's eyes it is more or less immediately taken away again. So is it really such a surprise that there is a MCD at the end? I want to say Yes and No, because hope is a four-letter word and the actual circumstances of his death are.. well, definitely Something. Definitely not what you were bracing yourself for the entire time.
And although I finished the show and spent the next 10ish minutes crying tears of angry denial and inconsolable heartbreak into my pillow, as the time passed I did develop a more positive perspective on the ending. I stand by my read: Nirvana in Fire has a happy ending for no one except Mei Changsu himself. And if you love him (as Jingyan and the others do) can you truly begrudge him this? No, you can't. You make your peace with it and forgive him for his choices and find solace in the knowledge that he died content, that he died in a way he had thought lost to him – in control, on the battlefield, fighting. Not weak and having served his purpose, as he'd feared but hopelessly resigned himself to.
Guardian (HEAVY spoilers ahead!!!)
I finished Guardian literally yesterday haha ok that's a lie but I finished Guardian in early October 2025 so basically yesterday... what I mean to say is the wound is still very fresh, okay!! Watching Guardian is what inspired me for this challenge... you catch my drift.
When I got into Guardian I had no real knowledge of the ending, I'd only seen a few gif sets and that had already been a few years ago at this point. But I had the sinking feeling that at the end there would be some type of separation happening. So I was going into this very vaguely prepared for some kind of not-super-happy-ending.
HOWEVER. How-ever. I was NOT prepared for the actual ending of the show. Not in the slightest. I also want to blame the show itself because unlike The Untamed or Nirvana in Fire it has a very fun and easy-going tone for the majority of the first like 30 episodes (yeah yeah side characters die and it's very tragic but it's a crime show! that's what people do!) so you really Do Not see That coming... “That” being a MCD for one of the mains, and eternal suffering for the other. I'm not even kidding. To add insult to injury these truly soul-crushing events occur interspersed with the most hilarious comedy!!! Like, Shen Wei dies, Zhao Yunlan sacrifices himself, I'm in literal tears of despair and agony, then Changcheng's date happens which is just the most funny thing I've ever seen and I'm literally laughing my ass off because it's something straight out of a fanfic and just so unhinged and perfect, then we have that whole Zhao-Yunlan-Zhang-Shi-body-snatch-reveal which threw me right back into a fit of denial and despair, then we have that montage about the SID which has a bittersweet note to it but could be interpreted as hopeful if you squint, and then!! and tHEN!!!! This frikking ending scene!!!!! What the actual hell!!!! Like, there I was, having almost started to pull myself back together into some semblance of emotional stability and this sequence of 110 seconds utterly obliterates me. I'm a mess. I am down crying and whimpering in absolute hopelessness. I'm done with life and the world at large. Literally I cannot.
In the week after finishing the show I felt intense depression whenever I thought about the ending. The two times I rewatched the ending scene (once for fangirl reasons, once for research reasons to better write a fix it) it was immediate waterworks again.
In some ways this ending is very similar to the ending of NiF: There's a MCD for one of the mains (who even feels some peace about dying), there is intense suffering for the other (am I comparing Jingyan's lonely reign to Zhao Yunlan wick'ing in the Lantern? Yes, yes I am and you absolutely cannot argue with that) there is the.. honestly pretty uplifting fact that they did save the world and complete the mission they were pursuing the entire time. You could even argue that Guardian is more optimistic than NiF because that ending scene gives some hope for a reunion at some point down the line (or does it?!) but honestly, emotionally speaking? Guardian hit me so so much worse and I think it's a way sadder ending than NiF.
Merlin (spoilers ahead!)
To truly understand my emotional journey when it comes to Merlin you need to know how I got into this fandom. As previously mentioned and probably noticed by you, dear reader, I am a native German. Back in the day when Merlin was airing (2008-2012, it must have been around 2010 or 2011) I did see the show around on cable TV but the preview snippets I saw in ad breaks did not spark any of my interest so I never watched it – though I once saw part of an episode (in hindsight I'm pretty sure it was 3x08 with Arthur's “solo” mission and the energy draining bracelet) and felt all of my prejudices confirmed that this was a stupid show not worth my time (retrospectively I 100% blame the German dubbing because it contorts the characters and is just shit... I won't go off on that particular tangent but it's a hill I'm willing to die on any day, believe me).
Anyway, fast forward two-ish years when I was at university and a friend of mine who'd seen the show recommended it to me, saying “You should definitely watch it, I feel like this is exactly your brand of humor.” I wasn't sold on this but thought, well, she knows me and some youtubing can't hurt. What followed was my very first youtube bender in which I spent three days in the wonderful world of 2-minute-Merlin clips which I greatly, greatly enjoyed (because guess what? those clips were in english! ...I digress) long story short, my friend was right, this was exactly my brand of humor.
While watching I of course started wondering when Arthur would learn about Merlin's magic and since I had no qualms about spoilering myself I specifically searched for magic reveal clips – naively imagining that the reveal would occur in like season 3 or something, they'd have some time to work out the kinks in their relationship (pun intended) and then they'd have a couple more seasons where they both knew about the magic and could get to that whole building Albion business.
Well... I was sorely disappointed. Not only is the reveal basically at the end of the show, no, there's also the minor details that Arthur simply dies, and before any of the promised Albion-building even starts to happen! Kilgharrah, come tf back and answer for your clickbait crimes!! What the actual hell!! I was appalled but mostly just very annoyed. Anyway, I thought to myself, whatever. Now that I know, might as well enjoy all the shenanigans along the way, amiright? It's not like the ending can take me by suprise now! I will surely have no noteworthy emotional response to any of these tragic events!
So I started watching the show, full episodes in chronological order (since this was the great era pre-streaming-and-strict-youtube-controls I watched in on youtube where all episodes were uploaded in handy 5-minute-chunks arranged in neat playlists.. ah, what a time to be alive) enjoying the peculiar process of embedding my previously acquired 2-minute-snippets into coherent story lines.
When I started on season 5 a strange sense of foreboding set in because everything about the show gets somehow darker and more serious and you just feel – or in my case know – it's gonna go steeply downhill. And then the last few episodes rolled around and, well, suffering galore and everything else mentioned above ensued. And even though I knew, even though I had already seen, I was a damn wreck by the end. I still remember everything so clearly, it was late and I was watching with my sister whom I had dragged along for the ride, and after the show finished for 15+ minutes I could just cry incoherently. My poor sister had to try and console me, to absolutely no avail. Also, I had to try and keep the cries muffled so as not to alert anyone to our illicit nightly TV watching session. Hahaha what a memory.
I can't accurately date when I watched (and finished) Merlin but going off of the circumstances I remember it must have been late 2014 or early 2015. Since I hadn't watched any anime or cdrama back then and was still living in the comparably sheltered world of western media I had not built up the resilience I have now, and this was by far the toughest fandom experience I'd had up to this point (what a baby I was!) and it really stands out in my memory and fandom history.
So, to analyze the facts of the last 3 fandoms real quick, I've noticed the key similarities: There's the MCD-&-eternal-suffering-combo for the two mains* and the vague hope for a reunion that might take place at some very distant point in the future (for NiF it's the afterlife). That's it, that's the patented recipe to thoroughly break a fangirl's heart and make her hung up on a fandom. Pass it on. *Note that this is literally The Untamed during the time skip as well, lol, the evidence is truly piling up.
Hotel de Luna
First off, yeah I know it's actually called “Hotel del Luna” but I just can't let that Spanish grammar mistake stand, okay, I have to respect my education or else it really was for naught. Anyway, Hotel de Luna. I did not record any fandom notes for this one but thinking back I distinctly remember that except for maybe the first 3 or so episodes I cried during every single episode, often multiple times! Sure, partly the reason for that is the sheer length of Kdrama episodes so a lot of plot points and emotional arcs can happen in a single episode, but still! This is pretty noteworthy. And don't even get me started on the last few episodes because there were plennnty of tears shed during those. Mason Verger could have stocked up for a year's worth of martinis, is what I'm saying.
Honestly speaking this show might take the title for “made me cry most often” from The Untamed but I'm too lazy to go back and edit lol so they can share. Also, this show too 80% qualifies for the criteria mentioned above – like, Koo Chan-sung might still manage to live a content life after everything that happened (though that's an optimistic take, I doubt he'll truly move on) but the rest checks – I think I'm really on to something!
Your Name
If Merlin is the most grueling experience I saw coming, then Your Name is the most non-grueling experience I saw coming. Meaning, before I watched this movie (as I was aware of the potentially soul-destroying premise and feeling emotionally delicate, so I didn't want to set myself up for heartbreak) I checked if the story has a happy ending. It does. So I watched it. Knowing it had a happy ending and the catastrophe would be averted did not stop me from bawling my eyes out for like the last 20 minutes of the movie hahaha but what a cleansing cry it was, a gentle fall cushioned by the knowledge that everything would turn out alright.
Bubble
This gets points for being an experience that dragged me in like a maelstrom. I wasn't even really watching this movie, okay, I was just sitting off to the side doing my own thing on my laptop while my sister (yes the Merlin sister) and my dad were watching it. And yet... I did shed many a tear over that ending because damn. You see it coming but it still rips your heart out. I promised myself that one day I'll go back and watch this movie with my full attention (also prepared with like 5 tissues at least) but so far I haven't found the emotional fortitude to start that undertaking – however I listen to the soundtrack often because it is a thing of rare beauty than I can only recommend.
Rascal does not dream of Bunny Girl Senpai
It's hard to summarize this anime so I'm not gonna try – if you know, you know. If you don't know and have a chance to watch it, I can absolutely recommend it, I think it's great, complex, engaging, and emotionally intelligent and challenging.
What got to me to the extent that I will rate this my most intense Fandom Tear Experience (So Far, Haha) wasn't even the first time I watched it – sure, I cried multiple times during that first watch – but actually the rewatch. Specifically the last episodes when the story line centered around the protagonist's little sister concludes. I can't explain what happens in a way that will truly relay the impact of the events, but let's go with this: His sister doesn't die but what happens to her is even worse – she gets erased, in a way. Knowing that this is what's going to happen made the episodes leading up to the fact so much worse. I basically cried continuously for the last 1,5 episodes and yeah, they are just anime episodes so 20 minutes instead of 45 but still. If you've ever cried this long you know what I'm talking about, it was getting physically straining, okay! But it's not like I could stop crying because it was so sad and heartbreaking!!
Miraculously this is the only fandom on this list that has a real, true and unambiguously happy ending, for everyone involved. No one dies (okay there is that thing with the sister but there's enough time to process it and come to terms with it). All issues are resolved in a positive way and I'll say the ending is even happier than Your Name's, which, mind you, checks both the “crisis averted” and “okay there is memory loss but the mains find each other again and Feel That There Is Something Between Them so you know they'll get there” boxes. With Bunny Girl Senpai, if you look at the facts, the ending is almost sickeningly sappy. But it doesn't feel that way at all and that's because the mains go through so much suffering to get there. It's a very hard-earned happy ever after and that's why it doesn't feel cheesy or cheap in the slightest, but deserved, and watching it leaves you emotionally exhausted but ultimately content.
For anyone who made it all the way through til here, impressive, you must have really enjoyed my rambles X'D thanks for reading!
