Herro there~

me: dONn’t touch those

new guy:

me: they need the toys to function. if they don’t all have toys they get jealous.

new guy:

new guy:

It has become the lucky charm in the IT industry because engineers believe it will make machine acting good (like the name of the snack) and stay in green light (like the color of the snack’s package) when a 乖乖 is put on top of a server.

It is the only food allowed in a server room and the biggest semicondoctor company in Taiwan (which is also the biggest worldwide) even commissioned the snack factory to make a customized version with blessing on the package.

This is how a server room is blessed by 乖乖. You put at least one on top of each server. It’s important that the engineers change them before the expire date because legend says the snack looses it’s power after expire date.

You’ll hear engineers swearing up and down that their server room crushed down the one time they forgot to change the snack.  Or some newbie ate the forbidden snack put on top of their server and caused a disastrous crush down.

The 乖乖 religion later spread to all people who want their machine to act nice. In the lab we put 乖乖 on ultra-low freezer (you really don’t want it to drop dead along with your 2 years’ worth of sample/data), mass spectrometer etc.

When Taiwan’s about to launch the first self made satellite in 2017, the develop team even put 乖乖 around the satellite model to prey for a successful launch (it did). This shit is real.

Broke: Humans are inherently evil

Those needles have barbs that catch and tangle the fibers of the roving (the term for that loose wool) together. The more you stab it the more tightly-packed and the more firm the object becomes. It takes a lot of little stabs to smooth out the texture on the surface and is best done with a single fine gauge needle.

Fun fact: the longer you use a felting needle the sharper it becomes, as the wool polishes the point.

the “$1500 to go to hawaii” bride

Ms Polygraph Test

$200 birthday

a very gentle looking asian golden cat

very kind looking, round. 10/10

and then the other in the genus is

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears

Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night

Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning  

Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels

Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash

Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4

Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack

 There are also acceptable and unacceptable reasons to go around haunting people. Those who committed grave crimes, sins or witchcraft would appear to try and either confess or fix the ills they had done. Those who were buried improperly would come back to complain about it.

 There was a tale of a woman who was buried unwashed (a corpse must always be washed, I don’t know if this is a thing in other cultures but it is here), and for weeks and months the people of her household were frightened to get up and go take a piss at night, knowing that she had yet again appeared naked, squatting in the wash basin, moaning, “why didn’t y’all wash me?”

 And I would like to specify: The dead did not necessarily come as incorporeal figures and ghosts, but occasionally possessing their own old corpses, leaving dirt on your floors and a rotten stench in your house.

There was a man who - the tale says - simply refused to remain in his grave because it was boring, so he went around frightening people and pulling horrible pranks. When his corpse was dug up, it was discovered his socks had been worn to holes. They buried him face down, stating that if he won’t stay down by Christ, he’d better stay down by Satan. That, apparently, worked.